Wonkette
- SO IT’S HAPPENED: Florida Gov. Charlie Crist got married today, to a woman! Our condolences. [Orlando Sentinel]
FRIDAY NIGHT NEWS DUMP
I believe that’s called a “beard”.
Are you sure she’s female! I mean, you can do wonderful things with duct tape these days.
How great for him! I wonder if he’ll be sweetly stealing her cherry before or after his regular foray to the nearest highway rest stop?
Foley?
…marriage pics right HERE
The “bride” totally stole her look from Judith Nathan Giuliani. Middle-aged women in princess clothes. It must be a Republican thing.
Blazing a trail for human rights activists everywhere, FL Gov Charlie Crist today affirmed - and demonstrated!- by his own example, the right of gays to marry random heiresses….
Allow me to offer the obligatory Austin Powers quote: “That’s a MAN, baby!”
Or Ann Coulter.
Same difference, really.
Strapons will only remind him of what he’s missing.
Hutch: Yeah, a great tuck job… As long as s/he doesn’t clench too tight. It can get in the way of a proper reach-around.
Charlie is the same shade of Florida Orange as the guy in the gay porn version of the 2000 recount.
Coincidence?
A “20-minute ceremony”. That includes Charlie’s subsequent ‘copter ride to Key West.
Appletinis all around!
S.Luggo: If ’twere done when ’tis done, then ’twere well ’twere done quickly.
rambone: Yeah, once you’ve had an actual cock up your ass an “educational model” just won’t do.
S.Luggo: Clearly you’ve never been to a Baptist wedding. 20 minutes is plenty long enough. At least twice the time it takes most of ‘em to consummate the union.
Jukesgrrl: I hate that too. I think 35 and being on your first wedding is the cut off for the princess dress. Say what you will about the British royal family but Camilla wore an appropriate blue suit when she married Charles. The Republicans are definitely not the party for good taste in clothing.
“Crist kissed Rome briefly at the end of the ceremony — perhaps too briefly.” OH NOES CHARLIE! THEY’RE ON TO YOU! Stoopit liberal media is always tryin’ to harsh the buzz of a good, old-fashioned heterosexual union.
I didn’t know that Liza Minnelli was engaged again.
I heard that consummation rights are being auctioned on Wonkette. http://wonkette.com/blagoneedsbucks
That article so obviously serves as beard as well.
I’m sure Paul Fussell fans will have fun with these quotes:
“sapphire engagement ring”
“Rome wore a floor-length classic silk gown by a Spanish designer purchased at upscale Wedding Atelier in Manhattan”
“Rome is president of Franco American Novelty Co., her family’s New York-area Halloween costume company. She stopped managing its daily business when she moved to ritzy Fisher Island near Miami in 2006.”
“Crist, who earns $132,931.56 …”
Borat: i’m just looking at that quote again, seriously, what reporter would include the amound of Cents in a 6-figure salary. This came straight from his PR agency
No he didn’t.
(DISCLAIMER: Wonkette has the right to remove, alter, replace or fuck any comment that any person chooses to leave on Wonkette. Please also be advised that your Wonkette may be lazy on Friday evenings (oops Saturday mornings) and not post any said comment until any moderator is available. That is why I will smoke ridiculous amounts of pot and then scold the bastard who took my last stash, because it was either Ken or Jim (Barbie).
(I love you fucking people I just had to deal with the easiest plastic figure craze).
Oh, Crist.
Hey, marriage worked out well for Larry Craig and Ted Haggard- just because they like to have sex with men doesn’t mean they are gay.
Worst wedding night commentary evah: “It’s a great night for Florida and it’s a great night for us.”
Ranks with:
“My bride is as lovely as my poor, deceased mother.”
“It was worth saving my virginity.”
“Another glass of sherry….I’ll make it through this night, somehow.”
“Crist kissed Rome briefly at the end of the ceremony — perhaps too briefly.”
oh dear.
All systems go: Crist for VP in 2012!
Hey. Where’s our weekly news from Canada?
honkeyman: I’m currently exiled in Hamilton. Canada still sucks, but the chicks are, by in large, hot. Happy?
honkeyman: Oh, and the Leafs beat the Sabres.
windupbird: Epic Heterosexuality Fail.
“Crist kissed Rome briefly at the end of the ceremony — perhaps too briefly. She put her hands on his face and kissed him again…”
next thing you know bristol will get hitched to levi. don’t they know that losing elections gives them a pass on the forced fake weddings?
although now it’s not out of the realm of possibility that crist becomes America’s first gay president–unless you count Buchanan, Lincoln, or the current occupant of the White House and former lover of Victor Ashe. (and you can’t count Bush under the “just because you attend mass once, you’re not a Catholic” rule, i.e. in Bush’s case just because he dressed up in momma’s pearls and let the future mayor of Knoxville and ambassador to Poland fuck him in the ass a couple hundred times back in the Yale days doesn’t make him teh gay.)
Hey, it’s okay if he’s gay — they got married at a Methodist church. Aren’t Methodists the equivalent of those hardcore Anglican Brits who think sex is horrid and distasteful and the extent of their sex education is to tell the bride on her wedding night to lie still and think of England? They both serve each others’ main purpose — she proved to her mom she can land a hubby, and he has someone who can untie complicated ligatures and take two wetsuits off an unconscious man before having to call 911. Match made in heaven.
“Both had been married before, Crist to a college sweetheart in 1980, a marriage that ended less than a year later.”
…Less than a year? Uh-Oh.
“The girls, Skylar, 10…”
Was this child adopted from the Palins? Or is that a republican thing?
So…now SHE’S the “first lady”? OK.
A peck to seal the deal? Sounds like someone needs a copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You”, stat.
Gerald Rivera was there? What….
Our nation has been so busy with the Rod-Blaggo-blah why have we not adequately commented on the Texas turd sending white powder to various governors? Whoever this Unipowder-bomber is, he obviously does not recognize the legitimacy of Crist. He addressed the Florida envelope to “Governor Jeb Bush”……
http://tallahassee.com/article/20081212/NEWS01/812120345&referrer=FRONTPAGECAROUSEL
Texan Bulldoggette: He goes to all the big parties. The opening of Al Capone’s safe, Charlie Crist’s wedding, etc.
Jukesgrrl: I think the two of them are perfect for each other. They are united in their love of facial excess: his, toxic levels of spray-on tanner; hers, makeup applied with a trowel. As long as they move into a house with a very large medicine cabinet over the sink, they’ll be fine.
Darehead: The Power of Crist compels you!
The Power of Crist compels you!
~
It’s the End Times, people!
I got this from Wikipedia: “The Bride of Crist is a metaphor for the Ecclesia (church), likening the relationship between Christians and Jesus to a betrothal pointing to a future wedding, when Cristians are re-united with Jesus.”
And since we’re talking about Crist anyway, how can I resist posting this (semi) off topic item?
Excerpted from Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish at 12:30 last night upon Sullivan’s return.
After eight years of Dishing, I know my work is done when my Number Two tears me a new asshole while I’m away. It’s the way we roll.
Indeed, sir. Indeed.
Campbells Brown Thong: Holy mother of shit! That is absolutely MAJESTIC. The Crist has returned!
Is Jeebus a closet homo from Florida, then?
SayItWithWookies: DOOD don’t you know it’s illegulz to be ghey? They teach that in Florida schools alongside that whole “evolution didn’t happen” thing. Obviously Florida knows something my state does not, or that they are insanely retarded in most ways. I go with the latter.
AND SO, two proposals, Mr. Wookies.
1. We burn Florida to the ground after grabbing all of their precious water and other natural resources that we need, as we are all fucked.
2. We load Florida with people from other southern states, recite our favorite sea faring songs, yell “bon voyage,” dis attach the state from the other 47, and kick their asses to Cuba.
I leave this decision to you.
Greta Van Susteren is the new target right? So you have to see her blog entry about this. CONGRATULATIONS GOVERNOR. LOL!!! The comments are great too. There’s another entry about the Fox x-mas decorations outside fox building…. well !! one comment said “thank you for sharing your building with us greta”. Am I the only one who finds that golden ?
Alex Trebeks Girl: This Greta ‘blog’ is clearly the ravings of a lunatic!!! There is nothing untouched?? Oh No, some breaking news!! Let me come back to you later!! HA HA Some stoopid liberal!! CNNN Sucks because they fired me and they wanted to give me lots of $$$$ but I said NO!!! And Wasilla gave me the key to the city because I won the lottery (but gave the $$$$ back to the mayor, but now as a bribe!!)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://gretawire.foxnews.com/page/5/
In case you don’t know where to find the Greta insanity. I seriously think they’ve got some 17 year old intern to write for her!!!!???!!!
Speaking of Republican weddings, did Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston ever make it right? I assume they’re registered at Wal-Mart.
Borat:
Oh and there is a poll on Greta’s ‘blog’ which needs to be sodimized:
_________________________
I think CNN management is
A) blogging today attempting to cover their tracks and their mismanagement
B) doing a good job and Greta is mean to them
__________________________
B is only at 5%. Let’s turn this around
Cambell Brown - I love you, even though you are a woman. Please continue supporting Wonkette. The hatred of Greta towards CNN justifies everything you do:
“Maybe CNN management should not have spent millions and millions and millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars on ads, billboards, plastic bags, full page newspaper and magazine color ads etc.”
http://gretawire.foxnews.com/
(this is also the place where you can actually vote that Greta is a sucky loser)
Crist has moved all his shit into the walk-in closet. He’s in it fer good.
I can’t concentrate on this while Tara Reid is in rehab.
Unless “Florida Erection” is on the motel teevee on the wedding night, there won’t be a Florida erection in the wedding night bed.
There must be a “Passion of the Crist” joke in there somewhere …
WadISay: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/03/levi-johnston-and-bristol_n_131565.html
It is mid- december- where is the baby????
finallyhappy: Sweet Jesus! Oh, I wasn’t paying attention. I thought The Bride of Crist was with child. The bad is mine.
finallyhappy: Moreover, where are the pictures of Bristol’s swollen hootch? Are we in the 21rst century or not? Make with the inappropriate cellphone camera uploads, somebody!
No Double Ceremony with Bristol & Levi also entering into sham nuptials to protect the political party name?
I would have thought, win or lose, Walnuts! would have worked this out.
The problem with this kind of thing is that it simply “humanizes homosexuals”.
I hope those two ladies are very happy together.
Vanity Smurf: Boy ain’t that the truth.
And may all your “Crist’s Mrs.’s” be whitewashed!
“It’s pretty overwhelming — a very cool thing,” quoth the Governor with dispassionate repose.
Get a room, you crazy kids!
I don’t get why Carole goes to an outside designer when her very own company has exactly what she needs.
I figure Charlie can wear the outfit at the top of the page, and Carole the one at the bottom. But, if they want to switch, that works out fine, too.
jbd: Also, Preston Manning was just awarded the Order of Canada, Rank of Companion. Some nice pix of him with that hot Governess General.
Chris and Rome, between shutting your eyes and thinking of England, there IS the minibar, that will help hella lot. And Rome, you will need something stronger than soap to wash off that orange tan cream stuff that he wears, and, word to the wise, shower IMMEDIATELY, or it will bleach your hair. Also, dedicate some less precious towels for drying off, the ones you won’t mind if they change color. That tanning cream does weird things to both skin and fabric, sooo, a word to the wise is sufficient.
Hey, he got protested by those other folks who aren’t allowed to get married. Check out the local news story at the bottom of this too (which starts whether you want it to or not) and see his pastor. Hmmm.
http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Gay_marriage_activists_march_on_Fla._1213.html
RANDOM INVASIVE COMMENT WITH NO MEANING AT ALL.
Well I feel better about myself.
jilly: I can imagine that tan cream can also sting the nether-regions as well, which is something that might get Crist off, but not Rome.
shortsshortsshorts: Yeah, weekends can get really really dull with out new material so random comments gets a lot off ones waxed chest. Any suggestions for sites to invade?
Mahousu: I guess this means the luvly bride is an internet billionaire. With that website for costumes - brilliant - I should have thought about that - IPOed it, and I could have married Crist (but not in Florida)
Mahousu: I personally prefer the “Big Momma” costume:
Includes Dress w/Attached Oversized
Bosom, Buttocks & Garters
Sizes Available - Standard
http://www.francollc.com/MainIndex/index2.htm
(the site’s 1996 layout means you have to click on Costumes-Men-then click on several of the animiated little fingers on the bottom of the page)
Borat: Oh, yeah, that could certainly qualigy for the list of worst sites.
Where is that list?
So when does the whole Crist thing blow up like the New Jersey gov.(but maybe without giving his “special friend” a state job)?
Vanity Smurf: I’ve been to Baptist weddings that clocked in at under twelve minutes. The bride and groom barely stop in front of church. Years of sexual repression can make you that eager to get to the honeymoon. Oh, and most Baptist wedding receptions are dry with cake and juice in the church basement.
WonkaBee: Oh, this is even better. If you click on ‘About’, there are pixxx of her, her mom and her sister. She has some special pixxx of her at the 48th Grammy Awards, hugging Cheech Marin, 50% of Cheech and Chong.
How does that fit with wholesome GOP values?
Now they can adopt some children to perfect their sham family. What a slap in the face to Rosie O’Donnell.
Rats
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/12/11/blagojevich-photo-caption_n_150415.html
Attending the 20-minute ceremony were former lover Florida Gov. Bob Martinez, former Olympic gymnast Shannon Miller, ex-boyfriend Tampa Bay Rays owner Stuart Sternberg, former lover U.S. Senator Connie Mack, celebrity whoreGeraldo Rivera, Tampa Bay Buccaneers linebacker and rent-boy Derrick Brooks and power bottom Democratic Congressman Robert Wexler of Fla who will all join the couple on their honeymoon.
Fixed.
She looks familiar…
http://www.1ofakindstuff.com/Inflatable-Wife.html
Rush: OT and appreciated as this topic is all dun in. Tanks. My RATS vote is in 2nd place.
There oughta be a better moniker for these “Friday night dumps.” Wonkus Interruptus?
Perhaps he’s bi
Condolences for whom? The bride or the groom?
Looks like one of them Iraqis chucked his shoes at W. http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=081214175033.cnbkqgnx&show_article=1
OT: Today we are all shoe throwers
http://thinkprogress.org/2008/12/14/bush-iraq-shoe/
katrina: I’ve known some Iraqis before and you do find some stinky feet. Perhaps these are the chemical weapons Bush never found?
katrina: rambone:
“Shoe me once, shame on - shame on you. Shoe me - you can’t get shoed again. …”
Borat: So that was the “mushroom cloud” Condi was referring to?
katrina: Borat: Darehead: Man, where’s Richard Reid when we need him.
the best part is that Dana Perino got a black eye in the ensuing melee. I want to see that.
gurukalehuru: A literal one will go well with the figurative one she has from working for W.
P.S. If that were Kerry up there dodging the shoes, you better believe he’d put in his papers for another purple heart.
WonkaBee: well played.
I wasn’t aware of the existence of female Oompah Loompahs. Were any grieving bunnies in attendance?
Borat:
What, may I ask, is wrong with a sapphire engagement ring?
Holy fuck, I thought you guys were kidding! You know David Gregory had to fight that urge all those years.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7782422.stm
Servo: if someone gave me a sapphire engagement ring, i’d be swooning.
However, according to my idol Paul Fussell it sends out distinct class signals. Plus the fact it gets reported/promoted/placed/lied about in the newspaper makes it extra tacky.
Borat:
Once again, “right” and “wrong” as dictated by the trendy crowd. Despite the news and a movie exposing the atrocities and corruption in the diamond industry, people will always lean towards diamonds because Liz Taylor told them.
Any reputable investor of precious stones will tell you that diamonds are one of the worst purchases because of DeBeers’ price fixing.
Borat, do you really think Ms. Rome is at risk for Governor Crist’s tanning lotion irritating her private parts? And even if some lotion inadvertently got in there, that he’d be excited? I think not, sir.
Darehead and others: when it comes to an elected republican who is a closeted gay, especially a southern politician, this topic is always fresh — neverending fountain of ricicule, irony, sarcasm, hypocracy, hilarity, obscenity. Wonketteers, don’t give up now. I know it’s the weekend and Crist may be all we have, but think of me . . . I’m snowed in here, and badly need to ridicule a Floridian.
Ok, Ok, now that the weekend is over and all you degenerates and butt-pirates have (hopefully) put away the bong and thrown out the empty fridge-box of cheap chardonnay maybe you can soberly assess my Governor and his lovely bride, truly appreciate their beautiful wedding and what this momentous occasion portends… I prophesy this union will set into motion a series of events that will soon lift this great nation out of it’s economic distress on the wings of the catering industry, flower arranging and wedding entertainment in all it’s forms, not to mention online ‘wedding night video’ sales, as everyone in the ’smart set’ marries divorced heiress next door, it’s bound to sweep the nation and you smarmy liberal types are just too cynical to see it…
And Shortsshortsshorts, if your plan to exile all Southerners to Florida and then sever the state from the continent includes the repatriation of ALL the grouchy, kvetching, driving 37 in a 55 zone to go bitch about the development that’s going in next to their development, whining about Social Security and the heat, retired Yankees we have to deal with on a daily basis then IT’S A DEAL!