There were always two of them, at America’s favorite comedy blog, National Review Online. It was the Rule of the Two, as written by Dark Lord Reagan, on Dagoba. “Kathleen” would be a clever writer and kind of funny and attractive, although still a terrible Fascist, and “Kathryn” would be, well, “K-Lo.” Obviously, the smarter of the two would eventually be forced to admit that Sarah Palin is a dumb cretin. And now this one, Kathleen Parker, is touching herself in a tub of Holy Water, while smoking her last cigarette and laughing at the idiot bible-thumpers who ruined the Republican Party, forever. This is all in the Washington Post!
Here, this is how she starts her column today:
As Republicans sort out the reasons for their defeat, they likely will overlook or dismiss the gorilla in the pulpit.
Three little letters, great big problem: G-O-D.
I’m bathing in holy water as I type.
To be more specific, the evangelical, right-wing, oogedy-boogedy branch of the GOP is what ails the erstwhile conservative party and will continue to afflict and marginalize its constituents if reckoning doesn’t soon cometh.
Okay, she has just called wingnut Christians a bunch of “oogedy-boogedy” gorillas. No wait she called GOD a gorilla. Kathleen really does want to go to the cool cocktail parties in Washington! And if she keeps up this assault on the Religious Right, it is okay with us if she comes to the parties — especially if she keeps attacking Sarah “Mouth-Breathing Slob” Palin.
Anyone watching the two conventions last summer can’t have missed the stark differences: One party was brimming with energy, youth and diversity; the other felt like an annual Depends sales meeting.
With the exception of Miss Alaska, of course.
And then there’s this delightful bit of moronic gibberish from Our Stupid Sarah, which Parker quotes, sneeringly:
“I’m like, okay, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I’m like, don’t let me miss the open door. Show me where the open door is…. And if there is an open door in (20)12 or four years later, and if it’s something that is going to be good for my family, for my state, for my nation, an opportunity for me, then I’ll plow through that door.”
Let’s do pray that God shows Alaska’s governor the door.
Ha hah, if Parker even believed in the wingnuts’ Clown God, it would only be for the purpose of wishing It would annihilate Sarah Palin!
Predictably, all the wingnut blogs are calling for her immediate execution, in a burqa.
Giving Up On God [Washington Post]
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Kat Fight! But not in a boner rising way.
I want to spend time alone with her under a cloth coat.
Bitch.
Top that Peggy Noonan.
‘oogedy boogedy’: AHHAhAhahAHahAHaha…I’m speechless.
silly Wonkettards who thought there would be nothing to post about after the election! There is always more!
I always think of this video when Sarah talks about plowing through doors. This is Sarah at :22 seconds into the clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rThe6d-EGpA
Get out of my head, Kathleen.
I wouldn’t mind running the fear of god in her, just to remind her of what she hath forsaken.
Maybe there is common grough with some conservatives: Hatred for the religious right.
This is the first time I’ve been attracted to a conservative for her brain….I feel so dirty.
Dang Shep Smith & Kathleen Parker have definitely gone rogue. I await their Stepford replacements.
This is so indescribably full of win that I have no snark. Kathleen Parker has sucked up all the snark in the room and spat it on paper. I am flabbergasted with schadenfreude.
[re=181247]Gopherit[/re]: ground….jeez, WTF brain.
Goddamn it, I always get sucked in to those batshit comments, the fucking Religious Right are crazier than a sack of rabid weasles.
i never thought i’d agree with someone from NRO. i’m embarrassed.
Bitch needs to sit down and read some Milton. Or Hegel. Or Burke. Or whatever it is the cool conservative kids are supposed to be reading.
I mean, come on, take away God and what do the Republicans have left to cling to? Their guns? Without God, who are you supposed to know who you’re shooting at? (that’s why you’re not supposed to sell guns to the Muslins.)
Poor conservatives — they really think they’re Moses + Ronald Reagan, leading the ignorant masses out of the wilderness into the Promised Land. And every damn time they lead their people into a slot canyon or a cave full of bears, they off a few more of their followers because they brought Yahweh’s wrath down on them for not believing enough. And so the cycle of stupidity continues. It’d be sad if only they weren’t so damn mean everytime someone tried to point out their errors. Same time tomorrow, guys.
If equilibrium is to occur, she needs to pen 1894 additional, consecutive non-crazy columns to get back to square one.
Robert Novak is out and about trying to hit kathy with his car, oops he just hit a kid, wait is he laughing?
“But, like it or not, we are a diverse nation, no longer predominantly white and Christian.”
Most of America = Like it.
GOP = Not.
The snakehandlers and sawdust crowd is displeased with Ms. Parker, who obviously is a satanette from the Hell. For one thing, she writes in English instead of Tongues.
*Munchmunchmunch*
Hey, this popcorn tastes like Karl Rove’s tears.
She couldn’t be any more true if she tried. This is a great column.
That ‘bathing in holy water’ shit will get her burned at the stake. That’s just the most evil fucking pornography a Catholic could imagine.
The wingnut hate mail she got after saying Palin was in over her head will probably seem like fan mail once the oogedy-boogedy branch finds its stamps.
I love all the posts on these blogs about how anyone who disagrees with them, or even has any kind of constructive criticism, is some kind of “fake conservative” or something. Conspiracy nuts are oh so much fun.
See I thought DraftSarah! was always referring to herself when she mentioned God.
At least this is how I explained away all those witch doctors
I will never read this blasphemer again, so help me Gorilla.
The problem with Liberals is they never admit they made a mistake. The Conservatives are doing well holding their ground on the Bailouts, they finally realize they have to stand up for something.
What color is the sun where these asshats live? DUBYA IS A CONSERVATIVE! Sheesh!
I am so ghey for KP duty right now.
And the vengeful, racist, Republican god will strike her down while she bathes in her (un)holy water! So it shall be written, so it shall be done!
Well Mark, this numbskull Parker will learn in time, that if you hand liberals an olive branch they will whack the hell out of you with it.
Wingnut BDSM porn.
That’s me in the closet
That’s me in the men’s room, I’m
Losing my election
Trying to heard the cats & you
And I don’t know if I can hide it
Oh no, I’ve read too much
I haven’t bred enough
I thought that I heard you clashing
prop 8 is the only thing
I think I thought I saw flat earth
Give me 90 seconds with that MILFalicious little maverick and I’d make her see God. (And shout out for Jeezus.)
I’m so happy that I lived to see the day that the religious right has achieved the distinction of being the “dirty hippies” of the Republican Party.
Looks like KP has crossed over to the dark side. Or the mocha side, rather.
Join us. We have cookies.
Oogedy-Boogedy in what respect Charlie?
I like KP, even though her glamour shot here is nothing like what she really looks like.
Problem is if you take away all the people Kathleen’s talking about and move them out of the Republican party, they will lose fully 1/2 of their voting power. Red State America is what it is because of that mob. Rove knew it. McCain knew it. Palin knows it. Listen to Hannity for half an hour. He’s still talking about Ayers, Wright and Rezko, fanning the Terrorist/SocialistAntichrist flames. The mob loves it, eats it up, spits it back out and then eats the vomit.
They’re not going anywhere. Good luck getting them away from the party now that Sister Sarah has shown them that she was anointed for “a time such as this.”
The Right Wing are justifying their loss with “the clueless masses were deluded by the mainstream media.” They’re getting organized and will be back – and they can’t survive without the fear-mongers.
Dream on, Brooks, Sullivan and Parker. This party’s only getting started.
[re=181285]wheelie[/re]: Win.
[re=181260]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “And every damn time they lead their people into a slot canyon or a cave full of bears ….” You make it sound like so much fun.
[re=181285]wheelie[/re]: “So help me gorilla” is … well, I am going to teach my kid this phrase, tonight.
Oh, why do the columnists saying crazy crap about Parker have to be Jewish- Finklestein and Klein -and then Princess Sarah’s biggest supporter, Bill Kristol??(or they were all Jewish at one time- but everyone will think they are even if they aren’t anymore).
This will be held against me-I know it(and I care about me a lot). What is it with my people????? We used to be the really smart liberal ones. I am going to see if I can get them excommunicated(yes, we do have that- it is called Herem- I am just not sure how or why it is done)
It’s so funny when self-professed intelligent Republicans who’ve built entire careers out of playing the Bitters for fools suddenly step back in horror as the monsters they’ve created come to life and attempt to wreak havoc on the nation they’ve been so busy manipulating to their own benefit.
If Kathleen Parker and Christopher Hitchens make a sexytime, where will they baptize the offspring?
Also, I’ve read some of her other stuff and she is my new pretend girlfriend.
[re=181276]blader[/re]: It would be worse if she was bathing in holy water while using a crucifix as a dildo.
[re=181326]RadioFreeBabylon[/re]: I will offer the happy argument that you are wrong, and that the only thing giving these cretins a tenuous hold on power — a tie in 2000, Ohio in 2004 — was the engagement of the wingnut base, with the help of nationalistic frenzy whipped up by 9/11.
Without terrorism, they lose. With an engaged non-wingnut base, they lose forever.
There are never enough Republicans to honestly win races. This is why voter suppression and riling up the “Reagan Democrats” (poor people cleverly scammed into voting for rich people’s interests, through the witchcraft of “social conservatism” and plain old racism) is the only way Rove squeaked by in 2000 and 2004.
Yet it didn’t work in 2006 or 2008, because there aren’t enough engaged poor southern/rural whites to ever win against rich urbanites, minorities, educated people, non-religious people and young people.
That is my Big Idea, anyways, which is not even original. And if I’m right, it will be incredibly fun to watch the permanent end of “social conservatism” as a partner of fiscal/elite Republicanism.
“[re=181285]wheelie[/re]: From now on, whenever someone tries to get me to believe in god, my answer will be, “Where is that marvellous ape?
This is all so foolish. Everyone knows that God is a Paultard.
[re=181361]sezme[/re]: Hey numbnuts, watch where you put those quotation marks. Sheesh!
[re=181357]Ken Layne[/re]: I disagree with whatever you’re saying and am too excited that I got the attention of the editor.
They don’t need terrorism. Before that it was abortion. Still is. The mob is bigger than you think and they exist wherever there are churches. You seem to be assuming that there can be no far righters in the following groups: rich urbanites, minorities, educated people, and young people.
One nice thing that this election win did for the Left was remove the tool of the Flag from the hands of the Christianists. All those people singing the national anthem in the streets and waving flags took away the power to call us unpatriotic. And patriotism to them is next to godliness – which is another subject entirely.
I never could fathom why religious people would sell their faith so easily to a group that basically came right out and said to them, “Look, we’re going to pretend to share your values because, hey, we’ve just realized we can win elections if we capture your votes.” Just like I can’t fathom now how they can be surprised that they’re about to be abandoned now that they’re so useless.
810 foot Jesus indeed.
[re=181345]WadISay[/re]: At a Jack Daniels distillery.
If Lindsay Graham gargled with some of that Holy Water, would it cure what “ails” him?
Ladies and Gentlemen–Kathleen Parker’s thinly disguised resignation letter.
Gorilla God or.. Gorilla GRODD?!?!
[re=181255]WalnutsThePlumber[/re]: scrub yourself with some of that Obama soap . . . and do it fast.
Parker is just jealous of how all the wingnut guys are drooling over the dumb bimbo Kristol picked up and brought to the party. Once the Palin gang-bang is over, they’ll appreciate her again.
[re=181357]Ken Layne[/re]: No Ken, they will be back. I don’t know how, but they will. They always come back. OTOH, so do we.
And Jonah Goldberg claps his hands over his ears going “LA LA LA LA LA LA”
No wait she called GOD a gorilla.
John McCain then made a joke about God and a rape victim, which would later be reconstructed as the Christmas miracle.
[re=181517]qwerty42, RadioFreeBabylon[/re]: Nah, Ken is right on this one, and the reason he’s right is that more young people are sidling away from the Jesus-magic than are sidling towards it these days. Why? It’s because, believe it or not, they are better informed and less likely to believe in fairytale shit as they reach voting age. (I blame teh internets for this, mostly.)
As the old ooogety boogety religionists die off, they are replaced by fewer young religionists. And people who have more exposure to how the world really works and are therefore interested in pragmatic matters over spiritual. Yes, yes, I know the oogeties breed (much) faster than normals, but still, a lot of them fall away over time.
(*Ahem* ex-Catholic here)
[re=181382]RadioFreeBabylon[/re]: God, guns and gays.
umm, well they managed to get teh gays all riled up good this time-so they are in for a national referendum fight on gay marriage.
The younger generation of the mega-churches are dropping out like flies.
The more traditional churches are starting to worry a bit more about poverty and climate change than the g-g-g of the fundies.
And Hopey gets to appoint the next Supreme Court replacements.
They will be even more marginalized when the current over 65 generation kicks the bucket. Parker is ‘concerned’ because they dont stand for anything relevant now, or any new ideas…their old ones have been proven wrong and no one believes them about anything else because of Bush.
Right Wing Politics + Christianity = Dominionism.
Ever read The Handmaid’s Tale?
Carrie_Okie: YAY!
Yes, but Virginia, there is a black hole for Republicans, and it is wonderful not to get too close and watch them shove each other into it….
[re=181282]The Station Manager[/re]: Even better, the one who refers to K as a “traitor”.
Well, you can always out yourself as a liberal Christian (in my case, Episcopalian) so you can get called names like “delusional retard” by your supposed political allies and “apostate humanist” by, well, delusional retards. And we don’t even get the satisfaction of thinking you’re going to burn forever in hell for being such meanines to us, since we’re so freakin’ into the universal love of God ‘n’ all that. Sucks hard for us.
But here’s a little shocker. “The One” is — truly in his hearts of hearts, not just for political show — one of us. BWAHHHAAAAA!!!!
She still sucks.
[re=181711]clover[/re]:
Theres hope I can believe in.
Anyone watching the two conventions last summer can’t have missed the stark differences: One party was brimming with energy, youth and diversity; the other felt like an annual Depends sales meeting.
W00t! This is almost good enough to make me forgive her “full-blooded American” crap. More Depends references, KP!
She’s off the reservation and good for her. All that’s left on that reservation, as far as intellect goes, is Sarah Palin, Joe The Plumber and the original Harumphin’ Colonel Pimplebutt Limbaugh — the orthodox GOP is a starvation diet for the mind.
[re=181404]One Yield Regular[/re]: “I never could fathom why religious people would sell their faith so easily…”
When we talk about the ‘Republican Religious Right’, we are talking about Fundamentalists- Not people who believe in a Creator or are spiritually inclined (Einstein believed in Spinoza’s God), but Fundamentalists- The kind of dullards who believe in creation “science” and who send money to nutcase televangelists. The reason Fundamentalists get played is because they’re dupes… And when it comes to playing a mark, no-one beats the Republicans.
That picture of Mark Finkekstein in the NewsBusters link looks like the Geico caveman.
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