Wonkette
- The CEO of Ford will be making his latest trip from Detroit to Washington in a Ford hybrid. CEOs of Chrysler and GM will be traveling in Sebring and a Chevy Impala, respectively, and will probably not even make it out of Ohio. [Detroit Free Press]
- India asked Pakistan to hand over its goons, a list which seems to include people linked with the terror attacks in Mumbai as well as an assortment of perennial fugitive gangsters. [New York Times]
- Pakistan did not offer any immediate response to India’s demands, but said they would work with India to find the perpetrators of the Mumbai attacks. [AFP]
- The liberals have taken over the nation of Canada! Mandatory gay marriage commences next week. [The Week]
- This isn’t exactly a “news flash,” but Joe Lieberman is a human turd. [The Hill]
- Speculation has already begun about who will replace Hillary Clinton as the junior senator from New York. [Washington Post]
…right now , if you call in the next 20 mins, cuz we cant do this all day. we’ll send you 2 cans of meyers turd polish and the patented turd brush for just 14.95$ plus shipping and handling, (allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery) so act now!!!
The best punishment is having to drive their own products for 10 hours.
A Coup in Canada City? Bullshit. (Ex) PM Fatty McGoo Harper overplayed the arrogance card and got fat slapped.
He still thinks we’re in good position despite the fact that some 75% of our exports go to US America and that the price of oil has collapsed faster than the Loonie (aka Canada City Dollar.) Um, yeah sure.
Canada City’s nattering class of MSM journos/assholes are really as prissy and useless as a group as yours are. They still get their panties in a knot about ex PM Jean Cretin, er, Cretien’s “thuggishness” when a protester got in his face. Jean grabbed him and threw him to the ground while his RCMP “bodyguards” watched and Canada City quietly applauded.
The automakers are in for a treat on the Ohio stretch of I-80, what with the awesome rest stops, sporting Starbucks and panini shops. They can pool the loose coins from their ashtrays and share a Grande latte.
I highly recommend they skip Pennsylvania altogher, though.
What they can’t carpool?
really? you ignored my robber boobies story tip for the morning brief? i haz a sad.
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/18/20081128/tod-ugandan-men-warned-of-booby-trap-879dccc.html
for a quick laugh
I see that they’re too good to ride in a Pinto. Elitist bastards.
If India and Pakistan go to war, who will be left to ask me if the computer is plugged in when I call Dell tech support?
Can we get some of those Somali hijackers to come over and stake out I-80? Can you imagine how easy it will be to pick out the crappy american cars?
By the way, I took the eco-autotest from the ad. It didn’t improve Wonkette’s score though after I took the test though! What a disappointment. Anyway I hope that click-through helps with your bills Wonkette.
ManchuCandidate: But Harper has that awesome blue sweater! He’s a family man! He looks like Randy Bachman!
And Dion speaks English with a slightly shrill French accent and likes to read books and stuff! Unacceptable!
rambone: The Phillipines.
Borat: ah, screw the Somalis, let’s get Michael Moore and Ralph Nadir to jump in the backseat while they are taking a pee at the reststop. Driving with those two = Mutually Assured Destruction.
That giant sucking sound you hear is Tail-gunner Joe’s lips planting a big wet one on Barak black ass.
In the world of pr0n, Joe is a felcher.
I’ve heard that it’s a stretch limo hybrid complete with a chauffeur, hot tub filled with organic champagne and a couple of models from Deal or No Deal.
ManchuCandidate: Apropos of Chretien’s “thuggishness,” I submit that this should be required study material for any leader in North America:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7_a2wa2dd4
Trudeau was fucking brilliant.
I wish Americans got to apply their patented brand of world-weary snark to what’s going on in Canada, it’s pretty ridiculous, within the last week our politicians have gotten this wild look in their eyes like 5th graders when the teacher leaves the room to hack a smoke.
Haha, the thought of the auto CEOs going through the carpool garage and telling some flunkey Smithers to make sure the car they have to drive to DC wasn’t built on a Monday or a Friday.
oops, wrong definition of felcher
Borat: “Click through” is a scam: the more clicking, the more revenue, the lazier and later our eds get with the daily briefing.
I think I just banned myself.
CivicHoliday: I’ve never had the booby trap in Uganda, but I had a balls trap in Ghana.
mattbolt: I think it’s telling that Ed Broadbent is the only one showing any kind of leadership, and he’s older than McCain. The facts of the thing are snarky enough.
I won’t believe the Canada thing is for real until Dion and Jack Layton get gay married. And then throw Fat Steve and his family out of 24 Sussex on Christmas Eve while Peter Van Loan cries like a little girl. Then I will believe it.
The philandering ex-President’s wife quits Senator job to be Secretary of State for charismatic populist President, and blind, black Governor (who ascended after former Gov was nailed for banging prostitutes) will name her replacement.
Wow, who needs soap operas?
ForTheTurnstiles: Mmm, I needed that sweet Trudeaumania, hits the spot in the morning. Alright, now I need to watch the Fuddle Duddle clip…
azw88: Nice research. Must now scrub eyeballs.
bitchincamaro: Are you talking about the Pennsylvania stretch of I-80, or the Pennsylvania Turnpike? Because they’re avoidable for different reasons. I-80 in Pennsylvania heads through a wilderness so uncharted that your chances of making it out during the summer months are okay, but during the winter, you’re taking your chances. I recommend that no one follow it between Clarion and, say, Coyningham. As to the Pennsylvania Turnpike—the tolls between the Ohio line and the I-70 turnoff to head to Washington are enough to make the first few payments on an SUV.
Wait, you mean Indian government officials who took responsibility for the attacks resigned?! I don’t want to live in a world where government officials who take responsibility actually take responsibility. Just don’t seem right.
Joe Torre for Senate. He kept his New York residence. He’s a proven winner, strong on defense, can raise the needed cash, and can unite all New Yorker’s outside of Queens. Plus it would really piss off George.
Who here lives in New York state? Because it seems that on every other message board I’ve been to where they’re talking about Hillary Clinton’s seat becoming open, someone’s been saying, “Nominate me! I’ll do it!” That joke just keeps getting funnier, and I can’t wait until it shows up here.
In Canada:
The centre-right Conservative Party has 143 MPs.
The centre-left Liberals has 76 MPs
The Quebec seperatist Bloc Québecois has 50 MPs
The socialist New Democratic Party has 37 MPs
There are 2 Independent MPs (a guy from Quebec, and a guy who was kicked out of the Conservatives)
The Prime Minister tried to bankrupt the other parties by removing public financing. The other parties revolted, and between the three of them hold the balance of power in Parliament (163 seats to 143).
The Liberals and NDP want to form a coalition backed by the separatists. The new Prime Minister would be Canada’s version of John Kerry, Stéphane Dion, who is due to be replaced in May 2009. Dion was forced to resign the day after the October election after he had the worst showing ever for a Liberal Leader. He’ll now become our 23rd Prime Minister.
We need the Queen’s representative, the Governor-General (a female black former refugee from Haiti) to sign off on anything we do. We can’t find her right now, since she’s travelling in Europe. Until she comes home, chaos reigns.
No hookers are involved, yet.
Hey, the EcoDriving tally updated! We’re no longer loser bronze medalists, WE’RE NUMBER ONE BABY! Woohoo! We’re the best at… uh, some car thing, what the fuck is this?
OffTheRecord: Layton’s got the Freddie Mercury mustache ready to go for exactly that purpose.
Larry McAwful: Yeah, that I-80 stretch in PA; you can’t even get satellite radio!
Clamps: Your 23rd prime minister? Since 1867, the United States has had 27 presidents (including the one who was already president that year,) and just elected its 28th.
Ha, ha! We’re winning!
Clamps: Actually, Dion is more like Canada’s Dukakis than Canada’s Kerry.
The really scary one is Gilles Duceppe. He looks like he’s more or less constantly fried on LSD, but still shows up for work.
bitchincamaro: I grew up three miles from the westernmost exit on I-80 in Pennsylvania, and went to Penn State, so I traveled that stretch of highway a lot. I-80 in central Pennsylvania was known colloquially as “Radio-Free Pennsylvania,” though that was back in the days before satellite radios (but during the early days of CD players in cars.)
There’s plenty of radio there if you’re into top-40 country or Christian evangelists. My sister and I both became fans of Focus on the Family’s Adventures in Odyssey, which is a kid-centered radio program that we enjoyed making fun of. We had regular arguments about Connie, who was a Secular Humanist who got slowly transformed into a frothing, drooling Christian. We’d shout, “No, Connie, no! Don’t listen to them!” when she was listening to them, and we’d groan when her spirit was finally broken. We never agreed on how Connie dressed, though. I said she wore long skirts and glasses and never jeans, but my sister was sure she wore jeans. Focus on the Family encouraged such discord.
Most Focus on the Family programming isn’t even listenable in an ironic way.
Larry McAwful: The PM count includes a few lame ducks who only served a few months. Why hello Kim Campbell, history’s eternal “Did you know” footnote! Thanks for stopping by the Prime Minister’s Office, now please leave we were just kidding.
The length of service of US presidents to follow the much stricter mould of either:
a) 4 years
b) 8 years
c) FDR the Super-Cripple
d) bodybag
The CEO of Ford will be making his latest trip from Detroit to Washington in a Ford hybrid.
Jesus Christ. Nobody cares that they flew last time. It’s that they took private jets! Separate private jets!
If one of them shows up in a 15-year-old rustbucket, I might be impressed, but not really. They suck.
I’ll be more snarky once my pills take the hurting away. I love you, my pills. You’re the only ones who understand me.
Larry McAwful: William Lyon MacKenzie King was PM for 22 years. He also sought counsel from his dog, and sought advice from his dead mother. Sir John A was Prime Minister for 19 years, and drunk as a skunk for most of the time. Trudeau was PM for 15 years.
Between those three, that’s more than a third of our history. The majority of the 23 were placeholders like Joe Clark, Charles Tupper, or Kim Campbell who were Prime Ministers for a combined total of 15 minutes.
ForTheTurnstiles: I like the Dukasis reference, and I’ll raise you a McGovern.
Larry McAwful: Larry , not for nothin, but i just read your entire post and i have no idea what it said. That should tell you something about a) my state of mind or b) your writing skillz. i choose b because i just had an 8-ball and im really really really alert!!!
bitchincamaro:
It’s tough to skip Pennsylvania on the way from Detroit to DC. That would mean a detour down through MORE of Ohio and then West Virginia. Ack, worse than the frickin Penna Turnpike.
mattbolt: You forgot a couple categories:
e) Andrew “Please Resign Already” Johnson
f) Gerald “No, Pardon Me” Ford
I bet Kim Campbell is thrilled to be consigned to trick question status at trivia nights at bars across Canada for all of Canada’s future history. The question will be, “Whose greatest accomplishment as prime minister of Canada was being the first female prime minister of Canada?”
That would be awesome. If I were elected president, I’d like students of history to remember President McAwful as “the first nearsighted president with a long scar on his right index finger.”
Clamps: Fair enough. I think Dukakis is the closest, though, because both were bookish and irrelevant in trying to connect with main street voters. Both of them wear lacy underpants.
It’s very important for Americans psychologically that Canada gets its shit together, though. We need some measure of sanity north of 49, so that we at least have something to aspire to. Trudeau was great for that, because he’s clearly smarter than us. But B Mulroney? FAIL. Dumber than Reagan. Martin? He’s clever, but in a way that reminds people of Nixon. Harper? Too Bushy, obviously. And Ignatieff is already an American, that’s no good either. For fuck’s sake, do something fast so we can relax already.
Even if that Ford hybrid (which runs on a mixture of ethanol and Canadian socialist baby fat) makes it to DC somehow, it’s still a Ford-fucking-econobox that no one wants to buy. It’s like pulling out your rejected science fair project from the fifth grade to pick up college-age chicks in a beautician’s academy: Hey, baby, wanna see some fluke worms I killed with a battery in the early-80s?
The country already knows why they failed; do we have to look at Ford’s weeping sores again?
Clamps: Is it wrong that this made me really miss Canada? Unless Obama starts having seances with the new puppy Canada will retain the edge on awesome/totally insane leaders.
Clamps: FDR gamed the system, it’s true. Now it’s illegal for presidents to do that, which allows his record to stand, and gives the US an edge in the chief-of-state derby for all future time.
monty: You need to be more familiar with central Pennsylvania’s highways and Focus on the Family’s fine media products. No amount of eightball is going to help you otherwise.
Don’t convince me I’m a failed writer yet. Rudolf Hess was a failed writer, and look what became of him. Don’t start convincing me I’m a failed writer until I’m too old to get into politics.
Didn’t India ask Pakistan for that 30 minute guaranty that so many other Dominoes Pizzerias promise?
Sara, the entire populace of Canuckistan salutes you for noticing the constitutional coup now underway in the tundra. I know this because I consulted with the entire populace of Canuckistan just this morning, and see they’ve all been posting here. Bravo for noticing. [Bonus point would be awarded for caring, but since nobody outside Canuckistan does....]
Tory gasbags are now hurling spittle-specked invective like “treason,” etc., because they’ve painted themselves into a corner via mean-spiritedness from which they cannot escape. Ha-fuckin’-HA!
Stephen “Steve” Harper, he of the Perry Coma sweater collection, has always liked to parade about fancying himself the smartest man in the room. [Which is technically true only if he's the sole occupant of said room.] His bluff has been called and he is now hoist by his own petard. [pronounced pe-TARD!] The resulting coupalition will not last long, but will make for great mirth at the height of our cold season.
Thanks to ManchuCandidate:ForTheTurnstiles:mattbolt: OffTheRecord: Clamps: Larry McAwful: for their contributions to Kanuckistani Korner. Now, if we hear from Don Cherry, each and every Canuckistani citizen will have commented here on Wonkette in a single day.
Awesome!
Canuckledragger: Even better are the reports that Harper used to publicly make fun of Joe Clark’s 1979 boner. What is it with Conservative Prime Ministers from Alberta?
bitchincamaro: IT is one of those terms I learned in college (marching band drum line to be exact) that has stayed with me for ever. Can’t remember how to play a ratamacue, Swiss triplets, or flam-drags, how to march in step, but I remember sick-assed shit like that. Of course, it is the sick-assed shit that comes in far more handy than what I learned beating on plastic!
Pucker up your big ugly lips and lock onto Hopey’s bottom.
mattbolt: I did my part, I think, but I drive like Ted Kennedy.
Clamps: I knew Joe Clark’s day were numbered when he said something to the effect of “I know I only won a minority government, but I intend to govern as though I have a majority.”
The only difference between that asshat and this one is that Joe said it out loud. [That and the fact that Joe Clark was a decent human being. Harper's a shape-shifting space lizard compared to Clark. Full disclosure: I loathe Tories. (I was Lyin' Brian's first heckler - want it on my gravestone.) Just in case my posts fail to trumpet the fact.... Yet even I acknowledge Clark's humanity.]
Stephen Harper = EPIC FAILURE in bipedal form.
Joe Lieberman is like a man who leaves his wife for some hot young thing and then later comes crawling back to her (when the hot young thing turns out to have some kind of human failing) going “It didn’t mean anything, I love you baby!”
Barack Obama is not stupid, and must have noticed this. One can only assume he’s planning some kind of hilarious humiliation for the future, when Joe least expects it.
(changing the subject, I know - but I know nothing about Canadian politics
)
Jollity: The most important thing to know about Canadian politics is that if anyone ever makes a cologne that makes you smell like Brian Mulroney, you shouldn’t buy it.
Canuckledragger: Hey, how do you know I’m not Don Cherry? Actually, I’m American. I just lived in Canada for a while and worked in Ottawa for a thoroughly terrifying MP, which is how I know anything about Canadian politics. I actually really loved Canada but it seems Immigration Canada did not love me so I was shipped back. I would kill to be there right now to see them all act like a bunch petulant two year-olds without adult supervision because I am a nerd and also because there is probably free beer.
Canuckledragger: I think it was David Frost who said, “The only reason Joe Clark became PM was because he was the only one who never had an afair with Margaret Trudeau.”
Canuckledragger: Yeah, I’m a Yank. I haven’t even been to Canada in almost six years, but I plan to rectify that next spring. Quebec City is something like a six hour drive from here, which I’m up for taking.
The beer there is better. The sports are different, but I don’t give a damn about sports in America any more than I do about sports in Canada or Europe or anywhere else. Three downs? Four downs? Five? I couldn’t care less.
I dunno if I could live in Canada. When I lived in France, all the Canadians I met were kind of condescending, saying things like, “Oh, an American who knows geography!” or “You’re pretty informed for an American,” etc. Feh. Some yutzes take a certain pleasure in hearing such things, taking it as some kind of praise, but I don’t care for it. When someone tells me that they think they’ve got good reason to make automatic assumptions about me, I get uncomfortable. If there’s a part of Canada where you don’t have to put up with that, I’ll consider moving there. The Canadians, in my experience, talk down to Americans more than the French do.
Larry McAwful: I guess Mexico was trying to help itself in the CoS Derby by restricting theirs to one 6-year term (although to be fair I think they were going for the money grab like that game show segment where they put you in a phone booth in a hurricane of $ and you get to keep all you can catch - works better than canned food, as Kenny’s family found out).
Fortunately, nobody even knew Mexico was in the CoS Derby, and they only won the Most Citizens Exported award.
Maybe the US needs an amendment requirement that all members of congress be actual prostitutes. Thelky might be better looking!
Larry McAwful:
But we’re polite about it (relative to the French, I know this have spent time in France and working with them for 8 years.)
In our pathetic defense, we meet a lot more of the ignorant variety then the smart variety although our expats tend to be snottier about it than those of who elect to live in the cold climes of Canada City.
Speaking for myself, I’d only do that to tease you and the charm of that would wear off in about 2 minutes.
mattbolt: Yeah but it also includes Mackenzie King, who was PM for like 23 years or something. And the Jeanfather.
Canuckledragger: I happened to be watching the CBC news last night with the sound off. I noticed Stephane Dion was looking jumpy as a cat and Layton was looking VERY pleased with himself, so naturally I just assumed nothing out of the ordinary was going on north of the border.
— Lieberman called Obama an “eloquent young man” —
Bite me crank, Joe.
ManchuCandidate: Actually, we only let the smart people leave the country to be condescending. Most of my family live in Ajax or Parry Sound, and they could no more find Belgium on a map than I can stand Peter van Loan.
ManchuCandidate: I only lived in France for a year, myself, but I gotta say that there’s nothing more tedious than an expat who’s always going off on what a disappointment their own country is. I mean, if you’re fleeing persecution in some repressive regime that’s one thing, but when Americans bust on their own country in hopes of appearing more worldly, I want to punch them. I criticize my own country quite a bit, as should everyone, but there’s a right way and a wrong way, and blanket dismissal of any given people is the mark of a real tool.
If we ever meet, I’d be okay with teasing about my nationality. I did quite a bit of that with the foreigners I met; it’s great fun, especially when you’re a foreigner, yourself. I remember two Britons I met in France. One enjoyed this kind of joke, while the other seemed only able to attack non-Britons. When I told him that what he calls a “roundabout” we call a “rotary,” he looked at me as if I’d just insulted God, his mother and steak-and-kidney pie.
Moral: there are clods everywhere.
P.S.: The Canadians I met while living in New York were universally pleasant and nice to talk to (if a little sensitive about Bob & Doug McKenzie references…)
Wait, wait….I thought Joe Lieberman was the progeny of two alien space turds…..
So that would make him a first generation alien space turd, right? Not a human turd.
Back in the day, I lived in Toronto where the talk was all anti-American (sorry, anti-U.S.).
However, the parking lots in Buffalo told a different story, and were strewn with cheap Canadian clothes.
OffTheRecord: Don Cherry played cornet with Ornette Coleman. Your’re no Don Cherry.