Wonkette
So, uh, the economy doesn’t seem to be doing much, uh, better. The S&P 500 is back down to 1997 levels. 1997! Everybody’s losing their jobs, if they still have jobs. Some are suggesting it will not even be a Merry Christmas, and that the real (Muslim) Jesus is sort of getting a kick out of all this. But do not worry, because some of you will evade foreclosure until January 9. Christmas is back!
Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac, the stupidly named mortgage giants that were started by the government and released into the wild until they both fucked up everything so badly that the government had to bail ‘em both out and take over, again, announced today that those of you people teetering on the edge of foreclosure and with a Fannie or Freddie mortgage get a little time out until January 9.
It is going to be cold on January 9, that night, sleeping in your car. But still, Christmas!
Hmm… January 9? But that’s before Obama takes office. How is the editorial of the Wall Street Journal (and Larry Kudlow) going to blame the mass of homeless hobos on Obama if they’re homeless already by the time he takes office? I’m sure they’ll find a way.
Happy New Fear!
Now a bunch of retards are going to be like “OH GOODS WE ARE IN OUR HOMES FOREVER NOW” and they wont actually come up with a plan to evade foreclosure. Everyone’s going to go out, buy a bunch of shit-presents and then realize on January 9, 2009 that they have no fucking place to put them.
Bunch of heathens, I tell you, burn them all for getting my rent raised. BURN THEM.
I can’t even snark. God, people are fucking stupid.
I should be really worried about the whole 1997 S&P thing, but as someone who lost a lot of money in the stock market in 2000-2001, hasn’t made much since then, and feels bad about generally being an underachiever, I for one welcome the Festivus Miracle. It is as if the universe has said, don’t worry, ya big fat idiot, neither you nor the S&P have much to show for the last decade.
I very much look forward to many big boxes under the tree on the Big Day. That the boxes will be empty will be a bonus for I shall inhabit them on a rotating basis. The tree will be the pin oak nearest the Hell Gate Bridge in the park, yonder.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m investing heavily in lottery tickets. So far, the return is higher than my 401K or stock portfolio. I actually got a dollar back yesterday.
They can all live in abandoned auto assembly plants.
Sooo, they’re officially putting a time limit on the average American attention span: 15 days, if I’m not mistaken…
Let’s see,… last year Suzie and Billie both moved back in with us… this year we all moved back in with my folks… January 9 we’ll all be moving in with the wife’s folks, and in February, back to Grampa and Gramma Sorenson….it’s like Christmas all over again and again and again…hopefully it won’t be until March or April that we’re moving under the boardwalk…WHERE ARE ALL THE HOMELESS GOING TO GO WHEN WE TAKE THEIR PLACE??????…..
Merry Xmass my Fannie (Mae)!
I had a pocket full of spare change, with which I was planning on buying foreclosed homes as Xmas presents for my loved ones.
Bah, humbug!
All of my siblings are in the military so I don’t have to buy presents. I just need to mail them cards. So there, Christmas.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Actually, living in an abandoned factory sounds really cool, unless the Simpsons lied:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homer’s_Enemy
By then I’ll be starting my new hobby, squatting.
In Crawford Texas.
Yes the economy in KevoTron’s world is a little dour. I’ve been watching my company whither and die and it’s really fucking depressing. I work for a small corporation owned by two lifelong friends who pursued their dream. I work in sales selling in “the long tail” for those of you who care. Our niche market is completing drying up and our competition is failing even faster than we are.
Today I sat in my charming, little office with French doors and antique furniture. Outside I watched as the owners sold the remaining office furniture part and parcel. Lay offs have occurred slowly and mine is next (probably after Thanksgiving). I have no animosity about that because it’s a business decision but it’s just really sad. Today we got an email saying “please come to work prepared for MANUAL LABOR next week” because we are demolishing certain offices to consolidate space and lower the rent.
Sorry for the long post low on snark but I’m shitting in my underoos right now. I’ll close by saying “Truck Nutz” and will now go eat dicks with ranch dressing at happy hour.
Chao.
HairyIckey: Sorry, too much time away. I keep failing at this Wonkette business.
Also, the drinking doesn’t help.
Now that a Muslin is President we will celebrate reverse Christmas.
If it’s 1997 again, then President Clinton will save us. We just have to remember not to elect that Bush dumbass again. Although he does have a winning folksy charm…
I predict an outbreak of festive Christmas arson.
Kev-O-Tron: Will we celebrate Muslim Hanukkah?
Kev-O-Tron: clearly I wouldn’t be as sympathetic if I didn’t find you here on Wonkette on a daily basis during work hours, which makes me so sad, so sad, and I know I speak for all the other Wonketeers who are working so hard at this hour to get and stay as drunk as possible in the hope that our pathetic efforts at comic response will have some positive influence in your life as a hobo… my dear, disturbed friend…. I salute you…
But first, a word from our sponsors!!
I have to manage the lifestyles of the rich and famous and call the whaaaambulance every day when they have to downgrade one of their ridiculous luxuries as they freak out about their futures. I’m so sick of the celeb/luxury culture and its influence on the consumer. But watching the red carpet douche brigade in financial distress gives me some comfort since I’ll now be fighting with Sarah Palin at the clearance rack at Loehmann’s.
Kev-O-Tron: Mi caja, su caja.
Great. So now the massive spike in foreclosures in January will be Obama’s fault.
Kev-O-Tron: Group Hug. U Haz It. Srsly.
Soon, there will be a revolution, with torches and pitch forks. Poor versus rich.Or, anyone who makes less than 250.
That will be the redistribution of wealth I can get behind.
The thought actually crossed my mind today that maybe I should stay in grad school an extra year. I really fucking hate grad school. This is serious business.
Merry Christmas, kids. Aren’t you glad we can celebrate in our very own home. Now here’s your presents, a cardboard box and a Goodwill sleeping bag for each. Now throw all your crap into this shopping cart and let’s get out before the sheriff gets here.
What’s doubly (n+ly ?) frustrating about this mess is that a good deal of it was caused by an ultra-crass landscape and soul swallowing consumerism. How many abandoned mcmansions are standing on land that was formerly occupied by farms, woods, prairies, or whatever?
Wait a minute. Isn’t Jan. 9 about the time the RC celebrate the Feast of the Circumcision? So, foreskin & foreclosures? Hum. Jesus ought to be a little miffed @ that.
Course, it could be when the Magi skedaddled on back to their comfy kingdoms, I forget, being a “fallen Catholic” — no my knees are just fine, thanks.
This reminds me of those special deals where you can go into debt and not make any payments for six months, or even a year.
Because surely by then you can finally win the lottery. It’s hope too many dumb Americans believe in.
Kev-O-Tron: As they say to Gary Coleman in the finale of “It Sucks to Be Me” in Avenue Q, You Win! It sucks the most to be you.
Being married to an old west coast Firefighter who has a stable pension (that he helped negotiate while being a union president) looks pretty good, even if it’s been a long time since I’ve had money to go anywhere or do anything but sit here and listen to you losers.
At least I’m not freezing, but not warm, either. The electric rates have gone up.
This is horrible news for those of us on the axis side of the War on Christmas.
tunamelt: Yeah?? Well, my family is agnostic, so we don’t have to buy anything! Period! :-p
OffTheRecord: That’s what I did back in 2003– the era of the .com bubble burst. I had just graduated with my Bachelor’s degree in EE, and couldn’t find a job anywhere– no one could.
God this thread is getting depressing.
OK, guys, enough with the bummers! We need more snark around here. How about this??
http://www.cblpi.org/calendar/
A fantabulous calendar of lovely Republibabes wearing dead animals, with no Caribou Barbie to be found! What, she couldn’t find a mink to shoot form her helicopter?
This should be a vein of snark we could mine for hours on end.
OffTheRecord: Not a bad idea as long as you’re not increasing your debt too much. If you’re taking another $50K in loans, though, you’re probably better off just hitting the streets and working bagging groceries to pay your living expenses until the Chinese start lending us money again.
USA! USA! USA!
At least I get to throw W’s invasion of Iraq in the face of every Republican who ever complains about taxes for the remainder of our once great nation’s life.
Atoz: I sent this to the Wonkette overlords earlier today but I guess it didn’t pass their vaunted muster for their blog. Are they saying a dead woman (CB Luce) is hotter than Bible Spice, Laura Ingraham, Monica Crowley and all of the Faux News anchor whores?
Texan Bulldoggette: Oh & Kathleen Parker must have really pissed them off because she actually is moderately attractive, well, more attractive than say, Ann Coulter’s ginormous Adam’s apple.
Texan Bulldoggette: Hmmmmm, we haven’t had a Republican necrophilia scandal yet. Could it be there is one waiting in the wings? That would be *some* Festivus present!
rambone: My tuition is paid through a fellowship and I make enough money to pay rent and buy booze. Really, what more do you need? If it wasn’t for my deep seeded hatred of academia I would stay forever.
DustBowlBlues:
Stop gloating.
Karma Karma Karma
At some point, funding will be cut to fight fires.
OffTheRecord: Good for you! You’re better off than most every person in this country.
P.S. I envy and hate you.
Atoz: As a big fan of dead animals, you have just convinced me to be Republican. We the Slaughter shall be bountiful this year. FEAST. FEAST ON THANKSGIVING. Eat tons of flesh, act like you all love your families, and then tell your therapist how hurtful it was to deal with the trauma.
Thank the Gorilla for Thanksgiving.
I wish my box was that nice.
Kev-O-Tron: Well, liquidate your assets, get the best Winnebago you can get for cash and head on up to my remote corner of the Pacific NW. You can park on my spread; I’ve got 5 acres of all the firewood you can cut, and my wife won’t even know you’re there ’cause she’s not exactly the outdoorsy type, even though we live in the thick, green and pungent heart of the most lush (wet) and beautiful outdoors you can imagine. Bonuses include a small town stocked with plenty o’ minimum wage jobs going begging and a real well-stocked food bank down the street from where I work.
If you’re into amateur symphony orchestras and community theatre type shit, we’ve got that in spades, too. Overqualified hobo heaven.
Also, if you have $.99 left of overhead on your VISA card, download “Hocus Pocus” by Focus off of iTunes and put on your iPod. Just play it over and over again. You cannot simultaneously listen to that song and be sad. You just can’t.
BTW, these Depression-era images are great. My father was raised in a shanty just like the one in today’s photo.
Atoz: Not yet - but only because no one has been through Cheneys basement yet.
Lascauxcaveman: Wow! that sounds exactly like our place! Except it’s the opposite - dry instead of wet. Maybe we can switch up every 6 months so you can dry out and we can hydrate.
We will take the horses with us - but you will need to feed the goats.
This so sweet here. We can start little Wonkette Snark Camps all over this once great nation.We will have everything we need to remake our mini worlds in our happy go lucky ways. We’ll have horses firewood abortions Phd’s assfuck porn books cardboard boxes and I hope some guns and gold and a couple of blimps. If we born our babies in Alaska we can all get paid when we all migrate in the summer to our homesteads *up there* and get temp work on some kind of animal killing type job. Then down to our hot dry Christmas time peyote farms and if the harvests are good over to FL to visit Angryblkguy for a couple of weeks of good times. I’m rereading The Fan Man so I can get back into the 1970’s boarded up abandoned burned out buildings East Village of my well spent youth.
Oh,fuck.
shortsshortsshorts: There is no evading foreclosure. It will happen. This just gives the people time to be somewhere else by January 9.
Love those depression photos. I’ve got the 21st century model. Check it out at the bottom of my homepage.
http://www.waynesdrainsmontana.com
I guess I had to upload phots before people could see them, go figure huh.
http://www.waynesdrainsmontana.com
Good job Wayne.
rocktonsammy: Hey good idea, Bushwacker is looking for digs in Dallas so folks could just take over the Crawford ranch, it has the fake lake already stocked with bass and the like so we could fish for an actual protein rich meal!!!!!