Wonkette
Holy Jesus God do you know how bad this recession is? So bad that one of the most recession-proof industries ever invented, THE WEATHER, has now hit upon hard times. The Weather Channel is laying off some untold number of staff, probably millions, more than the whole auto worker’s industry plus Wall Street combined, because there is no weather anywhere anymore. There’s just no budget for it. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]
Is that cloud giving me the finger?
I don’t even care whether or not that photo is a ’shop. I love it.
Today we amend the old chestnut bumpersticker to say:
“JESUS LOVES YOU (but the weather gods think you’re an asshole)”
OMG, THE PUTINS HAVE INVENTED A WEATHER MACHINE TO MELT ALASKA AND KILL THE POLARS BEARS. NO MORE WEATHER4YOU. GLOBAL WARMING IS A FARCE - PUTIN IS A PHONEY BALONEY
How will I get my fill of constantly pregnant weather-hotties?
HOW!?!?!?!?!?
But … but … How will I know that it’s sunny outside now? HOW?
Old codgers are going to be rioting in the street if they lose their Weather Channel. Let me tell you, the streets of Naples and Sarasota will be pure chaos.
does that mean bill ayers is out of a job?
The weather might being going through cut backs, but snark? Snark lives. Oh, it lives.
In the past it’s been “everybody talks about the weather, but nobody ever does anything about it”. No longer. All of those laid off will move right over to Obama’s New New Deal WRP or “Weather Reclamation Project”, armed with laser guns, and shovels, to make a brighter day for all of us and Unicorns everywhere.
Just because there’s no weather anymore, why fire weatherpeoples? Capital Hill has no ethics yet Congress has ethics committees. Logic, please?
Chance of depression is fifty/fifty. Three day forecast: GRIM, GRIM and COMPLETELY GRIM.
metropolitan: You don’t have to be a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
Best. Fuck you. Cloud. Ever.
damn, a cutback in weathermen just as global warming was about to get good.
The Cold Sea: Yes, Subterranean Homesick Blues seems appropriate for these times.
Come here a minute: Seriously, The Good Soldier Svejk is the best book ever.
They’re only broadcasting quarterly now, and will be changing their name to The Climate Channel.
Business plan to bail out the weather channel: Hire hot chicks to do the weather, only have them take of clothes, ala the Naked News.
The clothes come off as the barometer falls.. (causing YOUR barometer to rise, if you catch my meaning)
Nothing says cold front moving in like rock hard nipples on perky young breasts!
In other news, Nate Silver has announced the launch of sunnyandseventytwo.com, in which he projects the weather with a .99125 correlation coefficient.
All is well.
i’m fine with that as long as accuweather doesn’t fire their totally unqualified weatherwomen from their video section.
in case you don’t know what i’m talking about they consist pretty much of young geeky/sexy women straight out of college stumbling through weather maps in tight outfits. it’s some of the best pandering i’ve ever seen to geeky guys who spend too much time on the internet who might feel guilty about suring for porn.
and it’s safe for work!
http://www.accuweather.com/video-on-demand.asp
azw88:
oh damn, you need to get your ass over to accuweather!
maybe weather.com shouldn’t have dropped their use of celsius and farenheit in favor of their new temperature measurements in relation to the temperature of a witch’s tit.
This means the job market will be glutted by people highly trained to stand in front of a blue screen and point to the general location of Florida without appearing to stroke it.
I hope they didn’t fire that weathergirl with the nice cans and tight sweater.
That cloud looks like a sheep to me. Sheep often tell me to go fuck myself.
TGY:
are you trying to say wolf blitzer got fired?
Fear not. CNN will continue to supply the necessary defectives willing to stand out in the midst of whatever Eighth Plague (cellulite? AA batteries? carnivorous investment brokers?) The Almighty sends our way. De-evolution WILL be televised!
If a category 5 hurricane falls in a forest and Jim Cantori isn’t there to hear it, does it make a sound?
If Jim Cantore needs to come out of the cold, he can always knock on my door.
Let’s all remember that the Weather Channel is not the real source of weather info… your own government is… it’s called the National Weather Service.
But how will I know if it is raining? It is almost like they expect me to go outside.
gurukalehuru: No, it’s God.
metropolitan: FTW!
The Cold Sea: Snark could be the next economic safe haven. Like gold, but with fewer mining-related deaths.
It’s long past time for the Wonkette IPO. People are tired of hope! They want cutting remarks, tinged with spite and despair! All that is needed is the vision to monetize a continuous sarcasm stream, which would lift this country out of its current doldrums and into a bright new future of wicked repartee and stinging commentary. Get on it people! Green jobs?? Pfft! We want MEAN jobs!
I believe the weather channel is redefining itself as a bank.
Now we can no longer afford weather….?
gurukalehuru: No, it’s a UNICORN! Even the weather is ghey for Hopey!
What does the market say about fog…? Can’t I afford anything…? How about my own private fog…? No…?
The black market for weather will be hot.
The weather is underground.
Is that a cold front in your pocket, or are you just depressed about the economy?
zetetic: Absolutely Brilliant. I’ll sign up for that job and I’m lazy as hell.
Come here a minute: Best “fuck you cloud” evar is to the left. Cuz it’s in space and shit.
Kev-O-Tron: Bill Ayers hopes this pushes the weather underground.
How do you guys have so many awesome perfect-for-the-story pictures to hand at all times? How do you do it?
What will Walnuts watch all afternoon now?
You’ll probably be able to see Weather Channel reruns in syndication.
Why doesn’t the Weather Channel just sell more commercial time? Make it 100% commercials instead of 95%. Then run a text stream under the ads that says, “weather today just great for shopping”
“Tonight’s forecast: dark. Continued darkness throughout the night, followed by widely scattered light in the morning.”
-George Carlin as the Hippie Dippy Weatherman
I heard they outsourced weather to HAARP, and that Sarah Palin runs it from the remote bush country of Alaska.
WadISay: Vice-versa.
“Who Will Bail Out Our Vital Weather-News Industry?”
Former US Senator Rick “Weepimg Fat Kid” Santorum [R-9th Ring of Hell] in his final months in the Senate tried. He introduced a bill to ban any publicly-supported (a.k.a. hippie radical) TV station from broadcasting weather news. True.
Repug Senator Mitch McConnell did not support the bill because he thought that it might bar Jesus-stations from reporting the Rapture.
Anyroad, did not pass.
I hope they don’t lay off the guy at the WC who figured how to sync-up the commercials. Remember when every forecaster would get cut off mid-sentence? Good times, good times!
I hope they don’t dump Existential Weather Guy
http://www.weather.com/tv/personalities/Dave-Schwartz.html?from=tv_pers_welc
blader:
oops wrong link
http://www.weather.com/multimedia/videoplayer.html?clip=5781&from=tv_pers_dschwartz
metropolitan: Very good
There’s a Weather Channel? I just watch that smart lady on Naked News. She only has the weather about a part of Ireland, but I don’t really care. She looks like a really nice preson.
It’s all about the Weather Channel music you know - and the babes, preggers or not.
I’m waiting for when the financial stations get pulled off the air.
As a Weather Channel junkie from age five, this comment thread tickles me in all the right places. But let me remind: just as we know, from up-blog, that Telemundo y/o Univision are the places to turn for hot anchor action, the weather-girls there are nothing to forget. Very tight skirts, flouncy tops (with just the right amt of exposed cleavage, i.e. a lot) — nom, nom, nom… I’m going to run a train on those weather-girls.
Oh great.
Now what am I going to sing
“Not a cloud in the sky got the sun in my eye it’s almost like
being in love”
to?
It’s not really going to go with The Food Network.