Wonkette
- Here are the predictions of Igor Panarin, some sort of soothsaying Slavic gypsy, in which China, Mexico, and Canada all go halfsies on a ruined United States. [Gawker]
- How does Bush sleep at night? With Barney, the demonic hallucination-inducing terrier thing. [GQ]
- The Republican National Committee is going rogue! The RNC is holding leadership talent shows without involvement from the actual Republican Party. [CNN Political Ticker]
- The Governor of Oregon would like to institute a “mileage tax” instead of a gas tax, under which drivers would pay for roads based on how much they use them. Jonah Goldberg’s panties are in such a twist over this idea that he will quote Macbeth for no conceivable reason. [The Corner]
- The MSM has declared that Caroline Kennedy is unfit to be a human being, let alone Replacement Hillary, because of the frequency with which she says “you know.” [Politico]
What’s done is done. Besides, quoting Macbeth is good for what ails you.
Jonah Goldberg should try some of the other interesting policies at work in Oregon before he condemns them. Assisted suicide, for example.
The RNC is holding leadership talent shows without involvement from the actual Republican Party.
They used to call this “Bohemian Grove”.
It was nice to go to the Jonah Goldberg link and see this sensible warning:
Something Wicked This Way Comes: Jonah Goldberg
You got *that* right!
Oh. That’s just the title and the byline? Not a news flash? My bad
That’s nothing. I think DailyKos is calling for Caroline Kennedy’s summary execution.
Meh. Partial-line out of context Macbeth will never beat the real deal. Here’s what Jonah really
meant to say: “But now I am cabined, cribbed, confined, bound in to saucy doubts and fears.”
Saucy!
As an eastern state resident, I, for one, welcome my new European overlords and look forward to trading in my useless dollars for some meaningful euros.
I wonder if there will be any of that fancy pageant walking at the RNC leadership talent shows.
Goldberg should have used something more inflaming linke:
CHAOS IS COME AGAIN!
“North Dakota Republican Party chairman Gary Emineth” Fine made-up name. Conjures up hiphop and drugs. Very catchy. Make him the top dog.
Actually, “Enimeth” would probably be even better as it suggests the rectal administration of drugs and gets the buttsecks vote.
actor212:
It’s a talent show called Right Wing American Idol consisting only of the first round rejects.
Igor Panarin knows nothing about America. Texas will take Oklahoma and forge its own nation, subject to no one. Minnesota and Wisconsin actually would join Canada outright (and nothing would change much), and California would split into two separate countries, north and south, and immediately go to war over water & power.
So Barney sleeps in the bed with Laura and George. I wonder how Mrs. Bush feels about sharing her bed with that witless, grouchy furball who spends his days yipping ineffectually around the Oval Office and leaving little calling cards in the corner. Or, for that matter, how Barney feels about it.
shanemcgowan: I doubt anyone likes him enough to put him out of our/his misery.
Monsieur Grumpe: And Sanjay would STILL lose…
At first I thought Caroline Kennedy was too black. Now I don’t think she is black enough.
Hey anybody know - has Bristol’s little youngin’ been borned yet?
Can Caroline Kennedy please replace Tom Harkin too?
http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2008/12/agriprocessor-5.html
Gorillionaire: No news but reports of fake preggers suits in dumpsters are as rampant as sightings of ‘Snowzilla’. Alaska sure has a rich and diverse culture.
Monsieur Grumpe: And just like the real American Idol, everybody wants to sing the same song for their auditions. Unfortunately, that song is “Barack the Magic Negro.”
Jonah Goldberg’s panties are in such a twist over this idea that he will quote Macbeth for no conceivable reason.
Lucille Goldberg should not have conceived. For a reason.
Why would Mexico be interested in Tejas and the South? Everybody knows they’d just be a drain on the Mexican economy.
Another day, another Risk game.
Thank you, slave-girl Juli, for going through the many pages of fawning commentary on the Unknown President Bush, so that I wouldn’t have to do so. Your masters should reward you. After all, this is Saturnalia, when masters are supposed to serve their slaves.
Gorillionaire: The saucy Ms. Palin is holding tight until the entire family agrees on an appropriately goofy name. “Emineth” is a new entry.
So Gov. Ted of Oregon is afraid that Oregonians, driving less and using more efficient cars are going be paying less in gas taxes, leaving a hole in Oregon’s transportation budget.
Soooo, lets put in a whole new taxing infrastructure, at a cost of millions (at least) that punishes those who bought gas sippers and happen to have a long commute.
How is this better than the zero-cost method of *raising gas taxes* which still hits the gas hogs harder, eventually encouraging less waste which I thought was major part of the whole idea in the first place?
I’m not going to click on Goldberg link, but is it possible he’s actually right this time?
Sussemilch:
And the DC, Balto, New York Megalopolis merges into one state called New WashYorBals.
…need…more…Wonkette…going…through…withdrawal…
Lascauxcaveman: Goldberg can’t be right (even assuming we ignore “general principles” as a reason) because he only had a one-sentence intro and then quoted an article about the move for the remainder of his post. Whether he was attempting to highlight the Big Brother aspect, the new taxes aspect or something else he doesn’t say. But the least aspect of this on his mind is probably the fact that gas taxes are supposed to pay for road maintenance, and now that people are using alternatively-fueled vehicles this might soon be outdated, and some alternatives must be proposed.
MoodProcessor: Ewww. DC and Baltimore can merge with Philly. NYC metropolis already has 10% of the country’s population, we don’t need to merge with anyone (okay, if you insist, we’ll enslave Boston).
jagorev:
Oh crap! I completely forgot about Philly.
No dice on that one - My wife bought me a Santa suit.
I wonder if she’s had this thought before, too…
I can’t wait- Chip will be here in DC at the RNC talent show. I’m hoping for a public flogging or at least a smack in the face with a glove followed by a duel on the mall.
What, no word on the newest member of the Palin family???
johnbpt: Me too. Over the weekend it was like Home Alone. Eating junk food, staying up too late, checking the driveway again and again, waiting for the grownups to get back and pay some attention to us and regulate our schedule.
PerhapsSo: 11 days late- and no news. I say Wonkette should officially contact andrew.wellner@frontiersman.com and ask him. One reputable news source contacting another for news vital to our readership.
finallyhappy: MSNBC just reported that she had it on Sunday and named him Tripp.
Yes, and apparently People magazine broke the story. Appropriate. Spew.
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE4BS5KG20081229
In further financial news: The paucity of posts here makes me think Ken Layne has taken a second job as substitute teacher in an inner city school to tide things over until the next Campbell Brown visitation.
Bramlet Abercrombie: We need a whole discussion on this! This is news vital to our country- Especially about why these people have stupid names.
PerhapsSo: So much for my theory that she was gonna name him — in keeping with Palin tradition — after the place he was conceived. Unless she was out of town at the time.
SayItWithWookies: I can also see Levi telling her, “No, we are not going to name him Gun Show Restroom Johnston.”
The conspiracy baby has been born.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/12/29/bristol-palin-baby-son-tr_n_154081.html
That Igor Panarin stuff is hilarious. Gawker, on the other hand…. Nick Denton fired everyone who was bright and funny about a year ago. And hired .. well, douchebags dreaming of ascending some day to the New York Times or CNN. Why, Nick, why?
Awwww, ain’t that sweet? Congrats to mommy and daddy and the little Tripper. May they all live long and prosper.
SayItWithWookies: Life is sad when Levi is the voice of reason.
Kev-O-Tron: I enjoyed the comment speculating whether they named him after Linda Tripp.
PerhapsSo: Well, that is so Trig does not get that confused when they start calling him by another name in a few months.
Nothing over at Joetheforum. I figured that they would be planning a shower.
SayItWithWookies: Wooks, didn’t you say that today was YOUR birthday too? Congrats on sharing the same birthday as Young Trippster Johnston, our future (53rd) President!
Tripp Johnston. I look forward to hearing about him selling $20 blowjobs at Wasilla truckstops to feed the family meth fund. Why didn’t they name him Oxy? What a strange Tripp it’s been…
Hahaha, back in Nov, my guess was close with “Trick”
I haven’t been to the atlantic site, but I’m guessing Sullivan is screaming for a DNA test.
Igor, Igor, Igor.
Noo Yawk and Nuw England going Euro? Whatever. They’d be the ones more likely going it alone or joining the People’s Republic of Canada City.
The Midewst going to Canada City? Russkie, please. Aside from Mich and Cheez head/Wisconsin, I suspect they’d rather form the independent nation of Jeebus Rust Belt Cornland.
Cali and the west coast going to China? Que? Aye Carumba!
Igor is right about one thing. After the last election, I suspect a lot of US Americans would be more than happy to give back Alaska to Roosha as long as they took the Palins with them.
These are the three saddest sentences I have read all day:
The baby’s father, Levi Johnston, is training to be an electrician. Bristol is taking correspondence courses to obtain her high school diploma. The couple has been together for three years.
jagorev: It shall all be paved over and called the Boston-Atlanta Metropolitian Axis, known commonly as “The Sprawl,” according to William Gibson.
And congrats, Bristol!
Hmm…I’m bored.
Hey, a Linda Tripp article about Obama’s election!
http://www.wowowow.com/post/linda-tripp-barack-obama-monica-lewinsky-john-mccain-bill-clinton-140662?promo=news
On a new web site dedicated to all my womens!
Where’s the Bristol Palin story!! The baby’s name finishes the stupid T name tri-fecta !! Gimee the snark Wonkette!!
Can someone please explain to me what Jonah Goldberg has done that gives any person any reason to pay attention to him? Hell, at least Ann Coulter has blown half the Republican leadership. I doubt that Goldberg has done more than a quarter.
I’m now just waiting for Bush to reveal that Barney’s real name is Sam, and that it was him that dreamed up the whole Iraq war thing and commanded Bush to do it.
Blue Jefferson Clinton the Cat:
The Bristol story can’t be true. Drudge does not have a siren up.
In lieu of cigars, they’ll give out oxycontin with “it’s normal!” printed on it.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: His site is too wrapped up with this breaking story:
UPDATE: Professor Predicts End of USA…
Track, Trig, Tripp. Trucknutz could be next.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Still nothing on Drudge or redstate. Fox News has the story, however, their website also has two stories about a lingerie league football player suing her old boyfriend for publishing nude pictures of her.
jonah goldberg will be very very lucky to have the shelf life of ’sophonisba’. no one will ever mix him up with ‘macbeth’.
villageatrois: Trucknutz Big $ale Johnston!
Scandalabra: High school dropout working in the oil fields and a teen pregnancy sounds like a recipe for alcoholism and domestic abuse. Of course since her mom was a vp candidate it is heartwarming story of young republican love and the values of “real” America.
Congrats, Bristol, on your second child!
Scandalabra: I do not know as I got a credit card survery about my hatred of Chase popping up here earlier.
To the Oregon governance: If I drive faster will it be cheaper?
I would be technically out ‘on the road’ far less and do less wear-n-tear…no?
springfield_meltdown: I thought domestic abuse was a value of “Real America”? It explains why the McCain campaign spent so much attention praising Joe the Wifebeater.
Arghh! Mileage tax here in Eastern Oregon would sure be painful. It’s a 250 mile round trip every time I drop somebody off at the airport or go to the VA hospital. Everything is a LONG way from everything else! How ’bout a big tax on bongs sold in Eugene?
villageatrois: Damn it, I had “Trunk” in the office pool.
This way Sarah Palin can be a GILF long after she leaves the governor’s mansion; it’s just that the G will now stand for “grandmother”.
ZombieRichardFeynman: You’d make more money taxing sheep sodomy in Klamath Falls.
Nobody gives a shit about eastern Oregon. Not even me, and I own property in Enterprise. Hell, Bend is basically the capital of Alameda County.
Tamron Hall doesn’t find it funny when you call her a magic negro anchor lady.
Michelle Bachmann,..I mean..Katherine Harris…,shit, I mean Kate Obenshain (all those jackass republican slags look the same, haha) is having a very hard time trying to explain the funny to a very hot, yummy delicious NILFer Tamron Hall.
ForTheTurnstiles: Yup; Bend left the category of “Eastern Oregon” about 20 years ago. Next time you’re going through Baker City say hi. We’re the big blue Victorian on Main St. in the hysterical district.
Blue Jefferson Clinton the Cat: Trigg, Track, and now Tripp (a shout out to Levi’s Oxycontin fiend mom?). The only “TR” combo left to play is: “TruckNutz.”
HuskyMescan: Hmm, can MSNBC get another opinion on this. Where’s Tom Tancredo these days?
SayItWithWookies: well, they named him after the state he was conceived in instead.Lionel Hutz Esq.: now i understand why she needs to keep herself manly.
Bramlet Abercrombie: It’s a boy, so they named him Tripp. If it had been a girl, the name would have been Tripp. Probably.
Larry McAwful: Maybe they went with “Tripp” because they told Sarah he “tripped” and his penis went right into Bristol. Though I am still sticking with my explanation of “so Trig will not get more confused when they start calling him ‘Trip’ late next year”.
I was hoping for something classy like “Cash4Gold.com Johnston” or “Double-Wide Secessionist Johnston”.
Trip was Bill Murray’s lead camp counselor character in ‘Meatballs’.
Servo:
Oops! I missed the second ‘p’. Is that what it means? Tri PP? Or did they just couldn’t spell tripe?
Larry McAwful: I think a baby girl should have been “Tweak” in honor of Gramma Johnston.
She named him Tripp because her mom was away on business when he was conceived.
By naming him Tripp, they have doomed that poor child to go through life saying “I’m not retarded, I just have a retarded name.”
Possible future names for Palin male offspring: Tremulous, Trepanning, Treetop, Triskadekaphobia, Troglodyte, Trucknutz, Trainer, Tranquillizer, Transgender or Tralalalala.
In the spirit of generosity, I actually think Bristol, Willow and Piper are very cute names.
OK, now that we have the baby, where is the wedding? I just want to see how these wholesome GOP values play out.
Strange that no one in that family is into book learnin’
Bruno: Can someone please tell Bristol she can stop studyin’ for her GED and Levi can stop studyin’ for is electrical-thingy ‘career’ if they only sell the “Real Sarah Palin” Story to a publisher? God, these people are ’smart enough’ to build a bridge to nowhere, get a free house out of a contracting deal, but the best immediate cash they can come up with is a calendar?
Please, please any of you in publishing find an advance & a ghost writer (who understands Snowbilly dialect) and get up there pronto. They don’t seem to be the type to turn down $ash
Once again life copies art. If you can call Juno art.
I’m surprised all the annotaters here are going after a pore simple baby instead of “GQDude”, a guy who wrote what sounds like an unreadable exculpating bio of the dreaded Bush. He got to drink near-beer with the prez!
Toonces: I hear ya and am waaaaaay ahead of ya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZAuX3g0w2c
Not only do our Euro overlords have better €€€€€ than us, their cheerleaders aren’t so bad either: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-H_4SzOhjo
regisgoat: I dunno, I found the whole ‘Leader of the Free World unable to remember anything happening to him past 2 weeks time’ to be more than a bit alarming. Especially since, according to Cheney, he’s got that nuclear football following him around that he doesn’t need anybody’s permission to toss.
regisgoat: Typo there. I believe you mean Juneau copies art.
Servo: Dear God… someone else out there knows that. I saw that movie in the theater, I remember. I wasn’t old enough to understand everything that was going on, but I remember liking it. It was on TV a few months ago, and it felt like a whole nother picture. Wow.
They call him Tripper, Tripper, faster than lightning,
No-one you see, drills faster than he,
And we know Tripper, lives in a world full of wonder,
Drilling there-under, under the sea!
Drill, Baby, Drill!
Darehead: Well you don’t get that number of offspring and second generation offspring without at least a minimum amount of drilling. To whit:
Drill.
Baby.
Drill…
(repeat)
Mr Blifil: Haha! I get it! Drills and thrills.
Anybody know what Palins name their pets? Probably real names like John, Susan etc…..
Darehead:
more like Horse, Dog, Cat, Hamster, Tick, Flea…
WTF is going on here, no new post since yesyerday afternoon
Monsieur Grumpe: You forgot rat
nmmagayar: Yeah, no hangover excuses until New Year’s Day. Wonketeers are supposed to be able to handle their alcoholism.
I have an idea. Find a recent post with relatively few comments and use the comment feature to post our own content and articles. You know, to help out until they dry out.
slavojzizek:
Probably one too many Cheney posts got the Wonkette editors Gitmoed. Maybe the new president will bail them out. Maybe.
choinski:
Yeah! And we can put on a play, no, a musical! Then we can raise enough money to get Jimmy, Little Sara and Surly Ken out of Cuba and maybe some new laptops for everyone!!! Yay!
Sorry, I was recently forced to watch an old Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland movie.
finallyhappy:
That’s Rat.
If you get to interview a guy for 4 years with the purpose of writing a positive, glowing biography of him and the best you can say is “He really is a human being, believe it or not,” then you got nothin’ and should quite promptly STFU.
Robert Draper can eat a bag of dicks, super sized.
Perhaps this is a day of rest to honor the birth of Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston?
From the Washington Post: “(Levi) Johnston’s mother Sherry was arrested earlier this month on felony drug charges for allegedly selling OxyContin.” I wish I had a granny like that.
http://men.style.com/gq/features/landing?id=content_7778
I tried to read that one but then I had to stop to vomit on my shoes. Go eat a bowl of dicks, Draper. I hope you choke on them.