Helen Thomas Returns To White House To Finish Off Dana Perino

  old gals

Look everyone, 124-year-old c-list wire reporter Helen Thomas is back in the Front Row of the White House Briefing Room after months of health issues! “I realized really how dedicated I was to newspapers,” Thomas says, “which are dying.” Nah grandma that’s just hearsay; You’ve been watching too much CNBC! And then Thomas’ legendary arch nemesis, the ice queen press secretary Dana Perino, welcomes her back, and Thomas calls her a hot-to-trot warlord hussy. She also admits that she voted for Obama, which is not a very professional thing for a wire reporter to disclose [Commenters say she has a column now in the NYT under the pen name "Maureen Dowd"]. [Fishbowl DC]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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63 comments

  1. FreshCliches

    Remember the reaction future Senator Blutarsky had when first seeing the slide of legacy pledge Kent Dorfman?

    Yep.

    That said, welcome back, Helen.

  2. paolaccio

    C-list?? Who the hell is A-list if Helen is C… Richard Ingham from Agence-France Presse?

    Anyway, Helen doesn’t do wire copy any more, she has her own column. She is, however, old and funny looking, so there’s that.

  3. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=174816]paolaccio[/re]: I’m pretty sure Jeff Gannon made the A-List, and then gave it head.

  4. BigDupa

    The plan is coming together– between Arab Helen Thomas and Muslim Barry O’Bama, they will tap their peeps and find out where Bin Laden is lurking. Here’s how it goes down, Citizen #1 sends an e-mail with Helen Thomas’ most recent article with the instructions they must forward to six friends within 2 hours or it will be presumed the non-sender is a terrorist. Bet they find him within a week.

    Did you catch the gaze Perino gave Thomas? Said, “If I wanted to hang out with wrinkley old people all day, I would have stayed home and serviced my husband.”

  5. problemwithcaring

    OK, guys…who is going tell her that America doesn’t like old people anymore, lovably senile or not…?

  6. Vanity Smurf

    Actually Helen Thomas has been dead for 35 years, this is just the latest version of the Disney Imagineering department’s most advanced audio-animatronic prototype. They are still working the bugs out.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    Helen vs. Dana is sort of the mirror-image of Sleeping Beauty. I can’t wait for the part where Perino eats a bite of the apple, only since it’s not full of poison, she goes into anaphylactic shock in her little house in the woods. And then John McCain and Dick Cheney find her limp, semi-transparent body…

  8. Ted Perino

    My belovéd Dana should only be shown in the softest focus, a little Vaseline gently (but firmly) rubbed around the edge of the lens. That is not at all a flattering picture.

  9. illnoise

    I’ve got an idea for the trucknutz problem? what if all of us just vote for the paultard shit? Because truck nutz is funny, but not as funny as Paultards, and apparently they don’t have the balls (nutz) to delete the paultard spam…

  10. Ted Perino

    [re=174849]illnoise[/re]: Leave it alone, son. Our attention spans are short, and we’ve moved on.

  11. 102415

    I just came from buzz flash and they don’t mention wonkette but they do explain trucknutz and they do think the paultards are taking over what’s left of the Republican party.
    Ron Paul won in so many ways.

  12. WadISay

    The one Bushie I will miss is Dana Perino, at her best with laryngitis. I suppose she’ll go on to a great career as a dominatrix *sigh*.

  13. Kwame'

    Maybe Helen can pull little Rahm aside and ask him to clarify what his Daddy said about Ay-abs and mopping the floor of the White House.

  14. Ted Perino

    [re=174869]WadISay[/re]: Dominatrix? Oh, I think of her as a little, soft kitten — or perhaps a gerbil.

  15. llyn

    [re=174828]monty[/re]: Have a heart, monty! With luck, maybe you too will one day resemble your description of Helen.

  16. Keram2

    [re=174836]Doglessliberal[/re]: The Iraq War wasn’t half bad. No it was ALL bad! Hohohohoho.

    Woka woka.

  17. Ted Perino

    Helen Thomas has certainly nailed more presidents than anybody else in the White House Press Room.

    It was a wonderful thing seeing Georgie Sr. and Nixon dangling like worms on hooks.

  18. Scooter

    When those animatronics that keep her moving finally wear out, the press corp need to make sure Ms. Thomas is stuffed and seated on that front row for all eternity. She’s had a helluva ride.

  19. monty

    [re=174886]llyn[/re]: not me when i turn 40, im havin my face frozen. Not like rictus frozen but liquid nitrogen frozen. it will be fragile but im used to compromising my lifestyle for my vanity

  20. sarahconnor

    Is that really how you pronounce “presage”… like “massage” with “pr” instead of “m”…??? I don’t like it.

  21. TGY

    She’s like the little old ladies knitting at executions during the French Revolution and cackling, “Guillotine today!”. But completely in a nice, benevolent way.

  22. lawrenceofthedesert

    At 88 and still sharp enough to work for Hearst (breathing and able to dress with assistance), Helen is allowed to look however she looks. She endured 57 years at stultifying UPI, amazingly, and still had the clarity to walk away when the Moonies took over. She is able to talk about democracy when discussing her Obama vote without any of the usual cynical journalist’s posturing, another miracle. The DC press corps could use more Helen Thomas’s and fewer Atwater-Rove slaves. All that said, I have mixed feelings about her still working — but my admiration is foremost.

  23. weisenheimer

    That’s all well and good but WHAT HAPPENED TO ASHLEY TODD??!!11 ARE HER 15 MINUTES UP ALREADY??

  24. TGY

    “This is the worst President ever. He is the worst President in all of American history.”

    -Helen Thomas, about George W. Bush, said in Los Angeles while at a Society for Professional Journalism banquet event.

  25. TeddyS

    Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush I and Clinton were all tough enough to face off with Helen Thomas, at 89 still the best reporter in the White House. Only Bush II and his neocon minions were afraid to answer her unrelenting and daily questioning of why they screwed up like they did.

    Yea. Helen. You’re still beautiful to me. Welcome back! Now give’em hell.

  26. Oh hell to the no

    Helen Thomas makes a peace sign, points at her eyes, points at Perino’s and mouths “I will fuck you up.” Every day, people. The MSM just won’t report it because they’re so used to it.

  27. veganrampage2

    Crime this woman committed- getting old and unattractive, let’s hang her! I for one, am glad to see her back in the front row, a seat which she earned a long time ago. Welcome back Helen, I care about what you have to say, not what you look like.

  28. Blue Jefferson Clinton the Cat

    [re=175288]veganrampage2[/re]: actually I saw her biography on the TV and uh, she was never exactly a looker. That said I admire her for speaking her mind and TRYING to ask the tough questions. I don’t think Bush ever calls on her and I thought they had banished her for a while (maybe she was sick I dunno)

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