Wonkette
- A CLEAR MANDATE FROM THE PEOPLE: “The elections division still has over 10,000 ballots left to count today and thousands more through next week, but the latest numbers show Mark Begich leading Sen. Ted Stevens 125,019 to 125,016.” [ADN]
WRAP THIS THING UP ALREADY
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8:04 PM
on Wed November 12 2008
By
Jim Newell
2508 Views
3 votes!?? Fucking ridiculous. Felons should be entitled to automatic reelection to Congress.
Sooooo… that still means 125,016 people in Alaska need to be shot. Not including Palin, of course.
125,017.
Oh my fucking God, stop this now….
Counting ballots is too much work. Just have them play Yachtzee for it, winner take all.
Palin can have that many babies ready to vote before breakfast.
Can a fucking state be impeached?
Let’s go to the anagram generator:
Mark Begich = Crab Keg Him
Senator Ted Stevens = Densest Vet
I believe the people have spoken. It’s CRAB vs. VET, bitches.
Scandalabra: No, but they can be sold to Russia to pay down the national debt.
Fly-over Correspondent: Yachtzee never determines anything. However, they should Ro-Sham for it. I would suggest that Begich throw rock. Old reliable rock. Nothing beats rock.
loquaciousmusic: Crab wins.
Maybe President Barry can declare Alaska is no longer a state. It’s not like anyone down here would miss them. We can make Maui or Puerto Rico or DC or Guam the 50th state if we have to have a round # of states.
If Levi forgot vote, the mother in law is sure going to be pissed.
Wait. What if Sen Stevens ends up losing. That means Palin can’t appoint Trig as replacement senator.
Oh noes!
So a fraudster oligarch may be returned to power? Those views of Russia have been quite inspirational.
Tens of thousands of votes still left to count, but it’s looking good for Begich right now. Rep. Don Young is still up by over 15,000 votes.
Crab1: You are in the crab tank.
Why haven’t we heard from Joe the plumber on this development?
Please let Stevens win!; Palin runs, much hilarity, wonderful quotes. The Great Depression needed screwball comedy and alcohol to kill the pain, we need Palin and alcohol for GDII.
Hell, the RedStaters are up in arms because Franken picked up 500 or so votes since 11/5. If Begich wins Alaska, they’ll have a collective aneuryism. Which should be like watching yesterday’s Lee Atwater documentary on 500 televisions simultaneously.
Stevens better hurry up. What with global warming, all the good ice floes will be taken soon.
Kinbote: There are still plenty of ditches.
SayItWithWookies:
I was totally going to watch that Atwater thing, but I was on the internets preaching the gospel of TRUCKNUTZ. I will watch on the web tomorrow, and then will probably end up punching through my monitor by the end of it.
Can’t we just abort this ridiculous state, and be happy with 49? Hopey Hawaii cums with leis and hula dancers…Palin’s Alaska cums with corruption, meth and illiterate hubris.
Here’s my prediction….Coleman wins by 72 votes.
Then a bunch more crap comes out about how he gets free stuff 24/7, he gets kicked out and Pawlenty picks someone less memorable for the position.
Remember, I am the same person who predicted an Obama victory in MN…along with a Tinkleberg and Franken loss.
I am Minnenostrodomus.
The problem is that Stevens was convicted on just 7 counts. In Alaska, you need double digits of felonies to be competitive.
I hope Alaskan Begich supporters took the lead from my former community in… I’m not gonna say, I’m goin’ mime this time… and voted early and often. The spectacle of an octagenarian Senator doing the perp walk across the same soggy glaciers he helped to melt would be a vision of righteous beauty. And we’d be one Senator closer to sending Lieberman off to the cartoon forest to hunt wabbits.
Righto you can stop counting now.
Fly-over Correspondent: Is “Yachtzee” the elite version of “Yahtzee”?
OT. Obama has definitely made the world a funnier place.
I bring you, the lost tribe of Barack Obama:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/us_elections/article5142206.ece
It won’t be the same if Teddie Tubes goes down by a Cindy McCain Hair.
What US America State will we make fun of? I can’t think of a state that would provide endless amounts of amusement and stupidity.
ManchuCandidate: We’ll always have Texas.
Insha’ Allah.
dave666: Joe the Plumber doesn’t resonate in Alaska. No plumbing, no plumbers.
Anonymous Office Zombie: Oh, it’s worth seeing. And while I didn’t end up feeling any actual sympathy for Atwater, he did end up being kind of pitiable. However, in the unlikely event that you had any respect for Mary Matalin whatsoever, you should abandon it before watching, because it won’t last. She and Rove basically take up the legacy that he had completely renounced on his deathbed — really classy.
ManchuCandidate: They still elected Don Young and Our Gal Sarah.
facehead: That is awesome. I don’t think all those tents will fit in the Rose Garden.
facehead: And to think that we shamelessly mocked that nice lady in the red tee shirt: how disrespectful.
Stevens is asking Palin if he can borrow her unused concession speech.
SayItWithWookies: Respect for Mary Matalin, WTF? What I really don’t get is her and baldie as a couple. The sex, it is angry, no?
Its pretty obvious by now that Alaskan voters consider a jewish candidate only one rung down the ladder (or possibly one up)from a black candidate, hence Ethan Bs defeat at the hands of the truly remarkable Don Young. As regards Ted; personally I’ll take a 3 vote margin, but I suspect a lot of the remaining absentee ballots are military so its anyone’s guess where we will be by next week.
I’m starting to think Sarah is “reaching” a bit. It should only take one or two more television interviews with someone that is unaligned to provide her with the necessary rope. That was Murrow’s approach and Sarah Palin is American Idol+Joseph McCarthy.
rambone:
The three votes are from residents of Omsk, a new suburb of Anchorage. Barbie told me.
TruckNutzPotholeTeabag: That can only be conjectured. But the neighbors report that about once a week they hear something akin to the three witches from MacBeth throwing a crystal chandelier down a very large staircase.
There is an easy solution to this problem. Alaska reverts to territory status, once more, and Statehood is granted to St. Croix, St. Thomas and St. Johns. And if Puerto Rico complains, they can seriously just suck it.
SayItWithWookies:
I heard that Atwater attempted to “repent” on his death bed, because he was afraid of going to hell. Hell’s too good for him… or for Rove. I’m not familiar enough with the specifics of Matalin’s nefarious career to have an opinion, but I’m sure she’s just as bad.
ManchuCandidate: California is relatively amusing at the moment.
rocktonsammy: If I find out that my sister from Alaska didn’t send in her absentee ballot while vacationing in Europe with her boyfriend, she’s gonna get beaucoups cr*p.
I still think that it would be funny if Stevens wins, then the Senate Democrats don’t expel him — and let the state have the zero representation that they voted for. Enjoy that pork-free diet igloo-dwellers!
@ estrangiero -
those crazy left coasters even decided to prime the pump in the middle of a recession by investing in roads, high speed rail, commuter rail, light rail, buses, you name it. LA, Sonoma and Marin voters even approved sales tax hikes to pay for some of this, by 2/3 majorities no less. A similar sales tax hike in Santa Clara county is still too close to call.
They must be crazy, putting construction workers back in gainful employment like that just so they can avoid foreclosure. Crazy, I tell you.
estrangiero: Sarah’s attempt to answer, or dance around, Blitzer’s question about the bailout was absolutely cringe-inducing. She was clearly clueless about the issue and what it entails.
Anonymous Office Zombie: He does try. That’s not a spoiler though, so definitely check it out. I won’t say anything more than it’s equal parts delicious, educational and upsetting.
Scandalabra: Only if, while getting a teen-age crush blowjob from Russia, the US state eats a slice of cheese pizza. The pizza part would make the act absolutely Anti-American. \
Invading a Middle Eastern muslim country under false pretense, not so much.
SayItWithWookies: Sounds like a Happy Meal.
Anonymous Office Zombie: Saw it, and the take-away is: never leave a pot of boiling oil on the kitchen counter, plugged in to the outlet, so your little brother can dump it on his stupid little head. Enjoy.
rocktonsammy: I’m 75% sure he’s on record as not registering to vote, and 100% sure there’s no way he marries Bristol.
Rest easy your aged hemorrhoids in the foamy, but-I-didn’t-order-that hot tub, Mister Senior Senator Ted Stevens. You still have the pre-indictment VECO vote.
An aside: If you are wondering about the spray of red, Bible Spice has thrown your anarchic, still quivering corpse under her churning political snowmobile, dontcha know. Just like (said with a sexytime wink) in the take-no-prisoners beauty pageant bidness.
Alaska is in the tank with the moose.
astroprofeddie: But not the wolves, with their free-roaming, socialist ways.
I think the ballot counters ‘found’ some ballots after it looked like Palin might annoint herself Senator for life.
If Begich wins, do we still get to expel him from the senate and enstate Palin?
Anonymous Office Zombie: After accidentally scalding to death his kid brother, Atwater dealt with the terrible guilt by saying to himself, “what the shit; I’m on the highway to hell, so I‘ll make the most of the ride.”
Both Reagan and George Herbert Walker Bush profited from Atwater’s psychopathia (lie until caught, then justify or deny) with no immediate consequence to themselves. May each burn red bright in hell. Atwater was psycho-crazy, but they weren’t and have no such excuse.
Sanns: Who “we”?
Well, the cool thing about Begich is that he bears a strong resemblance to Howdy Doodie. That’s got to be worth something.
Some Bitter Klingon made somethingawful.
So Begich is now ahead. This is very sad news.
With Uncle Ted around, WHO WILL WE MOCK?!?!?!
This is tragic, people. How can we lose such an All-American monument of mockability?
Mark Begich has political capital and he’s gonna fucnking spend it.
His first purchase? A fish sculpture.
Begich is now way ahead 800+. So how do we pronouce Begich?
102415: I believe it’s Begliotch.
Perhaps convicted felon was the last straw for Sen. Ted “The Internet Is A Series Of Tubes” Stevens?
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
The Palin, who has been on CNN all day non-campaigning, said that her ego was not big enough to appoint herself, or a family member, to be US Senator. Her little ego is only big enough to be POTUS.
Perhaps convicted felon was the last straw for Sen. Ted “The Internet Is A Series Of Tubes” Stevens?
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
BRING BACK CRYSTAL PEPSI!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!
You mean “Bristol Pepsi”?
shortsshortsshorts: You have to post the link, moran.
BRING BACK CRYSTAL PEPSI!
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/70436
OT, Late Night, etc.
If you are down to get your spam on, we’ve come up with a surefire way to revitalize the GOP. But we need your votes! PUT DOWN THE GRAVITY BONG AND VOTE HIPPIES!!!!
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/70436
I found a new GOP ideas site: http://www.republicanforareason.com/joinus.aspx
They DO use email confirmation, ubt I still think they’re worthy of some truck nutz.
http://ideas.rebuildtheparty.com/pages/general/suggestions/70439
Sure. One more, just for the record.
Potentially new fun, but they do email verification. Off to hotmail.
http://www.republicanforareason.com/joinus.aspx
No, not drunk. At all. Also.
cal: Whom. Guess, you betchs.
oh and sorry for the double post up there. won’t happen again
On a lighter note: Chris Matthews for Senate?
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/thefix/2008/11/matthews_for_senate.html?hpid=topnews
November 12, 2008
A-Hah. http://crooksandliars.com/media/play/wmv/4955/20197
CNN, Palin all day, all the time.
HuskyMescan: I certainly hope she takes Steven’s place in that very “special” election. I hear her son is also “special,” but that is not a matter of snark, but rather a matter of NATIONAL SECURITY.
These “specials” are going to unite the party, proving once again that the GOP is absolutely fucking retarded. Therefore we must imprison them all.
wickedlittledoll: Just a double post? Tryin’ to show that you are smarter than we-uns?
I miss the feva from mohava doesn’t come back, I will foster an incestuous child.
(no offense to you Jim Newell I just have a secret straight/gay/tranny/bestiality/nazi/scrabble crush on your boss.)
What I mean is, without previous incoherency… where the fuck is the editor of this VERY FORMAL AND FORMIDABLE BLOG IN WHICH PEOPLE EXPRESS OPINIONS IN A NONPARTISAN FASHION?
Meh. Goodnight Wonkette. Enjoy the thunder from down under, you elitist sap-sucking liberal bastards.
Oh and don’t forget to say your fifth prayer to Allah tonight, children! You wouldn’t want that Jeebus gawd summoning you away from the powers of Allah Terrorist Jeebus Barry Bill Ayers socialist dude.
shortsshortsshorts: You ate the worm, didn’t you?
Jesus Christ, Atwater killed his little brother with boiling oil? Goddamn, makes me almost feel sorry for his fucked-up self. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially cuz it involves killing an innocent little brother. Unless the little brother was gonna grow up to be MORE EVIL than Lee hisself. That’s something to ponder. Maybe Lee did the world a favor.
Where’s Kevin Costner when we need him the most? He’s a specialist what comes to swing votes and awfulness.
Begich now leads by 814 votes, but half those votes also have “Truck Nutz” written on them and may be challenged.
Fly-over Correspondent: They could always do rock, paper, scissors to determine the winner. God, I would love to see Stevens lose by one vote.
When do we get to make fun of Ted Haggard, now that he’s put himself back in the news for being an idiot?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZmHC75FDqQ
hockeymom: That Bachman win was more than enough bad news from MN.
Put Truck Nutz in Obama’s Cabinet!!!
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/11/11/us/politics/20081111_CABINET_PICKER.html
Ha! Begich just sent me a “We are in the lead” email. He is so confident.
So, let’s see; election officials in Alaska are taking their time hiding, I mean counting absentee ballots while Governor Palin swans around the talk show circuit trying to convince Matt Lauer that she’s not really a wacko hillbilly from Wasilla, right? Since the city of Philadelphia, with twice the population of the State of Alaska, has finished counting their ballots, perhaps Palin would like to do some actual governing and encourage the election officials in question to get their act together?
Stubenville: Nah. Palin’s down in Florida, trying to inject some heterosexuality into the Republican Governor’s Communal Teabagging and Toe-Tapping Conflab. That’s change she can believe in.
Fly-over Correspondent: How about pay-per-view mud wrestling?
per NPR this morning, Begich is now up by 800.
Doglessliberal: and AP has it now, too
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081113/ap_on_el_se/alaska_senate
Which is odd, because Alaska only has about 700 residents.