Wonkette
NONE OF YOU PEOPLE DO ACTUAL WORK, DO YOU? Click the little picture here and you will see something remarkable: More than 500 of you nuts are playing this little EcoDriving game widget deal, and you’ve accumulated nearly 15 million points. The closest competition doesn’t even have a half-million points, while losers who read Talking Points Memo and Power Line and, presumably, fivethirtyeight.com (Nate’s EcoDrivers?) actually have scores lower than any human math can represent.
Hahahaha…
Shit, now everyone in the world can PROVE I am not working with teh maths!
HAHAHAHA WE ARE MAKING YOU MONEY RIGHT NOW GIMME SUM ‘O DAT SWEET CRUDE DOLLAR STUFF.
I played at home. Even after I thought I had logged off the site, my computer kept telling me to “Slow down, you’re driving too fast.” That game is scary.
PS; all Wonkette readers were laid off in September. We have nothing else to do.
No wonder we dominate, the game combines all the things DEM LIBRULS love: the environment, non-confrontational calmness, and a robotic Big Brother voice telling us what to do.
“SLOW DOWN, YOU ARE GOING TOO FAST.”
“SLOW DOWN, YOU ARE GOING TOO FAST.”
Isn’t this cute! First we have Second Life, so we have a virtual roof over our virtual heads while we actually sleep in hobo jungles, then there’s Facebook, so we have virtual friends we never really see, and now a virtual car even though all of us are actually hoppin’ freights in real life!
just doin my part to help out the ball club ken.
BREAKING: Wonketteers out-slack all other blog readers.
Whocoodanode?
but I haven’t even scored a point yet
NONE OF YOU PEOPLE DO ACTUAL WORK, DO YOU?
Nope. We’re like bloggers and investment bankers, only lazier and less productive to society.
Oh man, I just tried it on my work laptop, and the thing goes BLAZING FAST and is impossible to control, what the hell? At home the game was pretty easy.
I got to the driveway and home without an incident, and suddenly my car sped up and went backwards and I crashed. I blame Bush.
All of your eco-drivers are belonging to us.
What is this game I’ve never heard of haven’t played?
Where’s Drudge’s fancy motorcar with pink racing stripes?
nurple: WIN
There. I just pushed over 15,000,000. Gimme a cookie.
NONE OF YOU PEOPLE DO ACTUAL WORK, DO YOU?
That’s right…we’re all at the library because we’re scared to go home to the little wife…
nurple:
Virtual life is perfect. Now I just need to get my virtual car into Second Life for some virtual sex in the backseat. Of the car.
The Wonkette EcoDriver’s Clan challenges any and all other Clans to a frenzied frag-fest! Come into our world and die a thousand Ecodeaths if you dare!!!!!
saradc: ECODRIVING STRATEGY GUIDE
Before starting, hit the buttons to pump up your tires to maximum and take everything out of your trunk, you won’t score anything otherwise
Pick Less Traffic, it’s mostly highway driving and there’s only one stop sign and no traffic.
Don’t slam on the brakes, stay stopped for too long or change speeds too abruptly
Don’t suck
That is my new favorite statistic in life. The former favorite is the average length of time adult movies are watched when rented in hotel rooms. (seven minutes)
Naked Bunny with a Whip: According to Moosekiller Spice, that makes us like community organizers.
NONE OF YOU PEOPLE DO ACTUAL WORK, DO YOU?
None of us make any actual moneyz neither.
You asked us to support your sponsors, and we did Ken. Jim asked us to spam that “Rebuild the Party” website with Truck Nutz and we did. Hmm…
Maybe Our Wonkette could find a way to channel the boundless snark, librul “values”, and workaday laziness of it’s readers and commenters for good? Hmm…
I see this turning into Lord of the Flies rather quickly.
The ecologial aspect of this is that it keeps players from actually driving cars or procreating.
Obama channels the internet to generate money.
Ken channel the internet towards video games.
Tell me sir, just who has the better business plan, eh?
We are Wonkette…and we are Legion.
We simply kick ass.
Play the game while listening to the following:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQFo2-xZiks
TPM, 538, ah, all the same kind of audience. I want us to kick ass against some group we can’t stand like Joe’s blog, or rebuildtheparty, or Hummer Drivers.
Has anyone figured out who is really behind this game? Is this some lobbyist front for the Big 3 Bailout funds?
Oooh, a game about driving slowly and inflating tires. Sounds almost as awesome as Stacker. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43441&rss=1.
nurple: Dude, admit it. We are spending the majority of our time engaged in virtual sex with reall- hot-bikini-girls/obese-again-Republican-perverts.
I don’t play the car game thingy but I think you guys are doing a great job. I just wish Ron Paul Forums had a team so we (you) could out dork them at this too.
WIDTAP: “obese-aging-Republican-perverts”. Sorry, got too excited there.
In real life I’m also running SUV’s off the road an physically assaulting their drivers. As soon as I figure out how to add those bonus eco-points in, I’m sure it’ll hit 16 million.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
They pretend to pay me. I pretend to work. This leaves time for the important things like Wonkette and the car game thingy (which I suck at).
I can’t claim any credit; I spent all night trying to navigate the insanely high pig-covered mountains of Alaska in Super Obama World.
I mean, I don’t want to bore you all with “numbers” and whatnot, but it looks like per player Nate’s doing much better than Wonketteers. Clearly, I am in the tank for sweet, sweet Nate/complex maths.
Kev-O-Tron: Don’t ever forget, the Wonkette team beat the Ron Paul team at the “Rebuild The Republican Party” game. TruckNutz beats Liberty everytime bro, everytime.
I’m plan to singlehandedly give Nate Silver the lead. I’m assuming that “Nate’s Ecodrivers” refers to Nate Silver, and not, I don’t know, Nate Archibald.
I contributed zero points and we still win.
TEAMWORK!
wow, what a feather in our cap! Mr. Layne, don’t you think we have earned a puppy?
I haven’t played yet. But, I’m trying.
Liverspots: GOSSIP GIRL!
I do actual work. I had to drive all the way to DC in a flippin’ roller skate with a bunch of self satisfied windbags and act all “Oooohhh, I’m so so so sorry Mr. Congressmen. I’m such a tool. Please forgive me. I’ll be good.” BTW - Eco driving my ass. Cocktail hour won’t come soon enough today, my friends.
facehead: It really makes me wish that more wingnut sites had open registration because I think we could make some temples bleed with our trolling abilities.
mattbolt: Yes, after I got used to the hair-trigger throttle (Would that my real car had that kinda power!) and filled up my tires I scored many thousands of points for team Wonkette on the highway route. (Fewer collisions helps, too).
x111e7thst: I find that to be quite the astute observation. The same rings true for me as well.
Serolf Divad: Ooh, we should start making clan screennames, too. May I suggest something like dmac[WONK] or dmac[truckNUTZ]?
Also, forget being green, I want that car because it goes from 70 to 0 in a half-second.
Kev-O-Tron: word.
mattbolt: unload your cargo and inflate your tires
But how are points generated? I can get to the driveway, but never have any points. Is there a sub-plot to the game where I go into the house and find my eco-wife sleeping with a non-eco driver, which removes all of the points I’ve accumulated? Explain!
Why the fuck can’t you drive a big truck with swamper tires and 8 exhausts?
This is Un-American, like Northern Virginia Un-American.
I haven’t been playing, but now I feel I should devote all my time to it. Will hand in resignation tomorrow.
Sorry, peoples. Three flight sims on my computer is quite sufficient for my entertainment. Yeah, there’s nothing eco about chasing McCain in a Su-27 and ramming a R-27 missile up his balloon knot, but it sure is a helluva lot more fun.
If by “actual work” you mean drawing jet bombers, watching Beyonce videos on YouTube, making crank calls and touching myself inappropriately, then hell yeah I do actual work!
Servo: damn. I need to get one of those. That does sound fun. Can you recommend any free downloads?
I am proud of my fellow Wonketeers.
I am even prouder of myself for not having participated in this.
Points all around, WTF.
Honestly, I was disappointed that the beginning didn’t start with PREPARE TO QUALIFY.
Aaaagh! I’m stuck on the train tracks! I’M STUCK ON THE TRAIN TRACKS! Do I lose points for the upcoming gasoline explosion?
I think I may be bringing our collective score down.
gurukalehuru:
I ran the race twice, to do my little part to validate the venerable Wonkette brand, so that Ken will get his advert$ and continue his career as a callow intergoogle prick.
Kev-O-Tron:
I’m not aware of any. Sorry.
Umm, I played a couple rounds and I sucked at it. The car I used to drive (before it got stolen) had more than four speeds. Oh, and I didn’t usually start out with golf bags in my trunk because I’m not an asshole.
Anyway, Nate’s EcoDriVers had a better average score than Wonkettes. 32,769 to 27,585 (to the tune of 18%). The more you know, etc.
ogradybt: Ok, but who do you think is going to emerge victorious at THUNDERDOME, Nate Silver or Ken Layne?
I’m not playing because I would just drag the team down. I have consistently sucked at every video/computer game in history. Except duck hunt. I was awesome at that. If you get sponsored by some kind of Sarah Palin moose hunting game I will be all over that shit.
ogradybt: But Nate-o himself would warn you of the weaknesses of small sample sizes, and his team is a pretty damn small sample size.
Those bastards at AutoBlogGreen and TPM are catching up, although they’re still woefully behind. Get your asses out there and keep driving at 18 mph.
It’s probably Nate himself doing it. That fucker must be bored out of his fucking mind anymore
Think of the power at your fingertips Ken Layne! And yet you use it lame computer games that bring you millions of dollars in ad revenue, and TruckNutz.
My Zwinky score is quite high.
I love driving the route backwards. Oddly soothing.
It helps me come down from the cocaine that is WOW.
pound for pound nate’s eco drivers are kicking our ass:
N’s E D average per driver: 35,769
wonkette average per driver: 27,585
I’M NOT WORKING NOW! NOW! NOW I AM….NOT!….
Am I the only one spending time careening pinball like back and forth between curbs until getting frustrated and upping the speed to 1,000 and ending up bouncing gently backwards to the starting point?
Come to think of it, that’s a fairly accurate depiction of my driving in real life.
would the car drive better if you added truck nutz?
Tra: I filled up my tires and took the junk from the trunk, picked up my phone messages and returned some calls, folded laundry and did some internet banking while looking for a new tea kettle and kept crashing and running off the road and got stuck banging around in some parking lot like I was some elderly woman from a gated community in Florida. Oh, wait….
After yesterday’s accidents my insurance has been cancelled.
Who needs GTA 4?
102415: This game could at least give us the satisfaction of seeing the little green eco car explode in a ball of flame.
It’s probably electric and I’m fried. Where are the hobo’s?
I just took the highway route after telling the voice that I’d take the shorter route.. Totally fuckin’ with The Man!
I kept crossing the border back and forth; and didn’t even get caught!
Shouldn’t somebody share all those points with everybody else? Y’know, spread the wealth around a bit? Was I the only one at that election thing? We have a mandate for criminy’s sake! Since we have to wait til Jan 20 for the real Socialism to kick in, a little virtual dry run will do, right? Come on Wonketters, you know you wanna! All you fair weather Marxists! The Sharing wins us the White House, or whatever, and you are so quick to shed it like so much wilted arugula. SHAME!
USA USA USA USA
okay, I know I’ve been gone for a few days, but what is up with the red pen!? Is Wonkette now Perez Hilton??
The last fucking thing I need right now is to be judged on a random performance metric taken from a pool comprised of other Wonkette users. Are you trying to drive me back into therapy?