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DAILY BRIEFING

The Secret Mating Rituals Of Japanese Polar Bears

  • Barack Obama has just been holding press conferences all over the place, and he will hold another one today, to introduce yet another cabal of eggheads who will advise him on economic matters. [AP]
  • Heading Obama’s economic recovery board will be Paul Volcker, the world’s largest living man over the age of 80. [CNN]
  • The Obamas sat down for an interview with Barbara Walters and nearly smothered beneath an avalanche of softballs. [ABC News]
  • Private citizens can only donate up to $50,000 per person to support Barack Obama’s inaugural activities. Apparently this is going to be a pricey event, on account of half the free world attending. [New York Times]
  • Barbara Bush — the old one, not Jenna’s sister — went to the hospital in Houston for abdominal pain, but she is OK. [Houston Chronicle]
  • It is apparently very difficult to determine the gender of polar bears. [CNN]


8:50 AM on Wed November 26 2008
By Sara K. Smith
915 Views

  1. But you can narrow down the sexing of polar bears. Tell them they are one fine-looking, foxy polar bear, and if they don’t rip you limb from limb and leave your bloody carcas on the ice they are either female or gay.

  2. Weeping Jesus says at 9:03 am, November 26th, 2008

    After each of Barry’s press conferences I find myself thinking: ‘Gee, that alone is one more than Palin held in two months of campaigning’. And then, suppressing a “what might have been” shudder, I look about for a small child to pat on the head and reassure with a smile.

  3. Monsieur Grumpe' says at 9:05 am, November 26th, 2008

    WadISay:
    The next step would be to play some Barry Manilow and if you’re not mauled in the butt sex way then it is female.

  4. Be wise with us, Mistew Pwesident-elect.

  5. 4tehlulz says at 9:06 am, November 26th, 2008

    Well, when the polar bears are extinct, gender issues won’t matter for them.

    Who said global warming was all bad? It took care of a very difficult problem!

  6. mattbolt says at 9:08 am, November 26th, 2008

    Een my country, “Barbara” is mean to eat, and “Bush” is mean a vajeen, so, Barbara Bush, is funny, yes?!

  7. ManchuCandidate says at 9:09 am, November 26th, 2008

    Polar Bears are so much psychotic than the ah-verag bear, Boo Boo.

    All that time alone among the ice flows, walrus and eating all that mercury would do that to anyone really.

  8. mattbolt says at 9:09 am, November 26th, 2008

    A pantsless Mark Foley burst into the middle of the Obama interview, shouting “Did SOMEONE say DROWNING IN SOFT BALLS?!”

  9. mattbolt says at 9:10 am, November 26th, 2008

    ManchuCandidate: Bipolar bears?

  10. “you know, I have a deep religious faith, and a faith in people that, you know, carries me through the day.

    You know, the election is over Barry, so you can quit, you know, spouting the Jeeblish.

  11. freakishlystrong says at 9:14 am, November 26th, 2008

    mattbolt: Funny, si!

  12. WagTehGod says at 9:23 am, November 26th, 2008

    See, even the polar bears no it’s bad to be gay!

  13. MARCdMan says at 9:27 am, November 26th, 2008

    If I lived where polar bears live I’d want my naughty bits furred over too.

  14. Theodorick Of York says at 9:36 am, November 26th, 2008

    mattbolt:
    So, what is means “George”?

  15. glamourdammerung says at 9:40 am, November 26th, 2008

    So, is the hospital working out very well for Barbara Bush? Or should we not waste our beautiful minds worrying about her?

  16. Larry Fine says at 9:41 am, November 26th, 2008

    How do you tell Barbra Bush from polar bear? They are both huge, white, with nasty dispositions.

  17. shanemcgowan says at 9:45 am, November 26th, 2008

    The President-Elect’s press conferences may feature an avalanche of softballs, but they are completely devoid of decapitated poultry.

  18. Cheapskates. What the hell am I gonna do with my AIG bonus this year if I can only blow $50k at the the big party in DC. Please tell me that’s $50k per person, not per family.

  19. hedgehog says at 9:51 am, November 26th, 2008

    Maybe Barbara Bush is having a miracle baby, like the Biblical Sarah who gave birth at 90?

    This could be how the Bush family repositions itself for a future political renaissance as W. and Jeb get a new little brother — Barack Hussein Bush.

  20. magic titty says at 9:54 am, November 26th, 2008

    Is it hard to know a polar bears gender because you can’t just walk up and grab on their johnsons/vajeens?

  21. Those bears better get busy with the lesbian sexin’, what being endangered and all.

    Poor Baba Wawa, reduced to pitching softballs.

    It’s be nice for Jan. 20th to roll around a bit earlier so I can stop worrying about the Final Screw.

  22. Woohoo, Volcker will be int he white house!

  23. Sussemilch says at 10:09 am, November 26th, 2008

    Brrharroom. You must understand, young Barack, it takes a long time to say anything in Old Economics. And we never say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say.

  24. Theodorick Of York says at 10:11 am, November 26th, 2008

    magic titty:
    Actually, that’s the only way to know…you just don’t know for long.

  25. p-Sludge ofTheElves says at 10:12 am, November 26th, 2008

    >>It is apparently very difficult to determine the gender of polar bears.<<

    Also known as “sexing” them.

  26. I like my eggheads in cabals.

  27. cal: Served with some bacon. Mmmmmm…bacon…

  28. Don’t discount the softball. The softball, with it’s cousin the “be more specific” soft follow-up, rendered Sarah Palin mentally incapacitated in like seven interviews. She’s still recovering emotionally from the soft horror. She’s now taken to holding press conferences in front of extreme acts of animal violence just so people won’t concentrate on her words.

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  29. Scott-san says at 11:05 am, November 26th, 2008

    glamourdammerung: When I read about Babs on the news, I expressly came here to make the same comment.

  30. sanantonerose says at 11:24 am, November 26th, 2008

    Cabal of eggheads? I’m betting they’ll taste delicious with some Hollandaise.

  31. Lascauxcaveman says at 12:13 pm, November 26th, 2008

    Monsieur Grumpe’: Honestly, would it have been that much more trouble to spell it “Beary Manilow” ?

  32. Middy da Poo says at 12:14 pm, November 26th, 2008

    Barbara Bush had food poisoning. That’s what happen when you eat babies and puppies that haven’t been properly refrigerated.

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