Wonkette
The Federal Reserve this afternoon is expected to cut the fed funds rate from 1% to .5%, a modern record. The government is printing more money than you can shake a stick at, all night, every night, to give to financial companies. This should be an incredibly sexy time to make LOANS. Overnight loans, car loans, Truck Nutz loans, who cares, loans loans loans, free money! The only problem is that we’ve developed a terrorist’s mindset in which the American economy, as a whole, has become the enemy.
It is a poison. The economy will kill you if you step near it. We do not wish to bring our money to this… this “thing.” It is made of several trillion different flavors of death. Last week, for example, the yield on three-month Treasuries fell below zero for the first time ever, meaning people were effectively paying the government to hold onto their cash. In America, this was happening. People will have nothing to do with this fucking economy in any way. It is made of garbage and dead rats and synthetic collateralized debt obligations and poop.
And this is why we had record deflation last month. (Well, mostly because of cheap gas, which is fantastic, but shhh.) PAY OFF YR STUDENT LOANS WHILE YOU CAN!
Inflation Drops, Housing Starts Fall [ABC News]
Baskin Robbins was considering a “several trillion different flavors of death” ad campaign but ultimately decided against it.
Stagflation for some. Deflation for others.
Welcome to the US America Free Market Hall of Fun Mirrors.
Shit Wonkette, can’t you just post another pic of K-Lo so we can forget about Global Economic Meltdown via the snark?
Deflation, my ass.
Last time I bought truck nuts, the price had gotten it UP.
2950 yen to 4500 yen. Just for one PAIR.
Iggy Plop: I think it was also the title of the least popular Wu-Tang Clan album.
That just about puts the banana in the republic.
re: student loans - if you have a job and the snakes don’t get you. Yeah, sure, blame it on the asteroid.
…what is the APR on a Truck Nutz loan?
garbage and dead rats and synthetic collateralized debt obligations and poop
And this, children, is what goes into your 401k.
Jim Cramer read this post and hit the “house of pain” and “jump out window” sound effect buttons 10 times for his own enjoyment.
When am I getting lower food prices? There’s no deflation there. Pretty soon the supermarket will be pricing things in Ron Paul Freedom Coins and blowjobs.
This is some complex economic stuff, so let me explain with an example. The economy is like a balloon, see? And the air is money. And the balloon can inflate, or deflate. Right? Except, this is the US economy balloon, and instead of air, the balloon is full of deadly sarin gas, and it’s right beside you all the time, and it keeps getting poked with holes, oh God I can’t breathe, fucking economy, give, Sara… my… truc-… *gasp*
jagorev: Who has a 401K anymore? Right now, my retirement plan is a small, waterproofed cinderblock room in my basement filled with canned-goods, guns, and ammo.
Off topic but this Campbell Brown ad. is now beyond tacky. Cool, hip, snarky, topical web-blog with a life-size photo of a MSM pretty face journalist. No bias, lots of Bull.
…look on the bright side; prostitutes are cheaper now!
AngryBlakGuy: Yeah, but, as hooker price decreases, hooker quality decreases proportionately. Basic hookernomics.
Ack! Why won’t Campbell Brown leave me alone! She follows me everywhere. Am I going to need a restraining order?
They’re doing it because the worst is yet to come.
Rush: Shhhh. We have ways of making her disappear — except from our hearts.
My organization just announced a 12% budget reduction. I need to download the “More Camp-Bell!” application.
i hear they’re printing money with campbell brown’s face on it! eeek!
I’m buying a pair of used Iraqi sandals to throw at Campbell Brown.
And through all of this Campbell Brown never loses that cool, collected smile. Perhaps she’s mocking me because she knows the truth: I now get all my protein from stale, bar peanuts.
AngryBlakGuy: Bright side for some of you, but…where are DC secretaries and lobbyists going to get their principal income?
Well, that explains the skull and crossbones painted on the Wall Street bull.
AngryBlakGuy: You know, seriously, I have noticed this while trolling Craigslist. I’d say the NYC Handjob Index™ is down to $45 from its all-time high of $60 in the second quarter of 2007
The economy scares me even more than that huge icon of Grendel’s mother on the right side of my screen.
So, if the nickel is the new dollar and we’ll all be paid, say..$5 a day to dig holes [or blog] in the not-so-distant-future….what will they do with all the extra dollar bills floating around?…
I mean cuz then a dollar is gonna be worth like $1000 dollars, or something…right?
Rush: Someone write me an email at mongo(at)itsnofun.com once the life-sized banner of Mrs Campbell on the right had been removed, so I can come back and read Wonkette again, please.
Iggy Plop: OK, that was pretty funny - I’m laughing out loud here.
CNN 8pm Weeknights
I’ve learned this much from Wonkette the last couple of days: Campbell Brown has really, really nice teeth.
As you all should know, I’ve gone into the large cardboard box business. Mr. Grumpy’s Home in a Box is now offering, for a small nominal fee, to provide your new recyclable homestead with a Urine-Proof™ coating inside and out!
And! But! Also! Now accepting Truck Nutz, rat pelts and shiny things in place of cash.
Remember, as always, if you don’t have the small nominal fee, we’ll loan you the small nominal fees!
Mongo: Why do you love bias and bull?
Mongo: ok, smarty-pants, whose likeness in a life-sized banner do you want?
Rush: Oh, now be nice. It’s an advertising slogan. You’re not supposed to actually believe it. That’s for FOX viewers.
Campbell Brown - CNN 8pm Weeknights
actor212:
Exactly. If this didn’t fuck up a lot of people, I’d be laughing my guts out knowing the eelights and riches are just like me: broke and scratching my privates.
4tehlulz: Seriously. They blamed high food prices on high fuel prices. Oh, and ethanol production. The ethanol people all went bankrupt and gas is low. So when does food get cheap again?
Well, one thing is for sure, the government has a well proven track record of holding on to people’s cash. It’s certainly in safe hands.
actor212: Goddamn you and your hookernomics.
Gopherit: Cinderblocks? Luxury! I have to make down with a hole in the middle of the road.
Rush: Send Jim Newell $5,000 and then send Ken Layne $7,000 (because he is pope cat editor) and the ad will be gone.
shortsshortsshorts: What, nothing for Sarah K. Smith? SEXISM
Campbell-on-CNN: You should visit the chatroom, ma’am. wonkette.chatango.com…
Can someone text me when Campbell Brown has been removed from Wonkette? She is really bumming me out and I was already in a shitty mood.
Maybe i can get a loan to buy Bob Novak’s corvette cheap, the expense will be removing the blood stains from the front end.
What’s funny is that everyone’s paying attention to the ad. Therefore, it’s working. Or something.
tunamelt: Dare I? I dare not. They warned me about you guys.
randomsausage:
Then you should be admiring those teeth each Weeknight at 8p on CNN.
Campbell-on-CNN: But I don’t have a TV! I get all of my news from Wonkette and from Daily Show clips on hulu. Would it be possible to watch your teeth on the interwebs, somehow?
jagorev: Sarah K. Smith shall receive a lifetime supply of ham sandwiches, a $10,000 gift certificate to Applebees and a television that plays Campbell Brown, every weekday at 8 p.m. on CNN.
loquaciousmusic: She could have just thrown her shoes at us.
Does this mean that Truck Nutz are the new currency?
Does this mean TruckNutz are the new currency?
So the economists think deflation is happening because gas prices are lower, even though nothing else is? Are these the same geniuses who said the finance market can regulate itself?
shortsshortsshorts: You missed the best part; Sara gets to come to my place for sleep over.
(wink) Sorry, that won’t be broadcast -
Weeknights 8pm CNN
loquaciousmusic: Indeed. We’re all buzzmetrics now. Also, it did occur to me that if The Coop ever got a similar campaign……and he appeared in glorious full length on Andrewsullivan.com….the old english fruit-bear would probably shoot hot love muck over his MacBook Pro.
Campbell-on-CNN: I refuse to believe a mother to be could be such a whore for their job, even as a member of the fourth estate. Okay, that’s not true. You’re all whores. But still.
So, in wonkette tradition there is only one thing to say: Tits or GTFO.
I can’t take this subliminal Campbell Brown ads anymore. I feel completely brainwashed; every time I close my eyes, I see Campbell Brown. Still, would never watch her show. I prefer my shows with liberal bias, thank you very much.
Rush: Just block it dude.
No Campbell Brown background until Anderson Cooper gets equal time!
I propose a giant Anderson Cooper on the left hand side of Wonkette, for the ladies and the gay men.
Oh who am I kidding, I’m a straight man and I’d still show that Anderson Cooper a good time anytime he cared to ask.
Even though the economy sucks in France too, at least higher education is FREE.
I don’t get why American students aren’t out carrying pitchforks and torches in protest of this country’s student loan system.
jagorev: I’m with you bro. I’m straighter than a wombat and I’d give The Coop one. Andrew Sullivan, not so much.
I am scared of the economy too. Have we tried waterboarding it?
If you scroll all the way down the the comments box, you can position it over Campbell Brown’s face, which I think would have been a better marketing technique: “Who is the mystery hostess? Who is Campbell Brown? Does she have nice teeth? Do her eyes seem to follow you like a critical mother-in-law? Find out each weeknight at 8 pm.”
“No Bias. No Bull” is what got us into the FIRST depression. And it took a lot of hard working partisan hacks to set it right. — Bill O’Reilly Weeknights 8pm Fox
Has anyone tried Campbell’s Brown Soup?
AngryBlakGuy: oo percent
CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us: dammit: I meant o1o percent. nevermind.
scotack: I am fond of the Clam Chowder.
scotack: I prefer her box lunch
I’d hit that?
randomsausage: Ummm, if you are a dude and you have sex with another dude, listen closely Sen. Craig cuz you seem to be having some trouble figuring this out, that means your gay. If the dude is not very masculine, say Anderson Cooper-like, or dressed like a stripper that is hot, it doesn’t matter. It’s a dude, you hit it, you’re gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Also.
LBOtomist: That’s complete bollocks. Everyone knows there is the Cooper Clause: if you hit Cooper, man or woman, you did not actually hit Cooper. I mean, have you ever…I mean ever….read anything about this man dating/shagging? No. That must mean that when it does happen…it ceases to exist. Ergo I am not a fruity. Either that or he’s the Morrissey o’ The News.
Mista Eko: One of these days, that vein in Jim Cramer’s forehead will explode on live teevee. This will be fun.