Wonkette
Amid all the excitement of last night’s HISTORIC ELECTION a few important questions went unanswered, at least here on the Wonkette. For example: did fluorescent light foe and unrepentant baby-farmer Michelle Bachmann successfully defend her Minnesota district from insurgent chaotic-good lawn sprite Elwyn Tinklenberg? And whatever happened to that poop factory over in San Francisco? This morning, we have answers.
- Bachmann won the District 6 race.
- Proposition R, which would have renamed a Bay Area sewage treatment plant after George W. Bush, was voted down by a huge margin.
- Al Franken lost (unofficially!) to Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman by less than 800 votes, so now there will probably be a recount.
- Alaska’s own Ted Stevens looks like he will be re-elected for the 17th time or whatever, even though he is a CONVICTED FELON.
- Still no word about Missouri or North Carolina, electorally speaking.
Here at Wonkette Information Headquarters we are celebrating Bachmann’s win and praying for a clean Stevens victory, that we might still have these two marvelous kooks to kick around for a few more years.
Thanks to Michael McNarney for the rad foto.
So what does this say about Minnesota and Alaska?
Minnesota overwhelmingly elects Obama, then sends crazy lady and sleazy Norm back to DC.
Alaska votes in a convicted felon.
I blame Zamboni fumes (and to a lesser extent, hotdish)
Or maybe, we just have a delicious sense of humor and we are doing this just to keep websites like Wonkette in business.
Alaska: still retarded!
ha ha, now they are throwing Joe the Plumber under the str8 talk express.
I know it’s sorta like kicking them when they’re down, but… anyway:10 Reasons Why The GOP Deserved To Lose.
Palin is headed to the Senate. Stevens gets the boot, there’s a special election, Palin plays the “they was mean to me” card for sympathy, promises more bridges and pork and other mavericky whatnot, and she’s in like flynn.
Senator Sarah Palin. Get used to it.
Josh Marshall brought up the idea that we take the Alaska Independence Party up on its platform of secession. I agree.
Also, check out Ben Smith’s comments at Politico to see right-tards BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
hockeymom: Hotdish!! Love it. Darn those crazy Lutherans and their Ludefisk(sp?).
ForTheTurnstiles: That’s fine; it’ll give WALNUTS an opportunity to humiliate her in the Senate.
You know he’s pissed at her.
I smell like cigars and hopiness. An amazing morning.
But WTF, California?
What do they do with Stevens’ seat when he’s actually IN prison? I’m a forriner I don’t understand these things.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/27/obamas-chief-of-staff-rah_n_138240.html
hockeymom: In the new world of Obama justice, let’s hope Stevens and Coleman are cellmates.
But wherefore, Minnesota? Ya, I think maybe it does have sumthin’ to do with the amalgamation of 3rd party, pol-vandalizing, paranoid self-righteous freaks following Jesse Ventura rightward and Paulward to the Bible-bangin’ baby-factorin’ drum, possibly reacting to the rise of Muslim communities there. But truthfully, I dunno.
In other news, Alaska will henceforth be known as Crudistan. Ye shall know them by their blackened fingers and blackened tongues!
Well, at least we’ll have lots of laffs-n-snark with Bachman and Stevens.
Wouldn’t want to run out of snark in the midst of all the hopifyin’.
Worlds End: Rahm is a badass; I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of him. Good pick.
It’s funny to me because the worst thing the voters did with Coleman and Stevens is elect them.
Stevens gets the joy of being marginalized and laughed at in the very chamber he once ruled.
Coleman gets the gift of a Senate ethics probe and possible Fed investigation.
As for the rest. US America has a long way to go to shake off the ‘tardation. This isn’t going to happen overnight.
Bachmann’s district is the most conservative (catholic, rural,) in the state. The rest of Minn. did not have Tink and Bach on the ballots.
And the stage has been set for Senator Palin vs Senator Clinton - 2016.
…does this mean no more Joe the fukk-face liar?!
Halperin reports Oprah is going to be ‘unleashed’ today on her show about the election. I await her verdict on Bible Spice’s calling Barry a commie/terrorist/muslin fist jabber.
Now that’s the Minnesota I grew up in, remember and why I left: crazy as loons!…
Jeepers. Alabamians used to have starry-eyed notions about Minnesotans being our betters. But after Jesse, Bachmann, and Coleman, it seems they are as knuckle-headed as the rest of us.
crepuscular: People in Bachmann’s district either love her or despise her. I guess their were slightly more people who love her. And Tink apparently has some ethics problems arising from his time as a state official. It’s not like he was an ideal choice.
My understanding is the Twin Cities turned out big for Franken so please blame the rest of the state for the return of Coleman. At least Wonkette will still have plenty of material.
Alaska’s choice of Stevens shouldn’t surprise us. I mean, wasn’t Alaska a prison colony or something when it was founded?
JoeFannyPack: I’m not so sure of that. By 2016 Palin’s looks will have faded significantly and there’s nothing the Kristol/Krauthammer crowd like less than a middle-aged woman who looks middle aged.
wtf??? you mean i didn’t dream this? it’s really true??? obama is really the president elect??? how did we manage not to fuck it up???
if anyone wants to volunteer to help pack up elizabeth dole to send her back to … er wherever … her office number is: 202.224.6342
No more Palin
At least we still have Bachman 
Texan Bulldoggette: OPRAH UNLEASHED
That should be DVD only; she’d make a killing.
A few thoughts to share, despite obligatory hangover and wicked headspins.
I was deadset against Hillary because she was unelectable. I will struggle to refrain from mocking Laura Ingalls Wildest and her poll-dumps proving Hopey COULDN’T POSSIBLY win because he was the ‘weaker’ candidate. After Hillary’s remarkable contribution to Hopey these past few months, I’d like to see her appropriately rewarded and if Hopey’s smart, he’ll give her whatever plum she wants. She’s earned it.
Why did both Hillz and WALNUTS wait until their concession speeches to bring their A-game and only score their finest moments in defeat? WTF?
Chances are, this Canuckistani won’t be Wonketteering much in the immediate future. But many thanks to all the others here who have brightened my life in the dark, dark tundra this past year. If Hopey starts screwing the pooch come January, I’ll be back to rag on him mercilessly.
In the meantime, like others all around the world, despite the migraine I now sport, this morning I awoke to a much better and brighter world. Thank you to all voters who have given that to me this day, and to all other citizens of the world. We appreciate the gift more than you’ll likely ever know.
Peace out, y’all.
War Eagle: They also have great liberal minds like Coen Bros, Franken, (sometimes) Tom Friedman, who all went to the same high school.
And Prince, Sam Shepherd & Jessica Lange, Mondales, Humphreys August Wilson, F Scott Fitzgerald, Garrison Keillor
….only state to vote against Reagan….
And yeah, they got loons too.
…the new power rankings for shear retarded, corrupt and all around mentally deficient states are as follow:
1.) Alaska
2.) Louisiana
3.) Texas
4.) Minnesota
**With an honorable mention for Florida and California for Prop. 8 and Amendment 2.
scarborough bitchy at obama for rahm ha
Taffy:
The Senate will vote to kick him out. It takes 67 votes to do so & all the Repubs say they will vote him out.
So he’s a goner & there will then be a special election to replace him.
the freepers are losing it (even more)!!!
“Election is over for me when he demonstrates that he was eligible otherwise he is an Illegitimate President. By myself or with Freeper help I will ask the opposition candidates if they are willing to fight it out in court. Until then, a purchase of a firearm is a vote for freedom. Remember the Lodz Ghetto, for when you were a Jew there, all you prayed for was a gun.
I pray we time our purchase for Inauguration day and every anniversary after that. NRA can get on the band wagon. Every year that is the date for our mass purchase of firearms and ammunition.”
Worlds End: Hottest. White House. Ever.
Time to sell Alaska back to Russia and let them go to Putin to ask for their oil handout.
Ugh. Today would have been great if there weren’t a gnome with a hammer in my head attempting to smash his way to freedom through my eye sockets.
Is this when Patti Solis Doyle and Kay Hagen get to kiss?
AngryBlakGuy: No. His album drops this spring.
grendel: shit, what are we going to do if putin does come a rearin’ his head? without failin’ how can anyone ever be safe? he’s rearing, even now!
IT may not happen overnight, but you know what did happen? A drag queen led DANCE PARTY USA all night in Seattle.
Worlds End: I saw that. I can’t stand that guy. He’s been looking for a reason to bitch all morning. He now has one. Fuck him.
SlouchingTowardsWasilla: True. But Bristol will have lost the babyfat by then and can borrow the $150K clothes.
Canuckledragger: No, you can’t go away! You’re a Wonkette fixture! We depend on your little green hang-to-the-left dildo! This is just one of those faux threats, right? Like when Coke decided to make New Coke just so everyone would express their love for the real thing?
Canuckledragger: Bring me the head of Sinister Rouge! I kid. I’m glad the Hillary folks voted Hopey, as so many of them did.
>>Remember the Lodz Ghetto, for when you were a Jew there, all you prayed for was a gun.
HAHA this asshole would be helping the Nazis with train boarding. Fuck off and die you traitorous fucks.
Revenge of the Alaskaassclowns
Canuckledragger: Chances are, this Canuckistani won’t be Wonketteering much in the immediate future.
Yeah, you and me both.
Unindicted Co-Conspirator: Really? I’ve been entertaining the notion that Stevens would resign, Palin would appoint herself (or rather, resign and make sure her Lt. Gov turned Gov appoints her) to the seat. I might have to throw the idea out of the house now.
Granted, she may also choose to run in the special election. But she’s not going away anytime soon.
I wish Hunter Thompson was alive to see this. He’d have some great shit to say.
The Minnesota Senate race now has a mandatory recount, that will take weeks. I will hope a canoe full of Franken ballots turns up in the meantime.
Why has the tank been replaced by Muslin footbaths?
yankervitch: alaska governor can’t appoint — they passed a law several years ago…only by special election. i think a previous governor tried to appoint his wife in a similar situation and the voters objected so there are a few rational people in alaska (a few ok? not a lot!)
WadISay: i would give liddy dole her seat back to have al franken!
Ha bow tie tucker acting douchey
Tommy Says Soooo: The tank http://i422.photobucket.com/albums/pp306/worldsend52/Athfepcyberneticghost.png
Ok, enough of the black guy making history, the real question is why is Tucker Carlson back on tee vee?
Can you say Senator Pallin without gagging? I predict when Stevens is finally hauled off to jail and has to resign, the President of Free Alaska will appoint herself, US Senator!
If Alaska insists on being a bunch of douchenozzles, I demand that the new Democratic majority in Congress stop sending them our money. After all, we wouldn’t want to offend these self-described “fiscal conservatives” by allowing them to be first in the Union in per-capita pork spending, especially on top of the Alaska Permanent Fund payments, now would we?
And the gay marriage thing pisses me off too. How much longer until two gheys find a friendly Christian denomination, and then use the courts to bring down state-recognized marriage (hetero or otherwise) outright on religious freedom grounds?
The only difference between Stevens and most senators is that he was convicted.
Canuckledragger: well they did kinda owe us after the 2000 and 2004 fuck ups
I love this, Ezra Klien has a piece about President Elect (I love the sound of that) Obama’s mandate.
http://www.prospect.org/csnc/blogs/ezraklein_archive?month=11&year=2008&base_name=mandates_1
a post on hannity forums
It will take less than a year for Obama to liberalize the Supreme Court. Once that happens homosexuals will have all the rights they need.
WadISay: I watched Franken all night while y’all were sleeping. The numbers were incredible. Up, down, up, down. Once he was up by only 300 points, once as much as several thousand, I think.
yankervitch: My advice to the Dems would be leave Stevens in place. Then every chance you get in committee or on the floor be sure to refer to him as “my esteemed colleague, the felon from Alaska.”
And now let the rewriting of history begin. It seems we’ve been giving poor Dub too much grief… who knew?
Make sure you swallow before you read this lest you do a spit take:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122584386627599251.html
It’s 9:13 AM and I haven’t been to 538.com–much less refreshed it–even once yet, gosh!
TGY: Canuckledragger: Nooooooooo you guys don’t go! Things are just now getting awesome.
I so wanted Franken to win – not because I particularly love him but because it will make Anne Coulter and Bill O’Reilly’s heads explode. I please God make this happen. Those of you who are good at number crunching and understand Minnesota, is this possible?
Looks like Chicago-style politics will be running DC. That’s very appealing… Speak softly and slice opponents neatly and quietly.
hockeymom: In Minnesota it’s because of third party politics. They’ve given us Gov Jesse Ventura, Gov Tim Pawlenty, and now saved Coleman and Bachmann.
OMG: the idiot is going to speak now!!! (george bush not sarah palin)
AngryBlakGuy: absolutely not! he is already running for 2012.
AngryBlakGuy: Utah son.
do you think elisabeth hasselbeck will call in sick today?
WTF! I just got back from my local cafe….AND I STILL HAD TO PAY! The wingnuts told me all that “capitalism” stuff would be behind us with Hopey in office.
This stuff about Josephine Bachmannnn and Uncle Ted are a big relief. I was really hoping for the worst, and thank whatev they pulled it off.
Does anybody know what time the California Homo riots are supposed to start?
ForTheTurnstiles: I’m not so sure - after ll, the last thing she needs if she’s really serious about 2012 is a voting record!
Darehead: not asleep — passed out! there’s a difference… zeus my head hurts! is it too early for a bloody mary?
Ilikepigeons: thank u for reminding me to watch!!!
Canuckledragger:
The plum for the Clintons should be making Bill the US Ambassador to the UN.
DoctorCulturae: Wow, if that asshat is typical of John Kerry’s 2004 crack legal team small wonder he lost.
SuperRounder: his biching started with the New York Times and the media. He wasmumbling all morning about unbiased media and how they NYT “destroyed Hillary” and whinning about their Cindy McCain article and how they “protected Obama” and never wrote anything negative. What a loser! I love how these wingnutes are all of sudden concerned about sexism and pretend to care about Hillary.
yankervitch: The greatest gift the Republicans can give Democrats is to make Palin the voice of their party. Her rhetoric is catnip to the faithful, but has no crossover appeal. What’s better is that she’s said so much stupid shit on such a big stage, it’ll be tough for her to even make overtures to move toward the center. Even if she manages to do it, the enthusiasm of her base will wane. Meanwhile, thoughtful, moderate Republicans will either flee or stay away from the polls, depressing turnout.
Canuckledragger: Even though I wasn’t against Hillary, and if she got the nomination, I would have voted for her. And I know we had some pretty…”unreasonable” supporters on Both Hillz and Hopey’s side, to put it nicely.
A couple of days ago, after seeing that sign “Another Hillary Demorcrat for MaCain/Palin”, part of me wished that the still-bitter Clinton supporters, all turned into men, flabby, balding, Joe The Plumber look-a-likes with two Y chromosomes and a nagging case of gonorrhea (and if you were a gay man, to turn straight). But, after a while I thought there was no point, whatever happens is going to happen.
I didn’t have a drop of booze leading up to this election, no matter how badly I needed it (diet reasons). And I was thisclose to getting a beer during lunch hour, even if it was a light one. But now that our nightmare is over and for some of the more mentally-ill Americans, their’s is beginning, I feel like the weight is starting to lift off our shoulders.
Hope will stil see you around though./for reals.
Oh, and did anybody catch the calls in on C-SPAN when it was over. Two McCain supportes had their full-nuttery on that night, and one guy called and said he voted for Cynthia McKinney.
Serolf Divad: I don’t get it, what else should I do when a republican is on their knees licking my naughty parts? I mean, besides shouting things like:
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
WOOOOMUTHERFUCKINHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHAKA-BRA-BARRY-LOCALS-ONLY-BIOTCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
phew, that still feels good.
Sorry for the lousy spelling - still sleepy. I could not sleep so I took the day off.
Actually, right now, the Minnesota Senate race is in a mandatory recount. NO ONE WINS!
AP has rescinded their ‘call’ of the race for Norm.
Word to the wise. Never run for public office if you’re last name is “Tinklenberg.” Not even if you are running against a crazy crack-addled whore.
Palin will change the state constitution (because she’s the governor, dammit, she doesn’t need approval!) to say that when a delegate to the US Senate leaves office pre-term, the governor appoints a replacement. She will then appoint herself to Stevens’ vacant seat.
Not that she’d need to do that. If she ran for the seat fairly, the Alaskimos would still vote her in.
One word for you, Ms. Would-be Empress of Alaskatchewan: Liliuokalani.
Also, as a citizen of the Bachman-Tinkley district, I will tell you: It is full of the insane.
I moved there against my will. They keep threatening to kick me out because I do not drive a Grand Caravan with soccer decals in the window.
Canuckledragger: Please don’t go! You’re on my cool things about Canada list:
1. Screech Rum
2. Great Big Sea
3. Puteen / Tim Horton’s / Vancouver weed (3 way tie)
4. Canuckledragger
5. Wolverine
6. Universal Health Care
I could go on, but look, you’re cooler than Wolverine and you bumped health care out of my top five!!!!
looking like Sissy Saxby Chambliss will be in a runoff in Georgia. Four More Weeks!
Aloysius: Yup, Alaska is where Australia sent the folks that were too fuckedup to deal with…. a penal colony for the penal colony.
whatever_dc: Good to know. Although I think the resolution of the rape-kit fiasco I think restored my faith in the state as a whole, their gubernatorial election results aside. For that election, it just looked like Alaska’s natural resources had more beautiful assets than previously realized.
Paterlanger: ironyisoverrated: I would have to agree. Then the GOP could be splintered into… maybe four parts? Paultards, the Bachmann/Palin masses, the depressed “it looks great in theory, the whole limited government idea” conservatives and neocons.
AngryBlakGuy: Arizona should belong on that list, since we seem to have given the republicans a larger majority in the state houses…… and it is not like we elected moderate, Repubs, we have some hard right, mouth-breathing republitards! WTF!!!!
Guppy06: How much longer until two gheys find a friendly Christian denomination, and then use the courts to bring down state-recognized marriage (hetero or otherwise) outright on religious freedom grounds?
I think their lawyers will advise them to hang fire until Hopey picks us some shiny new Supreme Court justices.
As a normally proud Minnesotan, I bow my head in shame that we re-elected our version of Sarah Palin…It’s the northern suburbs…full of people who want to live that much closer to their hunting cabin/ice fishing house up north
hockeymom: Don’t blame hotdish.
It’s the lutefisk, I tells ya. It’s akin to getting your mouth washed out with soap.
hockeymom: Well, my district did overwhelmingly re-elect that Muslim guy by an insane margin. So, I feel a bit better about that. Also, no one likes the 6th district anyway.
tremendous: The Red State posters are already equating bipartisanship with: embracing the 12th Iman, engaging in self-mutilization, and loving the big anal probe.
Do people not know that only part of MN could vote for CrazyBitch Bachmann, or do they just choose to ignore that fact? Christ. In the adjacent district, we elected Keith Ellison, an honest-to-goodness Muslin, to a second term with 71%. Don’t blame all of us, just the retarded, inbreeding evangelicals that live in the shitty, shitty suburbs.
Canuckledragger: ‘the fuck? Where do you think you’re going?
WhippetsofMassDestruction: And, of course, look at the shape of that district. I believe they took sales patterns for Grand Caravans and used that as the borders for the 6th District.
WhippetsofMassDestruction: A terrorist fist-jab to you, my fellow MN-5′er.
I’m still surprised by the number of black people I see roaming around places in the MN-6 when I (shudder) drive there. I’m black and Anoka County scares the shit out of me.
A couple of my gay friends actually voted for amendment two in Florida, because they were drunk and the wording was confusing.
I see many hours in many courtrooms ahead for that one.
At least we showed Senator Tom Feeney (R, Oviedo) and representative Ric Keller (R, Orlando) the door.
Fireworks were exploding all over town during Walnuts concession speech.
No rioting was reported.
I’m an SF resident and I hates me some GWB, but i voted against that sewage plant thing because I just didn’t think it was that funny.
And besides… who wants to see that man’s name every time I head down for a little treated sewage.
S.Luggo: The open thread at Fox News is chock full of hilarity as well
The Fox thread is a wave of racist rants, very sad — and Fox not taking any action against comments urging the rape of the First Lady and assasination of the President-elect is its usual pathetic level. Reagan allowed Murdoch to put together a television network illegally while not yet a US citizen, which is specifically prohibited under US law; might Congress finally look into it? The people of the US need to take back their airwaves.
This Ted Stevens thang is gonna get better. What if the Bush folks don’t want Saracuda to name herself or Todd to the US Senate. Mebbe they’ve seen enough. What if they feel sorry for Ted–cause if his pending appeal (in Alaska?) upholds any of his 7 felony convictions, then he loses his annual oil check. That don’t seem right.
But. Now that Ted is fixing to win, there’s an elegant solution. Dubya pardons him after the appeal is heard, or else amnesties him (before Dubya leaves office) if his case is still pending. A pardon has the great feature that it restores the recipient to wholesome goodness–you’re not a forgiven sinner, you’re restored to the status quo ante. So if Ted’s win is upheld, and if Dubya pardons him–then Ted is pure as the driven Alaska snow, just like none of this unpleasantness ever arose. So then, Ted is Senator, Ted gets his oil check, and Sarah has to grind her teeth until 2010 and then try to get Lisa Murkowski’s Senate seat.