Wonkette
Not only did thousands of you people play the EcoDrivingUSA car game challenge/lightning round, but you won, and you saved the world — one car’s worth, anyway! — and most importantly you savagely trounced Power Line. Good jerb! [Best EcoDriving Skills]
How many Whore Diamonds/Truck Nutz is a carbon offset thingy worth?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sogKUx_q7ig
I haven’t driven a real car in over two years due to an unfortunate and completely unplanned merger of alcohol and vehicle operation.
But today, I feel, we are all car driving citizens.
That’s amazing, considering that if I drove in real life like I did in that game I’d be either dead or in jail. Or a Kennedy.
…”One year of carbon off-sets”?! Yay!!! I’m going to go and start a tire fire now!!!
I generally suck at life so this achievement should provide enough self-confidence to maybe get me laid this week. maybe. probably not though.
WE FUCKING RULE THE INTERWEBS.
Ask any of the websites we have infiltrated and destroyed. Not this time though!
I think I’m going to cry.
but first, let’s do the numbers:
Rank…Team…………….Score…….Number
1……Wonkette Readers….48,527,505..1676
2……Power Line Readers..6,488,657…201
Carbon offsets?! What about something we actually need/use like alcohol/drugs/sex? Will your “offsets” buy those things you dirty green hippies!
Fuck yeah. I’m buying a H3 to offset the offsets.
SayItWithWookies: Yes, me, too. I crashed every time.
Did we win on hits only? Cuz I crashed the motherfucker EVERY time.
Kev-O-Tron: I don’t even own a car. And I live in Los Angeles.
So now we can pollute to our heart’s extent right? Whenever some jagoff complains about our imprint on the world ecosystem, he hand over the coupon with a smart retort. Something like, “Suck. On. This.”
Whoopie! I’m going to celebrate by driving my gas guzzling Ford Bronco to California.
Can we trade these offsets for booze and hookers?
tunamelt: that is impressive. Good for you.
Achievement whores! Although with the given amount of alcohol consumption around here I think there was a little ethanol boost involved.
Don’t go too crazy, Wonketteers. The printing of that certificate cost us the carbon offset.
Also, this seems relevant.
I’m standing in front of my house emptying every aerosol can I can find into the atmosphere.
Frickin’ hippies.
I am going to light a barrel of oil on fire in celebration of our acheivement.
Way to go, Wonketters. Now get back to work and make me some munnies!
ManchuCandidate: No booze and hookers (yeah, right present this certificate at your local liquor store), but Senate seats are definitely available for the right consideration.
Wow, Wonkette actually did something good for the world? I don’t think I can comprehend this.
tunamelt: Yo link ain’t linkin.
I personally equaled the combined scores of Celsias, CleanMPG,Climate 411,EcoModder,Enviroblog, Environmental Capital, Fans of CNN Eco Solutions, Green Daily, Green Options, Green Tech Gazette, Greenbiz,Hybrid Car Review, It’s Getting Hot In Here, Moral Equivalent of War, OnEarth - Greenlight Plenty people,PriusChat ,Sustainablog, The Alternative Consumer , The Energy Collective, The Hypermiler,The Intersection ,The Oil Drum, and Triple Pundit.
That damn game crashed my computer every time I tried to play it, so I want no part of it.
I have so many people to thank …. Allah, for giving the Middle East all that oil; corporate America, for laying me off so I would have time; Nintendo, for giving me these mad gamer skillz, etc. ….
SayItWithWookies: Word. I got 40,000 points once for driving to the destination … in reverse.
Carbon offsets? Color me disappointed; I was really hoping for set of green LED TruckNutz.
That giant Earth-crushing space-plant tentacle looks delicious! *munch munch*
sezme: That’s the kind of thinking that sets us apart from the Powerline folks. That kind of thinking and the anal sex kind of thinking.
Now we can all pile into an oversized jet and fly to a distant city, where we’ll rent high-powered American vehicles and drive, one to a car, to an overlit, overheated, oversized auditorium where we’ll gather on a massive, solid-teak stage to claim the statuette.
By the way, did someone fiddle with the thermostat? I’m sweating like a greedy, materialistic pig.
We’re number one! We’re number one!
Kev-O-Tron: Well after sezme did say he/she ran the course in reverse. Or as Republicans like to think of it “ass backwards.”
So eventually it does always boil down to the anal sex.
That’s ass-forwards, thank you very much. As they say, “always forward, never straight”.
Carrie_Okie: Screw that discretionary spending shit. What’s the current certificate-to-hobo-beans exchange rate?
magic titty: Will this work?
What does 2nd place get, a year’s worth of BICYCLE emission offsets? HA! Fuckin’ Powerline.
Ha, what’s sad is PriusChat. We squashed them like… well, like a big animal that walks over a bug so tiny it doesn’t even realize it squashed anything.
Oh yay. I got permission to pollute or something from The Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers. They are kinda experts on polluting.
Keram2: Yeah, kind of like getting an Ethics Award from Gov. Blagvladovich or a Tolerance Award from the Mormon Church.
I couldn’t get my car to the first turn. Were there instructions or something? Not that I am ever playing again.
Serolf Divad: “…a bug so tiny it doesn’t even realize it squashed anything.”
You mean like… a Prius?
Kev-O-Tron: “That’s the kind of thinking that sets us apart from the Powerline folks. That kind of thinking and the anal sex kind of thinking.”
let’s not be too fast here …they are Republicans after all.
Now can we all play “Kick Blago in the Testicles”?
I bet we could score some committee chairmanships or a nice highway contract.
Don’t need the offset, but thanks. i haz low emishon vehicule.
I’d like to thank the Academy for this award.
Mom, I couldn’t have done it without your support.
And a big shout out to God and Jesus!
OMG this entire thing is FTW! Put it in the Wonkette book.
PrairiePossum: You like Wonkette! You really like Wonkette!
Sorry - I didn’t contribute a thing. I couldn’t score more than 0 on that fucking game. How anyone could play for hours is beyond me. Solitaire holds my attention longer, and “Sink the Putt” 4evr.
How can we get this into the Wonkette election archive at the Library of Congress?
Hey, I always thought we were a bunch of losers. Eat our dust Nate!
Note that we don’t calculate for how much pollution was created for us to collectively beat the steaming pants off Powerline.
I spend most of my nights lurking around parking lots, inflating people’s tires, and removing all unnecessary objects from their trunks.
Real Americans are demanding a recount.
wtf is a carbon offset?