Wonkette
Dudes… she is a gem. Sarah Palin. She gave a press conference yesterday — her first national press conference, ever — as part of the Republican Governors’ Association conference in the latest move for her nascent 2012 campaign.
Her astounding opening speech lasts for more than half of the press conference, and it’s classic Palin: the nouns are there (”governors,” “work,” “2012,” etc.), but everything in between is a hellish, primordial shitheap of misplaced modifiers, abrupt switchings of tense, and sounds that simply are not words.
And gerunds.
There are so many gerunds in places that do not need gerunds. She is insulting you with gerunds. She uses a gerund to start every “sentence” (more like, word-sequence). That is her way of telling you to fuck off and die.
The first reporter’s question, naturally, is, Why are you only talking to the media now? Palin answers that it’s because the campaign is over. We do not think she meant it that way, but who can even tell.
[YouTube]
We can only hope that she continues to be the voice of the Republican party.
LOLPalin
I won’t repeat now what I’ll be saying then…
Look at all them reporters hungry for a gaffe.
i had to go look up what a gerund was, thx a ton you elitest swine son of a motherless goat!!!
The only funnier thing is the rest of her GOP governor-colleagues fretting that she’s becoming “the face of the party.” Yes, who could have confused theocratic know-nothingism with the modern GOP? I’m so fucking addlepated!
Once a famewhore, always a famewhore.
Can’t wait till she shows up on Celebrity Boxing or the Surreal Life.
Fucking GERUNDS!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
For once my governor did something smart & put ‘whackjob diva’ out of her misery by ending the questions. It would have been nice if some intrepid journalist had asked her what she thought about the nuclear proliferation ban on countries outside of the GMT zone that abut the Danube River near Lithuania. Hee hee….
The best part about Sarah Palin is that “public intellectual” Ann Coulter has to defend the nitwit.
Gave up when she said “you guys are wanting to dissect the past”. Awful passive voice manner of speech, she looks terrified. Go away madam. You have ceased to be interesting.
…please someone, how do we donate to her 2012 campaign!?!?
Try to diagram some of those sentences. You can’t.
Also, she looks like she’s about to cry.
In what sense, Charlie?
The GOP: “My shoes hurt!”
Texan Bulldoggette: I was just thinking it’s a weird day when I can thank God I have a governor that I’m not totally ashamed of, and believe me–Rick Perry is pretty useless but at least his brain is actually connected.
Sarah Palin as nominee, and Michael Steele as RNC chair.
Can it possibly get any better than that?
…is Trig her speech writer?!
bignutz2:
I noticed that too. Could be she’s about to squeeze out another baby
bignutz2: She always looks like she’s about to cry when there’s no teleprompter. Makes you wonder why she’s putting herself through all this. Probably for the good of America.
OMG SHUT UP TROLLOP!
I’m sorry, but the only thing I wanted to come out of the 2008 election (other than a shattering Barry win) was for this idiotic moron to finally realize she was an idiot. Sadly, I don’t think she gets it. She still doesn’t get it. You are a stupid bitch, Sarah Palin. Now shut the FUCK up.
ivenson:
I like how “the past” now covers “last week.”
At this rate, I expect her to sorrowfully chide reporters for dissecting “the past” when they try to ask follow-up questions about the comment that just left her mouth. Don’t they understand that sentence is in the past, a full .5 seconds ago?
Listening to her speak evokes the phrase “stream of consciousness”. Then I realize that’s an insult to William Faulkner, so I try “stream of semi-consciousness”. But I realize that’s still wrong, so I settle for “river of shit.”
Mr. Newell you are doing a good job of holding down the fort. I daresay you have earned a puppy.
Why is she still talking?
http://www.entertonement.com/collections/7258/Palin-Post-Election-Comments-3
HuskyMescan: “I’m strong like the Hulk!!1!”
On of Andrew Sullivan’s readers found the earliest known new report about Sarah Palin. It’s pretty hilarious.
She looks like a deer in the headlights when she’s answering questions.
The best part is that CNN insists on quoting her unnecessary gerunds in one of their titles.
i can has transcript plz kthnxbyeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111onewantontwatwaffle
Ho jeez. If Jindal has an ounce of ambition he is now vowing by St. Christopher that he will destroy her in 2012.
NoWireHangers: ZOMGWTFOTL you are only saying that because she is a successful woman that won’t abort her daughter’s retarded babies /Lady Crystal Methe de Rothschild
Texan Bulldoggette: Wow. She made Governor Goodhair (rest in peace, Molly) look wise and clever.
You know what Newell? Not everyone is a genius at sentence making like you Elite Bloggers. Some of us went to crappy public skools and attended colleges that recruit at the special olympics (I went to one of Palin’s many colleges by the way).
Now I’m off to Google to learn about these ‘gerunds’ you speak of.
benj-thewrathofgod: Jindal will outsource her red-neck ass
I tried to down load a file of one of her interviews and my anti-virus program screamed and erased itself.
Rode hard and put up wet.
obfuscator: lol. I see so many analogies between the republicans/palin and Bob Lamonta’s parents.
ivenson: I can understand why she’d be irritated by the media. She’s busy trying to set herself up for 2012, but the goshdarn busybody journalists can’t stop talking about how she was the worst vp pick EVAR, golly gee doncha know.
Nooo! Make it stop! Make it stop!
Taibbi has a good take on this
http://www.rollingstone.com/blogs/taibbiunbound/2008/11/palinalysis.php
I think his analysis explains why, for as similarly stupid Palin is to Bush, she quickly lost her comedic value and became incredibly insufferable, despite the frequent gaffes and dirt discovered.
A word salad in every pot! Palin 2012!
She’s all slangin’ in pleather with her hair down. What, is the fucking wind machine broken, Caribou? Your looks and popularity with the mouth-breathing masses can’t carry you to the White House. Please go raise your children and quarantine your political idiocy to Alaska. Please, for the good of the nation.
Serolf Divad: “‘We want to see Ivana,’ said Palin, who admittedly smells like salmon for a large part of the summer, ‘because we are so desperate in Alaska for any semblance of glamour and culture.’”
This is the most sublime sentence in the history of American journalism.
Anagrams for “Sarah Palin” include: “Sharia Plan,” “Anal Parish,” and “Las Piranha.”
(a tip of the Hatlo Hat to http://wordsmith.org/anagram ).
Sarah Palin…the gift that keeps on giving.
Looks like someone skipped out on learning some “beauty secrets” at the Day of Beauty, eh?
“Bring back the change that is so desired by the American public.”
I skipped to a random place in the video and was greeted with that. What a fucktard.
Hey, who told her she could keep that jacket!
Also…
Press conferrin’ is best done with a whale bladder full of gerunds in tow, don’tcha know? You betcha! Darn tootin’ it is!
But, seriously, what we’d all like to know is who won the Bobby Jindal nutsack dive at this conference. You betcha we would!
Oh Sarah, how can we miss you if you won’t go away?
ah, she doesn’t know the difference between a gerund and a garden variety participle. add that to her study list for 2012.
………..”who admittedly smells like salmon for a large part of the summer.”
And that’s only one of the reasons I’m gay.
Whoa. She really gets forcibly handled at 6:24…
monty: No, no. From now on we just call everyone a yiffpile.
Anagram for “gerund” = “nudger”
Palin-Plumber2012: Taibbi thinks he’s in Mpls, but the “Limbergh terminal” is next door in the cheese state.
Was that one or two sentences?
“The past is the past… It’s behind us.” And therein lies most of the Repugs problems. They never, ever learn from the mistakes they made in the past because they won’t go there. So, they just keep doing the same shit over and over.
undermedicated:
Oh, and what a voice it ’tis. I thought Bush was bad, but with Palin you get Bush’s discommunicational syntax errors delivered in the most annoying kindergarten teacher voice on the planet.
puleeese do run sarah in 2012. four years of hopey are liable to suck all the good snark out of the blogosphere.
“I know that a lot in the media you guys are wanting to dissect the past, and you’re already worrying about it and kind of playing that pundits’ role and what’s going to happen in 2010 - 2012! - is where so much of the discussion has been, well, as far as we’re concerned the past is the past…”
what the FUCK
Budgetsthssss. Also.
My god. She really is a female Dubya.
Thank you, Alaska. And we didn’t get you anything.
Without a ‘g’ it isn’t a gerund, it’s a palin.
I, for one, am grateful for finally having a grammatical term to describe this specific idiomatic usage. Idiotmatic?
It appears she has dropped McCain as her lawyer, and brought in Rick Perry.
MadMangosteen: wow, it makes even less sense when see her words.
JamesMichaelCurley: Thank you. I needed that laugh today.
she talks purtier than a $20 whore
From the body language of her “pals” I’m starting the think that they will eat their own. I bet there is a desperate campaign to find a replacement for her ASAP conducted by this very group. I don’t think they can stand her, and won’t stand to let her lead them around for years to come. The revolution will come from within, and it won’t be pretty.
This bint is still on the pipe.
In whom’s respect, Charlie?
Her cat’s breath smells like cat food. She does have a learning disability, right? I mean I keep hearing about her supposed political skills and they don’t seem to involve answering simple questions or sounding like English is her first language. I assumed people were grading her on a curve because of some verbal dyslexia.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Oddly, her performance reminded me when I was the defensive attorney in my 12th grade teen court.
I WON MY CASE.
DON’T COUNT HER OUT! Snowbilly has the eye of the tiger.
She needs to get those New York stylists back on the job pronto. Her hair looks like two rabid gay muskrats fighting over who gets to Dirty Sanchez the other first.
HuskyMescan: So Palin gives her kids some beer and some frozen peas when she’s out making an ass of herself?
Palin - a Republican strategy - http://www.cmongethappy.com/eguide/ep26.htm
Oh lordy. What a dipshit! She insults hy inner gerund-absorbing ear with her noises.
If the republicans are proud of this dingbat, then it says a lot about those idiots.
They are desperate! And losers!
Serolf Divad: that is great. good luck auctioning off those salmon scented designer outfits rnc!
and the donald hates them both. also.
Miller: Is there a political equivalent to the Special Olympics? Oh, yeah I forgot. She’s already the governor of that.
Isn’t journalism school supposed to warn you about the overuse of gerunds?
queeraselvis v 2.0: Agreed. She looks like she fell face first into a MAC counter.
norbizness: McCain puts his hand on Palin’s shoulder and says, “My shoes hurt, too, Governor Palin. My shoes hurt, too.”
With that voice, I keep expecting her to yell at “Stoo-ert” in the playground and going “huh huh huh” to some poor passing schlub while adjusting the angle of her “pockabook.”
Imagine the sound of acrylic nails scraping down a blackboard, ramp it up to, oh, 120 decibels and you have me, screaming.
She definately is an evil plot by Rove to protect the Bush legacy. Bush looks like Churchill compared to her.
I got to 3 minutes, and my eyes started to cross. Could.not.continue.
ManchuCandidate: I think she’d do well on Dancing with the Stars. Might even get some votes!
OMG, I just realized that she has the female version of “Republican Hair.”
Her hair is the moral equivalent of Trent Lott’s hair. It it the hair of successful real estate sales people.
And I believe a gerund is really just a maverick prostate.
Thank you John McCain. Thank you Republican Party. You have so much enriched my world.
ivenson: If the media didn’t want to dissect the past, not one of them would have shown up for her press conference, leaving her speaking to no one. I would ask how she manages to hold these opposing concepts in tension without her head exploding, but the question would probably make her head explode.
That would, of course, be fun for all of us, but hell on poor Joe the Janitor who would have to clean it up.
http://www.stcustards.free-online.co.uk/topp/latin/latin2.htm
Serolf Divad: Two Words: Holy. Shit.
Who is in charge of her? Someone clearly told her to strike while the iron is hot. Sure, that works if you want to be Joe the Plumber. If you want to be president, it’s better to let that bastard cool while you learn how to compose a sentence.
4tehlulz: Maybe, maybe not- who will be her VP?
She’ll run for Don Young’s seat in Congress in 2010. There will be many, many opportunities for her to disgorge the randomness that is the English language as she promotes her vision of The New Maverick Brand.
Another Sarah Palin anagram; A Sharp Nail.
finallyhappy: Ooooh, that’s a dark question. The VP is sometimes chosen so as to make the Pres look good by contrast (e.g., Dan Quayle).
A fungus perhaps?
You take forever to say nothing.
emberglance: Love it!
“Sarah Palin, a commercial fisherman from Wasilla, told her husband on Tuesday she was driving to Anchorage to shop at Costco. Instead, she headed straight for Ivana. And there, at J.C. Penney’s cosmetic department, was Ivana, the former Mrs. Donald Trump, sitting at a table next to a photograph of herself. She wore a light-colored pantsuit and pink fingernail polish. Her blonde hair was coiffed in a bouffant French twist. ”
At least now we see the inspiration for her wardrobe and hair…
queeraselvis v 2.0: ha ha ha, she looks like she just rode in from Sturgis. with the black leather, teased hair and the tattoo lip liner… just gross. bleh.
No, No. You all have it all wrong. We’re not listening to this, remember? All I hear are choirs of unicorns. Now it’s time for the aborted fetus solo! Aww, little backup stemcells! And now our O faces.
CivicHoliday: Fingernail polish and a French Twist??? Next thing you know Sarah’s going to be cooking them salmon in a real pan on a stove!
Again with the clothes from 7 of 9s wardrobe. She’s in something vaguely military every time I see her. And can you imagine how it feels for Charlie and Arnold to share the stage with her. These guys govern states that include counties that are more populous than Alaska. Behind her back they probably call her the Mayor of Alaska.
Ya know, I have never read or seen anywhere, for that matter, what type of tits Sarah has?
Are they straight out projectiles, firm with rocket like consequences, or do they shoot out in different directions, sorta like that way she speaks, also?
“Offer solutions that I think, uh, will be… SOUGHT” — Sarah Palin
Her mouth is like a poetry faucet!
Gerundin’ there in front of the media, just, you know has to be hard and then having to try and, sort of, deal with a lot of the um, and negatives of the media when trying hard conveying what she stands for, and, I think a lot if it has to do with the party as a whole and the Americans, the American people too, because they deserve a straight answer and trying to give that is what she’s all about, so yeah.
I swear every time she finishes speaking, she should just show “SUCK IT!” so we know she’s fucking finished.
And by show I meant shout, which just goes to show (shout?) you that speaking like her can make you temporarily into an imbecile.
ducandy: who about Snap Liar?
Sarah Palin could be the final wedge that makes the small government and college conservative Republicans run away screaming from the Christian jihadists and neo-con wackos. If this happens, history will deal kindly with John McCain for his pivtal role in the salvation of the republic. Yeah, it’s not how he planned it, but still….
Maybe she should seek the help of a gerundtologist?
Ha ha ha. I love it when the reporter asks her why she’s finally holding press conferences and she says “becuase the campaign is over.” Everyone laughed at her when she said that.
Maybe she’ll name her next child “Gerund.”
Cut her a break. She’s translating in her head from Barbie into English. You try to do that.
Where’d that folksy twang go?
For weeks this woman kept me awake at night; now I’m finding she’s had an impact on my ability to speak. These corrugated new syntactical twists keep finding, also, their way into my head.
Would that those self-appointed guardians against bad language in music could crusade just as hard against the pernicious influence of Sarah Palin speaking. Also.
Georgia Burning: That’s an excellent point. A delicious point.
Oh, and: “bring BACK the change”?
Republicanism in a nutshell.
I kept wondering why this speech pattern sounded so familiar and why it was putting me to sleep. This is like every fucking marketing staff meeting I’ve ever attended. More PowerPoint!
jinmoom:
Look at all them reporters hungry for a gaffe.
I hope they’re hungry, cuz Palin `12 is going to feel like they’re being prepped for foie gras.
I used to have a district manager who would pad a 5 minute meeting to an hour, solely by reusing the phrase “moving forward.” I long for his clarity.
GET A GERUND MORANS!!!!!
S.Luggo: tee-hee!
“bring back the change”? isn’t that an oxymoron?
Didn’t take long for her hair to revert back to Wassillabilly chic did it?
Wassillabilly ™2008
Where is Terry Tate when we need him…
does she know Rick Perry is gay?
Is retardation hereditary?
AliBabaInBA: You’re thinking of a Palin-drome.
Listening to her makes me go Rainman. I start smacking myself and whimpering because of the noise she makes in my head. She just doesn’t FINISH SENTENCES properly!! Oh, the grammar, the grammar…
I’m still waiting for someone in the Media to realize that the clothes she’s wearing these days post Nov. 4th are NOT the clothes she’s been photographed in, in her years as mayor of Wasilla nor in the past 2 years as governor. I want someone to ask if she’s still “borrowing” them from the RNC, or did the RNG actually give them to her after all, or did she pay for any of the outfits?
I haven’t seen the red zip-up jacket yet, or the tuxedo-front silk jacket, but maybe what she’s been wearing are the 1/3rd that were still on the plane but not returned because they didn’t fit…