Wonkette
- THERE WAS A LOT OF IMPORTANT HISTORICAL NEWS THIS WEEK: And here’s a stiff nightcap for it all. Devastating. We know what you people are like and you’re going to cry so much. [Washington Post]
TODAY WE ARE ALL PRESIDENTS
Read More:
6:51 PM
on Fri November 7 2008
By
Jim Newell
6836 Views
What does Benson think of all of this?
Slate’s paper-summarizer got all misty about this too, but it seems like a lot of filler, and history well-known to everybody, to flesh out a sad story about a decent person. It doesn’t seem like news.
*sob*
Christ, that ending was brutal. Dammit, Jim!
freedom
V572625694: You’d be surprised how few people know much of this history, any longer.
Let’s hope he gets invited to lunch soon after the inauguration. I read somewhere that the widow Robinson will be living in the White House to help with the children. Maybe she can see that dessert is served.
V572625694: Yes, it may not be “news” in the “7 people murdered today”-sense of the word news, but it’s still a story worthy of telling.
Damn, got me at the end. A good way to end a great week, though.
I gotta admit - this made me tear up a bit…
I smell an upcoming heartwarming made-for-tv movie on the life of Eugene Allen as the Magical Negro of the White House, redeeming all of the powerful rich white characters he encounters…
Oh nice, a sucker punch to the gut. I’ve got the toddler bottom lip quiver going.
I read this at work this morning and cried like a little girl. I think I exceed the lifetime amount of times one is allowed to cry on the job this week.
Neon Trotsky: It will be like “The Legend of Bagger Vance,” but about golf. Oh wait that movie was about golf. It will be about politics, then.
Jesus Christ. This will be the second pair of contacts I’ve ruined this week. Lord.
Thanks a lot.
ShamWow: Agreed. This is one of those stories that puts things in perspective. It’s a story worth telling and reading.
Jesus H. Christmas, I thought the struggle was over.
Oh, man. I’ve been like a menopausal middle school teacher all week and this put me right over the edge.
Damn, I’m still at work out kere in Kalifornia… There’s no crying at work, is there?
fuck you wonkette. i’m at work here.
Ufff. I audibly said “OH!” in a sad voice right at the end there, and someone in my office said “you ok?”. Yow that is rough.
Yeah, fuck, that was brutal.
Black, white or Alaskan, ain’t that how it should end?
The wife going first.
fuck you fuck you fuck you Wonkette! I am sOOOOO tired of crying. …she didn’t get to vote. Hopey dog gone better invite the good butler to lunch.
Nunc dimittis…
Oh, man. That’s sad. I’m at work and going for the weepy.
i kept visualizing Morgan Freeman
dcmgurette: Well, a lady always knows when to nunc dimittis.
I’m confused…
Barry worked as the pantry man in 1962 and worked his way to President?
This truly is the land of opportunity.
My bad…meant to say President-Elect Hopey
fuck. this. shit. makeup everywhere. BAH!
Please, I’m still coping with the puppy pr0n.
I’m not crying, it’s just been raining on my face.
I don’t know what’s worse, reading these stories or knowing that there are literally millions more of them that we’ll never hear.
In other news, penis joke.
@shortsshortsshorts
that one deserves the comment-of-the-week award
And now Jim, a heart-rending tale for you:
James McNewling has seen it all; all the Presidents of the last century. He has worked as a gardener in the White House for 101 years. But for decades he was not allowed inside the White House; visiting guests would spit on him in contempt. Sammy Davis Jnr was wont to point and laugh at him. Al Gore called him “a genetically disordered freak.”
You see, James was a Ginger.
Not rusty or amber-tinted, but a full-blown “Gigga”, as Jackie Kennedy once sniggered, using the cruel parlance of the day.
Forced to drink from a special “Carrot-top” fountain for most of his hard-working life, James was used to being ostracized. “Once, down a dark alley, I met this chick. She seemed to like me. Then she lit a match and saw my hair. That was the closest I ever came to sex.”
McNewling refused to vote yet again this election, citing the candidates’ hair color as a barrier. “When will there be justice for my people, my kind?”, he whined last week. “Whay is life so unfair?”
He will never know. A flock of birds nested in his head last Monday and ended up pecking his brain out until he died. They did not realize he was a human being.
(c) Washington Post 2008, all rights reserved
Of course they cut out the part where he tea-bagged Reagan’s cup-a-joe every morning at sun rise.
Wait… Jim… Did anyone check to see if she had a backwards ‘B’ carved in her face? And where, exactly, was Obama Monday morning hmmm?
Neon Trotsky: paging Sidney Poitier
Shit, didn’t see that coming. I have cried enough tears this week to last a lifetime.
wheelie: I would partially disagree with that, Mr. Wheelie. My girlfriend is also ginger and she will be getting laid in 3… 2… 1….
Have a good weekend.
That sucks. Voter fraud! Bush told him the election was this Tuesday.
OMG, I was bawling.
wheelie: Nah, they just didn’t like his filthy mick last name.
I met yet another person the other day who voted against Barry because of Michelle’s remark about finally being proud of this country.
I’m white. It will be a long time - maybe never - until I find a reason to be “proud”, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. This story is just one of a lifetime of reasons why.
Damn it, I was almost through the entire article, thinking, this is a nice piece, but I’m not so sentimental - and then it got me at the end. Thud.
my eyes are permanently swollen this week. at least it fills out the wrinkles.
damn you wonkette.
to 2 who didn’t live to see this moment:
Helene Allen & Madelyn Dunham
Yeah, I read that and was like, “Nice article, nice article, WHA—” and then bawled for like the seventeen billion zillionth time this week. Running out of tears.
Haygood really sucks. Way to end an article.
“Well, that’s cast rather a gloom over the evening, hasn’t it?”
tears all over the keyboard. sweet jesus. did i just read WaPo or Reader’s Digest?
wheelie: LOLZ from mah ballz
dcmgurette: Damn you. I was fine, somewhat saddened but fine, until that…..and I’m an agnostic.
Odd how latin can turn me into a protagonist in a C&W song.
dcmgurette: Damn you. I was fine, somewhat saddened but fine, until that…..and I’m an agnostic.
Odd how two words of Latin can turn me into a protagonist in a C&W song.
Odd how I evidently have Parkinson’s while operating a mouse, as well.
Mea culpa.
jesus christ can we have some more sarah palin please!?!?!
hell i’d even take LOLcats at this point.
clearly, the next eight years are going to be humorless, dignified and far far too much work. can i revote?
What is wrong with CT? Lindsey Graham and Joe Lieberman are free to have unsafe gay-marriage monkey love but those Yale philosophy majors can’t buy a thrill
http://tech.yahoo.com/news/ap/20081106/ap_on_hi_te/tec_craigslist_prostitution
Rush: “‘The dark side of the Internet must be stopped from eclipsing its immense potential for good,’ Blumenthal said.”
So, he’s coming after wonkette’s editors and commenters next?
hobgoblin of little minds:
Let Blumenthal come and try. We’ll cling to our guns and designer clothing.
Rush:
“When they kick at your front door
How you gonna come?
With your hands on your head
Or the trigger of your gun?
When the law break in
How you gonna go?
Shot down on the pavement
Or waiting in death row?
You can crush us
You can bruise us
But you’ll have to answer to
Oh, the Guns of Wonkette [Brixton]!”
wheelie: OK. Now you got me, I (laughed ’til I) cried!
Buckets of sloppy makeup, streaming down my face. Which is a odd, since I’m a guy and have never worn makeup.
When I see stories like that and like Hopey’s grandma dying on Monday, I can’t help thinking of Mrs. Moore from A Passage to India. And I hope it’s true that death before a resolution or momentous occasion is more amenable to the wise, who are ready for whether they’re around to see it or not.
Has anyone else noticed that since election day, the news has gotten nicer, there are more endering and sweet commercials…it’s like the whole world is smoking a fat blunt…What has HOPE done to us…
*weeps*
Has anyone else noticed that since election day, the news has gotten nicer, there are more endering and sweet commercials…it’s like the whole world is smoking a fat blunt…What has HOPE done to us…
*weeps*
P.S. everything at OB’s website is now 1/2 price! Whoot! I’m gonna drown myself in hopey products!
A decent, hard working American that wanted someting a little better for his family.
I get a little wrapped up in all the nonsense: People like SP, Bush, and Walnuts (not to mention 15-20 other ancillary players) are just so easy to hate that I forget what is really so important.
Eugene’s circumstances of working in the White House are unique, but his basic story isn’t. There are tens of millions of salt-of-the-earth people like Gene that are in trouble. Eight years of lies. Eight years of thievery. Eight years of hopelessness. Eight years of failure.
For the past eight years they’ve been holding their breath, waiting for somebody who actually gives a damn.
Their time is now.
God bless you Gene.
I read this in my horrible LA times this morning and it is good to have this history. No snark for this one.
WhenTheMessiahComes…: It was like that after 9/11, too. I went to Manhattan later that September and there was a gigantic “Thank you for visiting New York” sign in the lobby, the bellhops treated me like GOLD, and when someone bumped you in the street they would stop, look you in the eye, and say, “I’m so sorry.” It won’t last. But it’s nice while it does.
No snark about Mr. and Mrs. Eugene. You got me there.
— “Imagine,” she said. —
Yup. Cried some more. Curse you. Thanks.
WhenTheMessiahComes…: Will not last. Barry is a totally boring, intellectual wonk. Weighs ‘pros’ and ‘cons’. But I will take ‘boring’ over ‘cowboy’ any day.
Thanks Jim
I enjoy the stories of 90 year old butlers.
OffTheRecord: I have another one for you - that has a unicorn in it
http://savingargus.blogspot.com/2008/11/last-one-out-of-hell.html
Man, that story killed me.
I grew up in MoCo, and I consider DC my hometown. It has its own weird culture, and I don’t know what else to say….
Yep.
I cried…
You cocksuckers.
WhenTheMessiahComes…: Yes, I’ve noticed it. It’s not jsut the news (cause I don’t watch that crap) but the people - everyone - it’s like… remember that episode of Northern Exposure where everyone is tense as hell and then *crack* the ice breaks and the tension is relieved and they relax for the rest of winter? Like that. People feel good about the election, and what will happen now. It’s … god dammit, so corny - it’s change we can believe in.
Okay, that was just MEAN! *sob*
thanks for the end of week buzz-kill .. ouch!
they;re going to be giving Wil Haygood a Pulitser for this one.
Great. Now you got me crying like Jesse Jackson. Way to rampage a sister, Wonkette.
I read this earlier on Friday, and printed it. It’s something I want to keep.
Maybe we seem cynical here (because we are), but that doesn’t mean we cannot recognize a brilliant story. I’m so glad Wonkette linked this up, because it should be required reading for everyone.
There’s a very fine play about this man still making the rounds of little theaters outside the Beltway. It’s called “Looking over the President’s Shoulder”, and IT IS AWESOME both as history an theater. I saw it a few years ago, and as I recall it, Eugene Allen had a college degree in music and was seeking work as an orchestral musician when he got forced into his crappy butler job…
He did get to help Winston Churchill win World War II by making sure Winnie got his daily BOTTLE OF SHERRY before breakfast. How many orchestral musicians get to do that?
Damn this world and its ways.
Do us a favor, Wonkette, and give us an address for our cards and letters, or contributions in lieu of flowers.
I met and had dinner with Mrs. Fred Morrow about ten or so years ago while riding a train out to Chicago. She was a truly elegant gracious lovely person who sat politely with a couple of dumb as shoes nobodies and answered every stupid question we asked and we asked some stupid questions having no knowledge of her or her history. She was the tops.
Rebel Countess: Yes please, Wonkette. Agreed. This story is about life, and the people who should be celebrated. I would love for Mr. Allen to know how much his story touched me.
102415: What did you ask? I’d love to know more.
Yada, yada, yada, sweet story, belongs in Reader’s Digest or somewhere. The eye opener is what racist pricks Truman and Kennedy were.
Damn you, Newell! I’m crying now. Well, you probably cried too.
Mojopo: I’m too embarrassed to say. We knew nothing at all about her husband. I asked her about Mamie.She had nothing but nice things to say about her which floored us. I honestly had never in my life met a Black Republican and Eisenhower was just a childhood memory.She sat with us for about an hour an a half and after our history lesson we talked about her work at the UN making newcomers welcome.She was very very old but full of life and good cheer and beautifully dressed and travelling alone.
Dammit! I was bushwhacked w/ this story last night, just before going out on a date. Got all sniffly then and NOW again this morning. Thanks, guys - thanks *loads*…
HOPE, etc.
It was better than Cats.
Rahm Israel Emanuel officially accepted his appointment by Obama as Chief of Staff on November 6 2008. The Israeli press & media were beside themselves with applause and cheers.
Rahm Emanuel is a former investment banker who made millions on Wall Street. Emanuel’s sponsor is the Zionist , Bruce Wasserstein, who is now the head of Lazard Banking.
Rahm Israel Emanuel is the son of an Israeli physician who was a gun runner for the Irgun, an Israeli terrorist group that murdered Arab civilians in Palestine between 1931 and 1948. Upon his son’s appointment as Obama’s Chief of Staff, Dr. Benjamin Emanuel (”Auerbach” was his original surname) had some choice slanderous words for the Arabs:
In an interview with Ma’ariv: “Obviously he will influence the president to be pro-Israel,” he was quoted as saying. “Why wouldn’t he be? What is he, an Arab? He’s not going to clean the floors of the White House.”
The Ma’ariv article also quoted Dr. Emanuel as saying that his son spends most summers visiting in Tel Aviv, and that he speaks Hebrew, but not fluently
more:
http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull&cid=1225910047157
Emanuel, Clinton & Mossad:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=emanuel%2C+clinton%2Cmossad
WhenTheMessiahComes…: I noticed during every republican administration: the means, misogynists, racists, bitters rise to the top - and everything is influenced, from commercials to tv to every day life.
It’s like a cloud of angry that invades everything - influences everything. This one has been horrendous. But I can see already that things will turn around again and that people want to start clearing the smoke and revealing their humanity.
Hey, look, the anti-Semitic crazies are commenting.
That was just the antidote I needed for the rare bout of actual human emotions I felt after reading that article.
Snarkfest: win X 3. Astounding how many little knowing smiles have been exchanged on the street since Tuesday..
And win to you Jim for running this. Since all my handkerchiefs are full I’ve started using a sponge.
Rebel Countess: Ditto. I think I’m getting to like this community organizing stuff.
Sleep tight, Helene.
Thanks for the sobering story, half a week was enough celebration. Back to reality.
More Republitard hijinks please!
All this happy crying is killing me!
DoctorCulturae: People really do seem friendlier!
Tuesday afternoon my white ass couldn’t even get service in Gamestop . Wednesday morning all the racial tension everywhere around here was gone and replaced by some bizarre strain of human decency and politeness. Remarkably it has stayed that way, and this is in Hyattsville of all places.
It’s like everyone got an enema of Hope Tuesday night. I’m still a bit cynical about all this Hopey stuff, but I could get used to living in a country where everyone else isn’t. *tear*
No more weekend wonkette?
*sniff*
I haz a sad
Sad indded. Definitely had to go to the staff lounge and have a little cry here away from the desk.
Also, sad that there’s no more weekend Wonkette. W M B.
Did you guys know that the city of Boston voted 75.2% for Obama? We’re super hopey around here. It’s not as Hopey in the suburbs, though.
I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new butler that’s coming with us …to the new White House.
V572625694: This doesn’t seem like news to you, but Sarah Palin make-up and clothing (or lack there-of in the towel incident) does? Is it only “news” if the people are famous? Then I guess you think the National Enquirer is a hallmark of journalistic excellence.
See it’s news because a black man who was only allowed into the White House to serve white folks will now witness a black man walking into the White House as President of the U.S. Get it? If that’s not newsworthy, I’d hate to read what you think is newsworthy? “While shooting moose, Sarah Palin breaks strap on Manolos purchased by the RNC and shoots Todd in the ass”
This story made me respect Nancy Reagan who had always seemed like the scariest white woman alive.
monty: I think we’re supposed to rest up so we’re ready for Greta Van Suster’s big interview on Monday. I hear Todd might strangler her on live teevee…
the invisible woman: Oh, my, invisible woman has a screechy voice.
facehead: As was my nutsack.
I would also like an address to send a card to the good gentleman, if possible.
Thanks Jim. I am sure my children think I’m having a complete breakdown due to bouts of open weeping this week. You get full custody when the men in white jackets come to take me away….
That was cruel. Luckily, my wife is away so I’m not wiping away excess eye liquid in front of her.
You people are very easily emotional. Just sayin’.
Giant Robot: maybe, but i’d much rather have weekend wonkette than greta van crooked mouth
umlaut75: Any time you’re afraid of a maudlin suckerpunch ending in a story you should keep a list of Barry’s puns on hand as an antidote. Ask Nancy Reagan. She said Miss Cleo has predicted four years of yuks from The Mutt.
HandsomePete: I swear to you my opinion is not based upon Obama being black , if he were a Conservative or at least an honest Centrist , I would bend over backwards to see him shooed into the Whitehouse , but he is not , I am not Judging this man based upon on his skin color , I am only skeptical about his CHARACHTER …even If Obama were White , Asian , or Green with antennas sticking out the back of his neck (sarcasm) , the low variable of trust concerning the Obfuscatory demeanor of Obama would always cause me to reach the same outcome.
Thats why I know for a fact that Martin Luther King would never have voted for Obama ….
I, for one, am not buying the Nancy Reagan part.
]Damn, Jim, I read the wonkerrati to laugh. But these aren’t tears of joy, exactly, in my eyes.
And that Jesus in Love asshole needs to be banned.
I live among fuckheads like that, and they’re not going take out a single moment to glow about Hopey’s election.
Around here, people don’t mind if Sarah doesn’t know Africa is a continent, or the countries that make up North America, or that the snowbillies got their hands on the RNC credit card and went white-trash crazy.
Around here, people don’t care because they don’t know that shit either and would absolutely go crazy at Neiman Marcus, with someone else paying.
In the “real America” they want to know their elected officials are as dumb as they are.
And speaking of dumb, I saw the Palins on Halloween night last night. Jesus Christ, isn’t it enough that the poor baby has Downs Syndrome, is named after a horse and missed his nap and bedtimes so his trailer-trash parents could drag him around as a political prop? Did they have to put fucking Dumbo Ears on the poor kid, too?
Why aren’t these people being investigated for child abuse?
jesus christ i am weeping
shortsshortsshorts: It is good to see you using your girlfriend’s head to rest your keyboard / blackberry on. America thrives on innovation!
DustBowlBlues: mind if Sarah doesn’t know Africa is a continent, A lie fabricated by left wingers. Truth is her interview was “parsed” That means some witless wonder cut and pasted specific passages together to make her look foolish. At least she doesnt believe in 57 states (the number of islamic states) that Obama does. You dont hear bout that do ya bunkie?
this is TRAGEDY for the USA people!
we need to impeach this secret MUSLIN who is going to distroy this once grate nation!
Nobody gave Bush a fair chance..He has been subject to leftwing attacks since day one and been called every name in the book and completely disrespected..He has been blamed for the financial meltdown which was created by the democrats desire to give people who couldnt afford it mortgages..So dont sit there and tell me you gave Bush a fair chance. Yes he made mistakes…but he has been shown zero respect from anyone on the left and now we shall return the favor..Obama’s every move will be scrutinized and criticized and with just cause…I will support Obama when and if he releases every peace of information he has hidden from the American people and proves to me he isnt the fraud and rasical I believe him to be. Until then he will get no respect or support from me…
JESUS IS LOVE: Thanks for the post. It is enlightening to get such a view on this blog.
It seems you are skeptical about the Prez-elect’s character, that he seems to obfuscate or hide his intentions. In short, you think he is hiding something.
He is quiet, he is slow to consider. As many have said he is cautious. I can see why he might seem like he’s not telling the truth like, say, MLK as you mention.
It is true he is not overly emotional, but I’d ask you to consider that he is a thinker.
He waits to act and behave only after he has information. After he gathers information, he does not “fly off the handle” to defend his values, but he does act on them. This may seem scary, like he is untrustworthy, not reacting all the time.
Maybe it would be easier for you if you thought about the times you didn’t hit someone even though you were mad at them.
Let me know how you do with that. I’d be interested to know more.
Ouch! Did not see that coming. Sniff.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/us_elections_2008/7717278.stm
JESUS IS LOVE: 2 words for you SPEEL CHEKKER
(see what i did there?)
JESUS IS LOVE: The piece of info about Palin and Africa debuted on Fox News, from a Fox News reporter who had talked to McCain’s aides, look into it. For the record, even I doubt the veracity of that story, but you’re probably not even reading this, and you barely care about something called ‘evidence’ for the things you ’say’ so fuck off and live.
JESUS IS LOVE: You fucking shit-sack. You say Bush didn’t “have a fair chance” even though Barry isn’t even in office yet and you want to “impeach him.” We’re you born out of your mother’s ass?
Jury yes…..
YES. Yes you were. Go back there.
And what the fuck is a “rasical?” Is that Muslim or something? ARE YOU A FUCKING MUSLIM?
JESUS IS LOVE:
All stupid people are not conservative…but all conservatives are stupid.
Thanks for proving it. I like evidence.
JESUS IS LOVE: Here’s a site you should check out:
http://alaskamigration.blogspot.com/
This web site is for:
“The purpose of the Alaska migration blog is to encourage White Nationalist Americans, Canadians, and others from around the world to migrate to Alaska in large numbers, become the predominant group, and secede from the United States. We believe that we can only secure an existence for our people and a future for white children by forming our own nation in the northern world.”
And don’t let the door hit you in the, well, you know.
Why does anyone waste time addressing a troll, when we should be focusing on more important things: Such as, when’s the last time we had a Second Lady hotter than Jill Biden? Answer: never.
Amazing how you people lose focus.
(By the way, I am not related to the Jesus is Love douchebag. I am strictly a product of the annual 9/11 Weepfest. The other 364 days a year I’m generally an upbeat kinda guy…like Sammy Davis, Jr. in the Nixon years, ya know?)
i like the way the trolls troll here, like this is the srus place for a srus discussion of trivial things like facks. bring on teh snark, but keep you facks to yerself. bush is a doosh, no amount of turd polish is going to change that fact. as for hopey being a mooslim terr’ist negroid secksy con man, meh, i care none. im not here to get news or get into a srus discussion about anything unless it involves a clit you can see from space. jesus is love why dont you find a site where your own kind flourish someplace where bill orally is king and the bitter tears flow like a river from the dashed hopes of hundreds, no thousands of dooshy wingnut trolls. you dont belong here and we will not tolerate you trying to polluter our snark with your drivel. TWAT
Jeebus saw you picking yer nose in the confessional last month. Yer gonna burn.
Weeping Jesus: Correct. Joey B always has a smile on his face.
It helps to give my comments direction.
JESUS IS LOVE:
Jeebus saw you picking yer nose in the confessional last month. Yer gonna burn.
Bear-bear needs to invite all the cute over-80 black people who make us cry to the White House as soon as he can, before more of them die.
Jim, ‘banhammer’ on JESUS IS LOVE please….and more ways then one.
JESUS IS LOVE: I seem to remember very clearly that after planes flew into two buildings two blocks from where my wife was working that I was fully willing to support George Bush. He then proceeded to exploit my trust as well as millions of others to forward his neo-con agenda.
Just stop it. You backed a bad dude.
i was born at the old GW hospital. grew up in NE. never heard that story before. you fuckers made me cry. never thought i’d see the day.
Just wait, Obama will invite Eugene to The White House and Biden will ask him how is wife is doing.
Wow, apparently everyone likes the Hopemeister now:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/09/us/politics/09memo.html?partner=rssuserland&emc=rss
AWWWW, BUT ME WUBZ HIM FURST!
wahhhh ……… I want my weekend wonkette!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I read the story this morning (three hrs later here in Buenos Aires) and was saddened, of course.
I really hope Hopey invites Mr. Allen to the inauguration.
Also, I don’t mind trolls so much — Newell should be allowed to amuse himself on occasion. What I do mind is getting this tripe in emails from relatives. Bless their souls.
monty: Rite fukkin’ on about that doochbag.
Wait, I think that moron might be the guy who lives up the road and has the Confederate flag at full mast behind his okie-dokie bait shop.
Never mind, dude. Chill.
Servo: Why bother being so precise. JIL isn’t. I post to a state-wide Democratic bulletin board (where I’m known and much more well behaved) and in 2004 in my post-apocalyptic election depression, called a troll every thing I could think of.
Cathartic.
don’t see what George Bush has done wrong, he’s destroying a bunch of people who shouldn’t be in the 1st place. I say the Iraqis are just here to take up space on this planet. They’re not doing anything to benifit us. George Bush is doing a great job where he is. I hope he sends a nuke to Iraq and just wipe that country out of the map. The only thing the Iraqis know how to do is terrorize countries, they’re all terrorists.Ok, I’m going to say it, I think George Bush is good. He’s one of the greatest president ever.. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! he attack Iraq and many Iraqis died.. so what? I hope he bombs Iraq again, I seriously don’t give a crap if the Iraqis die, I hope bush kills them all, bomb the hell out of Iraq. serioulsy I think the Iraqis are nothing but terrorist and George Bush is doing the world a favour by bombing them and killing them. they just like to bomb the hell out of each other, so the Americans attacking Iraq doesn’t really make that much of a difference, they’re just speeding up the process. So I solute George Bush
JESUS IS LOVE: Aw, now you’re just fuckin’ with us to be a cunt.
Good job!
You probably helped drive another couple hundred people into the “Agnostic” category from the “Undecided” group. Salami a-lickum’, my brudda!
I suggest we take up a fund to move JESUS IS LOVE to Alaska.
JESUS IS LOVE:
Lets see…
The Bush Administration:
Crony-ism - check
Corruption - check
Incompetence - check
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED !
I’m sorry folks, but the tears in your eyes evidently have blinded you to this HUGE wink from Monsieur “Jesus Is Love”:
“we need to impeach this secret MUSLIN who is going to distroy this once grate nation!”
If there really was any doubt this is satire..
My theory: it’s actually one of the editors testing us for satire- and snark-impairedness. Thinning out the herd as it were..
I notice one of the leftist cowards from this site had to throw in a negative comment on the petition using Obama’s name. Too yellow to put it under their own.Nothing that the left has done or said about Sarah through this whole compaign has really surprised me. But the cannibalization she is experiencing from members of her own party has reduced me to tears and shame. I didn’t agree with everything she stood for but I wouldn’t wish this treatment on my worst enemies. I’ll always be a conservative, but right now I’m ashamed to be a Republican.What did we expect?
These are the young people raised on “It Takes a Village.”
Socialists were patiently working on our kids, in public schools and universities, while too many conservatives ignored the Marxist ideological brainwashing.
Their plan has come to maturity and we see the results. Too many of our young people see nothing wrong with Communism, Socialism, and (Heaven help us) Marxism!!!
JESUS IS LOVE: Ok. You’re either Tony the Tiger or Jim. I haven’t decided which.
SgtTard: Yes! That’s EXACTLY what I should have thought! Satire! Why didn’t I notice it!?
Oh, probably because it’s not satire. It’s douchebaggery. (But, satiric douchebaggery…with irony mixed in…and perhaps a dash of mental retardation, fetal alcohol effect, and just plain ol’ bigot assholism…)
Jesus told me personally that he loves all his children every one even in Iraq. He loves the whole world!He is so sad for the ones a certain someones murdered in Iraq and a certain other one is saying should get hurted or dead.He is crying yes even weeping because a certain someone here in these comments is wrecking his beautiful creation and using his name to do it.How many of the Ten Commandments did a certain someone knowingly break in that last shit of bitterness and sin? I’m counting six but I think two more might be very possible.I don’t know if adultery is an option for you. Tomorrow is Sunday go to a normal type church and ask God to have love and hopeyness fill your heart and drive out the demons. Beat them into plowshares, share the fish and bread,be reminded that the Good Samaritan was in fact an Iraqi who saved the life of a dickheaded troll.Join us! I am definitely going to order the fish tonight and pray for your soul. You’re welcome!
All my toothless, gun loving, redneck, trailer park pals from PA who are still forwarding me religious emails and lol cats went and voted for Hopey. They sent me pictures of their big fund raising party.I guess they just got tired of the crap and lies.
I feel all blingee now. I’m going to try that blingee thing on my cheese picture later tonight.Ciao!
Weeping Jesus: Then yes, it’s Tony.
JESUS IS LOVE: Their plan has come to maturity and we see the results. Too many of our young people see nothing wrong with Communism, Socialism, and (Heaven help us) Marxism!!!
Thanks, JESUS IS LOVE! You have brought Hope to my avatar! For we, as social-Marxian-liberal-communists have long molded the mind of the youth with our false prophet professors. Next, we shall reanimate the corpse of Lenin! He, together with Barry O and Muslim Jesus, will then conquer the world and install the Soviet Caliphate with Karl Marx/Muhammad (same guy, doncha know?) at its head.
Just read The Communist Manifesto and its second edition The Audacity of Hope; it’s all right there…
Weeping Jesus: Even if it’s not for real, can’t we just pretend we have our very own troll here? After the election they’ve all migrated back to their caves, bridges, and parents’ basements…
SgtTard: OMG, I think you are right. Now he’s talking about eating up or out Sarah Palin. I’m going to have to pray twice for his soul and the sins are up to eight.Not Jim though, he wouldn’t waste the time and he’s funnier. I’m starving. You can all figure this out, bye.
JESUS IS LOVE: heyyyyyy. i saw this exact same quote on some redtarded site. or what was it a troll here? if i cared more i’d google it to check but i’m already overprocrastinating on papers as it is…
JESUS IS LOVE:
Ooooo, another big talkin’, ignorant Conservative blustering on about “leftist cowards” and -isms. How novel.
Conservatives are such drama queens, especially when they’re irrelevant. Hath we offended the precious honor of your Dunce Queen of Alaska? Do you plan to challenge we cowardly liberals to a duel of honor or something?
Please, please enlighten us further about the Social-Marxical-Communistical brainwashing perpetrated by the secret, terrorist Masonic American public schools and their New World Order Satanic welfare conspiracy. You know, the one perpetrated by Stalin’s clone who covertly masterminds it all by pulling the strings of the Democratic Party - the truth that the Left-Wing MSM is afraid to reveal.
Newsflash: Your secret unrepentant terrorist boyfriend, Bill Ayers, has written a blog about the campaign. Nice mix of sanity and castigating us for not “learning the lessons of the Sixties” or some shit.
http://www.inthesetimes.com/article/4028/what_a_long_strange_trip_its_been
Ayers/Wright ‘12
D’oh. That blog was from yesterday. Guess I didn’t see it through all my “I can’t believe the Butler’s Wife died” tears.
102415: You’re right - it can’t be the editors, they’d be way funnier (and a tad more subtle I’d like to believe..)
Hey, I didn’t say it was *good* satire…
It’s 8:34 EST Saturday and our beloved editors don’t throw us so much as a gnawed-over bone. Bastards! They could just post a single word like “Neimansgate” and it would be like throwing meat to a bunch of rabid dogs.
JESUS IS LOVE: Verily, thus I spake: From the heavens, I smite thee.
On Earth, you’re more familiar with its more common description: The Cleveland Steamer.
Okay so it is Saturday night. What are all the wacky wonketeers doing now they have died and gone to heaven? I see Jim and Sarah have abandoned us again, now that we have done all our voting and phoning and canvassing. So does life go on? I read on the intertubes that the CNN holograms were fake holgrams. I am shocked, shocked I say.
InKnockYouUs:
Don’t be sad, there will always be Sarah:
Her pushback against critics got most of the attention, but Sarah Palin’s chat with Alaska reporters yesterday also included some other important news: She no longer thinks Ted Stevens, who was convicted on felony charges last month, should resign his post, a reversal from her stance during the campaign.
JESUS IS LOVE: I find your username humorous, as I have no doubt that you’d be first in line to nail that goddamn hippie socialist Jesus to the cross.
I am crying in starbucks. This absolutely sucks. How Could You?
I don’t think he is who you think him is.
JESUS IS LOVE: Gimme an avatar to relate to. I can’t read and if you don’t love me enough to have a graphic avatar than I’ll just wallow in sin forever and my damnation is your fault. You suck.
JESUS IS LOVE: Hey supposed xian, eat shit. Upset about Palin? Well , she’d rip out your eyes and make trig piss on your brain if you stood in her way.
“Sarah Palin blamed by the US Secret Service over death threats against Barack Obama”
Enjoy your god damned sunday.
Here’s some weekend snacks
Michelle Bachmann takes credit for Obama Landslide
http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/worst-person-michelle-bachmann-wants
Sarah Palin thinks Alaska has good race-relations.
http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/palin-touts-alaska-race-relations-pa
JESUS IS LOVE: “members of her own party has reduced me to tears and shame”…
I’m so sorry, Miz/Mr JESUS ALL CAPS. Your party leadership Mr. Husband of recent incumbent special-needs candidate Dole recommends treatment for this condition. Best of luck with your future buttsecs.
JESUS IS LOVE: “he’s destroying a bunch of people who shouldn’t be in the 1st place”
TRANSLATED TO ALASKA DIALECT OF WASILLA ENGLISH BY DIL HAVARTI 2008
Oh, Miz/Mr JESUS ALL CAPS, thank you for remind us of the Pope Urban in maybe 1095. We’re so sorry to inform you that the basis of your crusaderish mentality was really the request of Orthodox Christian Byzantine Emperor turned on it’s ear by Urban’s desire to usurp the control of the region of the requestor. Against the Turks, who kinda don’t like us so much, because, uh, that’s who the, we, the we the Byzantine’s wanted to have help fighting against… and so we helped… destroy them… and now again those turks, who now just kind of don’t really want to have much to do with Iraqi’s, it would seem… and us, too, still. So, thank you for that. We’ll send you a bill for your rape kit on your tax return.
You people going after Jesus Is Love can die. As I am guilty of this, you all must assume that your enemy is golf-clothed and READY FOR A ROUND? In hell. Fuck it.
Enjoy the show.
JESUS IS LOVE: I, too, would like to solute George Bush. I remember an episode of Batman (the real Batman, on TV) where the Penguin tried to solute Batman and Robin. Damned near succeeded, too, except the wily fuckers got their hands untied.
shortsshortsshorts: I don’t understand. Are YOU Jesusislove? Or, what aforementioned transgression in this tangled thread are you admitting to?
I must say, I often don’t understand your posts.
Coherency (coherentness?) is a FRIEND of sarcasm. Srsly.
btw, golf is a stupid sport.
Rush: She changed her tune about Ted Stevens, but I’m sure she’ll simply say, “I’ve never suggested that Uncle Ted should step down. I’m glad the record is clear on my unflagging support for him.”
I mean, it must be the same idiot reporter who claimed she was found to have violated ethics laws in that investigation. What next? Is someone going to suggest she cost McCain the election or rang up a clothing bill? MSM is chock full of socialist lackey dogs who want to spread the manure while they help the Mutt spread the wealth. The whole thing is so unfair to Sarah… right, Jesus is Love?
Rush: “She no longer thinks Ted Stevens, who was convicted on felony charges last month, should resign his post, a reversal from her stance during the campaign.”
I wonder if that whole “returning to Alaska as a national punchline” making it too hard for her to get his seat changed her position on his resignation.
“Imagine,” she said.
“That’s right,” he said.
Yes we can.
Psst. I have something else for you to read, if you need a boost. “Republicans Blame Palin, Crap Themselves At The Same Time…”
http://mojopo.blogspot.com/2008/11/republicans-blame-palin-crap-themselves.html
It’s been a good week.
SOLUTE GEORGE BUSH!
heh heh heh, a new wonkette theme
seriously, I think JESUSISLOVE is ken. otherwise, this db would have been cancelled a while ago.
thanks to all a yous who posted the links that are good.
omg bill ayers is hilarious:
“When Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin got hold of it, the attack went viral. At a now-famous Oct. 4 rally, she said Obama was “pallin’ around with terrorists.” (I pictured us sharing a milkshake with two straws.)”
Just in case you missed it….Bill Ayers finally speaks
don’t temember urging anyone to go and joint the group either ….
Of course when you begin to opinionate in terms of ad nauseum your bound to misconstrue the meaning of the story that the meesenger sent you .
You can’t define truth based upon only those things which appeal to you , sometimes it must be done by delving into things that may not appeal to you at all , and forcing yourself to look at it , and when you deduce that a problem is unsolvable it’s only because you chose to solve it simply by running away from it in disgust .
in the end we all have to put on a pair of shoes , but those who insist to find safety by wearing a pair of golashes could find themselves wandering around alone on a burning desert where it never rains at all
I find it funny how you can associate with some people I have seen you associating with around here already ,and say that , but thats not the point of this story is it ?
And I can understand your distress , as I have just noticed the membership grew by another thousand in one day.
Very profound, in a my-meds-have-worn-off kind of way.
JESUS IS LOVE: what are youi smokin and do you have any left. and as Prof. Jerry Hathaway said “up the voltage”
Hopey’s campaign just released some election night photos. I cry false, because there are no pix of Barry ravishing Michelle as his win is announced.
Also, there’s this little gem.
http://flickr.com/photos/barackobamadotcom/3009094810/in/set-72157608716313371/
I feel so bad for Sasha. I imagine Biden has old man breath.
gurukalehuru: It is sarcasm. Deeply incoherent, but absolutely sarcastic.
Sometimes I wish I could be Jesus Is Love, but nope. I am not.
Five days post-election and still I haven’t seen a single Viagra® or Cialis® ad featuring the Maverick. I can’t understand this. Aren’t failed Republican candidates supposed to be shown cracking 300-yard drives off a golf tee, or throwing a football through a tire or something while an obviously satisfied beer heiress does the Walnuts eyebrow thing in the background?
JESUS IS LOVE: If I ever find myself wandering, all alone, in a burning desert, I still think I’d rather be wearing galoshes than golashes. (Which for some inexplicable reason has a red underline under it. Did that happen on your computer, too, Jesus Is Love?)
JESUS IS LOVE: Obvious troll is obvious.
JESUS IS LOVE: Quit raping my language, douchewallop. If you don’t know the meaning or use of large words, stick with the smaller ones. Just puking words onto the screen because they look good pisses some of us off. It also means that whatever point you are trying to make gets lost. Unless, of course, the point is that you’re (note the apostrophe and the ‘e’ at the end) an idiot.
Sincerely,
Slug
natoslug: First off- kudos on the use of “douchwallop”. I must remember to work that inot daily conversation.
Second- OMG! It’s Palin! Nobody else could abuse the English language so hideously and think that they’re making sense! You’ve solved the mystery of JIL!!!
JESUS IS LOVE: You are possibly the most unfunny person I have ever met in my life. For that I congratulate you.
WEEKEND SNARK WEEKEND SNARK WEEKEND SNARK WEEKEND SNARK WEEKEND SNARK ATTICA ATTICA WEEKEND SNARK WEEKEND SNARK WEEKEND SNARK WEEKEND SNARK YES WE CAN YES WE CANYES WE CAN WEEKEND SNARK WEEKEND SNARK WEEKEND SNARK WEEKEND SNARK
(see what i did there?)
monty: You just changed the world.
1. Poverty has ended.
2. Equality is prevalent.
3. War is forgotten.
4. ???????
5. Profit!
shortsshortsshorts: Well, I guess if the only other contestant was Barry getting off a Nancy Reagan seance blast or a mutt reference, I’d agree. You probably also never met Chevy Chase who, until now, most people agreed was the least funny person since Capt. Ahab.
natoslug: “Just puking words onto the screen” Now, THAT is funny!
natoslug: Thank you. My sentiments exactly concerning JESUS IS MAGIC or whatever the hell this toolbag troll is calling itself.
JESUS IS LOVE: English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?
Nobody must forget the shamefull, vile, hateful ways in which McCain and Palin tried to win this election. They appealed to the scum of society by invoking hateful words like “terrorist” based on dishonest, distorted, vague words like “association”, “connection”, etc,. Not to mention the last minute robocalls and Rev Wright ad. As McCain rally videos show, he inspired ignorance and hatred in many of his supporters.
McCain is an angry, shameful shell of a man and his presidency would have been one marked by fear, violence and uncertainty. America chose the right candidate for president, the only viable candidate who will make US international relations more peaceful: US President Barack Obama
JESUS IS LOVE: Okay, now you’re just fucking with us. Were your earlier posts amazing meta-snark that we all missed? If so, I tip my hat to you (or would, if I hadn’t lost it last night while drunkenly searching for some decent music in Spokane last night) and caution you to remember there’s a fine line between satirical genius and raging asshole and it can be awfully hard to tell the difference sometimes.
chascates: Heh…won’t it be a surprise when the White Power Rangers get to Alaska and find out that Sitka is full of Jews?
natoslug: i vote for raging asshole
JESUS IS LOVE:
You recycle? Socialist!
I’m glad y’all are getting a break on weekends, again.
Goodnight, sweet Wonkette or somesuch.
I’ve already admitted I am in need of psychological counseling. But I have
been telling the truth. The psychological problems are apart from that. I
suffered from a form of mental paralysis and severe depression. That
gut-wrenching, head-ripping depression is gone. The mental paralysis
remains, unfortunately. It’s revealed itself in a way I won’t get into right
now. But it has nothing to do with the ‘radioactive’ treatment I’ve been
given the locals; once again emphasizing that it’s just a small handful of
individuals that’s really driving all this.
shortsshortsshorts: i thought you were gay? or do you mean GIRLfriend?
Borat: Naw. I like teh ladies. I wish I was gay though.
“JESUS IS LOVE” is going to hell because the “complicated” bestiality/necrophilia thing. I won’t get into it now.
Jesus Christ can suck my balls.
And Hail to Me.
-Love, S
At my house it’s more like, my cock woke up and my wife didn’t…
SATAN IS FUN: Hey Satan! How are ya! I’ve been missing you recently. Welcome back to earth.
SATAN IS FUN: You’re harshing my buzz, man. I usually only cry during the 9/1l Annual Weepathon (it’s that damn crying eagle that gets me every time), but combined with the maudlin story about the janitor or whatever from the White House and your whole bestiality riff, I’m feelin’ kind of chokey.
Oops, check that. It was just a bong backfire.
Carry on, Armageddon Monger. Did you post a profile in the New Members forum?
Obama brings the funny, roasting Rahm Emanuel:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdphzxz64BY
shortsshortsshorts: Which explains why THIS is your new girlfriend:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/11/09/americas-first-transgende_n_142503.html
facehead: Oh Christ, he’s hilarious.
the invisible woman: Swifty Lazar, reborn!
InsidiousTuna: Yeah, some of that is top notch snark… which makes me wonder if Obama isn’t one of us… who would it be? magic titty? Jesus is Love? The mind boggles.
Scandalabra: Enjoy this Reader’s Digest Condensed version of scandalous snowmachinebilly contributions to ‘luxe GDP prêt-à-porter.
JESUS IS LOVE: We are not here to curse the darkness; we are here to light a candle.
The help you need, JIL…
kthnxbai!
This is just funny:
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Councilman-Arrested-for-Peeing-on-Crowd.html
(got it off teh Drudge)
Oh whoa hi hope you all had a good weekend. I see conflict. meh.
Interested in joining a growing union, yet one where you are a name rather than one of many
clones? UML have an experienced core of members that are establishing ourselves as the key
presence within Tokyo welcoming all levels of players, and hope that you will join our
family.
We war each round and stockpile cash with our bankers to reward our loyal active
members with rank spots each round. Unlike most unions the ranks are shared around on a
regular
basis. Most of all though we want to have fun, particularly on the boards – it is after all
just POLITIC.
If I’ve tempted you to give us a try then please accept the invite that should be waiting.
If not then Enjoy your round . Good luck !!
JESUS IS LOVE: You forgot the link. Where do I sign up for this United Masturbators’ League?
I am crying into a brown, unbleached tissue.