not-so-secret muslim

  • PREPARE FOR ULTIMATE RIGHT-WING BLOG HILARITY: “Barack Obama told a group of donors in California early last year that his first international trip would be to Muslim Indonesia, a supporter who was present recalled today… He then said when he got off [Air Force One], he would say ‘xxxxxxxx’ – which we, of course, didn’t understand,’ Leary emailed. ‘He said that it was Indonesian (which he speaks) for, “I am back, dudes.”‘” Free Republic will be gold tonight. [Ben Smith]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

116 comments

  1. anabellum

    this is the first post on Wonkette which i am completely unable to understand…

    should i drink more?

  2. jagorev

    Is “Muslim Indonesia” their new official name? I could have sworn it was just “Republic of Indonesia”

  3. space stout

    [re=191588]anabellum[/re]: as faithful wonkette readers we are required to be drunk, however like you I am incapable of comprehending this post. i guess i picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

  4. anabellum

    [re=191592]space stout[/re]: i do understand Wonkette tradition…and thus, i suppose, should celebrate verbal [and written] anarchy…perhaps even presume to become that anarchy….oh hell, i forgot the rest…

    is glue sniffing fun?

  5. smashtheduck

    Oh, did we forget to tell you? You must now chase your vodka with lines of Xanax to understand the secret code.

  6. Kev-O-Tron

    I don’t really get it either but whatever. This is a good place for me to post a link that is bound to make you laugh.

    I listen to an awesome reggae show on Saturday mornings. There has been a big uptick in Obama themed songs recently. There’s honestly enough for a “children’s treasury.” But this one…. whoa….

    http://www.myspace.com/sizzlakalonji

  7. Moleman v2.5

    NoWireHangers — please let there be a spectral Vincent Price voice on all the audio of the incident.

  8. Borat

    Well, Indonesia seems like a logical choice since he is, frankly un-American. I heard he doesn’t even have a Birth Certificate, let alone a US Passport. But Indonesia will let him in on his Indonesian passport. He’ll just have to pretend to have forgotten it for every other country he goes to.

    BTW, I think he’ll say “saya ada rokok”, can I have a cigarette (the dudes part is optional).

    Mmm, I could really go for a kretek right now, so see you later

  9. Tra

    Hmm. Let me translate for you.

    Barack MUSLIM Obama has told his POSSIBLE MUSLIM supporters in a secret MUSLIM meeting that he would be make his first official presidential trip to MUSLIM Indonesia where he would tell THE MUSLIMS that live there — THE MUUUUUSLIMMMMMS!!! — that he has returned to them, IN MUSLIM.

    MUSLIM MUSLIM MUSLIM OH NOES1111111111111!11

    You just aren’t reading in wingnut.

  10. metropolitan

    i think what everyone here is having a hard time understanding is actually ben smith’s attempt to be as clever and clear a writer as maureen dowd is.

  11. Borat

    Even better he should go to Doha and interview with Al-Jazeera, before he ever bothers to take a question from Fox. That would drive them nuts, we are talking, veins exploding on Fox news commenters heads nuts.

  12. azw88

    The “I am back, dudes” may have been the plan then, with the ever deepening financial crisis, it will more likely be “SANCTUARY!! ASYLUM!!! I renounce my US Citizenship! Take me back, Oh Indonesia, I am tired of playing Commander in Chief, GWB too all of the fun out of the job!!”

  13. hobgoblin of little minds

    So, he’s going to pick up his birth certificate and kill some christians, right? Or am I missing something.

  14. space stout

    [re=191598]anabellum[/re]: good enough, but this vodka-xanax combo suggestion may change my life.

  15. iwillsavethispatient

    [re=191602]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: What are you doing awake on Saturday mornings? I thought you were a *drinker*!

  16. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=191613]Borat[/re]: Too bad Barry took a question from Fox at his last press conference. But he was a BLACK Fox correspondent, so that’s his way of telling Major Garret and/or Carl Cameron to go fuck himself, I guess.

  17. zhubajie

    [re=191600]chascates[/re]: If he were genuinely a Muslim, then the Xtn fundies would probably shit themselves to death, which might be a good thing.

    Zhu Bajie

  18. HomoPolitico

    Find out which country is the worlds leading exporter of muslin. That’ll be your Manchurian Candidate puppeteers right there.

  19. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=191624]Gopherit[/re]: [re=191611]anabellum[/re]:
    Here’s another classic!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zxn9jhypHfo

    In case you’re wondering the show is on Saturday mornings and is commercial FREE! If you dig music go to kexp.org and check out their streaming archive. It’s a badazz radio station.

    [re=191620]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: I’m an early bird and nothing kicks off the weekend like Positive Vibrations, coffee, paper and weed.

  20. V572625694

    [re=191610]metropolitan[/re]: Didja see Dowd’s “profile” of Tina Fey in VF? Made me feel dirty to read it.

  21. zhubajie

    [re=191605]NewSpence[/re]: It’s not particularly a Muslim greeting, either. Jews/Christians say the same thing. Jesus is quoted, in the Gospels, as saying “Peace be upon you” = Salaam Aleikem.

    Zhu Bajie

  22. SayItWithWookies

    The righties’ll complain for a while about having to speak Arabic and worship Allah and such, but once they hear about the polygamy, all that’ll quiet down.

  23. shnazzer

    [re=191602]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: yea. we jamaicans have a penchant for current issues and uh subtle, nuanced lyrics. it’s um, how we roll.

  24. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=191637]JadedDIssonance[/re]: Shall we all begin signing our comments this way?

    KevoTron

    Zhu Bajie

  25. azw88

    [re=191633]SayItWithWookies[/re]: No, polygamy will piss them off, too. They want to have harems of underage male pages, and that is not kosher with Allah either.

  26. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=191640]NoWireHangers[/re]: Holy shit I hadn’t heard that one yet. And yes… I must admit (and this will make me sound incredibly stupid) but when I first heard that Coco T song I was in a vulnerable state and it made me cry.

  27. JadedDIssonance

    [re=191643]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I feel conflicted. We’re already so angry at the stupid blog spammers.

  28. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=191642]shnazzer[/re]: I dig it. I’ve been listening to reggae since I was a kid. You should check out that show I mentioned. It’s great.

  29. grevillea

    [re=191633]SayItWithWookies[/re]: [re=191644]azw88[/re]: Cool, I’ll get 5 gay husbands. They’ll just have to remember keep their burqas on when the imam comes over for tea.

  30. NewSpence

    [re=191632]zhubajie[/re]: I was thinking more along the lines of the Nation of Islam, brother. I can’t wait for Obama to bust out the bow tie.

  31. LarryFeltonJ

    I think the freepers (along with the World Nut Daily) are in too much of a frenzy about birth certificates at the moment to have noticed this story. When they do, yeah, it’ll be pure gold-plated all caps wingnuttery in all it’s frenzied glory. I think to celebrate I’ll go to Rebuild Our Party and cast a vote for “Make the American Hog Nosed Skunk the new GOP symbol”

    http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/83671

    It isn’t trucknutz but it hasn’t been removed so far either.

  32. V572625694

    [re=191658]LarryFeltonJ[/re]: Found this over on Rebuild the Party. Let’s see if it’ll get through Ken’s creativity filters: †®Û©Kñû†z

  33. LarryFeltonJ

    [re=191659]Dave J.[/re]: Would “xxxxxxxxx” be pronounced as a pharyngeal consonant (sort of like plosive guttural “chkkkkkkk”, or softer, like a buzzing set of Z’s. I really need to know so I can submit my resume to SNL.

  34. bidenluvr6969

    This comment is a pretty good start – I like how he writes N-i-g-g-e-r in the place of N—er. Those dashes really tone it down. I also love how all these guys value hard work. How hard do you work? You’re all over message boards….

    “imagine if on January 20, 2009 a guy named Barack Hussein Obama was sworn in on the US Capitol steps as the President of the United States, what that would say to the world, especially the Muslim world, about our nation.”

    We already got the first reaction from them. They called him a “House N-i-g-g-e-r”. Hehehe….
    But this just confirms what i was saying all along. It was the appearance that matter not the content. Look, folks! I am black! Elect me. White Guilt… Everybody will love now Americans once a House Negro will become for POTUS. Fine, he succeeded in that, with the help of the press and Wall Street and Hollywood elite. While the sufferings of middle class Americans will continue….Low unemployment, social security falling apart, Pelosi and Reid drowning us in debt… But hey… as long as the rest of the world like us, right??? Damn, I hate such people. They are the worst s-c-u-m. I admire people who achieve what they achieve by their hard work not by playing the race card.

    Barry speaking Indonesian my a-s-s…. He never learned more than a couple of phrases, which allows him to present himself as a tough polyglot…

  35. Lord BEEF

    “How about Indonesia? Maybe he can hide all evidence of his citizenship papers while there. BTW..Has he buried his poor grandmother in Honolulu yet or is she still on ice?”

  36. LarryFeltonJ

    [re=191664]V572625694[/re]: That’s pretty damned good. I think I’ve run out of votes though, so I may have to get my Republican friends Waldo Bundersnuff the Ferret Rancher and Louis Napoleon XXII the Rightful Heir to the Empire of France to register on the site and vote for it.

  37. LarryFeltonJ

    [re=191668]Lord BEEF[/re]: It’s getting good, and even includes a vaguely threatening one
    “On an earlier thread, I suggested the Marianas Trench. I now realize the bottom of Lake Michigan would be better since it is much closer to Dearbornistan.”

  38. Enturbulate

    WTF! Zhu Bajie, according to the always accurate Wikipedia:

    “looks like a terrible monster, part human and part pig, who often gets himself and his companions into trouble by his laziness, his gluttony, and his propensity for lusting after pretty women.

    So it’s Mark Penn. *rimshot*

    Zhu Bajie

  39. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=191629]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: “Positive Vibrations” I used to listen to that show back when it was on KCMU-FM in my halcyon U of W days … 10 watts of college radio power … straight outta the CMU building … I’d hang out with my DJ buddy Rockin’ Rod sometimes in the booth … I wore an onion on my belt …which was the style at the time…you couldn’t get those white ones, you could only get those big yellow ones. …

    Considering the recreational chemical shenanigans going on at the time, I find it very odd I remember so much about my collegiate years.

    *sigh* So old, so old.

  40. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=191675]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Word. I’m definitely coming to PA for a visit now! Adios amigos! Happy hour calls!

  41. Origami

    [re=191666]bidenluvr6969[/re]: I also love how he spelled scum out s-c-u-m. Was he afraid that FR would ban him? Is scum a dirty word now?

  42. psychedelicSludge

    Probably more hick white-supremacist militia cells have been called into operation to protect America because Barack said “Feliz Navidad” to somebody.

  43. CaliforniaMike

    That’s right, Coulter, you biatch. You can call him B. Hussein Obama all you want now, as long as it’s Mister President B. Hussein Obama.

  44. LarryFeltonJ

    I went to World Nut Daily to see if they’d picked up on the Muslim foreign policy speech story. They’re still obsessively publishing birth certificate articles, but I did find this gem buried under appeals to storm SCOTUS:

    http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=82698

    Wouldn’t going on a Christmas cruise with “your favorite WorldNetDaily personalities – for less than the cost of staying in a hotel?” be your idea of heaven?

  45. wheelie

    It’s quite an idealistic choice for first visit.

    I would have advised him to start with somewhere closer to hand where there is huge unrest and political turmoil; where he could try to calm down the troubled natives.

    He should visit Canada.

  46. LarryFeltonJ

    [re=191686]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Logging in to any of these internet forums is not a problem. I just became a freeper in good standing in about 80 seconds. I’d never in a billion years recommend using 419 baiter tricks to set up anonymous and disposable web accounts on yahoo, hotmail, or gmail for the specific purpose of doing nefarious and hilarious trolling. That would be wrong, and contrary
    to the open and innocent spirit of the internets.

    But as an experiment I just became a freeper, and so can you. The only thing is … I feel this sudden urge … to … send fedexes to the Supreme Court DEMANDING that they halt this fraudulent election!

  47. Chief Grinning Eagle

    If Barack-O goes to Bali he’d damned well better bring back a full Gamelan instrument set to decorate a room at the White House. That place has been terrorized. Ask an Aussie. Where GW was shooting golf balls into a highball glass in some spare room in 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, imagine all the great jamming the guests could do. The ketjak dance could scare the shit of any neocon who comes calling. Fuck the Muslim fear factor – it’s the Mahayana Buddhists who can scare the pants off of you down there in the South Pacific.

    http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=fi8KRyY3x4Q

    A few batiks would be cool, too in exchange for continued aid to Tsunami Country.

  48. hobgoblin of little minds

    Why doesn’t he just give his first speech in a Pier 1 or World Market and call it a day.

  49. chascates

    [re=191689]LarryFeltonJ[/re]: Without Fred Barnes or Bill Kristol it just isn’t a real cruise.

  50. NoWireHangers

    [re=191686]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You don’t have one? Oh come on, Shorts. Now I’m disappointed in you.

  51. Chief Grinning Eagle

    [re=191700]hobgoblin of little minds[/re]:I don’t think Pier 1 will do but I like your thinking. So much isn’t in inventory. He’s gotta negotiate for a full rhythm set for every American household – including dumbeks and Ouds from Turkey, and some other instruments too. Throw in some sitars and tablas and flutes from India when he continues exercising diplomacy in that direction and beyond as he has and will. It’s a down market. When you outsource you have to step out to make deals. You know he can get a much better deal on fine Persian rugs from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad himself, than from Pier One, but it almost works. Certainly it is more likely for an American or British shopper to get burned at the Sughandhi Dhoop factory in Bangalore than to go Pier One in El Cerrito which is my closest one that I know about.

    I doubt an American tourist would get a good deal on hammered metal objects in Tehran these days. A state visit makes all the difference. A persian rug or some silver plate or something; it’s all the same “junk” they’ve made during peacetime since the Jews ransomed Richard the Lionhearted. Damn them. Just when I was beginning to like Bad Prince John. . .

  52. Min

    [re=191627]ladymacbeth[/re]: I have no idea. I just found out about it, myself, and it wasn’t through a major news outlet or a political blog.

  53. otisfatboy

    [re=191620]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: It’s xxxxxxx Saturday! This is why nothing makes sense, I have a hangover, and I just thought I finished work, fuck! Is that Chambliss feeling me?

  54. Dreamer

    This news restores my faith in Barry. I thought he succumbed to pressure and abandoned his long tradition of palling around with terrorists.

  55. Chief Grinning Eagle

    Vice is nice but incest is best.

    When Sham-ignorance is Sham-bliss, ’tis folly to be Sham-wise!
    That’s translated from Saxist Pig-Latin

  56. nurple

    Obama plans to open all official press conferences with a virgin on a white camel singing “Lilly-Lilly-Loo!” a la the Sudanese uprising of the 1880s.

  57. Rev. Juan MessyCan

    [re=191627]ladymacbeth[/re]: There is an item about it on CNN, but not on their main page. Bizarre; Canada is getting jealous about US fuckedupness, I guess.

  58. AlienCaffeine

    [re=191629]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Uh, do you think there’s a problem if I ask one of my nephews at the local state megaversity to, uh, you know, uh, gift me with some weed for SantaDay? Shit man, it’s hard to keep your connections when you’re, uh, you know, uh, old.

  59. finallyhappy

    Well, damn – then why did the Indonesian restaurant in Wheaton close?? If only they could have held on until the inauguration. The new law would make everyone eat there once a week. I had a login for LGF but not Freeper- so can’t help. I haven’t looked over there in some time- the remarks were getting worse and worse.

  60. dontquitnow

    I just logged on after quitting you, Wonkette, for like TWO straight hours, and I thought damn, maybe I just need to read it again. But that’s not it. It’s the new media propaganda technique of making shit so impossible to understand that readers click on it out of sheer disbelief, which I did, and…DAMN you and your Marxist techniques! The Muslin Morans win again.

  61. pashnsmash

    finallyhappy: wheaton, IL or wheaton, MA? if IL, maybe the good folks of wheaton there got scared of barry-ish people after the election?

    otherwise it’s because of the hobo-ization of america….who can afford any food anyway anymore?

  62. robanybody

    News flash, Ben the Smith. What Obama really said was, “I’m going for the MUSLIN drape sale at INDOOR NEEDS at the mall, it’s a really POPULAR COMPANY.” Leave it to these pseudo-media numnuts to skip the earwax flushes.

    Oh, and then he said “Death to America.”

  63. ignatius_riley

    [re=191667]Lord BEEF[/re]: Oh boy, there are already so many good ones to choose from! Here’s my vote for FCOTD/N:

    Just do it from Washington. Why choose an *old* Islamic capital?

    8 posted on Thursday, December 04, 2008 7:03:37 PM by Dallas59 (Not My President)

    Har har, ’cause we’re now an Islamist Muslin country! WAKE UP SHEEPLES!!!!1111!!!

    I need a better hobby than reading Freep for laffs.

  64. ignatius_riley

    [re=191762]ignatius_riley[/re]: Oh also this one is good:

    What exactly is the flipping point of the Oblamma giving a foreign policy speech in a Muzzie Capital??? WHAT FOR????

    Is he trying to get us all killed?

    I hate this fraud SOB.

    I thought Muzzie was our cuddly international friend, who taught us young’ns how to speak foreign and all:
    http://www.early-advantage.com/

    Oh wait, I see the connection. DOWN WITH MUZZIE Non ENGLISH SPEAKING SOB’S!!!!!

  65. trondant

    Trolling freepers is hard because they delete unwanted comments within minutes and hand out bans like Republicans handing out candy at a boys-only daycare center. Maybe one day, they’ll attempt an escape from their fortified enclave into the wider intertubes by driving a gas tanker full of sand towards their destination, but I think they lack the courage to even try. Which explains a lot – from one bubble-dweller to another, this Coors is yours.

    Has medical science ever seen people suck a president’s tiny cock so hard non-stop for eight years? Dissertations will be written about them by miserable Abnormal Pysch grad students.

  66. Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul

    Do people even know Indonesia is a real country?

    [re=191592]space stout[/re]: Lloyd Bridges in memoriam.

  67. LarryFeltonJ

    [re=191774]trondant[/re]: “Trolling freepers is hard because they delete unwanted comments within minutes”

    And one other problem is that they are incredibly hard to parody, because their normal yammering wackaloonery is so over-the-top that it’s difficult to find that narrow band of verbiage where you’ve gone beyond just duplicating their ranting, but not so far into wingnutworld that even the freepers themselves realize their chain is being yanked.

  68. psychedelicSludge

    [re=191675]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Heck I used to listen to KCMU in ’81 when it was mono! And they had about 20 records and played them over and over. Headbutts. Michael Jackson’s Thriller before it was famous. U2 Gloria.

  69. Professor McAwesome

    kev-o-tron – KEXP is incredible. The morning show (which comes on at 9 on the east coast) is the balls too.

    E

  70. zhubajie

    [re=191674]Enturbulate[/re]: Yes, patron deity of prostitutes, too, and recently voted the ideal man by readers of a Chinese woman’s magazine. (Loyal and hard-working trumps other flaws.)

    Zhu Bajie

  71. guangho

    Barack has gone home.
    Will Malia and Sasha enroll in a madrassa?
    Who will wives 2, 3 and 4 be?
    Who gets to kill Rahm Emanuel in the name of Allah?
    Bill Richardson without a beard- sacrilege?
    Which side of the White House faces the Mecca?
    Will the White House be known as the House of Mohammed the Prophet, P.B.U.H?
    Can one be a Marxist and a Muslim at the same time?
    The U.S. Constitution: has it been destroyed completely?
    Will increased tazes enslave us to do the will of Allah?
    These and other thoughtful, probing and fact based questions will be probed on free republic until 2012.

  72. nurple

    You know that half these Freepers have a secret hard yard for Mublimp fundamentalism. They love its authoritarianism, its violence, they envy it. Remember that manic Mormon dissident who kidnapped that girl, and months later they found her in plain sight, wearing a burqa?

  73. CivicHoliday

    he’ll say ‘selemat pagi’ if he arrives in the morning, and ‘selemat malam’ if the evening.

    that’s how elitist I am, bitches. french is just my SECOND language.

  74. trondant

    [re=191791]nurple[/re]: Yup yup. See, that half wouldn’t have any problems with the Taliban if they hadn’t A.) helped to blow up a bunch of our shit, B) kept on reading after bedbug-crazy Middle Easterners had put down their pens upon finishing the NT and C) knowingly and willingly opted to be brown.

  75. rev_matt_y

    [re=191781]LarryFeltonJ[/re]: “so far into wingnutworld that even the freepers themselves realize their chain is being yanked.”

    I didn’t realize there was a point at which they’d realize that. I just come here to read the excerpts of the ‘best’ freeper/WND comments, as I can’t stomache the firehose.

  76. Hansanta _XiaoClaus

    [re=191774]trondant[/re]: Thanks for making this sad pathetic lifeless
    drone laugh. I thought this was very funny for some reason.

Comments are closed.