Wonkette
Jeez, that media whore Barack Obama is on the teevee again! Let’s liveblog it. He is introducing the Commerce Secretary, who was announced what, two weeks ago? Slow news day, Barry, MMMHMMM? Every big supporter of Obama gets their own press conference which probably takes over The View or Ellen or something, which angers American women. Anyway, Mr. Talky is already talking so let’s do this thing.
11:36 AM — “This morning, a small business is working on the next great idea.” Yes, and that idea is Wonkette! We are working on it! (GIVE US A BAILOUT MR. PRESIDENT.)
11:36 AM — “Proudest, most productive workers in the world, etc.” He sounds like John McCain! (A young, sexy John McCain.)
11:37 AM — “Bill is the fat Mexican secretary this nation needs today.” No, no! That’s Jonah Goldberg!
11:38 AM — So is this a good job or what? Seems kind of like a letdown, after being UN ambassador, and governor of New Mexico, and Energy Secretary.
11:40 AM — “And now I’ll let Governor Richardson say a brief word.” Oh that’s mighty white of you, Barry, to let Bill say something.
11:42 AM — Energy independence, technology, economy, green jerbs, etc. So Bill is kind of the Energy Czar! Ha ha, that’s what Arnold Schwarzenegger wanted to be … too bad he did that shameful campaign event for Walnuts!
11:43 AM — Ay carumba, Richardson is speaking Mexican! This is a secret message activating the terrorists!
11:46 AM — A terrorist Mexican reporter says, “What about this stuff about how Commerce is a consolation prize for Mexicans?”
11:47 AM — Obama: “Did you notice, senor, how there are no jobs and this is El Grande Depressio?”
11:48 AM — Has any president-elect guy ever done anything like this, these daily morning press conferences that knock everything off the teevee?
11:49 AM — What about Bill Richardson’s beard? “We are deeply dissapointed,” says Obama, that Richardson has shaved off his bum beard. Obama says it was “rugged” and “western,” but that Governor Bill wanted to try kissing his own wife, for once, and she does not like beards! Obama will restore the sanctity of marriage!
11:51 AM — For example, your editor is watching this on Bloomberg Television.
11:52 AM — And then Obama says he’ll use TARP to pave Main Street, with the blood of the unemployed, and then he says Gracias, and walks off into the sunset, with Bill Richardson patting him gently on the back.
11:53 AM — And now we switch to MSNBC and Andrea Mitchell, who caused this whole Economic Collapse (through her husband), and then the MSNBC reporter notes that Richardson didn’t translate his secret Spanish message to the terrorists! Because he was speaking in secret code to Latin American Dictators or something? It’s a good thing white Americans are so stupid and can’t understand any Spanish beyond “Chalupa Supreme.”
11:57 AM — The Dow has jumped 50 points in the past few minutes. Bill Richardson really is saving the Economy!
11:57 AM — Charlie Cook or somebody just said this will not be Richardson’s last job in the Obama Administration. So he will fix all the moneys and no-job-havings, and then he will replace Hillary Clinton after her body is found in a park with a “self-inflicted gunshot.”
11:59 AM — And the Dow’s morning gain has now doubled, all because of Bill Richardson, and Barack’s press conference, the end.
Time for doughnuts.
Why was Richardson speaking in tongues?
It’s not really a press conference until a turkey’s neck is broken.
Richardson’s Spanish sounds worse than Schwarzenegger’s English. Seriously, why is Richardson not Secretary of State, and why is Hillary not back in the kitchen baking cookies not even her husband would eat? Maybe Barack is the real “Maverick” after all.
May be a let down, but probably means his fifth or sixth government pension check, not ocunting Social Security.
shanemcgowan:
It’s not really a press conference until some reporter asks Obama why he’d appoint as Secretry of State a woman who personally hired a team of Syrian hit-men to kill him.
The sexual tension is just electric. It’s like David and Maddy all over again for people who are old and senile like me.
Wouldn’t a consolation prize for latinos be a pack of that shitty chiclets gum and a thrift store shirt with something they can’t read printed on the front, like “Soccer Mom” or something?
Rev. Peter Lemonjello: That’s how he experiences irony (two mesages in signal), Reverend.
Bill Richardson’s beard was not hypoallergenic enough for Malia Obama, so he had to shave it.
JamesMichaelCurley: ocunting, eh? Hills has infected even our discussion of other cabinet members. Give ‘em an inch, they’ll take all 40 acres and fuck the mule.
JamesMichaelCurley: o’cunting? what is this o’cunting you speak of, sounds downright nefarious.
Someone call PETA.
To those who weary of Hopey’s pressers, I remind you of the many images, seared on to the national retina, of Bush, introducing some shiney-faced hack graduate of Regent’s U who is standing at a podium. Bush is in the blurred background looking down his nose and squinting. ‘Nuff said.
I haven’t heard the phrase “that’s mighty white of you” in a long time. Thanks.
This is JUST like Tito Santana teaming up with the Junkyard Dog to take on the Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff.
Spaghetti! Heh-heh. Heh-heh-heh.
I guess Commerce Secretary is slightly foreign-policy related. Wasn’t that Brown guy (no, not his skin color, his last name) who was killed when his plane crashed coming in to the Zagreb airport the Commerce Sec.? Sniper fire, I think. Or trying to land at an airport surrounded by mountains when it was socked in. Anyway, he tooled around the world with fancy business types a lot.
We will finally kill Nafta!
Poor horse!
Good morning happy little bunnies!
Obama should be riding the horsey. Bill should be riding THE BOO-RO!!!
Rumour has it SKS and Angry Black Guy are neck-and-neck for Postmaster General.
That Obama should get his daughters a pet mexican is just disgusting.
he will replace Hillary Clinton after her body is found in a park with a “self-inflicted gunshot.”
There’s a Plaxico Burress joke in here somewhere but I’m too tired to find it.
Am I the only one who finds the new SecCom kinda hot?
I don’t have teevee or pictures of this. Did Billy R. shave? It’s the least he could do. Off with the Gore-loser beard!
monty: It’s an Irish thing. Sorta like “Boxing Day” if you get my drift.
And now, press secretary Joy Behar.
obfuscator: How very white of you to reference 80s WWF wrestling. I mistakenly watched a couple minutes of the modern wrestling thing on TV a week ago — not a black face in the audience. Almost as white as an “Arcade Fire” concert.
KUDOS to the alt texter, who quoted the most unintentionally hilarious Dylan song of all time.
Hillary also shaved before she got tapped by Barry. Made her look less western and rugged.
hopey is holding all these press conferences so we can’t watch crappy teevee on the teevee and then we will all be part of muslin socialism eleete.
I’m sorry but I just can’t be sure that Richardson is a valid American citizen. WHY WON’T HES RELEASE HIS DOCUMENTS PROVING OTHERWISE?
I just don’t trust him…. just can’t trust the Messcan.
We hardworking sluts of the Gigolo and Hos Political Action Committee (GHOPAC) welcome our new latino commerce overlord and look forward to wearing the ’sexy-sexy’ shirts found in latin flea markets all over the US. No, really, you should try them.
Speaking of bailouts, we could use a few crates of new batteries for our vibrators, so con rapidez, por favor. Get crackin’, as ’twere.
I missed this presser, so, thanks Ken! Reading your live blog, I felt like I was right there in the room with Barry and Bill!
Moonlighting and real WWF in the same comment section- weird- and old. I saw Mr. T, the Hulk and Macho Man - all at the same event in the 80’s. I later saw Macho Man wearing something like paisley spandex at a White House Easter Egg roll during the Clinton administration(this is true!!)- I was a parent bringing kids.
Shorter Bill Richardson: “I kin haz pony.”
GAH! Bill did shave, but now his neck goiter is all the more apparent. Hopefully he will use some of his Government funding to get a neck-o-suction.
http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2008/POLITICS/12/03/transition.wrap/art.richardson.obama.gi.jpg
NoWireHangers: Wow! Governor, that’s no goiter, but we probably can’t control this carbohydrate money with medication…this is the not the most effective psychoactive: I recommend a twice-weekly dominatrix…
Simony: That’s ‘monkey’…strnge notbooks.
we need a bearded Richardson on that cabinet! and a bearded Gore! a cabinet of beards! give Hillary a couple testosterone injections! add Gov. Crist’s fiance! hell, give Ken Layne a cabinet nod while we’re at it.
The secret message to Latin American dictators was actually a joke:
-You know which is the country where there is never any coup d’état?”
-No
-The United States.
-Why?
-Because there is no American Embassy.
Iggy Plop: I thought Hillary WAS the beard?
Boy, Hoss Cartwright looks GREAT with a tan!
Now get the horse a truss and cue the Magnificent Seven music.
What kind of name is Richardson for a Mexican?
All I want to know is who in the press Barry ignore today. Did he finally put Fox News guy out of his misery and give him a pity question? Did he make fun of the NYT reporter again? You know the important questions Ken is not covering.
The Crazy Christian: Who wants a Commerce Sec. named Guillermo Hijo de Ricardo? Okay, other than Charo…
Damn! I loved his beard.