Wonkette
YEAR IN REAR VIEW: “Ah, right, the Year In Review column! It’s the proudest tradition in American Journalism, when your Main Stream Media gatekeepers throw together a quick retrospective of whatever happened during the year, before we all take off for a long winter vacation — no Christmas for us, thanks! We’re the media, after all.” [AOL Political Machine]
Ron Paul was as ineffectual to your list as he was to the campaign itself. Which probably also means we’ll spend most of the comments page talking about him.
You know, the other upside of Obama winning (the main upside being that the world wasn’t destroyed by Palin) is that in 4 years, these dingbats will all be debating each other for the RNC nomination. Palin! Jindal! Mittens! Fred Thompson will be dead (and there).
I thank you, your latest column is refreshing and heartening to read, especially after arguing with my ignorant, racist, evangelical uncle over climate change.
(”It’s a lie” sayeth he, and “Obama is part of the anti-Christ’s cult.” I need to tell him that’s precisely why I voted for Obama)
Prof. Junk: Agreed. Paul and P-tards should have been Wonkette’s Person of the Rear. We took ‘em on.
We shamed. We sawed. We conquered. Smells like victory.
As for the “East Coast Republican scholar,” this is obviously a category such as “Middle Eastern scholar” or “antiquities scholar,” whereupon the scholar is neither Middle Eastern nor antiquated, and our studious editor may be neither East Coastian nor Republicinian, but precisely what credentials does one need for such a distinction?
I read “Guardian Angel of Comedy” next to the pic of Palin and thought “wow, that really fits”. But then that wasn’t where the sentence was going, but I stand by that juxtaposition!
Journalist of the Year: WM Kristol, who proved that now matter how lousy your last blog entry might have been, there’s a guy who’s picking up a paycheck from the New York Times for writing something worse.
Campaign adviser of the year: Mark McKinnon, who realized long before everyone else did that there was little point running against Barack Obama if the guy was just going to get Rick Warren to bless his administration (composed of guys even more conservative than would have served in a John McCain administration).
Corrupt asshole politician of the year: Ted Stevens, who lost it all on account of having some oil company add a second story and wrap-around porch to his pathetic looking log cabin. Meanwhile his true crimes (that cost the nation hundreds of millions) were perfectly legal.
Businessleader of the year: Take your pick from among a wide field of financial executives who were bailed out by the government then turned around and used a big chunk of the money to pay themselves year-end bonuses. AIG CEO Edward Liddy perhaps best exemplifies these titans of industry, having paid out retention bonuses of up to $4,000,000 in order to stem the loss of the brilliant minds whose vision brought the company to its knees over the past couple of years.
Guy we’d most like to be: Brad Pitt. He’s still the guy who crawls into the sack with Angelina Jolie every night, so he’s still the guy we’d most like to be.
Entertainer of the year: Sarah Palin, for her brilliant impersonation of Tina Fey playing the role of a hot, but clueless dimwit MILF.
Comedian of the year: Paul Krugman edges out John Stewart and Tina Fey this year by ending a column with the observation that we’re now living in a “World gone Madoff.” And he’s got a lot more just like that one, folks!
Sidekick of the year: This award usually goes to Alan Colmes for spending another 365 days getting mercilessly steamrolled by Sean Hannity, but Colmes lost the award when he goaded Hannity into admitting that anything McCain did was OK because he spent “five and a half years” getting raped in Guantanamo Bay or something. So this year the award goes to “Morning Joe” co-anchor Mika Brehzinsky who spent the past 365 morning getting steam-rolled by Joe Scarborough, and not in a sexual way, either.
Political Entertainer of the year: The legion of pro-Hillary Clinton Broadway choreographers who spent the latter half of 2008 trying to duplicate the viral success of Will I. Am’s “Yes We Can” video, but only managed to produce sad, vaudeville chorus-line dreck. They reminded us that for all the fun of shows like “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” there’s also a far darker side to gay culture that outsiders for the most part don’t see.
I’d have to give Prez Bush a “Man of the Year” award I guess, because every time I see him on TV I say, “You fucking evil asshole, I hope you burn in hell, you scum.” There’s something magic about that right?
MarieDeGournay: Wow, I say the exact same thing- except I start with “fuck you”
This article mad me SAD SAD SAD that we might never see a President Giuliani in our lifetimes.
Ken, I’m impressed you have continued to build your conservative credentials in your bio. Do you think you can be the white guy on the Jindal ticket?
I NEED these “what happened this year” columns.
‘Cause I was drunk all year long and don’t remember anything.
And I want to wish President Clinton and First Lady Hillary a Merry Christmas and a happy new year.
What?
Who?
You’re kidding me!
I don’t even know if it feel within the year that just was, but my props go to the dude who asphyxiated while in a double neoprene wetsuit with a dildo still inserted when the cops found his dead body hanging on the wall. Good times, good times.
I can’t believe 2 or 3 people actually fell for my troll post. The only thing more fun than trolling paultards is thinning the herd of dumb libtards.
Sean O: sorry, you gave it away at the very end, “or something”
Woah, Ken’s an East coast Republican scholar. Who knew?
From the comments:
I see through your lies, Ken. I’ve heard that Wonkette is the “angry left”, just like your buddies at DailyKos.
Osama bin hussein Nobama may be your president, but he ain’t mine. I’ll wear a dashiki and pray to the east, but I’ll be praying to the good Christian jesus god. Noooobama will never know.
Unless Nobama can read my thoughts, or something.
Love it.
CivicHoliday: Yeah, I mean, once I used punctuation in the first paragraph I figured people would know it was fake.
Great stuff, Ken. I must say I enjoy your writing more when you concentrate more on the funny & less on the bitter. Not that you shouldn’t also be bitter, or maybe cynical. But today’s column was like that third bowl of porridge, just right. Keep up the good work. And merry fuckmas everybody.
Here’s a helpful list of newly-deads.
http://www.boston.com/news/world/gallery/021308_2008deaths/
I like the commentariat over there. Apparently, the election scared off the angry, racist ALL CAPS ranters, because the government tracks you through the Internets, modem is only two letters different from Moslem THINK ABOUT IT!!!! But the clueless noobs are taking up the slack.