Wonkette
- MARK PENN DISCOVERS FANCIFUL NEW DEMOGRAPHIC: He calls them “Mattress Stuffers”: a group of depraved individuals who, unable to experience arousal from normal human contact, can only reach sexual fulfillment by humping beds full of dollars. Mark Penn is the soccer mom of mattress stuffers. [Wall Street Journal]
I find it disappointing that Mark Penn probably gets a lot more action than I do, and I’m neither fat nor stupid or repellent in the personality department.
Interesting biographical notes from the article:
“Mark Penn is world-wide CEO of the global competitive eating firm Burson-Marsteller and president of Harvey Weinstein Impersonations, LLC, a firm seeking to branch out into Mike Golic and Jeff Garlin impersonations for parties, bar mitzvahs, and light entertainment at Friday seafood buffets at local Holiday Inn Expresses. He has advised both Clintons, Tony Blair and Bill Gates, all with disastrous results. “Call it Vista!” he said through a mouthful of corned beef sandwich. Credited with identifying soccer moms in 1996, Mr. Penn has yet to get laid by one. In 2007 he authored “Microtrends: Seriously, What Would A Guy Like Me Be Doing Within 1000 Yards of Something That’s ‘Micro’?” The paperback edition will be published this spring to the sound of crickets chirping.”
As someone who works as a mattress stuffer (Union of Mattress Filling Technicians, Local 519) I can tell Mr. Penn we vote purely on social and religious issues. Economics doesn’t enter into it.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
WaMu. IndyMac. Countrywide. Citibank. Bear Stearns. Lehman Bros. Merrill Lynch. Goldman Sachs. JP Morgan. Chase. BoA.
Yes Mark. There are all names that signify trust, stability and honesty.
Duh.
ForTheTurnstiles: To get action, you should live in DC, have the name “Ashley,” “Vicki” or “Jessica,” and be an underpaid lobbyist or secretary.
He is also a Toilet Clogger.
“Mattress Stuffers” sounds like the newest flavor of Hot Pockets.
ah ok THESE are the Anne Coulter fans - Stuffing Mattresses as they “use” copies of Godless.
norbizness: WIN
…funny? I always figured Mark Penn as a bottom!
Dems=mattress fuckers (gives that mafia term ‘going to the mattresses’ a whole new meaning)
Repubs=underage ass-fuckers
Microtrend: n. from the Greek microtrendos, an expression meaning “Never having to back up your demographic analysis with facts.”
Coming closer to solving my identity crisis - what do you call someone who likes to hump throw pillows filled with buffalo nickels?
Yeah, Mark just can’t get his mind off STUFFING (turkey and stuffing, face stuffing, ass stuffing, etc.) and figured he may as well use it somehow.
norbizness: All he really cares about is sucking up to Graydon Carter for a table at the Waverly Inn. The Weinsteins are so last summer.
hedgehog: Nickel tea-bagger? Seriously, when did upholstered couples become their own demographic? Except for dogs, of course.
Mattress Stuffers are the new Bitterz
Is possible to fuck a mattress in the ass?
Gives the phrase “don’t let the bedbugs bite” a whole new meaning.
Mario’s pissed that Bowser is getting all da ladies.
Isn’t that guy from that 70’s show tapping the ass of the lady with the mattress o cash?
I think he meant to say “Stouffers,” as in a sexual fantasy involving Stouffer’s frozen French bread pizzas the size of mattresses, but he was typing with his mouth full and it kept coming out “Stuffers.” And it’s hard to proof when you’ve sprayed crumbs all over the monitor.
See, in orderto come up with a “micro-trend” all you need to do is see what brain-dead newscasters are masturbating to, dress it up with a field poll or two, inject it into the media narritave (which is easy because these people are retards who all want to repeat each other), and collect 2 million dollars.
Seriously.
Has anyone seen Wolf Blitzer do anything more than say X says Y, and Z says not Y?