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WAR ON XMAS

Oh shit!HELP WONKETTE WITH OUR ANNUAL WAR ON XMAS GIFT GUIDE! We are almost done with this year’s Gift Guide, but we need your suggestions (with links) to actually, er, help us type it up. Email your real true fun/terrible Wonkette gift ideas with the subject line SANTA HURTED ME. Special insider editor talk after the jump!

We need your help.


3:29 PM on Mon December 8 2008
By Ken Layne
4634 Views

  1. Come on, tops for all you political sex addicts: Sarah Palin Sex doll

  2. hockeymom says at 3:39 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Jobs.
    Jobs would be a good gift.
    Also, fruitcake.

  3. Lunch meat.

  4. I assume you’ve got “Truck Nutz Christmas ornament” on the list, right?

  5. PrairiePossum says at 3:45 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Bailouts for everyone!

  6. hopebong says at 3:46 pm, December 8th, 2008

  7. Wasn’t Sarah Palin the bestest gift we could ever ask for? How about a Cindy McCain sex scandal?

  8. Mattel’s Whak-A-Palin. Fun for the whole family.

  9. hopebong:

    damn, too slow

  10. Doglessliberal says at 3:49 pm, December 8th, 2008

    hopebong: oh, yeah, this is a wonderful one, especially for your African-American friends!

  11. tonehedge says at 3:50 pm, December 8th, 2008

    On the first day of Christmas,
    My true love gave to me,
    Truck Nutz in a pear tree,

  13. Splurgos says at 3:52 pm, December 8th, 2008

  14. The genuine Obama collectors plate HAS to make the list. I love in the commercial how the guy is penning his letter, and glances lovingly over at the plate.

    http://www.obamaplate.com/

  15. CivicHoliday says at 3:52 pm, December 8th, 2008

    As an alternative to the Planned Parenthood gift of contraception (html)(http://www.abcnews.go.com/WN/story?id=6384543&page=1)(/html), you could fill a shoebox with pregnancy tests and a crucifix, and on the outsite write “Palin Family Planning Kit”

  16. rmontcal says at 3:53 pm, December 8th, 2008

    hopebong: OMG Also, that afa.net website doesn’t believe in teh maths. From the comment section: “Showing comments 1-10 of 6″

  17. CivicHoliday says at 3:54 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Splurgos: that would be the best gift EVAH.

  18. CivicHoliday says at 3:56 pm, December 8th, 2008

    CivicHoliday: Damn it, screwed up the link. Well whatever, you druggies and alcoholics can at least figure out how to cut and paste.

  19. actor212 says at 3:56 pm, December 8th, 2008

    How about the Michelle Obama “Hate whitey” tape? I hear it makes a great gift.

  20. I bet you could get a pretty good deal on some surplus stuff from McCain’s site, like the McCain cane, good for caning street urchins, pan-handlers, trollopes and charwomen.

  21. Kwame'sLittleHelper says at 4:02 pm, December 8th, 2008

    I would like a remote controlled flying penis helicopter.

  22. you should give money to Rudy Giuliani. I’m pretty sure you can do that on the website still.

  23. heroinmule says at 4:04 pm, December 8th, 2008

    “Nailin’ Palin” should definitely make it.

  24. PrairiePossum says at 4:06 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Emporer’s Club gift certificates redeemable for The Spitzer Special - 2 hours at fancy DC hotel with a five diamond whore.

  25. OhWhyOhio says at 4:06 pm, December 8th, 2008

    hopebong: WOW. Just, WOW. For those bad-weather days, when you need to have your rally inside without setting off the fire alarms? Does it come with hoods, or do you have to purchase those separately?

  26. NoWireHangers says at 4:07 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Teehee. I emailed a list. I hope it makes the cut…

  27. ServiceJervixJuice says at 4:08 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Special golden chrome one testicle “Hitler Truck Nut™”, with a swastika on one side and Tom Cruise with an eyepatch on the other.

    I’ve found a big dried cuttlefish from an Asian grocery makes a wonderful X-mas gift. Or a can of Swamp Cabbage.

  28. MarieDeGournay says at 4:09 pm, December 8th, 2008

    A galleon for querty42 so we can all join his crew and be pirates! I demand a life of rum and sodemy, and the lash for those into that sort of thing. The high seas await! Arrrr!

  29. This is what I’m giving all my black acquaintances this year.

    http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/so-we-cool-now-barack-obama/

  30. MarieDeGournay says at 4:15 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Terry: Oh god I love that too.

  31. As GPS Device for members of the Obama administration so that they will always be able find the middle of road.

  33. Doglessliberal says at 4:20 pm, December 8th, 2008

    FMA: oh my god, those are fabulous!

  34. hopebong says at 4:21 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Doglessliberal: I hear AFA wants to plant it on White House lawn

  35. freakishlystrong says at 4:21 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Hobo Beans!

  36. Anonymous Office Zombie says at 4:21 pm, December 8th, 2008

    The Cold War Unicorns were my absolute favorite.

  37. PrairiePossum says at 4:33 pm, December 8th, 2008

  38. I’ll take a couple of foreclosed homes, if you also throw in some free hobo gardening services

  39. Heh. The white house is sporting some wood.

  40. For each past and present appointee of and in the Bush White House:
    http://www.propsunlimited.com/pics/Games%20-%20Go%20to%20Jail.jpg

  41. bago: you is retard

  42. tallulah says at 5:14 pm, December 8th, 2008

    planned parenthood gift certificate so the liberal in your life can get the abortion they always dreamed of.

  43. PrairiePossum: Jimminies that’s grotesque. Why didn’t they toss in an Irish Leprechaun as well?

  44. PrairiePossum says at 5:33 pm, December 8th, 2008

    S.Luggo:

    They don’t have a Leprechaun (yet), but I did find a I ‘heart’ Jesus - perfect for Valentine’s Day.

    http://www.christmasdonebright.com/lighted-displays/religious/I-LOVE-JESUS-SIGN

    They sell those damn things for upwards of $200.00. I’m thinking about starting my own electric Jesus sign business.

  45. Flying Monkey says at 5:45 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Karl Rove’s head on a pole.

  46. WABishop says at 5:59 pm, December 8th, 2008

    The one and only banana saver: http://www.bananasaver.com/

  47. KittyDiva says at 6:12 pm, December 8th, 2008

    This might be too obvious, but Obama toast image might be nice. And quite affordable for the new frugalistas:

    http://tinyurl.com/6fpwva

  48. Here’s something for your X-Mas gift guide - FETAL BITES!

    http://hogmalion.com/shop.cfm?Action=Det&ID=54

    Not sure what to get that special pro-lifer in your life? How about some Fetal Bites? That’s right, it’s a fetus shaped cookie whose life you can take guilt free. For once you can put a fetus into your tummy rather than pulling one out! Just like God wanted.

  49. sanantonerose says at 6:20 pm, December 8th, 2008

    I always suggest the Librarian Action Figure, for the times when you can’t/won’t do the necessary political research.

  50. Darehead says at 6:39 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Wish list:

    Wonkettini glasses.
    “Best of Wonkette” coffee table (or bathroom reading) book
    SKS, Jim, Juli or Ken Bobblehead dolls
    Wonkette fleece (or fleas) jacket

  51. ServiceJervixJuice says at 6:58 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Special “Bathroom Goblin” knee pads and/or floor mat with Senator Craig’s likeness. Should include “Super Tuber” recipe in package.

  52. gypsysc2 says at 9:38 pm, December 8th, 2008

    http://www.cblpi.org/calendar/
    The “pretty in mink” calendar featuring lots of conservative ladies–Ann Coulter is Miss September.

    “We took some of your favorite leaders of today’s conservative movement on a journey back in time, and made them up into glamorous movie stars of classic Hollywood. Back when the big screen was a little more glamorous, women were a little more feminine, the men a little more charming—and the world a little less politically correct.”

  53. betweenstations says at 10:26 pm, December 8th, 2008

    Have you seen the paintings of Obama, naked, on a unicorn?
    Perfect for all your maiden aunties:
    http://www.faithmouse.com/Barack_Obama_Victory_Print.html

    Seriously. Only $20 and includes shipping!

  54. bonghitsforjesus says at 11:04 pm, December 8th, 2008

    gypsysc2: Good call! I’ve got 20 of those calendars (free). My xmas shopping is done!

  55. PeteJayhawk v2.0 says at 12:53 am, December 9th, 2008

    GODDAMN IT

    the proper joke is not that trig is a “suck gift”, its that trig is a “downer”.

    WITTICISMS. GO TO YOUR CAMPFIRE CHAT AND MAKE THEM FOR ME

    also, i am drunk. its a fucking festivus miracle

  56. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 2:58 am, December 9th, 2008

    Packs of Camels for everyone!

  58. The Liberian legal tender non-circulating September 11th commemorative coin.

    https://www.911twenty.com/flare/next

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