Wonkette
ALL OF AMERICA LOVES BARACK! “Obama’s new Chief of Staff, Hugo Chavez, faxed the details to all of us this morning. (If you didn’t get the fax, well … let’s just say a lot of things aren’t really going to ‘go your way’ for the next 12 years.)” [AOL Political Machine]
And there’s already hilariously inaccurate anger bear comment! Looks like you still have the magic, Ken!
Once again we find Ken’s adorable fan base expressing themselves the way Madonna intended,
Bruceb12:00AMNov 11th 2008:
“Yeah isn’t it just great our new commander in chief won’t even salute the flag, or wear a flag pin, or even sing the national anthem because he thinks it a “symbol of oppression” to some people. He said so himself. Who in the hell voted for this communist? NOT ME”
You mean the honeymoon’s over?
I didn’t even get to enjoy a latté with the man.
He just used me for my donations and never bothered to call me in the morning after.
Ken, you’re drunk right now, aren’t you?
Um, Ken, if you have biracial children, you’re implying that at some point you had sex with a black person, specifically a black woman. Now are you sure that’s realistic? Oops, you said it was from a lesbian couple so I guess you were just a sperm donor if anything. It’s starting to make more sense now.
The commenters on that post completely sucked all the desire to be a commenter on that post right out of me.
Oh, those AOL commentards are reaching new plateaus tonight. Just going to cold sit back and watch their brains explode.
I completely and totally agree with whatever point you were trying to make.
Ten grand a month? Shit, I signed up for free weed with every abortion. Can I change my plan now, or do I have to wait for the registration period? Damn.
50 not so well-known facts about Obama:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/uselection2008/barackobama/3401168/Barack-Obama-The-50-facts-you-might-not-know.html
WARNING! Obama may actually become even cuter after reading this.
the invisible woman: Yeah you have a super good point. (JIM/SARA: Plz ban this person in the morning!)
Not all of us are happy. I was a good homo and voted for Obama. Who tossed us under the bus. Sorry if we don’t join in the hosannas or volunteer to write the hagiography.
Don’t ask us to put Country First and rejoice in Obama when we get put second.
Jeepers, the line to buy that Smith and Wesson today was longer than the line at my polling place.
Sheeah, call yourselves patriots? I had a flag pin poked in my johnson, and my buds, too. Shoulda seen us at the last 4th of July parade, when the middle school band struck up the Anthem! Glory fuckin days!
the invisible woman: I thought Ken wore “panties” or was that Jim? I’m far too tired to sleep.
Canuck13652: He was just playing rough baby. You’ll learn to like it.
facehead: One of the 50 “facts” I didn’t know was “He can bench press an impressive 200lbs”. Perhaps they actually meant he once spotted for Hillary as she was doing sets with 200lb… jus’ sayin’….dude’s got some spaghetti goin’ on with those arms….
Another fact was: “He keeps on his desk a carving of a wooden hand holding an egg…”. Oddly enough, Sarah Palin’s hand was the model for that, and that was a Walnut nut…. er… well….
Because A-fucking-O-L (presumably) pays Ken to write this obfuscatory spew, Ken is my Hero of the New Capitalism. It’s the joke about the joke. I love metajokes, the end.
facehead:
I love the sense of perspective and priorities the AOL morans bring to the discussion. Who cares about the wars, the economy, Russian aggression, etc. Flag pins, saluting the flag, and singing the national anthem - Obama’s stance and actions pertaining to these kind of IMPORTANT ISSUES should be our greatest concern.
the invisible woman: Turkey Baster Babies Rule!!! I plan on having a Turkey Baster Baby niece or nephew some day!!! (c/o my lesbian sister - duh.)
I was going to say that i was happy that Sister Truth has found somewhere to post comments under her real name (Hi Sheila)but now invisible women has confused me somewhat.
We love him because AM radio said he’s going to give us stuff.
Obama Spreads Wealth Like Virgin Thighs
http://mojopo.blogspot.com/2008/11/obama-spreads-wealth-like-virgin-thighs.html
Sweet Jeebus, the AOHell commenters have lowered the bar to “GO BACK TO AFRICA!!!!1!1!!” It’ll be a matter of minutes before they ask that Ken’s baby mommas be deported to Lesbos. I so want to go there just to stir a turd, but screw it - I just found out I’m getting a $10K check.
facehead: Nothing could make Barry cuter because he is the most adorable human being that ever lived in the history of the entire universe. That’s my objective position on the matter.
Anonymous Office Zombie: It is absurd, these morans complain about him being unpatriotic, when the man has dedicated so much of his life to public service (when he could have been making much more as a high priced lawyer).
Ugh. So funny I just want to throttle someone.
Ken Layne: Ken, I just can’t see you with a sista. It’s not an insult. I just can’t see it. And neither can you. Am I wrong? Be honest, Ken. Plus you shouldn’t even be mad because the fact that I referred to your imaginary interracial babies means that I clicked over and read the entire other article, which was a nice thing for me to do. (Of course, I’m an insomniac who will read anything so it’s not that much of a compliment, but still) What do you want? Black women who suck up to you or black women who read your articles? The latter, of course. You can still be friends with black women; I just don’t see any interracial babies in your future, and I know you’re secretly breathing a sigh of relief about that! Aren’t ya?
the invisible woman: Dude you are a fool, and you are not black, and you certainly are not a “sista,” and please stop reading Wonkette, and only Sarah Palin says “aren’t ya.”
Ken Layne: I hope it’s better than an IP ban, ken. this stinks of Sistah truth and, dare I say it, tony the tiger. And you own tis bitch. How do you not have a superior banhammer? You need to ask your techie readers for tech recommendatins. But not me. I’ve got nothing.
the invisible woman: Join a sorority. Eta Bagga Dicks. Plz.
The same thing happens with all of Layne’s articles. Before I the read AOL comments, I feel like I should remind Mr. Layne that it is not nice to pick on the mentally challenged. Then I read the comments and remember why I support abortion.
Ken: Huh??? All of this because I said I can’t see you with a black woman? I’ve never met you. I’m just bullshitting because I can’t sleep. And yes, I really am “a sista.” But why do you even care? Aren’t you from Santa Barbara where there are only about 3 black people anyway? It’s not like I messed up your relationship with Halle Berry.
We’re talking about IMAGINARY BIRACIAL CHILDREN!! They don’t exist. You’d think I’d insulted your actual biracial Barack babies. . A black man was just elected president of the United States? Can’t we all just hold multicultural cyberhands and be interracial friends. Can’t we all just get along, Ken? Can’t we all just get alooooooong?
I can’t justify the aren’t ya. There’s no excuse. All I can say is that Palinitis is contagious aaaaaalsoooo.
oh boy, i was planning on getting some sleep tonight…but its stone cold page-refreshin’ for me this evening. the crazies over there are out in FORCE!
I’ve met black women. I know black women. And you, you pathetic loser, are no black woman. Fuck off and die. Please.
All I have to say is, when the Obamas pick their new puppy, they’d better make sure it doesn’t pal around with terriers.
Ken Layne: Wait, Ken. If you turn out be bi-racial and both the women are bi-racial, can’t you have bi-racial children without a black woman? Or would that be more like, um, poly-racial? Wait. If you multiply fractions…
Does anyone have a racial calculator I can borrow?
Ha ha! I’ve figured it out! Ken’s bi-racial children from poly-racial women are TRANS-racial! They have transcended race, racialness, and raciality! A new species! (I just spent 3 hours in ER getting a blister lanced, so forgive me I’m a bit giddy.)
Ken Layne: Thanks for the AOL article. For some reason there, the crazy responders seems to bloom. But better to find than not to know the headwind.
- S.
20 minutes to godwin.
Does this mean Barry’s a Hugo Award winner?
Also, with Barry elected, streets will be changing into gold. Time to grab a manhole (as ’twere), know what I’m sayin’?
Gopherit: Why are YOU offended, Gopherit? What does this have to do with you? Nothing. It doesn’t have anything to do with anybody, including Ken, because Ken’s biracial children DO NOT EXIST; Ken made them up along with their non-existent lesbian parents. Ken has no biracial children and there are no black women, straight or lesbian, in Santa Barbara for him to impregnate. None of these people exist. So why are you guys so fucking mad at me? Really? I’m genuinely confused.
And yes, I AM a black woman so I guess you DON’t know black women. (Seeing black women on television is not the same thing as actually “knowing” black women. I know that can get confusing. I like to think I know Barack Obama and that he’s my imaginary husband because I watch him on television, but I don’t and he’s not.)
Ken: Now Prop 8, unlike your biracial children and my relationship with Barack Obama, is real. I am also a Californian, and I do commend your critique of the Prop. 8 situation. I really am black, and I’m straight, and I voted no on 8. Despite the reports, lots of straight black people who voted no on 8 and are horrified that it passed, and I’m one of them. Glad you addressed the proposition in your article in a cute way. Now, I wish you luck with all of the non-existent black women that you will never meet in Santa Barbara and all of the imaginary biracial babies that you will never produce with them. I will pray for all of you.
Why can’t I fucking sleep!!!!!
bago: With how much of that tripe I have seen in the last couple of days, I am starting to think that “OMG, OBAMA IS TEH NEW HITLER!!!111!!” is the current meme that is being spread on wingnut radio and blogs. It would be pretty ironic considering the rightwing’s fondness of marching in lockstep, but willful ignorance and blind, impotent rage seem to be qualifications for supporting the GOP anymore.
Canuck13652: Well said, Canuck! Once again, we’re screwed over by those who *should* be representing us…
MrsNateSilver: And the kid gets to see his father every Thanksgiving! Old jokes never die, they just smell that way.
I personally am such a patriotic American that I want to see the president of the US totally fall on his face. It’s like you get so patriotic that it goes all the way around and comes out like treason, but it’s not treason, it’s patriotism.
Wolverines!
Gingah: http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-142697
facehead: He’s a lefty like me! I didn’t think it possible but I DO like him more.
Ken Layne: Ken, I think you need to make clear that the $10,000 a month was for Obama supporters. No money for red necked spelling challenged placard making Hannity viewers. They are, right now, being identified and hunted down by left wing lesbian socialist death squads.
Now you know the delight of having elitist, educated readers, Ken.
Yep, the shock is wearing off and the bitters are pissed.
If the homos on Wonkette are already pissed, set your time for Andrew Sullivan’s cranial infarction.
I like how comparing people whose political ideas you don’t agree with to Hitler has shifted from whiny loser libruls to whiny loser wingnuts. Progress.
Cape Clod: With pipes, because guns have been so banned so hard the death squads had to turn them in.
the invisible woman: Today we are all black women, with weaves.
The best part is the super-intellectual debate between winger commenters who claim Obama shuns the Pledge of Allegiance, and alleged black folks who claim he SHOULD shun it.
Meanwhile, Barry’s over in the corner, wearing a flag pin and leading the Pledge.
Weeping Jesus: 200 pounds is not a very big bench press. Any athletic guy of his size ought to bench 200 if he works out all the time the way Hopey does.
The 90-lb. one-arm curls claimed in that fawning profile awhile back, though, that’s bullshit.
Did someone from Wonkette post this after Ken’s story? If not, wingnut comments and faux-wingnut comments have become too similar, and I cannot tell the difference, and I might as well not read comments ever again, ever (Muslin?? Oh, brother.)
abbittbranham2:18AMNov 11th 2008
My name is Obama and my cousin is Osama and kin on the other side of Hussien, you American fools will fall for anything like it April Fools day 24/7, I am a wolf with black wool pulled over your eyes, that’s why your to blind to see, my name is Arabic and have Muslin ties, all you American fools are going to die cause of my cousins and I, …..TRUE AMERICANS PLEASE COPY AND PASTE SO OUR BELOVED COUNTRY WANT DIE AND IMPEACH THIS IDIOT THAT TOLD YOU ALL A LIE…..I WANT TO SEE THIS ON NATIONAL NEWS, SO DO YOUR PART AND GET RID OF BLACK BART………THANKS, ABBITT BRANHAM and e-mail to all of your American friends……….I did……GOD BLESS AMERICA…..
smoke em if ya got em
• His favourite book is Moby-Dick by Herman Melville
So the whole election really was the Hunt for the big white house huh?
faith,
“darling, light of my life, he’s a US Senator. It’s not like TJMaxx or where-ever you work. You have to have real proof of citizenship.”
Is there a gas leak at AOL?
Robbertjan: “…from hell’s heart, I stab at thee; for hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee…”
51) once said: “And I, for one, welcome our new Kenyan overlords…”
Money, Success, Fame, and Glamour.
Gingah: OK, but are you quoting Melville, or are you quoting The Wrath of Khan quoting Melville?
DoktorZoom: Yes.
When you get the urge to do criminal mischief to the AOL troglodytes, remember, they’re already suffering their own worst brand of hell: Obama will soon be their president! And they get to have a strong, smart, beautiful, black first lady for THE NEXT EIGHT YEARS, too… heh heh… that’s gotta hurt bad, like a never-ending migraine.
I thought it was hilarious when Barry humbly “assured” the red st/haters on election night “I’m going to be your president, too.” He might have been going for magnanimity, but I wondered if he wasn’t also subtly putting it in their faces, after all the shit they excreted during the campaign. Seems like sometimes he likes to play–and he’s very good at it. Remember his poker-faced response to “lipstick”? If this is a part of his style toward those of the intolerant breed, we could be headed for big fun.
the invisible woman: Look buddy, I live in Santa Barbara. I am IN Santa Barbara RIGHT NOW, and I have seen a black guy here before. You might not be able to find him if you come around here, but believe me, he’s out there somewhere. Lurking.
Also, fuck off.
Also also, Ken, how much does AOL pay you to incite racial comment-wars? ThX <3 TTyL!!1!!
the invisible woman: tl dr
facehead: That is part of the evil plan. Obama takes his fancy Ivy League degrees and go to the South Side of Chicago and pretends to be a community organizer while actually teaching Marxism/Leninism/Mao Tse-Tung Thought (note the old school spelling) to the liberal masses of Hyde Park-Kenwood.
Then Bill Ayers convinces Jeri Ryan to file for divorce from her wealthy, handsome, somewhat electable husband only because he demands that she have sex with him in front of a cheering audience.
Then he gets elected senator, gives a speech and is now President for Life.
Simple when you break it down.
i’ve seen passing reference to AOL comments on here, but only now do i understand their true glory. why have i waited so long? its like doing several totally legal over the counter drugs for the first time.
Countdown to “Go Back To Africa”! Ten! Nine! Eigh–wait, already? Well, that was anticlimactic.
ignatius_riley: I’ve been calling Barry “Black Bart” for almost a year now.
“It’s twue, it’s twue…”
This is unusually astute for an AOL Commenter:
Ashley8:01AMNov 11th 2008
Apparently his regular readers are into white supremacy (the “white races” guy)and know VERY little about history, including Hitler. He must be so proud.
Joan8:05AMNov 11th 2008
It doesn’t take particularly good writing to stir up people who are so filled with nastiness. To Mr. Ken Layne: congratulations. You have finally been published. These are your fans. Take a bow.
Joan8:08AMNov 11th 2008
THIS GUY is the managing editor at Wonkette!!??! That’s the last time I visit that website.
I’m conflicted on this one:
blessed9:20AMNov 11th 2008
It amazes me how in 200 years and counting, some people are still so ignorant. Wake up people!!! Does anybody really care what you think. Why not educate yourselves or get some salvation so you can rid yourself of all this “hate-a-ration”. IF they lied and talked about “Jesus”, called him everything but a child of GOD,then why do you think anyone really cares about what you think. You are ignorant, bottom line. I know it’s hard to face the fact that “Obama” is the cream of the crop across the board,(black/white). GOD is a GOD of “Change”,and guess what, if he chooses to use “Obama” to bring about that “CHANGE”, then halleluja. Get yourself together and recognize that you have a racist attitude, and you will never prosper. Nov 4, marked a “New DAY in the history of America. If you really want change, be man or woman enough to confront your racial issues face to face, and stop hiding behind those white sheets like you have always done. WOO,WOO,WOO
AOL commenters fill me with hope. If I am lucky, and they are representative of the average American, I have job security even if I waste half my day online.
So, is it a sign of fashion distress if my flag pin is upside down?
robanybody: Can we vote now to keep Barry for 12 years instead of 8? I don’t want them to suffer never-ending migraines, I want their heads to explode.
Watch out, Ken! The Freedom Brothers are going to ban you for your Satirical Hatred:
“Freedom Eagle12:47PMNov 11th 2008
Ken Layne is the worst sort of elitist — the one who makes a mockery of Our Constitution in an attempt at satirical hatred. Everyone knows B. Hussein stole the vote from the grasp of hard working Americans to create a tyrannical police state, yet Layne decides it is funnier to mock these clear facts. For shame. The Freedom Brothers won’t stand for this sort of stuff. AOL — ban him!”
I think I need to take a shower and scrub my eyes with steel wool after clicking on that link and reading only 2 pages of comments. How do these people LIVE with such anger and hatred? It must be painful…
So is it safe to say that AOL forums are designed for people who still have dialup? It loads wicked fast.
natoslug: I just want the bitters to come to Allah, or to the REAL Jesus (the nice one). Maybe exploding crania are a necessary prerequisite; seems harsh, though. I do think if Obama accomplishes any significant portion of the policies he expressed in the campaign, most people will be feeling pretty good overall in the coming years, and a lot of this nastiness will dissipate. There’ll still be the hate-spewers, of course, notably from the rightie power structure (remember Ken Starr), so the struggle will continue.
But even with all they threw at Bill, he still got re-elected, despite his failures and failings. That might have been because he veered so far to center-right–I hope not–but I also think it’s because when our side takes the lead, the public doesn’t see itself as enablers of a bullying, warmongering, greed-soaked, poor-hating, women-dissing, minority-trashing, sucktoad mode of governance. People seem to like that. I think most of the hate rabble are just dumb, weak minds; they’re easily led, and when they get comfortable, they shut up. May Allah/Nice Jesus make it so.