WASHINGTON, DC, 12:31 AM, MON NOVEMBER 9 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS
YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART ETC.


11:05 PM on Sun November 2 2008
By Ken Layne
5397 Views

  1. HUH?!

  2. It says no views, but I looked at it! Nice post!

  3. ImFeedingMattDamon says at 11:13 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    Oh dear God, I fear they won’t get it.

  4. SayItWithWookies says at 11:15 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    It’s too bad those apocalyptic/nihilistic fantasies are always a cop-out. The real horror is that we keep teetering on, slogging through our own ever-deepening filth. As bad as it gets, nothing can guarantee our total destruction. Look at Afghanistan — they’ve been trying for decades and haven’t made it.

  5. It will be easier for Americans to know where we stand in the world when we finally find the bottom. Lots of difficult questions put to rest.

    VOTE MCCAIN

  6. erymanthian bore says at 11:21 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    That’s not even funny… just a little sad. Have you no more cocaine?

  7. bluebrazos says at 11:21 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    I can’t wait for him to take office on 1/20 so that he can push the stick forward and nose this bitch straight down into the ground. What a relief that will be.

  8. Homo Motors says at 11:21 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    Erm… noone told me this site was a ritual suicide pact. I was just here for snark, and possibly pick up some snarky guys. Thas’ it.

    In the words of Sid from Ice Age: “No thanks. I choose life.”

  9. mattbolt says at 11:22 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    WONKETTE ENDORSES DOCTOR CONGRESSMAN RON PAUL M.D.! Write-in ballot for FREEDOM RELOVEUTION!

  10. JimNewell says at 11:23 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    mattbolt: We’ve only endorsed him twice this year, and yet the SHEEPLE haven’t caught on. WTF?

  11. SayItWithWookies says at 11:26 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    bluebrazos: Allahu Akbar!

  12. fuckinredneck says at 11:29 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    Hey, there’s this new post-Bush and Cheney America simulator out for the Xbox 360. It’s called Fallout 3. It’s really fun. Plus it teaches you how to scrounge through garbage so you can make weapons out of surgical tubing and toy cars.

    I would recommend buying it, but since no one can buy anything ever again, you should probably play it in the store at Gamestop until the people that work there kick you out. That’s what I’m doing!

  13. WagTehGod says at 11:29 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    I think the Internet just caught on fire.

  14. You’ve convinced me… I’m writing in Ron Paul.

  15. vaporware says at 11:31 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    Who’s editor? Can I return it without a receipt?

  16. eatsshootsleaves says at 11:31 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    Best comment on AOL so far:

    You call yourself a Journalist!?!? You insult an American Hero with a bunch of lies!! The you freely insult Mrs Palin and called her a “random idiot”!!!
    Like or not She has accomplished a LOT more than you ever could and She was NOT a random pick; John set out to find the best woman he could find to be his running mate and He found her!!! He had the courage to nominate her a WOMAN!!! Why is it that it is ok to do Affirmative action by nominating a completely inexperience young Black; but it is BAD to nominate a brilliant experienced Woman!?!?!

    Clinton ran the Presidency with a woman under his desk giving him head!! It is really not as hard as you guys like to make it when you don’t like the Person!!

  17. RubberSoul says at 11:31 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    I can’t wait to read the treasury of insightful comments on that endorsement that will issue forth from the sharp political minds on AOL.

  18. grendel: What’s frightening is that I hadn’t even read the comments yet… I’m as sick as these Wonkettes I came to point and laugh at.

  19. Neon Trotsky says at 11:36 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    eatsshootsleaves: I’m rather fond of this one, though:

    I wonder that the article Voters hit with some dirty tricks was so Biased Democratic like that is hiprocracy

    Personally, I could get down with the Hip-Rock-cracy…

  20. bluebrazos says at 11:37 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    SayItWithWookies: Gesundheit!

  21. AlexTrebeksGirl says at 11:38 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    Can you guys help me out? I’m preparing for the meltdown when McCain and Palin win.

    How do you kill someone with your bare hands? What parts can you eat and not die? How do you take off the skin? Basically, what plants can we eat?

    We need a survival guide

  22. LauraJune says at 11:41 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    i’m dying of death.

  23. eatsshootsleaves: Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer the Hemingwayesque concision of:

    YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT! DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN? SOMEDAY YOU WILL, UNLESS YOU ARE A FAGGOT!

    That needs to be a church sign.

  24. automandc says at 11:52 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    Kinbote: No no, I hear they let faggots adopt now. At least until Mitt Romney comes to sniff their underwear….

  25. tunamelt says at 11:53 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    Buddy11:16PMNov 2nd 2008

    I wonder that the article Voters hit with some dirty tricks was so Biased Democratic like that is hiprocracy

    and that’s why we deserve everything we get.

  26. The Helvetica Scenario says at 11:53 pm, November 2nd, 2008
  27. shortsshortsshorts says at 11:54 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    I am voting for John Walnuts McCain, as well, because nobody else is in California, except Ken Layne.

    Kinbote: It’s impossible to refute the statement. It’s hard for two gay people to engage in intercourse and produce a bastard child.

  28. iwillsavethispatient says at 11:54 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    Kinbote: That’s my favourite too. We should inform the nice lady that if Obama wins, all gay couples will compulsory have to adopt children.

  29. bluebrazos says at 11:59 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    automandc: And if they’re rich enough they can go through the whole jizz in a cup while fapping it to a picture of Mitt Romney, fertilize an egg from a lesbo friend and have a surrogate bake it for 9 months thing. Couple of friends of mine have a beautiful baby girl that way. If genetics have any role in the thing, she’ll almost certainly turn out Mormon.

  30. hobospacejungle says at 11:59 pm, November 2nd, 2008

    Ken Layne: Seriously, do you have children, or are you a faggot?

    Thanks for confusing the AOLtards.

  31. bluebrazos says at 12:00 am, November 3rd, 2008

    AlexTrebeksGirl: “What parts can you eat and not die?” –still laughing at that one.

  32. AlexTrebeksGirl says at 12:03 am, November 3rd, 2008

    bluebrazos: You laugh, but when people tear down your walls, you’ll have to think fast. You’ll thank me when you eat that juicy alaskan female flank.

  33. shortsshortsshorts says at 12:04 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Jim Newell: And all this time I thought you were for Reagan’s Ashes, ‘08. Shame.

  34. SayItWithWookies says at 12:07 am, November 3rd, 2008
  35. TheRealJimbo says at 12:14 am, November 3rd, 2008

    I’m waiting til tomorrow to endorse Obama. Don’t tell the press.

  36. HuskyMescan says at 12:14 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Haha..Ken, the childless faggot. AOL is koo koo city. I left a message..I think.

    Eh,…most of them will shove themselves into wood-chippers on Nov 4 when the black man wins.

  37. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 12:16 am, November 3rd, 2008

    I came to Wonkette for percise, witty comentary on todays events. But nothing I have ever read on this site comes close to this:

    YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT! DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN? SOMEDAY YOU WILL, UNLESS YOU ARE A FAGGOT!

    eatsshootsleaves: He had the courage to nominate her a WOMAN!!!

    Was she not a woman until he nominated her one? What other magic powers does this John McCain possess?

  38. ” If Sarah Palin doesn’t nuke various U.S. states she’s never heard of — watch out, “New” Mexico! — she’ll surely start nuclear wars with Russia and China.”

    Love it. The only problem is that AOL readers will take this endorsement seriously.

    THIS IS GREAT NEWS FOR JOHN MCCAIN.

  39. shortsshortsshorts says at 12:20 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Lionel Hutz Esq.: He has the power of levitation, but it hurts his back and could give him a stroke.

  40. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 12:23 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Ken, while you make some good arguments, I cannot bring myself to support McCain until he promises to always considered going nuclear as his first option and he replaces his Penguin laugh with something that comes across more maniacal than simply crazy.

    Oh, and he also has to behead Cheney while screaming “There can be only one!”

  41. SayItWithWookies says at 12:23 am, November 3rd, 2008

    As usual, some redneck disagrees. (This is actually kind of heartening):
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7704636.stm

  42. Golly, Ken. Sarcasm? So unlike you.

  43. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 12:28 am, November 3rd, 2008

    You know, I wonder if the AOL commenters ever come over here to see what we say about them, but then I remember that we use multisyllabic words, punctuation, and lower case letters, and I figure this place would just be too scary.

  44. shortsshortsshorts says at 12:29 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Perhaps you people aren’t getting the point. The anti-christ is your new President. ARE THERE NO CHRISTIANS IN HERE? If there are, can we persecute them?

  45. AlexTrebeksGirl: The best way with bare hands is to fill them with a gun. And basically, you can eat the whole thing because everything in the person you kill is also in you, so it can’t possibly be bad for you.

  46. WheatConspiracy says at 12:38 am, November 3rd, 2008

    The only thing more awesomely hilarious than this article is all of the comments on the AOL page for it. I love people.

    For example:

    Vicky11:18PMNov 2nd 2008

    YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT! DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN? SOMEDAY YOU WILL, UNLESS YOU ARE A FAGGOT!

  47. bluebrazos says at 12:39 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Monkey: Well don’t shoot ‘em in the flank. She made it sound so tasty!

  48. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 12:42 am, November 3rd, 2008

    shortsshortsshorts: Stop being silly. He is not the Antichrist, he is the twelfth Imam.

  49. WheatConspiracy: As opposed to a relative idiot, right? And anyway, faggots can have kids now, too. It’s the miracle of adoption, otherwise known as China.

  50. shortsshortsshorts says at 12:42 am, November 3rd, 2008

    There are a bunch of fat, useless dumb folks in here:
    http://www.wonkette.chatango.com/

    It’s 9:41 p.m. in California, so I can be like “OOOOO I’ll be there for a while,” for Walnuts and Walnuts alone.

  51. Nonsense. Sarah Palin will start nukular wars.

  52. the schmada says at 12:49 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Hee Hee Hee. To live in a mansion you have to kill babies. Off to work then.

    Dane Laster12:03AMNov 3rd 2008

    You know here is the bottom line. Maybe we would be better of financially with Obama and maybe we wouldn’t (probably not though). He has a lot of great ideas, but he will still allow babies to be killed. When are we going to stop this? I would rather lower my standard of living and save one babies life, than live in a mansion. If you one of you think any differently you are no better than a mass murderer. Think about it.

  53. AlexTrebeksGirl says at 12:51 am, November 3rd, 2008

    bluebrazos: Also, save your liberal media newspapers. Do not recycle them. You’ll need them to start the fires that will warm you and your pets before you cook them for snacks.

  54. Constitutional Riots says at 12:52 am, November 3rd, 2008

    In preparation for McCain’s barnstorming through VA and beyond, a poet wrote a lovely rhyme for the future prez which expresses my sentiments exactly. I just love this patriotic flag pin hand over heart real America to die for.

    Posted by ( Madison ) on October 31, 2008 at 10:03 pm

    TWAS THE NIGHT

    ‘Twas the night before elections
    And all through the town
    Tempers were flaring
    Emotions all up and down!
    I, in my bathrobe
    With a cat in my lap
    Had cut off the TV
    Tired of political crap.
    When all of a sudden
    There arose such a noise
    I peered out of my window
    Saw Obama and his boys
    They had come for my wallet
    They wanted my pay
    To give to the others
    Who had not worked a day!
    He snatched up my money
    And quick as a wink
    Jumped back on his bandwagon
    As I gagged from the stink
    He then rallied his henchmen
    Who were pulling his cart
    I could tell they were out
    To tear my country apart!
    ‘ On Fannie, on Freddie,
    On Biden and Ayers!
    On Acorn, On Pelosi’
    He screamed at the pairs!
    They took off for his cause
    And as he flew out of sight
    I heard him laugh at the nation
    Who wouldn’t stand up and fight!
    So I leave you to think
    On this one final note-
    DO WHAT IS RIGHT
    GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!

    http://www.tricities.com/tri/news/local/article/breaking_news_mccain_to_campaign_on_monday_in_tri_cities/15763/

  55. StephanieInCA says at 12:53 am, November 3rd, 2008

    HEGNHHN?!

  56. the schmada says at 1:05 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Offtopic but needs Drudge Siren
    William Kristol feels obliged to help sexually frustrated males in paragraph 3 of his latest brilliant column.

  57. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:06 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Fuck this. I’m voting for Nixon, Hoover, Johnson, Reagan, Bush AND Adams, all at the same time. Let’s make the election flare up a bit. Vote for Joe, the uncertified local plumber from hell death.

  58. As usual, the AOL comments are comedy gold!
    Although it’s a long one, my favorite is from the Good Witch Glenda:

    “I have been studying Psychic Mediumship for three years now. I was very confused at who to vote for. My original thoughts were John McCain. Just a few days ago I asked to be shown in dream vision who is for the higher good for President. Very clearly I was show in a Dream John McCain. All though even the best of the Psychic Mediums in the world can be wrong at times, I will vote for John McCain and trust what I got. The message that came with this vision was he will make the changes that are needed, and not be deceived about what I see with my human site. To many in the Spiritualism, Mediumship, Psychic Mediumship knows what getting information in a dream. Any one who whiches to try this experiment may do so. Center yourself , in quite, playing some relaxing music. Dismiss everyday thoughts, think and ask for your Psychic Instinct (We are all psychic, called your gut instinct) and ask Who is for the Higher Good Of Our Nation. This is just my thoughts, and as I said I will be voting John McCain. I do pray for World Peace and Higher Good.
    - Glenda Abell”

    I’m just happy to be a part of the process and glad everyone gets a vote! I don’t remember my dreams, so I’m using chicken feet to decide…

  59. sarcasticusername says at 1:09 am, November 3rd, 2008

    i’m convinced. and you didn’t even mention joseph the plumber. hope i didn’t have to like register or whatever to take part in this new age voting thing y’all have got going on…does a wave of a plunger count?

  60. themightysea says at 1:10 am, November 3rd, 2008

    I was stupid enough to click on another article linked to from Ken’s… check this out everyone — http://news.aol.com/political-machine/2008/10/31/aol-straw-poll-oct-31-nov-4/#c15266411

    It’s a bit um… different than 538’s map.

  61. donner_froh says at 1:12 am, November 3rd, 2008

    SayItWithWookies: Centuries. Millenia. Eons. If Alexander the Great couldn’t subdue the tribal fighters of Afghanistan, where no one ever wins, how does David Patraeus think he will?

  62. donner_froh says at 1:20 am, November 3rd, 2008

    SayItWithWookies: My favorite quote from the redneck BBC video: “I have a lot of friends who are ignorant”.

  63. Naked Bunny with a Whip says at 1:21 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Wonkette has editors? Wow, totally upscale.

  64. YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT! DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN? SOMEDAY YOU WILL, UNLESS YOU ARE A FAGGOT!

  65. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:25 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Naked Bunny with a Whip: It is really SUMTING. It’s almost like they are with us, right now….

    Perverts.

  66. FreshCliches says at 1:30 am, November 3rd, 2008

    I cry tears of awesome when reading AOL comments. Where are all the white nominated women at?

  67. hobospacejungle says at 1:36 am, November 3rd, 2008

    HuskyMescan: “…most of them will shove themselves into wood-chippers on Nov 4 when the black man wins.”

    Promise?

  68. InsidiousTuna says at 1:42 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Yep. Fallout 3 is in the tank for John McCain. If playing in a scorched, radioactive, post-apocalyptic DC wasn’t so damned fun, I’d vote for Barry, but a McCain administration will let people shoot mutant zombie-Shrek things in the middle of the Mall, in the year 2277. McCain/Palin 08!

  69. Jukesgrrl says at 1:48 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Is this like that Goldwater ad where a field of daisies got blowed up real good?

  70. HuskyMescan says at 1:49 am, November 3rd, 2008

    hobospacejungle: Yeah, lets start with Joe the Plumber. He can borrow Tito the Builder’s wood chipper.

  71. lonewolfbear says at 1:55 am, November 3rd, 2008

    EWW! A massive death wish for us all. Are you getting suicidal on us? Maybe you should cool it on all those drinking games, Ken.

  72. Constitutional Riots says at 2:13 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Is this hyperbolic coal controversy gonna dominate the news tomorrow?

    http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2008/11/republicans-to.html

  73. i can has Götterdämmerung?

  74. eatsshootsleaves: I know; that comment is especially amazing for its capitalization. All hail God– I mean, John McCain and Sarah Palin.

  75. Anonymous Office Zombie says at 2:32 am, November 3rd, 2008

    In the spirit of “Bomb-Bomb-Bomb, Bomb-Bomb Iran,” I think the appropriate song for Johnny McCain’s presidential inauguration would be “Ragnarok Around the Clock.”

  76. Weeping Jesus says at 2:37 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Homo Motors: Our local Suicide Club is pathetic. The best we’ve managed is an Emo chick who turned out to be just a superficial cutter, two very hot (legal age) high school girls who binge at McDonalds and purge occasionally, a dude who thought the girls would give a pathetic dork a quickie since they had nothing else to really live for and could go out topped-off with regrets, another dude who mistakenly believed he could pass off his STD for PTSD and get sympathy because he was, ya know, kinda bummed about stuff or something, and some woman who had really bad credit and a few outstanding parking tickets.

    So, in other words, that suicide pact stuff is just a rumor. It’s always, “You first,” and “No, I insist, after you.”

  77. Numbat Dundee says at 2:50 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Lionel Hutz Esq.: Nominating doesn’t make her a woman - only a CANDIDATE for woman.

  78. mookworthjwilson says at 3:30 am, November 3rd, 2008

    donner_froh: That guy seems like good people…

  79. mookworthjwilson says at 3:39 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Great comment from AOL:

    lks12:38AMNov 3rd 2008

    Your comments were uncalled for and disgusting. Wait till OBama cuts your throat and your famlies. Then you will know you are ignorant and blinded to the real intent of this man. America will never be the same and you will be the blame for part of its distruction.. What a thought to think you are responsible for such a crime! May the real God have mercy on your soul, because the God of OBama will put you to death quickly, you are a “dog” in their sight.

    Will he come to my house himself and cut my throat, or is that what Joe Biden is there for?

  80. MilwaukeeKent says at 3:44 am, November 3rd, 2008

    As Lawrence Welk would say, probably in the unlikely swing state of North Dakota, “Dat’sa Nice!” Ken, you’re channeling Mencken on W. J. Bryan and H. S. Thompson on Nixon, thank you! I rank it up there with Jonny Swift on the Irish prob!

  81. Aquannissiwamissoo says at 3:56 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Kinbote: Faggots can’t have children?

    Where’d they get all those hunky Spartans in 300 ???

    Corinthian Cracker Jax ?

  82. agentstinky says at 5:07 am, November 3rd, 2008

    L.O.L.

    That’s an acronym for Laugh Out Loud. It comes from the Internet, but we will all forget once McCain is elected and outlaws the Internet because he can’t use the e mail.

  83. the invisible woman says at 5:27 am, November 3rd, 2008

    shortsshortsshorts: Yup, I’m in California, too, and you and Ken are “fighting the future” on your own. I always knew Ken Layne hated black people. I’m glad he finally came out. He was in the glass closet with a swastika and kkk sign on the door. Maybe you two can burn a cross, and then hang yourself from it in protest against a black president (Ken’s title is a teasing trick to make us give traffic to the other site. Clever, albeit problematic.)

    I’m glad that John McCain is going to have your shoulders to cry on when Sarah Palin announces her 2012 bid in the middle of his concession speech.

    On another note; as a heterosexual anti-prop 8 Californian, do we really need this childish heterosexism from people who probably couldn’t get anybody gay or straight to marry them? Just asking. (prop 8 bans gay marriage in cali.)

    For everybody who keeps writing the gay slurs, I think you should know that research has proven that men who rank high on a scale for homophobic beliefs are more likely than less homophobic men to be aroused by gay porn as was assessed by electrodes being attached to these guys’ penises or penii. Now that’s Hemingwayesque. That research is real. So, congratulations, gentlemen, you just came out of the closet, and if you live in California, you can still get married until Tuesday night. Hurry up, now, fellas.

    Ken and shortsshortsshorts - make sure to vote no on 8 so you can marry john mccain and get all of cindy’s money.

    Here’s the homophobes are really gay research link. Read it so you can learn about yourself:
    http://64.233.179.104/scholar?hl=en&lr=&q=cache:OuUWXezMbF8J:www.oogachaga.com/downloads/homophobia_and_homosexual_arousal.pdf+

  84. Fight the future and the future will fight back!

  85. the invisible woman says at 5:43 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Is it penises, penii, or penes? Actually I believe it’s penises. When you guys come out, you’ll need to know.

  86. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend says at 5:48 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Sir:

    Your talent for pissing off AOL ‘tards cannot be matched. Bravo, sir. Bravo.

  87. Aquannissiwamissoo says at 5:50 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Does fighting women in the future count?

    I forgot to clean the cat box again.

  88. regisgoat says at 5:58 am, November 3rd, 2008

    The following is a paid political announcement.

    Proposition 44’s opponents say that Proposition 44 isn’t on the ballot. They say that Proposition 44 doesn’t even exist. They say Proposition 44 is nothing but the ravings of a demented wino on a bus bench.
    Here are the facts: using clean coal technology Proposition 44 restricts earmarking on pork barrels, giving American earmarkwrights thousands of jobs, instead of sending the money overseas to countries that think we’re fat and smell funny. For your children, for your children’s children: vote YES on 44. It will make your wildest dreams come true.
    PaidforbyFast Talking Citizens, the Union of Rapid Speakers, Raving Demented Winos Local 570, and the Cabal of Unspeakable Evil batteries not included some settling may occur during shipping.

  89. Oddly enough apparently the KMFDM HQ was a couple of blocks from me.

  90. Pop Socket says at 6:38 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Jon Swift has also predicted that McCain will win.

    http://jonswift.blogspot.com/2008/11/why-mccain-will-win.html

    The tide is turning. Nothing like a dramatic last minute recovery from a crashing plane. And no candidate knows more about crashing planes than McCain.

  91. Itsjustme says at 6:55 am, November 3rd, 2008

    mookworthjwilson: Oh you silly Bitch! Why do you think he has all of us volunteering. I suspect when we wake up on Nov. 5, we will have the email telling us which houses in our Zip Code to over-take. Joe Biden? Second in command is not going to dirty his hands on this one.

  92. Giant Robot says at 7:20 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Ken was on the fence until the tattoo community convinced him that Obama was the anti-christ (with a snappy billboard that spells all words CORRECTLY!). Either that or he’s getting ready to put some serious moves on TrueChristian.

  93. 2druk2phluq says at 7:34 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Ken, you really know how to spread the love and warmth. I always think it’s funny that most of my ad revenue comes from people who hate me. I do worry about voodoo dolls occasionally. All one has to do to guarantee 100% hatred from wingnuts is discuss the way Walnuts covered up evidence of the men that got left behind in Vietnam. They hate that shit. They also don’t like it when you confront them with evidence he wasn’t tortured (I don’t believe that, but it makes for spectacular hatred).

    T-minus 37 hours and counting

  94. BobLoblawLawBlog says at 7:41 am, November 3rd, 2008

    I was thinking this same thing, but then I realized that, since I live in Spain, McCain would want to bomb me first. Damn you, Zapatero, for being such a controversial dictator! Or ally! Or whatever…McNasty needs a nap and some pudding.

  95. Johnny Zhivago says at 7:45 am, November 3rd, 2008

    My guess is that Quebec is at the top of Palin’s “to nuke list”.

  96. Lazy Media says at 8:06 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Monkey: And the healthiest way to eat the whole person is by processing them through the JuiceMan Juicer! According to the JuiceMan Web site: Fresh juice provides instant nutrition,
    increase energy and bolsters your immune system; all the tools to help you live a healthier lifestyle.

  97. freakishlystrong says at 8:07 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Ken, I always love your writing, it’s like a sarcasm cake-chased with bitterz in the comments-

  98. worrierqueen says at 8:17 am, November 3rd, 2008

    “A house divided against itself cannot stand”
    ~ Abraham Lincoln, June 16, 1858

    “We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get
    to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real
    America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um,
    very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation.”
    ~ Sarah Palin, Oct 16, 2008

    “We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion
    may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic
    chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to
    every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet
    swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will
    be, by the better angels of our nature.”
    ~ Abraham Lincoln, March 4 1861

    “Our opponent … is someone who sees America it seems as being so
    imperfect that he’s palling around with terrorists who would target
    their own country,”
    ~ Sarah Palin, Oct 4, 2008

    Abe for Obama
    “I’m honest Abe and I approve this message.”

  99. eoberhauser says at 8:18 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Barack Obama will take babies from those making over $250,000 and give them to poor gay people.

  100. InsidiousTuna says at 8:20 am, November 3rd, 2008

    worrierqueen: Honestly, I ask people that question. “Who do you think Abraham Lincoln would vote for , given the option?” The results lean heavily Democratic.

  101. Robbertjan says at 8:31 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Pop Socket: everyone deserves his or her delusion every now and then.

  102. Pelagius says at 8:37 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Y’know, I worried about the expansion of executive power while the Dickmeister ran the show, but now that Obama is set to be the next prez - turn the White House into the Black House, Chocolate City! - I’m really looking forward to seeing these right-wing goons smoked out of their Ruby Ridge/Waco ratholes and shipped to Gitmo as the anti-American terrorists that they are. Suck it.

  103. worrierqueen says at 8:47 am, November 3rd, 2008

    InsidiousTuna: There are three great ironies of this election IT. First, in the 1960’s, the left were radical, the right conservative. Now after 40 years of rightward lurch, it is the right who are radical and the left conservative (which is one reason why so many sensible Republicans are voting Obama tomorrow). Second, after 8 years of Rove, Cheney and Bush’s shaky and incompetent management, the Repubs have morphed into the know-nothing party of the 1840s that the Repubs were originally formed to fight.

    And finally, most tree huggers I know, had we lived in the 1860s, would have been voting Republican. Similarly most 1860 Republicans, particularly the smart ones like Lincoln, Greeley and the Pathfinder, would all be voting for Obama were they alive today. When I first heard Palin’s mean-spirited, divisive and xenophobic comments, I was thinking who was that bloke who used to say the exact opposite? Oh that’s right, the first Republican President of the United States. It seems pretty obvious, by his own writings, who Abe at least would be voting for this year.

    And he was facing a real war, with half his country lopped off, several more states threatening to go, and the nearest enemy army on the Potomac, not Baghdad. But I guess if you think Montreal is in France, Baghdad could easily be in downtown DC.

  104. Like, totally, which one is the black guy who’s, like, running? I get them, like, so confused all the time. Like, it’s so, oh my god, ya know?

  105. Flying Monkey says at 9:28 am, November 3rd, 2008

    “Barack Obama will take babies from those making over $250,000 and give them to poor gay people.”

    Silly eoberhauser! There are no poor gay people. They are all rich from being hairdressers, Interior Decorators and Clothing Designers to rich Jews.

  106. Meth Lab for Cutie says at 9:38 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Now everytime I see Grandpa on TV I will hear “FreeBird” in my head.

  107. slappypaddy says at 9:39 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Sir, well, sir, no more buttseks for you, sir!

  108. 4tehlulz says at 9:39 am, November 3rd, 2008

    >>YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT! DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN? SOMEDAY YOU WILL, UNLESS YOU ARE A FAGGOT!

    Ken, if you have children, now is a good time to come out; no one will judge you (much) here.

  109. Homo Motors says at 10:30 am, November 3rd, 2008

    shortsshortsshorts: That doesn’t stop us from trying. A lot!

  110. Doglessliberal says at 10:36 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Lionel Hutz Esq.: oooh, Highlander reference. Very nice.

    Kinbote: yes, that one clearly wins. It is almost haiku.

  111. sarahconnor says at 10:46 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Kinbote: There should be a rule against people like these using the internetz. Aaaah, but the good news is that after mccocaine is elected he will probably abolish the internetz and goes back to using pony express.

  112. shortsshortsshorts says at 11:34 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Homo Motors: Hopefully, in time, you will be able to and the right wing asshats from the center of this country will no longer be able to bear children instead.

  113. bluebrazos says at 11:34 am, November 3rd, 2008

    AlexTrebeksGirl: Oh noes…I won’t have any fuel because I read all my liberal newspapers online. But I get The Economist at my house. However, I don’t think that one is terribly liberal, not to mention that magazines don’t burn very well. And the funky smoke leaves a bad taste in cat meat. So I’m told.

    I’m starting to feel some trepidation. Especially since the yard signs in my suburban Houston neighborhood are (surprisingly) split evenly betweeen Hopey and Walnuts. And this is Texas so we all have one weapon per man, woman or child in the house, minimum. It’s a law.

    And does anyone have any advice on killing radiation-poisoned zombies? Do they keep coming if you shoot them in the head, or should you aim for their knees? Because we’re far enough away from the major targets (downtown, ship channel, petrochemical) that we might not get vaporized in the first wave of global nuclear war after walnuts launches on Carjackistan for building a new mosque.

    All so complex. Suppose I’ll just make some more get-out-the-vote calls tonight and hope for the best.

  114. facehead says at 11:36 am, November 3rd, 2008

    Ken,

    I know it is editorial policy to ignore your AOL commenters, but…

    VICKY writes: ” YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT! DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN? SOMEDAY YOU WILL, UNLESS YOU ARE A FAGGOT! ”

    Mauricio Lopes observes: “You call yourself a Journalist!?!? You insult an American Hero with a bunch of lies!! The you freely insult Mrs Palin and called her a “random idiot”!!!
    Like or not She has accomplished a LOT more than you ever could and She was NOT a random pick; John set out to find the best woman he could find to be his running mate and He found her!!! He had the courage to nominate her a WOMAN!!! Why is it that it is ok to do Affirmative action by nominating a completely inexperience young Black; but it is BAD to nominate a brilliant experienced Woman!?!?!
    Clinton ran the Presidency with a woman under his desk giving him head!! It is really not as hard as you guys like to make it when you don’t like the Person!! ” (Lack of caps hers, not mine)

    These are just two palin, I mean random, comments — there may be a children’s treasury here …

  115. Professor McAwesome says at 12:02 pm, November 3rd, 2008

    Hahaha!!! that article got some of the Best Commentary Ever! There should be an award.

  116. It’s like…
    I want America to change for the better…
    But I also want to see utter chaos and mayhem ensue following the election.
    The only difference is…
    Which kind of chaos would you like, and where would you like it to happen?
    Since I live in the city, I would rather have the outlying rural areas erupt into
    Red-State madness.
    So, I’m voting for Obama.
    Hopefully, I’ll get a good show either way.

Leave a Reply