Wonkette
- ONE TOILET FOR EVERY 6,849 PEOPLE DURING INAUGURATION: Be sure to do your business at home, before leaving to stand in the freezing cold in a crowd of people who will all be pooping next to you. Obama! [WTOP]
Y2K ALL OVER AGAIN
No shit.
Holy crap!
Hahahaha!!!!!
I think things will be less formal in the hobo jungle.
So lots of folks are going to take that Obama challenge to really get out and find out what the homeless already know….
If I learned anything at Coachella, it was that after seeing the bio hazard that is an unattended porta john, you can hold what you think is an “urgent” pee for over 5 hours.
Ladies: Learn to pop a squat, wear diapers, or invest in a shenis
qwerty42: and peeing in your pants warms you up, at least temporarily, so as you stand freezing in the 37-degree-and-raining weather, that warm rush down your leg will be a boon. But then the pee freezes…
Now that’s change of underwear I can believe in.
My favorite thing to do in D.C. is shit were I stand…just as Thomas Jefferson did.
So when the cop arrested me in the park the other night, I should have told him I was practicing for the inauguration?
Be like David Sedaris and pack your Stadium Pal.
NoWireHangers: This past weekend, I had to do something that required traveling on a short bus for 8 hours with minimal potty breaks and several duffel bags filled with free beer.
I peed in an empty Ruffles bag. It can be done, people, it can be done.
Vanity Smurf: adding… the piping hot bag of urine strapped to your leg will keep you warm too.
We can only hope that the inauguration scares people shitless.
tunamelt: I hope it was Family Size!
Ass backwards libtards. Wear a diaper.
I will not eat or drink for two days before I enter this orgy.
And just when the Bush Depression has left everybody without a pot to piss in.
“Bother”, said Pooh.
In a cruel twist, Republicans will be handing out free beer and burritos to the crowd.
Wear a diaper.
I like where this is going….
There’s a real entrepreneurial opportunity here for vendors of George W. Bush-decorated motorman’s pals.
You should ask for some potty-planning tips from the Haj organisers, B.HUSSEIN SOETORO! Hennnghh?
Just remember that when using the reflecting pool of the Lincoln Memorial, Women get the right side, men the left, and transgender the ends.
NoWireHangers: Yes and shockingly water-tight.
I expect one hell of a backsplash. Hahaha..ha..uh..ahem.
It’s ass and poo poo day on Wonkette!
my illegal card-table vendor stand will sell exactly three things- depends, jack daniels and heat factory hand-warmer thingees. If it turns out to be as freakishly warm on the 20th as it is today i will replace the hand warmers with ice-cubes for the Jack.
tunamelt: i’m guessing you are a rugby player or prison guard.
space stout: You could probably make a killing by stealing a few bagfuls of moist wipes from Hooters and selling them.
space stout: The unholy hybrid of the two: marching band person.
To those attending the Inauguration: Urine for a great time! I admire your defecation!
Then what the hell am I supposed to have sex in?
hedgehog: You are now the ruling party of poopie humor.
GIJoeIce: Please, this is the Obama inauguration. People will just be writhing around in a mass orgy, sort of like that scene in that Matrix movie.
Since the new communist overlords are no doubt bringing an earthy shit and piss world, why not cut to the chase: pants free inauguration.
space stout: If it’s warm, still try and sell the handwarmers, and then ask for a bailout when you go broke, it’s just like selling SUV’s when gas cost 4 bucks a gallon.
One of the many hopeful changes that come as a result of OBAMA is that humans no longer need to excrete, thus making this a non issue.
With all the Hopeyness in the air, our shit will turn purple and smell like rainbow sherbet.
OBMNAA HAWZ ALL THE TOILAETS HE E NEEDS CUZ HE’S GUNNA BE SHITTTEENG ON THEE AMERIICIN PEEPAL.
Damn, and DC is already up to it’s armpits in shit, what now?
“ONE TOILET FOR EVERY 6,849 PEOPLE”
So it’ll be a busy day for Larry Craig, then?
I wondered what he’d do once his Senate career stalled…
Will Bob Allen be the attendant at the “Blacks Only” porto-pots?
Will David Vitter be “on doody?”
They should sell lots of peanuts so the homeless could have leftovers
In the immortal words of Sam Jackson in Jurassic Park:
“Hold on to your butts.”
Preacher: Dear Homeless,
Eat Shit
Love,
Preacher
The next day will be a hell of a bailout, in proportions this country has never seen. Smells fishy to me
Bush will be going out in the honor he deserves
I’m driving my Winnebago to D.C.and charging $10 bucks for people to take a shit.
Fuck you recession.
is there someone we can sell all that human shit to since we’re now one goddamn trillion goddamn dollars in the goddamn hole?
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D9504GN82&show_article=1
Well hell, we’re all hippie, hobo libtards, we can just shit ourselves, like Woodstock. But in this case, really DO NOT eat the brown acid.
Preacher: WIN
We have been filled with so much shit over the last 8 years, that this is justice it the making
This is one of the more scatological Wonkette posts. Are these still being archived by the Library of Congress or whatever it was?
Hahahaha. This makes the fact that I wasn’t chosen to be one of the teachers chaperoning my school’s field trip to the inauguration just a little bit less upsetting.
Scandalabra: Scatological: The study of fossil excretement. Nobody will want to study Bush
Yes We Can Hold It.
Not just any diapers. but high-tech NASA quality diapers made with a liquid-absorbing chemical called sodium polyacrylate, which Wiki describes as the “super-slurper” because of its ability to absorb as much as 200 to 300 times its mass in water. I fully expect to hear the collective giant slurping sound from halfway around the planet on Inauguration Day.
Hmmm, maybe instead of renting our house out to the tourists we can capitalize on the Inauguration by whoring our toilets out instead!
$7/flush and $1/square of TP for all those poor tourists on their way too/from Metro= BANK.
chascates: punctuation missing:
Should read:
NO! SHIT! or No SHIT? or Know shit. or No, SHIT!
6000 folks using one porta potty… it will full up in no time at all. Folks in DC, you thought it stunk with all of those smelly tree droppings, just wait until you have 100’s of overflowing porta-potties on your streets. Not to mention the stench resulting from folks ‘fertilizing’ your flowerbeds, bushes, lawns, and swimming pools instead of waiting in long lines.
Obama’s first public works bailout project will be to hire thousands of workers to haul off portapotties and clean up human feces from every corner of DC.
Chenney will be selling shreds of whats left of the constitution for t.p.
With a ratio like this, Vitter will be the happiest Repub in the capital.
Seriously. No Mecca stampeing, please, ‘Mericans, even when your bladders are painfully exploding as you try to behold the anointed One.
Walmart was scary enuf.
Canuckledragger:
If they are porta-potties, the tap dancing thing won’t do too well.
Tourist: Jeebus, the hell is this awful smell?
Local: Why, that would be the Ginkgo tree. It is attractive in appearance, but contains butanoic acid. Look it up on wikipedia.
Tourist: But I just stepped on a huge pile of human shite.
Local: Oh wait, that, that’s just people shitting everywhere. Also.
DOWN WITH PANTS!
UP WITH SKIRTS!
Karl Rove should be able to eat for weeks…. Somebody gonna be a fat little piggy.
Dude you can totally hold it for longer than you think you can. I have a strict no port-a-potty rule. The key, especially if you want to get drunk, is to not eat for like a day in advance and when you do drink go for straight liquor. Less liquid to ingest. This is much easier in the winter when you are less likely to die of dehydration.
The poop to nowhere.
Crapitol.
Sparties!!!!
This calculation fails to include the area in Joe Lieberman’s Senate office.
Not that would right. Heh.
wheelie: WIN
I miss Ken’s drunken late-night posts (not that its late here) but they were so full of majesty and randomness. All this talking about poopie is making me too erect.
nothing about sarah?
It’ll keep Joe the Plumber busy for some time.
Servo: Where did you come from so late with such an incredibly awesome comment, Servo? Are you in Pakistan or something? ARE YOU MAKING BOMBS?
Servo wins.
I will be working along the parade route, myself, and I will have a portajon next to my (heated) trailer. And a coffee pot. Suck it, America!
Several hundred Porta Potties, or as Larry Craig calls them, “Singles Bars”. (c) Worldwide Pants
Yet another reason to thank Allah that McCain didn’t win. Can you imagine seeing hundreds of thousands of Bitters from RealAmerica shivering in the cold, wearing their American Flag Freedom Diapers?
The horror… the horror… HENGH.
“5:23 pm.”
One more sign of our diminished economy as Jim tries to get jump on his fellow male hookers.
Banned?
obfuscator: Would be very like a Methodist version of Jimi Hendrix’s appearance at Woodstock.
Lazy Media: S.Luggo: If you have a pot of coffee in front of you, you are a genius and a scholar. In other wuuurds, you would deserve A gigantic bailout of unsaid proportions.
obfuscator: No no, it’s HEEENGGHHHH??????
“Sometimes I put my wants and need in place of higher value to an old friend. I sounds selfish, but for the week she was here you basically treated me like shit. And it doesn’t really matter to you because you basically don’t care about me anyway.”
- Tom Cruise
But I can’t poop if someone is in the stall next to me. It would have to be an emergency of brown liquid proportions.
Why rent out your apartment when you can just charge admission to one room of it?
This is why I never attend an inaugural in anything less than a double layer neoprene wetsuit. If it’s not too cold, I might go ahead an insert a dildo or two before I leave the house, in case my attention wanes during the speeches and such.
I don’t mind peeing on the Bushes, but how will I wipe my tender McCain after I take a hot, steaming Palin?
Aww, damn. All this potty talk has given me a Boehner!
ZiPPerHEaD: Disregard the potty.
Mr Blifil: Get a job.
S.Luggo: Do not eat a dick.
obfuscator: Stop being funny.
Lazy Media: Stop being Lazy.
Mojopo: *cluck cluck* maja maka. Cluck Cluck.
ManchuCandidate: Fucking Canadian.
Toomush Infermashun: CONVICT.
bago: You win.
Vanity Smurf: DOWN WITH SHORTS.
wheelie: Irish motherfucker. The worst kind of Irish.
rocktonsammy: You remind me of sodomy.
Darehead: You fucking rock.
Robobot: Check the portfolio and make it $10 a flush. Your investor will approve.
Jackie Treehorn: YOU ARE A BIG LABOWSKI NEILIST PERSON.
freakishlystrong: Satan
StephanieInCA: Loves
space stout: You
tsunami: Keep
freakishlystrong: Subscribing
Canuckledragger: You
sarahconnor: Evil
american mutt: Satanist.
There.
Nobody has ever done that. I will sleep well.
shortsshortsshorts: Why thanks, shorts! Say, I think there’s a pill for that OCD thing. Or an Ambien. I vote Ambien.
Mojopo: Yes. It is called being SUPER AMERICAN. I go now, but you will never know the meaning of SUPER AMERICAN.
shortsshortsshorts:
Thank you. I feel so validated now. That’s sad, no?
guess that part time meth lab job is paying off there shorts x’s 3.
Knock it off you guys, shorts is going to have to do a follow up if you say anything funny.crass.rude.upsetting. Give the man some rest.
OK, in lieu of shorts entertaining you, I present The XXX Blagojevich Tapes:
http://mojopo.blogspot.com/2008/12/xxx-blagojevich-tapes-safe-for-work.html
Hot as hell!
Mojopo: You are my hero.
ALIVE!: I thank God for the day you were born alive, Alive. Thank you.
In this time of rejoicing and togetherness, always remember, it was a post about poop that brought you all here.
Shorts, I would be honored if you poop near me.
shortsshortsshorts: I forgot to mention Linda. Linda was a lady I worked with who was not poop-shy. And she had an irritable bowel. The worst part of sharing a bathroom with Linda was knowing she never washed her hands. YET, she had a forehead full of Botox. Why erase lines when you can’t even wash the poopy off your hands? It never made sense to me. She always looked so suprised, and so anally explosive.
Stop all this global warming! Green before brown!
Y’all are trying to solicit a visit from Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo, obvs.
Mojopo: impressive XXX Blagojevich tapes. it was an anal delight. i about crapped myself.
House of Yes: Now you made me cry. Thank you!
Mojopo: Thanks for the late night lulz, sweetie. “How’s about you make mine bigger & throw in a happy ending.” Sublime.
hobospacejungle: People were wrong about you. You’re really sweet when you have some porn. Thanks, Hobo.
Campbell Brown was born Alma Dale Campbell Brown … married her second husband Daniel Samuel Senor (born 1971), a Republican consultant who regularly appears on Fox News. Brown converted to Judaism, her husband’s faith … In lieu of wedding gifts, the couple asked guests to contribute to the fund they set up at The Cleveland Clinic, which provides critical care primarily for Iraqi refugee children … “When she’s grilling liberals, I’m thrilled. When she’s grilling conservatives, I get frustrated,” he adds with a laugh.
So I just add depends to my backpack of crappy souvenirs and sandwiches to sell at ridiculous prices. Why doesn’t the Park service just empty the Tidal Basin and Reflecting pool and have gigantic communal toilets? After the 20th,they will have to do it anyway.
Mojopo: I see poop is winning the survey on your blog, hooray!
First time I’ve clicked on a wonkette responder’s blog without feeling like an idiot afterwards…
OffTheRecord: This is what we need here. Concrete, practical advice. Thanks so much!