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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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73 comments

  1. Serolf Divad

    I’m trying to make it work here on the CNN make-your-own electoral college map, but even with Missouri in his column, I’m still having a hard time seeing how McCain gets to 270.

  2. whatever_dc

    this will be seen as some sort of redemption. something like the country didn’t really elect the black dude — it’s a mistake. i can hear talk radio already!!! why hasn’t hopey invoked the fairness doctrine yet?

  3. SelfDeprecatingFed

    McCain also won Misery… Because he had to talk to that crowd of his supports (read: angry mob who hates muslins)

  4. mattbolt

    Fine, I never liked St. Louis-style barbecue anyways. Hey, how about you slather some more sauce on that entire half of a pig you’re grilling, you lard-chewing animals

  5. AngryBlakGuy

    …in commemoration of this Epic Fail we should all go out and carve letter “B’s” into fat and unattractive white women faces!!!

  6. ihasasad

    Will everyone please chant with me:
    Georgia Blue
    Georgia Blue
    etc.
    and
    Martin
    Martin
    etc.
    Please, oh please
    Oh please, oh please
    etc.
    kaithanxbai

  7. ManchuCandidate

    The Simpsons said it best:
    Marge: Grandpa, why are there only 49 stars on that flag?
    Grandpa: It’ll be a cold day in hell before I recognize Missourah!

  8. Lord_Loveaduck

    Thank God McCain won this one so we can finally stop hearing about how “Missouri went for every President except one since 1904″ as if that even fucking means anything.

  9. mattbolt

    Democrats aren’t supposed to win states that are regularly pronounced with a drawl, like “Mizzurah”. They should, however, win states that can regularly be pronounced with an irritatingly nasal regional intonation, like “NooJoyzee” or “Wiskaawnsin”

  10. Doglessliberal

    Hopey’s at 63M votes and McCain at 55.8M with NC (about 2M per candidate) still not included and Calif, WA, and OR still counting. This is an amazing turnout.

    Oh, and AP retracted its call for Coleman, so that one is undeclared until post-recount.

  11. Rush

    [re=167027]Serolf Divad[/re]:

    McCain has 162 without MO. If you take MO’s 11 EV’s, then multiply by 5.5, divide that sum by $150,000, subtract theatnumber of bullets Hillary dodged in Bosnia and then add the total number of socialists that live in Scranton and you come to 269.98.

    When do the results for Guam come in?

  12. OKLAHOMAjesus?

    Yes! I thought we had shed their last ounce of dignity last year when OU killed them in the Big XII championship, Chase Daniels=douche, but nooooo then it’s all over the news “No one can be president without missouri (it doesn’t deserve capitalization), well yeah. Oh, and Branson sucks.

  13. Palin-Plumber2012

    Jesus Christ, cnn.com shows Franken lost by 314 votes in an election where (just among the top 3 candidates) 2,859,868 votes were cast. 6 more years of Coleman, horrible.

  14. mattbolt

    Next time, Obama should remember to campaign in Bronson, Missouri.

    “Hey ma, gimme a cookie.”
    “No dice.”
    “This, ain’t, ovah.”

  15. whatever_dc

    i keep waiting for some asswipe to come on the teevee and say: HAHAHAHAHA PUNKED LIBERAL FUCKTARDS!!!

  16. wheelie

    They should give McCain a special runners-up medal for this and maybe present him with a cake and a voucher for DisneyWorld coz, you know, it’s all about the taking part.

    Up until McCain picked his fundie running mate, I had a grudging respect for him as a tough-but-fair type. He threw his self-respect under the Straight Talk Express after that. Last night, he tried to salvage himself some dignity, but it was way too late. Good riddance, Walnuts.

  17. PerhapsSo

    I’m pretty sure Bible Spice won Missouri. I drove through it on a cross-country roadtrip once. Never have I seen so many billboards for Jesus.

  18. rev_matt_y

    Speaking as a (non-native) Missourian I’m glad that MO was on the wrong side of this. The Repubs/rednecks (often indistinguishable) act as though MO *IS* the US, and heartily identify with Palin’s Real America demagogue bullshit. There’s been a whole lot of “Aw hell, they can’t win it without MO, and there’s no way we’re voting for the nig” attitude outside of the three islands of moderate politics (St Louis City, Kansas City, Columbia). The liberal politics in MO are restricted to about 10 square blocks southwest of downtown St Louis.

  19. freakishlystrong

    The reaction I’m getting from wingnut co-workers is strange, per them; Hopey barely won so they hope he can “get it together”, we’ll all be broke and homeless in six months, (cuz we’re doing so well now), the terrorists will be testing us because Joe Biden said so…I’m choosing to be elated today.

  20. rmontcal

    [re=167087]rmontcal[/re]: Nevermind – I’m an idiot. I just assumed that I was being told that Obama had won MO. Best hangover ever.

  21. dano

    [re=167093]wheelie[/re]: “…Last night, he tried to salvage himself some dignity, but it was way too late.”

    Yeah, he tried but his dipshit supporters insisted on booing & hissing when Walnuts mentioned Barry. That’s super fucking classy.

  22. PopeyesPipe

    [re=167098]PerhapsSo[/re]: Lots of luminescent side-of-the-highway crosses, lots of eagle tattoos.

  23. Cape Clod

    News flash to all residents of Missouri and Ohio. If the Mountain States and and Virginia start voting regularly for the Democrats, then you are no longer considered bellwethers for the nation. So waddle down to Denny’s for some “All You Can Stuff Down Your Gullet” pancake special and stop thinking that the country is going to pander to you anymore.

  24. V572625694

    [re=167105]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: It was so funny when InBev was going to buy Budweiser: the Busch family and their pet congresscritters arose as one to say, “It will not stand!” and “They can’t take the Clydesdales.” Then InBev raised the offer by $5 a share and they said, “Where do we sign?”

    Also, cockfighting is legal in Missouri. Ew.

    St Louis and KC have some nice neighborhoods, though.

  25. freakishlystrong

    I for one plan on mixing up a schedenfreude cocktail this evening and tuning in to the asshats at Fox for the first time eva!

  26. AnnieGetYourFun

    Everyone see the Fox News web site. While they’re not calling for a race war, they’ve found a way to put a negative spin on the election by pointing out that Obama faces A WORLD OF TROUBLE.

    Like that wasn’t the fucking reason for electing him or something.

  27. CivicHoliday

    Ugh. We worked our ass off in STL, and won the traditionally conservative county (read: suburban middle class church lovin’ white folks) but it just wasn’t enough to counteract the bootheel and all the rest of the rural areas. We also passed a prop making English the official language, and turned down funding for public transportation. I can’t believe fucking INDIANA, which still has the KKK, is more progressive than us now!!! Jeebus.

  28. superfecta

    [re=167039]mattbolt[/re]: I grew up in St. Louis and had never heard of said BBQ style before escaping to live in better places. While I am partial to some toasted ravioli, in general St. Louis food is inedible – the ‘pizza’ is essentially a burned cracker crust (which seems, somehow, appropriate) with Provel ‘cheese’ on it (another product I did not, as a child, realize was not known worldwide — although I can certainly see why no one else eats it).

    Did I mention that when we went on school trips to the courthouse they didn’t actually tell us the outcome of the Dred Scott trial? Just that a big important thing done happened there once…

  29. Lord Foppington of Dandyshire

    Well now that English is MO’s official language I guess we’ll have to translate the Qurans that will become mandatory in school-houses from our preferred Muslin squiglies into ALL CAPS ENGLISH so that they can process it.

  30. ChuckWood

    They must have loved that shit about the bear DNA and the projector bulb. How the hell did this Walnuts fella lose? Satanic hippies, of course. Palin ’12!

  31. ChuckWood

    John McEnroe had the worst tv show ever but does pretty good cereal commercials. Maybe McCain can do SNL bits and Cream of Wheat commercials and be a pleasant distraction, who is harmless and doesn’t talk about his penis for money like Dole did.

  32. williambanzai7

    WHO HAS THE LAST LAUGH NOW?
    (Fred Astaire, from Shall We Dance)
    WilliamBanzai7

    Sing Along to the Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkZdoPaBdG4&feature=related

    The odds were a hundred to one against him
    The world thought the heights were too high to climb
    But people from Missouri never incensed him
    Oh, he wasn’t a bit concerned
    For from hist’ry we have learned
    How many, many times the world had turned

    They all laughed at Christopher Columbus
    When he said the world was round
    They all laughed when Edison recorded sound
    They all laughed at Wilbur and his brother
    When they said that man could fly

    They told Obama
    his ideas of change were phony
    It’s the same old cry
    They laughed at him wanting our votes
    Said he was reaching for the moon
    But oh, how we came through
    Now they’ll have to change their tune

    They all said his base was just too scrappy
    They laughed at us and how!
    But ho, ho, ho!
    Who’s got the last laugh now?

  33. Keram2

    [re=167221]Outstando[/re]: Hey, don’t blame St. Louis. That city is about as blue as a city can get. Like Atlanta and Austin, it’s surrounded by shit — although St. Louis County went Democrat, which is shocking — but it’s still blue and beautiful.

    However, if you want scrap St. Charles, you won’t get any complaints from me. Worst. County. Ever.

  34. Schizobicho

    [re=167042]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I’m offended by your remark. I’m a fat (kinda), unattractive (not really) white woman (that part is true.) You don’t even have the decency to carve the letter backwards?? You are prejudice against all “Backward B cutters” out there. You should be ashamed! Also!

  35. Schizobicho

    FYI: I am originally from KCMO and the majority of the smart part of the state (KCMO) voted for Obama. And KC has the best-in-the-world BBQ and Jazz. Suck it New Orleans!

    Damn! Now I’m drooling all over thinking of burnt ends.

  36. dsenjak

    [re=167167]CivicHoliday[/re]: St. Louis county went Democratic in 2000 and 2004 also.

    I live in St. Louis county and am disappointed the state didn’t go for Obama, but I am also disappointed by many of the comments in this thread. Not everyone in Missouri is a redneck or a racist. This election was about hope and change and unity.

  37. CivicHoliday

    [re=167577]dsenjak[/re]: Yes, I am aware of the results of past elections, and also am aware not everyone is a redneck and/or racist. However, there is a large contingency in MO that is unwilling to even CONSIDER a black person for the highest office, and an even larger contingency that hates public transportation and likes the idea of forbidding use of sign language or spanish in schools. This election may be about hope and unity, but we’ve got a lot of work to do to win over those subsets in this state.

  38. Nora-charles

    Hey! No fair dissing the whole state. We worked hard in the major cities. Everyone on my block and I’d guess 80 percent of the people in my neighborhood voted for Obama. Apparently the difference, statewide, is 5,868 votes, .2 percent. Maybe they haven’t gone through the provisional ballots yet. I’m hoping.

    And we have better barbecue than St. Louis.

  39. lazyb

    One thing we can thank the 50 state (ish) strategy for is that Missouri can now stop whining about how NOBODY wins without Missouri. Nice try, civilized parts of the state. You did way better than my own sorryassed southern redneck hellhole.

  40. Nora-charles

    Plus, we (Kansas City) have a bishop who threatened to kill all our souls if we voted for the “wrong” candidate.

  41. Outstando

    [re=167350]Keram2[/re]: You had your chance, St. Louis. Now give us the arch. We have some wind turbines to fabricate.

  42. Outstando

    And where the fuck was the Kansas City faggott vote? What were you guys doing, working on the railroad?

  43. sarahconnor

    [re=167350]Keram2[/re]: Would have to agree with you about St. Charles county. pure unadulterated suck. Did I mention the myspace hoax? just thinking about the place makes me want to throw up in my McCain vomit receptacle. not. cute.

Comments are closed.