Wonkette
SPACE JESUS WILL FROWN AT YOU TONIGHT!!! Here’s a fun astronomical thing you can enjoy even if you live in the filthy light-polluted city: Figure out how to go outside and look at the sky, to the south (Google can help you find “south,” maybe!), about 20 minutes after sundown, and you will see what looks like a shitty sideways frowny-face emoticon up there, in space! That’s Jupiter as the top eye, Venus as the other eye, and the Islamic Moon as the frowny mouth. Allah really does hate you! But He loves the people of his homeland, Australia, so those people got to see a happy face! [National Geographic/Fox News]
2000 years ago, God was all about sending people divine messages and speaking to them directly. Now, he just txts us a two-character emoticon
“South”..I can find South, I just point my compass at redneck…
Emoticons. Slow news day? A bit hung over?
It’s true; God is mad because we fell for the Antichrist’s hopey malarkey and elected him, so God shows his vengence at us, 3-year-old-in-a-sandbox style.
In other news, Hugh Jackman is the Second Coming.
The picture’s pretty disappointing! I was expecting the entire sky to glower at me with disapproval for my star-hating ways, but it just looks like a shiny spot and a dim spot and the moon way down there. I think the sky is wearing a pirate eyepatch.
Jesus always frowns at me. he also shakes his head and sighs a lot at me. Or maybe that’s my dad.
I saw Jupiter banging Venus over the Eastern Sierra Saturday night. It was FUCKING. AWESOME. Get a telescope for some hawt space action. They seemed to line up perfectly, like a GLOVE.
Aw, so sad. Literally.
http://plightofthepumpernickel.blogspot.com
During a conjunction, two or more of the naked-eye planets seem to be huddled close together—but this proximity is misleading.
“Much like when you squish someone’s head with your thumb and index finger, there is no actual squishing.” Thank you, George Bush, for creating a nation of morons.
Where’d you get that gif, is it from a site explaining how emoticons are meant to be viewed, intended for old people who just logged onto the internet after their kids hooked up their AOL free trial so they could read the Hannity message boards, and they’re confused by all the punctuation nonsense at the end of messages?
And three moronic elected officials will follow this sign until they come to the Prince of Peace and then they’ll liberate him, hack him to death and take his oil.
BarthexDeRosa: He is the Second Third Fourth and Fifth coming. Quite possibly a Sixth. Man, I need a candy cigarette.
So…the moon thing. We are all just a cosmic joke, then? God’s doing it for the lulz?
Maybe the sad-face is because Bush actually said SORRY for something…
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28000264/
When Ken starts to plagiarize Sara’s posts, you know he is really hung over.
It’s Space Allah, Infidels!
Naked Bunny with a Whip: I’m confused. Your mom is banging Jebus?
Is Obama the death of comedy? This post says yes.
There is chaos in heaven, and the situation is excellent.
When did Sylvan Learning Center start advertising on Wonkette? I don’t know whether to be insulted or face the inevitable and click the link (and save $100!).
A star shining in the sky,
Bush leaving office,
gas is cheap,
It must be the end of days!
Space Jeebus? Is this some kind of Scientology thing?
charlesdegoal: You realize people are immediately banned for saying anything so lame as “slow news day?”, right? But you will have company! Airborne Toxic Event: This one!
4/\/\3r1KKK4 15 teh suXX0rz11111111
<3 60d
There goes my String Theory that the universe is one happy ball of wax.
I hope Sarah Palin can see the Southern sky from her window… and realize Allah be… pissed.
Actually I think there’s an error in semantic algebra here. The upside-down Australian version has the “smile” arc above the eyes - all mean and excited eyebrows for the eyes. This confirms that the opposite of “God Hates You” is the Australian version “Satan Loves You”.
Just looked up the time of sunset in these parts. It’s 4:22 p.m. That’s depressing.
Ken Layne: But you have not banned The Pumpernickel: !!!
He will blog about how you not-banning affects him very personally and spray his emotions with a coarse-toothed comb.
LOOK UP AT THE SKY TONIGHT PEOPLE. That is all the man here is trying to say. I mean, Jeebus.
shortsshortsshorts: It’s Jupiter and Eve, not Jupiter and Steve!
BarthexDeRosa: And not only that, he has a huge…. ackman.
Cookie Guggelman: Ha, you haz a S.A.D. (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/SAD)
Three wise men from the east (Nouri Al-Maliki, Ayatollah Al Kamenhi, and Curveball) will follow this star to Hopey’s inauguration.
Noodle Salad: Buuut…they’re only inches apart, depending on how far from my eye I hold the ruler.
Your mom is banging Jebus?
They didn’t call her Mary Magdeline at Catholic school for nothin’.
ShamWow: That’s sorta shocking. Not that it makes him seem more likeable — he makes it a bit more abstract by saying he’s sorry it happened on his watch, and then says the circumstances that caused it began well before he became president. I guess ignorance is always his fallback position. And then there’s this:
“I think most people voted for Barack Obama because they decided they wanted him to be in their living room for the next four years explaining policy.”
No, dumbass — we want somebody in the Oval Office who makes policy and understands it.
The best line from the Fox article is this one, that reminds us that Fox readers need a helping hand in the science department:
“While the planets and moon appear to be close together, in reality they’re not.”
“While the planets and moon appear to be close together, in reality they’re not. The moon is 250,000 miles away, while Venus is 93 million miles away and Jupiter 540 million miles away.”
WITCH! WITCH!
I’m convinced this was posted just to taunt hapless New Yorkers who can’t see a damn thing in the night sky.
pepe: I thought those little points of light were holes in the earth’s roof that were created that time God was really drunk and tried to shoot that bat that got into the house with a shotgun.
Is this the same Islamic moon that was hanging in the sky the night Hopey was elected? I think this one is a omen about the stock market.
So, is that what the name is of Farfour after he joins Sailor Moon? Islamic Moon?
I think if we follow these bright lights in the sky, it will lead us to Arkansas, where it is intended for us to pummel gay bashers, fundies, and Walmart executives.
somelegalbitch: You’re not missing anything. Our Frowny Overlord apparently can’t keep it from being overcast.
So I guess you sanctimonious sky watchers didn’t see it last night when the firmament was smiling at us did you? USA!USA!USA!
why does allah need to mock us? the saudis now own the moon.
That National Geographic story sure is heavy on the jesus and the shining star that led some guys to him with frankensense and merr and branston pickle. They even put a plug in there for their story about how Noah’s flood may have caused the beginning of agriculture. WTF??