Wonkette
- ODDLY HILARIOUS HYPERBOLIC QUOTES FROM CITY OFFICIALS WHO ARE FREAKING OUT OVER INAUGURATION LOGISTICS, TUESDAY EDITION: “It is going to be the most challenging day in the history of Metro.” [WTOP]
HELL
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12:13 PM
on Tue December 16 2008
By
Jim Newell
1016 Views
Tagged:
- inauguration,
- local,
- metro ,
- hell
Are the blacks going to be riding on the front of the bus now?
shortsshortsshorts: No.
shortsshortsshorts: They’ll be driving the bus!
Getting to work is going to be a joy. Unless it is a blizzard, I am walking the 5 miles. Seriously.
I have a migraine. I blame it on Campbell Brown.
This is a bigger catastrophe for Metro than that time a mom let her thirsty kid drink from a water bottle (the mother is now in a Syrian prison).
I don’t see what the fuss is. Why doesn’t everyone just arrive in their Black Hybrid Escalade? Give the metro a pass that day. Problem solved.
Where is Campbell Brown staying for the inauguration. You’re welcome to stay at my place. (Weeknights, 8pm, right?)
Why is the Wonkettes advertising on this Campbell Brown site?
Doglessliberal: What count as a blizzard in DC, about 2 inches? I’d imagine 2 inches of snow on inauguration day would probably lead to the imposition of martial law and mandatory evacuations.
Oh, is it going to turn out like everything else in America these days? Oh, that’s not too good.
shortsshortsshorts: thrown under the bus! (Adnmit it, you have missed that expression)
Metro should take a cue from the DC police and ask for some outside help. May I suggest Japan?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axwMxUBL_ws
Campbell-on-CNN: Oh, but since all the bridges are closed to all traffic but busses, we should just use our hybrid eco-helicopters, right?
TEARGASSS EVERYONES!!!!1112@!
Actually, I think that 9/11 was the most challenging day in the history of Metro. All the workers half or fully freaked out and trying to get home, including the Metro employees.
There’s got to be some consumer rights group saying that the Metro is profiteering and needs some kind of windfall tax now
jagorev: well, for me, I can walk in two inches. I was thinking no walking if it it one of those winter Nor’easters with the wind and blowing snow. But correct, around here, for driving rain counts as an emergency.
Hold on guys. Everything will be ok.
The govmint will decide the day before that there’s no monies for the big shindig, so they’ll cancel it and it will be life as usual.
I just hope I won’t be washed away in a tidal wave of human waste.
I’ve decided to go with some friends just to be there and say: “I was there when Barry was elected and survived the Shit-Wave when DC sewers finally exploded.”
Essentially, Obama’s inauguration will be worse than 9/11 and Katrina combined.
It’s going to be like Armageddon meets War of the Worlds meets The Andromeda Strain meets Dawn of the Dead.
According to the last post, no one will be able to afford the damn Metro.
Yeah, this thread took almost 5 comments.
Doglessliberal: ADMITTED.
However in this time of cheer, a lack of racial transcendence feels as warm as rum-laced eggnog.
Serolf Divad:
Actually, I thought those movies were all already captured in the story of the Dept of Homeland Security.
ManchuCandidate: …dont worry, Obama will just part the sea of semi-liquid feces and lead his followers to the promise land! Don’t worry about bringing a snack, Barry will be providing bread and fish for everyone.
Ahahaha, I shall laugh at you while watching it on TV. Wait, I don’t have TV. I shall laugh at you while watching the Youtubes.
Wonkette has successfully scared me off my plan to go to DC for the inauguration. Any chance they’ll be broadcasting it live in Times Square, like they did on election night? I’d totally hang out in Times Square for it. Especially if other NYC Wonketteers would be there.
I’m scouring Youtube for one of those red carpet moments where Campbell Brown accidentally “pops out” of her blouse, but the best I can do is a video called Campbell Brown short skirt high heels.
Serolf Divad: You forgot “The Day the Earth Stood Still”, the real one, with Michael Rennie and Pat Neal.
It’s apropo, because nobody is going to be able to move anywhere.
Doglessliberal: That’d be sweet! I was just kidding, you know.
Disappointed no one caught on to my “give Metro a pass” quip there. See what I did there? They told me to have fun here.
By the way, I prefer to call it ‘Chase George W. Bush’s miserable, incompetant, moronic ass out of town day.’
Jim Newell: Do you mean “No” in the “No means yes and yes means more” kindove way or “No” in like the “deeply disciplined don’t be a racist” kindove way? Either way, that shit’s like 30 year’s ago man I think we can talk about it now. WITH RESPECTS.
I am either going to stay home and watch it on my Cambell Brown TeeVee or saddle up my Campbell Brown and ride her through the Nation’s capital.
We must chop down Campbell Brown and hollow it out to make a giant canoe to ferry the masses.
Everyone should just shack up in Fred Thompson’s apt. Problem solved.
Cape Clod: Do you think there’ll be a chant of “nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, goodbye”? Cause that would be awesome.
Campbell-on-CNN: How do I know its really you? Can I get you to say TruckNuts on your show like Stewart to prove your true identity? I’ll be watching tonight CNN 8pm.
If you want to get a good spot for the inauguration, you’d better act now. It’s standing room only at this point, but I’m pretty sure there are still a couple of spots left in Delaware and North Carolina—but they’re filling up fast.
Jim Newell: Actually, yes, they will be riding on the front of the bus, just not in the front. To see what I mean, check out this shot of a Red Line train coming in from Shady Grove.
On a side note, I was kind of hoping it would turn out to be a Campbell Brown Advent calendar - you know, she takes off one article of clothing every day until Christmas (or paradise, whichever comes first). But no such luck.
4tehlulz: *Dipshit Magoo, Mr. 4tehlulz.
Dipshit. Magoo.
What? A. You drive the bus. B. You stop and open the door. C. You alienate the people getting on with dirty looks and intimidating remarks. D. You shut the door. E. You drive to the next stop. Start over at A. and repeat. This is a problem?
Hurray! Microphone-nut black eye photos
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/12/16/dana-perino-black-eye-spo_n_151412.html
I will be NOT watching the inaugural shit-foam walk-a-thon party from a beach in Brazil. Got to do it while credit cards still exist.
I was thinking of biking into the city, but I’m afraid the Capitol police/Secret Service will just cold tackle me because only terrorists ride these bi-cyclez. Seriously though, Metro is going to be a mad house, stay away.
MoonshineJoe: they are not letting bikes inside the secure zone, but WABA is working with the Secret Service to figure out a bike valet system, so that might work.
Borat: Now, if you ever watched my show (Weeknights 8pm CNN) you know there’s little likelihood of that happening.
My P.A. needs the computer now. I’ll check back later.
Hugs n’ kisses.
Serolf Divad:
Yes, if the ad folks at See Ehn Ehn only realized the potential of Campbell’s legs.
Doglessliberal: Oh! Thanks for the info. Clearly I need to use these intertubes to get me some more details.
Campbell-on-CNN: But certainly there is a way to incorporate “Shorts, shorts, shorts” into they nightly script. Problem solved.
Borat: You are a hero, Borat.
Campbell-on-CNN: You can do a special report about losers on the internet and the obsession about TruckNuts? Or come up with your own phrase to slip in. I know those Bingo style games you play in broadcasting. Just say it here first.
MoonshineJoe: this here site is mighty helpful for the whippersnappers who like the intertubes:
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/inauguration-central/
and this, too
http://www.wmata.com/about_metro/news/faqs/preview.cfm?faqID=51
Borat: WIDTAP: How about a nice Palinesque wink at the camera? We’d all know it was for us.
CorkPopper:
I was thinking of the Amen chorus, myself.
Doglessliberal: I’m with Dog on this one. I’m a sucker for the “Hello Sailor” wink.
WIDTAP: As great as that would feel for the 15 minutes I would receive, I am terrified that any Campbell viewer would google this pair of shorts, thereby exposing my real identity as an international Paultard assassin with mana-skills and stuffs.
shortsshortsshorts: Understood. No one wants Shorts standing around exposed. So that three votes for the new extra sexy Alma Dale Wink then?
Campbell-on-CNN: EVERYONE on Wonkette will tune in if you promise to mention Truck Nutz on the show. Think of the ratings!
I am walking from my place in arlington (renting out my balcony for 500000 a night!!) which is 4 miles give or take. Oh, and I’m going over the night before with a tent (also 5000000 a night!)
CorkPopper: The Washington Post.com’s daily “ClusterFuck Bukkake Inauguration Update” column did it for me. Wonkette gave an assist though.
shortsshortsshorts: Oh you are probably not even reading this anymore, but i simply meant no, the black people will not be allowed in the front of the bus.
Jim Newell: Thank you for clarifying.
problemwithcaring: yes, that Post one was not real optimisitic. We will all be crushed by the 10,000 charter busses as we wait in line outside the Metro entrances, stuck behind idiots who do not know what a farecard is.
Doglessliberal: That works for me. Campbell - I’m looking forward to you winking at me at 8pm ET on CNN. Don’t worry, I like you ‘n’ all, but no starbursts