Wonkette
Thanks to Condoleezza Rice, little schoolchildren all over the world now believe that you can grow up to be an accomplished concert pianist and an embarrassing failure at national defense, security, and diplomacy. On a farewell trip to London, Condi showed off her mad piano-in’ skillz for the Queen and everybody wondered what exciting talents Hillary Clinton might display as Secretary of State. (Hint: worm fiddling.) [ITN]
Pshaw! For the talent portion of the SecState vetting Hillary juggled flaming batons.
FREEBIRD!
Well, there’s another one who missed her true calling.
George W. Bush’s true calling was DWI cautionary tale poster boy. He could really have excelled at that.
I look forward to Princess Sparkle Pony’s hair review on this. The review of the music, not so much.
It’ll take her years to get out of the habit of adding “Shave and a Haircut” to the end of every piece - a strict Bush Administration rule (to let the President know that the pretty music is done).
Thanks for the lesson on worm fiddling. I read Wonkette because it makes me smarter.
All of Bush’s cabinet buddies and advisors aren’t gonna want to leave each other, right? This is like the last week of summer camp where everyone exchanges addresses and a few of he girls cry. But I propose they never have to leave each other! They should start a band! Condi on keyboard, Bush on lead guitar, bring back Ashcroft for backing vocals, Cheney on fiddle and background grunts, it could be the Old Timey White House Family Fun Travelling Jamboree!
I was hoping she was playing for Queen Latifah.
ew. she is the exact opposite of sexy. someone please get this woman LAID!
Worm fiddling? That’s Bill’s territory, not Hillary.
I think we fail to appreciate Ms. Rice; after all, it must be difficult to play the piano with the blood of untold thousands of people on her hands.
mattbolt: that, or they could all share a cell in the Hague.
Deepthroat: Gnnn! That’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it. Someone else, I mean.
But if Dana Perino needs that kind of help, I’m available.
Well, I saw Condi Rice playing piano with the Queen
Doin’ the werewolves of C Street
I saw Condi, Jr. playing piano with the Queen
I saw Condi wearing Ferragamos at a photo op
Her hair was perfect
Hooowwwwl, the werewolves of C Street, Hooowwwwl
Never again shall I compose a comment before coffeetime.
sheet music? sigh.
Larry McAwful: Condi needs a woman who looks like John Goodman (to paraphrase Margaret Cho).
Deepthroat: Condi’s much sexier than Snowbilly, this is why Bush has kept her around for so long. And Walnuts clear dream was a Oval Office executive metrosexual threesome.
Eh. Her back up band carried her.
cow-orker of mine likes to throw the word “prodigy” around when referring to Condi’s piano-in’ skillz. javascript:reply(’188725′,%20′JadedDIssonance’); sheet music? not so “prodigy” after all.
I’m not sure if you even CAN play “On Top of Old Smokey” with your armpit in a pantsuit…but that’s why I’m not Secretary of State I guess.
Deepthroat: …the only classical instrument that is actually sexy is the Cello.
And the piano, it sounds like a neocon
And the microphone smelled like a Bush
And those back from the war, they kicked Condi out the door
And said, Rice, Guantanamo in winter is nice.
AngryBlakGuy: seconded
I’m just curious what finger exercises Condi has done all these eight years to maintain the marvelous grip that a pianist needs to keep playing as well as she does.
I would imagine much diddling on pianeses all around the world.
All we are missing are the vocal stylings of one Miss Peggy Noonan.
Oh, and I can imagine lyrics by Donald Rumsfeld — who was for the Bush administration what Robert Hunter was to the Grateful Dead.
When the Queen failed to clap or otherwise respond to the performamnce, aides were shocked to find she had been dead and embalmed for the last six years.
She might be a borderline war criminal, but damn if all would not have been forgiven with me if at the end she busted out some piano pop and played “Song for the Dumped” or some other BF5.
That’s ‘Dr. Princess Sparklepony’ to you.
Ah, well, it’s good to accomplish at least one thing.
I love the how the worm fiddling article it says:
“In Florida and Alabama the practice is known as grunting, snoring or rubbing”
No wonder they have to use terms like “burpin’”, “sleepin’”, and “humpin’”. The conventional terms have all been taken by this fancy annelid charming! I think I almost understand the South now!
AngryBlakGuy: OMG, did you just say that because you somehow remembered me vaguely babbling about playing the cello that one time or do you actually mean that? Because you are RIGHT.
maybe it’s me, but shouldn’t she maybe be spending her time on, i dunno, diplomacy?
Damn, Condi has the talent portion down and you know she’ll take the swimsuit competition,
I just don’t see how Hillary can be a better SecState.
Ted Perino: two points for the analogy. A billion bonus points for using Rumsfeld and Robert Hunter in the same sentence.
Noodle Salad: Bwahaha.
JadedDIssonance: Ummm…it’s chamber music, not a piano solo.
Deepthroat: loudmouthredhead: …I actually dated a Cellist a couple of years ago. Totally hot!
It’s nice to know that even in her final days, Condi still doesn’t know how to prioritize things. Whether it’s shopping for shoes instead of going to Georgia or paying chopsticks for the Queen instead of dealing with that Mumbai India/Pakistan flareup, she’ll always put middling bullshit over the actual work. Sorry dueling nuclear superpowers, you wait, the Queen needs to hear Fur Elise from someone who isn’t a musician.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
GAWDDAMMIT will people please stop saying that Condi is an “accomplished concert pianist”. She ain’t. Anybody that actually listens to real piano music can tell you that Condi is never gonna be no Pierre-Laurent Aimard. The whole story is that her parents took her to a fancy music summer camp when she was a teen, she played for some university scouts, and they passed. End of story. She plays nice for a war criminal and all but that’s about it.
sleepy: …nah, I actually feel much more secure with her doing this instead. All we need to do is “maintain” on the international level until Barry can get into office!
She should do something from Prokofiev’s Peter and the Wolf — the part with the lame duck.
hedgehog: We are nawt amused.
It actually brings a tear to my eye when you think of the talent that was wasted on the Bush administration. Condi should have ended up despised but respected by those of us on the left. Instead we just feel sorry for her.
AngryBlakGuy: A little something like this? http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a170/basketballandsoccerchick/cellist_1.jpg
Obama will invite Condi to a state dinner when he become prez…. she will arrive at the front door, but be told that the performers entrance is at the rear. She will play a Chopin piece and then be ushered into the kitchen and be fed leftovers and be sent on her way.
Deepthroat: I’d like to string her bow!
How do you have time to be Sec of State AND have been continually practicing an instrument enough that you feel confident to play it in front of your Queen - especially when there are, what now, four wars going on? I guess it’s either a) she does absolutely ZERO work as SoS, or b) she is intensely sexually frustrated and thus barrels out on the piano every night. I always new that ‘talent’ was for the uglies.
Deepthroat: Anyone who’s ever seen Charlotte Moorman play knows how erotic it can be.
Deepthroat: That cello’s been worked on…
Gorillionaire: Sort of like Sarah Palin playing the flute: good enough to get you through the talent competition.
elcapitan: Condi the Headless Thompson Gunner?
She is an even poorer player than Dudley Moore and I don’t believe he ever got to concertize at Buckingham Palace. She is also a damn sight less funny than Dudley Moore, who himself was no damn Peter Cook.
Seriously, between the boot shopping and the practicing (notice how little of her passagework we are treated to in the video, hmmm…wonder why?) what the fuck are we paying her for? Even to flub your way through Brahms, you have to work at it for hours a day. And those poor LSO members having to hack along as if they had guns pointed to their heads. Or at least stiletto heels pointed at their heads.
Thoughts:
1. With genteel piano skills such as these Condi surely would have been able to catch a husband and avoid dying an old maid had she lived in a Jane Austen novel.
2. Just think, we could have had a middle school level flautist as our Vice President. For shame, America!
3. Look how seriously she nods to her page turner. Oh Condi! Those cold nights alone! Somebody curl her toes!
Deepthroat: …thanks a lot, now I need a cold shower!
elcapitan:
Sweet home Alabama,
Play that dead band’s song.
Turn those speakers up full blast;
Play it all night long.
Needs more cowbell.
Also, that worm fiddling is cute trick, but from experience, I would guess my technique is faster:
1) Take shovel
2) Turn over loose dirt
3) Pick out worms
In highschool I had a pet Piranha that I kept very well fed that way.
So will she play in the background as George give speeches, sings and dances for die-hard fans? It wpould allow her to continue seeing her “husband” regularly?
Zhu Bajie
mattbolt: Spend the rest of their lives in jail together!
Oh, Sara. Worm fiddling? And the other day it was cracklings? Do I want to know why or how you know about all these things?
I’m impressed.
more time on her hands?? randy bean must be beside herself right about now.
Darehead:
and we’ll all be Allbright tonight,
Colin Powell tomorrow…
The king of Marigold was in the kitchen
Cooking breakfast for the queen
The queen was in the parlour
Playing piano for the children of the king.
Cry baby cry
Make your mother sigh
She’s old enough to know better
So cry baby cry.
God save the Queen! We mean it, man! And there’s no future… and England’s dreaming!
If Obama picked his administration based on their talents, then Michelle Malkin would be Vice President of Table Tennis.
Huzzah!
Hey BBC, in order to be known as “an accomplished concert pianist” doesn’t one have to actually - you know - give concerts? Oh, “penis”. Never mind, then.
NoWireHangers: I sent her a hardback copy of the Redneck Encyclopedia.
I heard she got nervous before doing this in front of the Queen: later diagnosed as pre-minstrel tension.
This is just another example of the Bush administration’s complete disregard for the Geneva Convention on torture.
“Who knows, we may get to see more of this kind of thing” now that Hillary is SoS?
I have news for you Pommy Wankers: The sounds that Hillary would produce by castrating Bill with a rusty knife are in no way comparable to Brahms.
Wagner, maybe.
But not Brahms.
dammit, I was hoping it’d be Bohemian Rhapsody.