Wonkette
- SMALL TOWN VALUES: The “other” grandmother of little Tripp Von Axl Dump Truck Johnston, Ms. Sherry Johnston, entered a “not guilty” plea for that drug thing at an Alaska court today, without friends or family but with a public defender because no one would help her get a private attorney. Sorry Sherry! Levi’s a Palin now, so you’re on your own. [ADN/McClatchy]
FAMILY MATTERS
It’s thrilling to know that the trash doesn’t fall very far from the trailer.
I am sorry, but I cannot stop laughing at this.
She needs to send Blago some OxyContin for his painful taint.
Poor Sherry. She was just trying to make a buck. What does the State of Alaska have against private enterprise and entrepreneurship?
I would not be surprised if we find out that Nana Johnston was her illegitimate grandson’s baby mama’s drug connection.
Levi’s mom is getting divorced! Someone should introduce her to Rush Limbaugh. I’m sure they’d make a lovely couple.
She has to plead “not guilty.” How could she remember anything about her crime when it happened so long ago? I, for one, can hardly remember a time when I had never heard of Sarah Palin.
Monsieur Grumpe:
She might have to wear a Port Rican Cub Scout uniform to make it work. You know, Rush’s penis.
My suspicion is that Tonya Harding is mixed up in this, too.
Things might be a tad awkward around the Palin-Johnson Thanksgiving table next year, no?
Newell - you’re fucking killing me with the Palin name game!
Here’s I picture it actually going down:
Bristol: Honey?
Levi: fuck you want?
Bristol: I’ve been thinking about names and I have an idea. Do you remember that word you said after you found out I had something up my baby cave?
Levi: You wanna name him “fuck”?
Bristol: no, it’s so much prettier - Trippy. or maybe just Tripp.
Levi: fuck yeah.
Monsieur Grumpe:
I just threw up in my mouth.
The words Rush, Limbaugh and penis don’t go together unless the sentence is a variation of “Rush Limbaugh is a Penis.”
ManchuCandidate: maybe “rush penis to Limbaugh.”
Kev-O-Tron: How about “Penis to Limbaugh=Rush”
Did anyone think a connection to the Palin family would get someone a good private defense attorney? I think they’re probably America’s Political Family Least Likely To Know Or Be Related To A Law School Grad.
Am I to understand that the RNC has a line item in its budget for Victoria’s Secret expenditures, yet no scratch to spare for the baby daddy’s baby mama? That’s like, SO unfair.
In completely unrelated (but terribly sad) news, the Bush cat, India, has died, according to Fox News.
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/01/05/cat-dies/
Socks still hangs in there, despite having cancer. This is doubtless a liberal conspiracy of some kind.
I think the judge in this case needs another story added to his house.
“It’s how we do things up here” would probably not be a good slogan for Alaska’s tourist economy right now.
Jollity: Cheney probably sacrificed it in some neo-pagan ritual in his secret demonic lair in the naval Observatory.
Adultery, painkillers, blah blah … it really is a grand old party.
So wait, they’re still going to get married?
*note, that is in fact the implication I find most shocking in this whole story.
The family’s just pissed because their source for goofballs dried up. They’ll get over it when she finishes her community service and hooks up again.
She had to plead not guilty. Nolo contendere is probably way beyond her vocabulary.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Well said! And isn’t there supposed to be MONEY involved in drug dealing?
Grandma Sherry’s Version of Small Town
Well I was born in a small town
And I live in a small town
And busted in a small town
Oh, those small communities
All my friends are so small town
My clients live in the same small town
My Oxy comes from a small town
Provides some money
Got knocked up in a small town
Caught by the cops in a small town
Sold pills to folks in that small town
Another boring grandmama thats me
But Ive pushed it all in a small town
Had myself an Oxy in a small town
Son knocked up the gov’s girl while in this small town
Now she’s in the news just like me
No I cannot forget where it is that I come from
I cannot forget folks who buy from me
Yeah, I can sell my drugs here in this small town
And people let me be just what I want to be
Got nothing against a big town
Still hayseed enough to say
Look whos in the big town
But my jail is in a small town
Oh, and thats good enough for me
Well I was born in a small town
And I could deal in a small town
Gonna rot in this small town
And thats probly where theyll jail me
I would “do” Levi Johnston too, in a heartbeat. But then, instead of welcoming is sorry ass into my “family”, I would open the door of the car, kick his sorry ass out, and hope the show plow drags his stupid ignorant ass three miles before dumping him into a frozen ditch. Oh wait, I need an electrician.
unprotoize: On the other hand, they probably know lots of public defenders, assistant DAs, and lawyers who advertise on teevee that they’ll beat your DUI.
ella: “Nolo contendere” Isn’t that what Walnuts is pleading re: Palin v. United States?
Sheesh, that’s harsh. Doesn’t strict adherence to Republican Family Values (TM) require you to show up for your mother’s oxy trial?
So in Real America(tm), family values is shown by throwing mommy to the wolves when it’s politically expedient?
4tehlulz: Drug addicts have no place in the Real America. Well, they do it’s just miles out of town where they can cook their meth in private.
4tehlulz: well, you save money that way for the rest of the family habit.
You all are being so hard on Sarah Palin. Look at this transcript of Sarah trying to help Sherry:
Sarah Palin: I could have got more out. I could have got more. I don’t know. If I’d just… I could have got more.
Sherry Johnson: Sarah, there are eleven hundred outfits from Neiman Marcus that we can sell because of you. Look at them.
Sarah Palin: If I’d bought more clothes… I threw away so much money. You have no idea. If I’d just…
Sherry Johnson: There will be generations because of what you did. Generations named Tripp.
Sarah Palin: I didn’t do enough!
Sherry Johnson: You did so much.
[Sarah Palin looks at the first Dude's Snow Machine]
Sarah Palin: This Snow Machine. Some rich Republican would have bought this Snow Machine. Why did I keep the Snow Machine? Ten bribes right there. Ten bribes. Ten more bribes to get you out Sherry.
[removing Republican pin from lapel]
Sarah Palin: This pin. Two bribes. This is gold. Two more bribes. We could have bribed the Sheriff, at least the deputy. One more deputy. A deputy, Sherry. For this.
[sobbing]
Sarah Palin: I could have bribed one more person… and I didn’t! And I… I didn’t!
Wow, so one of Tripp’s Grandma’s makes people numb, drooling, and semi-conscious and the other is a drug dealer?
I wish Granny Meth was my granny. We would party so hard.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: You’re going to hell for comparing Sarah to Schindler. You go to Jew Hell for that. Wanna know what Jew Hell is like? it’s very much like South Beach.
Boy, they sure do a lot of gettin’ high in real America.
Serolf Divad:
Real America sounds like Real aka Rural Canada City where I grew up where most of the time, the only things to do on a Sat night was Drink/Get High, Fight and Fuck. Sometimes all at the same time.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Oh my, oh my my. I wondered what name was missing in the Palin pantheon. Now I realize it was Amon.
The public defender is probably some guy who Alaska paid the tuition to get him through law school, then held him to his five-year commitment even though he was a Jew from Brooklyn and didn’t know anything about Alaska and its quirky ways and meth dealing grandmas. Maybe he also has a Native assistant and lives in a town with an, oh, astronaut and John Corbett as a DJ. Hey, sounds like a…what? Movie? Broadway musical? It’s called “Nolo Contendere”
yawn…a sale of a controlled substance charge in Alaska is worth like two points on your drivers license…
for that matter, isn’t Oxycontin mentioned in the Alaska state song, We’ll Find Your Body (When The Thaw Comes Or The Bear Throws Up)?..
Her choices were public defender or Joel Osteen.
Servo: And Joel’s busy defending his wife.
I want to know why she’s on disability.
Could be interesting.
chascates: Oxy is so down market. All the drug dealers I know have around the clock access to their lawyers and she can’t get one to show up for her first appearance? Why bother if there is so little money in it.
Kev-O-Tron: You should have seen my first draft, based upon Sophie’s Choice. But you are right, it is unfair to Oskar Schindler, as he was rational and successful in something.
Still, I can stand Jew Hell, as long as the pastrami is good.
This rigidly strict Alaskan adherence to codes of confidentiality makes the story hard to follow. Do you suppose this Johnston woman could be the person referenced in Court documents as “Grandmother number 2.A”?
Aurelio: I am waiting for those “free market conservatives” like Palin to start railing against this case.
I’m pretty sure the charges were for selling Oxy out of season. It was Meth only until after Nov, then open season for all on Jan 20.
anabellum: I saw Nick Cave sing that at the first day of Alaskan State Senate last year. So Awesome.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: You are a fucking genius, sir.
unprotoize: Or a high school grad, for that matter.
My sources tell me Rush Limbaugh is paying for her legal defense in exchange for certain “considerations”.
In-house meth production, without government control, diddling or regulation, is what small business in Tennessee is all about and is the foundation of our 4th grade graduation rate. So fuck you, Obama jazz urban beatniks.
—- Mitch McConnell
Can’t Sarah just give her daughter’s mother-in-law a pardon? What’s she governor for, anyway, if not to help out friends and relatives and in-laws? Why not just legalize meth etc.?
Zhu Bajie
Kev-O-Tron: Pus Limpbowel can find his penis? Oh,yes, that’s why he went to Dominican Republic with suitcases full of condoms and Viagra: so a specialist could find it for him!
Zhu Bajie
Jollity: As I recall, Socks has a retired Senior Chief Bosun’s Mate handling her correspondance. Maybe he helps her find tai chi masters and taoist healers as well.
Zhu Bajie
tunamelt: Alaska style: jump over a broom-stick.
Zhu Bajie
The DA pushed back the indictment until after the election.
Wonder why…?