WASHINGTON, DC, 09:06 PM, TUE FEBRUARY 9 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS
THEY CHEAT WITH THEIR DUMBNESS

Al Franken Will Win Minnesota Senate Seat Because More Stupid Voters Like Him

Dignity.Have you all been following this Franken-Coleman senatorial recount drudgery on the FiveThirtyEight? Good for you! Certain Wonkette editors have resisted wading into those treacherous waters, for they are abrim with regression analyses & dragonnes & awful flashbacks to Florida of 2000. But here is a funny non-maths-related theory about the soul-sucking recount process in Minnesota, and one novel Republican explanation for why the venerated radio host Al Franken will win!

While the conventional wisdom is that these recounted ballots should break the same way as the broader election results, Republicans fret that sloppy Democratic voters might mean Franken votes emerging as the recount continues.

“Democrats are [thought to be] more creative, free-spirited, so the idea is they’re more likely to make a mistake that the optical scan won’t pick up,” explains Hentges. “But when they recount the hard copy, those votes will be counted for Franken. If you talk to Republicans, they say it will be Franken’s advantage, because Democrats are stupid and will screw up ballots more often.”

Honestly, it’s pretty hard to detect a pattern to the idiocy illustrated in these disputed ballots. IT IS REALLY NOT HARD TO FILL IN A CIRCLE, PEOPLE. In Minnesota, the inability to fill out a simple ballot according to very straightforward instructions knows no political party. This is why it’s now a tossup as to whether Minnesotans will be represented by a buffoon with a Flowbee addiction or a buffoon who wears diapers and bunny ears.

Sloppy Dems may spell Franken advantage [Politico]


10:28 AM on Mon November 24 2008
By Sara K. Smith
14388 Views

  1. MarieDeGournay says at 10:33 am, November 24th, 2008

    For my money, buffoon in diapers and bunny ears anytime.

  2. Voted for Mondale says at 10:34 am, November 24th, 2008

    Don’t blame me! I voted for the Lizard People!

  3. NotLaughing says at 10:34 am, November 24th, 2008

    Venerated?

  4. To think that the fate of the universe rests on the ability to execute a skill voters learned all the way back in pre-school!

  5. The next time anyone complains about electronic voting machines, I’m going to throw that Minnesota Public Radio page in their faces. If you’re too retarded to fill in a goddamn circle, you probably shouldn’t be voting.

  6. Diapers are for Republicans, so I’m confused…

  7. It’s heartening that the system has safeguards to account for Democrats tragic inability to vote competently. At least Franken will not be penalized for the tragic scantron ineptness of his supporters. I do hope that they are able to correctly tally the votes for Lizard People as well. I really want to know if Lizard People votes will have swung the election.

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  8. BarthexDeRosa says at 10:41 am, November 24th, 2008

    Not being from MN, I have to ask: That photo… a still from a Franken campaign ad?

  9. NotLaughing says at 10:45 am, November 24th, 2008

    I think he looks good in his diapers.

    He didn’t have Tommy the Turkey Killer
    in the background, but he was still fine.

  10. doberhauser says at 10:45 am, November 24th, 2008

    Fucking Anoka/Dakota counties. Why do you have to make us Hennepin county people look stupid?

  11. Neon Trotsky says at 10:46 am, November 24th, 2008

    So should we be like the SATs and move to add essay questions in addition to the “scantron test” voter ballots? I’d bet there would be some funny answers if voters had to explain in essay form whom they were voting for and why…

  12. Nate Silver:

    In addition, the regression analysis contains interaction terms between each combination of two variables, as well as an interaction term for all three variables, all of which are statistically significant. The regression is weighted by the square root of the number of ballots cast in that precinct.

    fap fap fap fap fap….

  13. friendlynerd says at 10:48 am, November 24th, 2008

    Voted for Mondale:
    You should trademark that right now before someone beats you to the bumper sticker!

  14. Naked Bunny with a Whip says at 10:49 am, November 24th, 2008

    I think I have a picture like that of myself, sans the diaper.

  15. SayItWithWookies says at 10:51 am, November 24th, 2008

    Also, more Democrats than Republicans tend to be homeless, drink Sterno and have acid flashbacks, which could be responsible for twitching and irritability when trying to fill in those little ovals.

  16. NotLaughing says at 10:52 am, November 24th, 2008

    I think Sans the Diaper left to go to work.

  17. Sans the Diaper says at 10:55 am, November 24th, 2008

    Nope I’m still here!

  18. shanemcgowan says at 10:57 am, November 24th, 2008
  19. AngryBlakGuy says at 11:01 am, November 24th, 2008

    …can you guys please stop using this photo, you are totally ruining my fetish!!!

  20. jagorev: My thoughts exactly. Maybe we need to revisit some form of the old Jim Crow laws. Not to exclude anyone based on race, just a very basic test of one’s ability to fill in a circle. You know, that old kindergarten thing about coloring inside the lines.

    Think of it as as form of ’survival of the fittest’ for voters. Charles Darwin meets elections.

  21. Rev. Juan MessyCan says at 11:03 am, November 24th, 2008

    NotLaughing: I think it’s more like “venerealated.”

    Um… yes it’s a word! I had someone call me last week from the free clinic to tell me I’d been venerealated.

  22. Capitol Hillbilly says at 11:07 am, November 24th, 2008

    diapers are for those who starburst their shorts

  23. Larry McAwful says at 11:09 am, November 24th, 2008

    Dammit, filling in those circles is hard. I’m a smart Democrat who got a 610 on his SATs because of the hardness of circle-filling. The intolerant Harvard admissions fascists still gave me crap about it.

    I bet the Lizard People couldn’t get into Harvard, either.

  24. Styrofoam Boots says at 11:09 am, November 24th, 2008

    When I voted for Franken I wrote “hellz yes” on my ballot… but it took up the whole circle, does that count?

  25. They aren’t circles, they’re OVALS, which is DIFFERENT, therefore HARDER!!

    Seriously, there were many people with mixed emotions about the Coleman/Franken race. I was a DFL “ballot challenger” last week, and the number of people who voted one way, then crossed it out, filled in another oval, drew arrows and circles and made notes, etc. was surprising. Only for this Senate race, not the others — and a lot of drop-off in votes from Obama to Franken. Good thing the Repugs didn’t use the bunny-diaper pic, or it would truly be all over.

  26. Democrat voters are more free spirited, indeed!

    When I stopped using crayons to vote, I did become more interested in drawing a charactiture of the candidate I really wanted to win in the write-in space. Then again, its easy to draw lizard people

  27. When I voted, I drew a pentagram in human blood on the ballot and wrote “Death to the Infidels.” Gee, I hope it didn’t cause any confusion.

  28. This may be Nate Silver’s Waterloo.

  29. Is it wrong to like Al Franken’s legs?

  30. Larry McAwful says at 11:13 am, November 24th, 2008

    Say, I have a crazy idea. Why don’t we just affix a list of all the candidates for each office in the voting booth? Then we could give each voter blank slips of paper to write names on, and they could drop those names in boxes marked for each race: one for president, one for Senate, one for House, etc. And if some doofus still drops, say, the Franken ballot into the president box or something, we can just move that ballot to the correct box. Of course, if we’re facing, say, a House election and a Senate election in a district where both candidates happen to have the same last name, we’d be facing all kinds of problems.

    Sloppy handwriting would no doubt gum things up badly, though. People always find ways to screw voting up. I have faith in them.

  31. cal: Yes.

  32. robanybody says at 11:14 am, November 24th, 2008

    I are demucrut and I not stoopid, are I? I like Al Franklun he yoosed to say fuck but now dusn’t, does that mek me bad?

  33. Walter Sobchak says at 11:16 am, November 24th, 2008

    Dave J.: Epic Win.

  34. Kingbee: They couldn’t use that pic: It would lead to confusion over Party ID. only someone who poses like that could be a childfucker and very knows that Republicans are the child-fuckers!!!

  35. Larry McAwful says at 11:18 am, November 24th, 2008

    ph7: That’s very possible. Still, saying that a candidate is going to win by 27 votes is pretty ballsy. If he’s off by, say, thirty and Franken wins by 57 votes, Silver will be celebrated as a living god. But if he’s off by thirty and Coleman wins by 3 votes, Silver will be discredited permanently and forced to sew a scarlet letter Z on all his clothes, like they made John Zogby do after the 2004 presidential election.

  36. metropolitan says at 11:22 am, November 24th, 2008

    he’s turning out to be as good a politician as he was a comedian.

  37. finallyhappy says at 11:23 am, November 24th, 2008

    Hey, I loved Franken and Davis on SNL- in the old days- before most of you were born so Franken is my guy. I saw we go to voice votes or raising our hands when they call out our candidates name.

  38. Al Franken: Diaper Change You Can Believe In

  39. Sans the Diaper says at 11:32 am, November 24th, 2008

    I don’t feel changed.

    Should I feel changed?

  40. Capitol Hillbilly says at 11:33 am, November 24th, 2008

    let us pause and give thanks …

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I31hQ8TrT5M

  41. Mustang: Right, we counted that as “Barkley”.

  42. p-Sludge ofTheElves says at 11:41 am, November 24th, 2008

    Brundlefly attempted to eat the ballot. Is that ok?
    Here is a pic of Brundlefly being taken to vote. Maybe not a good idea?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:BrundleVeronica2.JPG

    “How does Brundlefly eat? Well, he found out the hard and painful way that he eats very much the way a fly eats. His teeth are now useless, because although he can chew up solid food, he can’t digest them. Solid food hurts. So like a fly, Brundlefly breaks down solids with a corrosive enzyme, playfully called “vomit drop”. He regurgitates on his food, it liquifies, and then he sucks it back up. Ready for a demonstration, kids? Here goes… ”
    - http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0010294/quotes

  43. p-Sludge ofTheElves says at 11:48 am, November 24th, 2008
  44. “Franken was picked on just slightly very less than half of the ballots during the initial count”. Are you angling to become Bush’s ghost writer, Nate?

  45. gambypants says at 11:55 am, November 24th, 2008

    it’s true. democrats often think outside the box and republicans understand boundaries.

    http://www.charlietueats.com

  46. m_supercomputer says at 12:11 pm, November 24th, 2008

    Egad. Wonkette Overlords, I am filled with fear and respect for you, but that picture - ugh. Its use should be classified as a war crime.

  47. Hooray For Anything says at 12:26 pm, November 24th, 2008

    Get a brain Minnesota Democratic Morans

  48. IslandGirlFL says at 12:36 pm, November 24th, 2008

    As a Floridian I am thrilled this is going down. In 2000, Repubs started the “Democrats are stupid” line, while what they meant was “Democrats are stupid because they are black, brown, and/or really, really old.” So I am thrilled this is happening in the frozen WHITE north. HEE HEE

  49. Naked Bunny with a Whip says at 12:57 pm, November 24th, 2008

    I just scentmark the damned ballots.

  50. BoreExpert says at 1:13 pm, November 24th, 2008

    Hey, we’re all stoners. Give us a break.

  51. heroinmule says at 1:39 pm, November 24th, 2008

    Can they both lose? I can already hear Sean Hannity referring to “Obama and his Hollywood friends.”

  52. Toomush Infermashun says at 2:10 pm, November 24th, 2008

    Okay, coming in late…. I think the Diaper picture has actually been proved to be photoshopped…. HOWEVER, I for one am very, very interested in the one Naked Bunny with a Whip (sans diaper) has for comparison purposes mostly…. please share…..all right, I don’t give a damn about comparison purposes…. please share anyway….

  53. AngryBlakGuy: Especially since it’s fake. http://thinkprogress.org/2006/10/26/franken-ohio-photo/ Next time you run it, how about putting Norm’s face on it, with a little modesty blingee in the middle section.

  54. Come here a minute says at 2:33 pm, November 24th, 2008

    Kingbee: These blow up into funny shapes and all?

    Well no - unless round is funny.

  55. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 10:27 pm, November 24th, 2008

    Sara, you are obviously young. You try putting down your drink and voting and see how steady your hands are.

    Quacker: This is Franken’s attempt to reach across the aisle.

  56. Older voters who didn’t get standardized tested, and who have shaky hands and terrible eyesight actually find it very difficult to fill in those little circles.

Leave a Reply