Wonkette
Not that Al Franken is any great shakes, but you’d think that if the NRSC wanted to put out a “Hollywood Stars against Franken”-themed ad then they could’ve drummed up a better coterie than a forgotten SNL cast member from 20 years ago, a lesser Baldwin, two other guys we’ve never heard of in our lives, and finally the big showstopper: a cheesy singer famous for stealing rock & roll songs from black people in the ’50s so that they could be repackaged into powdery, “family-friendly” background noise. The NRSC also decided to have this very old Pat Boone appear without a shirt, because he is fishing in his swimming pool. If only we had Lawrence Welk around to do the old flapping dickey, then we’d have a show! [YouTube]
With ads like this, the Democrats should have an 80-seat majority
Wonkette doesn’t know John Ratzenberger? It’s Cliffie! And a voice from like every Pixar movie. Still, though.
I think i got a single frame for a second of a penis that resembles john mccain’s head. subliminal stuff works man.
“We in Hollywood . . . .”???
My God, but Victoria Jackson turned into a Southern California Land Whale.
I had no idea that Sally Struthers was a Republican.
you shut your mouth Jim Newell, The Goonies would have been NOTHING without one Robert Davi!!!
It’s an all-star cast of “that ones”! Although it’s sad to see Cliff Claven go GOP. I always figured a government employee from Taxachusetts would be in the D column.
What is that smell? Is it the reek of desperation?
I feel dirty.
Come on, you dudes have seen Robert Davi! Everyone who’s watched at least one movie in the last 20 years has seen Robert Davi. He was one of the FBI agents in Die Hard! He was in one of the shitty 80s Bond movies with Timothy Dalton, I think.
Ratzenberger was the unkindest cut of all though. Him and George Wendt must have had a falling out over pussy cancer and he defected to the Repubs.
Yeah fuck you, I’ll shoehorn a TV Funhouse reference anywhere anytime and you can’t stop me.
Pat Boone has sniffed way too much white patent-leather shoe polish over the years. And Cliffie (John R.), well, we all remember Cliffie. It’s like being dissed by the crazy cat lady and her crazy cat.
Jim Newell, you need to watch more 70s television! The dude in the studio is from Hawaii Five-O, and the old guy in the beginning is Mad Jack from Grizzly Adams. The blond is obviously Sally Struthers’ retarded sister, and there are subliminal 1-frame flashes of Al Franken fucking a donkey with a hockey stick.
Robert Davi?
Wasn’t his most memorable role in…
The Goonies?
Also, oh shit, Victoria Jackson? Who will they pull out of the woodwork next, Tim Kazurinsky? There’s literally hundreds of former SNL cast members they could call on to throw Franken under the bus for the price of, oh, say, a two day old tuna sandwich. I hope the GOP decides to try and call Charles Rocket, that will be awk-ward!
oddly, i find myself wanting more… i think i am a masochist
What no Wilford Brimley? Oh, he was scheduled to be in the ad until Victoria Jackson ate him.
Neilist: I guess she couldn’t keep the weight off after Celebrity Fit. What a flip-flopper.
At least this video busts open the myth about Hollywood being for the pretty people. I haven’t seen this much ugly in one spot since, well, the last Palin rally vid.
Some choice quotes from Victoria Jackson’s personal website. I shit you not:
“Thank you President George W. Bush (along with God above) for keeping us safe these last 7 years, from terrorist attacks on our homeland. I really appreciate it very much. xxoo You did a Great job! And, Thank you God above for giving us George W. Bush, and for giving us John McCain and Sarah Palin.”
“I don’t want a political label, but Obama bears traits that resemble the anti-Christ and I’m scared to death that un-educated people will ignorantly vote him into office.”
LOLOLOLOLOLOULULZ
Wow, now I don’t feel so guilty not doing any campaign volunteer work here in MN; clearly, this will put Coleman over the top.
(I assure you I shall have a timely rejoinder to this post as soon as I can recall a memorable skit featuring Victoria Jackson.)
Wait, I thought no one cared what celebrities thought and they were all vapid airheads and not real ‘Muricans? Oh GOP, you’ve done it again! You and your wacky death throes!
This guy Robert Davi’s a Z list actor along with that trash blonde bitch Vicki, Stephen ” shit for brains ” Baldwin and John Ratzenface talking like people give a shit about what they think. They’re all tools, Davi cleans the bar, Vicki hooks in the bar, ratzenface gets shit face and fuck Vicki in the back, Stephen’s trying to pick up dudes on the sly….. who the fuck is Pat Boone?
Casual Sex with Lea Thompson. Hmmm…yes please.
Ratz has been quite the whore for a while now. Apparently he was on that Dancing with the has-beens show last season, so if you’re interested, you can watch John do the Samba on the Youtubes.
Stephen Baldwin aka the Retarded Baldwin Bro? Who the hell would take anyone who starred in BioDome seriously?
I know i saw the retarded blonde in a episode of the xfiles. Also what the fuck is this ad supposed to get across? They couldn’t drag anyone more relevant?
Is the premise that all these people are from Minnesota and therefore have some sort of residual interest in whom the Gopher Staters send to the senate? If I weren’t too lazy to IMDB them all, I’d be furious, maybe.
Wow! What did Franken have to pay these guys?… BTW: Best. Pat. Boone. Evah!
The Spanish-language version features Chico Escuela.
ManchuCandidate: Hey man, BioDome brought him to Jesus, don’t mock that (I wish I was joking about this).
ManchuCandidate: Pauly Shore?
ManchuCandidate: McCain/Palin supporters????????????
Does anyone have an extra barf bag? Mine’s full now.
I must have been zoned out from all the hair product I was sniffing back in the 80s, but who ARE these people?
And where did the fat blond drag queen get that shade of blond?
wasn’t davi in showgirls? FAMILY VALUES
Pat Boone’s gonna be dead, and you’re gonna say “I’ve been listening to him for years, and I think he’s fabulous.”
Ick, washed up Repulicans, oh..wait, they were famous once?
Damn this campaign! First John McCain turns his back on his honor, now Cliff and Victoria Jackson. Are there any American heroes left?
They couldn’t get Angie Harmon? (or was it Carrie Lowell?)
There’s laser surgery that can help him with those acne scars.
He probably was in between jobs, and was the second choice to
James Woods. I wonder how much the RNC paid him to do this?
slappypaddy: I once spotted Boone huffing up W. 58th Street, mid-summer, in full-on heavy metal black leather regalia. Must have been in town, whoring it up, or promoting his new metal album. Or both.
http://www.babble-on-recording.com/babble_blog/files/0_blog_entry1125_1.jpg
They should have picked the cast and crew of American Carol–after that bomb, they could use the money!
Why are all Boone’s such assholes?
Victoria Jackson is a loonypants.
AlexTrebeksGirl: Here the dickhead, in the pool.
http://xb8.xanga.com/bcbf110003c35205407879/z159673920.jpg
Et tu, Cliffie?
If only they hadn’t been blacklisted for being openly Republican actors, they each would have had illustrious hollywood careers.
They couldn’t even get James Caan? At least he still (kind of) has name value at this point.
Would have been great if they could have gotten Paul Gleason, who starred with Franken in “Trading Places” as Beeks (the Gordon Liddy type who was sodomized by a gorilla).
What? Dead? Never mind.
This election is bringing out the closet stupids. I see Victoria Jackson is still not funny and still has Downs.
Not Robert Davi! Noooo. Who is he?
Joe The Plumber: Obama Will Bring “Death Of Israel”…
This is a news story today. Does this fucker ever plumb?
I’m confused, was this from the Retards for Norm Coleman 527?
Oh, I see: the National Republican Senatorial Committee. Same thing.
One crucial element they forgot, though: In order to be a has-been, you have to, at one time, have been.
Quick get Kathy Griffin!!!!
palmerdawg: Pat Boone is Daniel Boone’s older sister.
Confession: I’d heard of Pat Boone before now, but I presumed Pat was a woman (like Pat Nixon).
If only I’d bought those 300 Classic Country CDs for $29.99 that Kenny Rogers is always selling on TV, I would have known. And I’d finally have songs like “Tie A Yellow Ribbon” to treasure too.
NYNYNY: Does this fucker ever plumb?
Just the depths of stupid.
We need to look hip. Someone get the Baldwin an Ipod!
nurple: Yes, it is the Marlboro lady who is the Jesus Freak Republican. I doubt that Carey Lowell is a Republican since she’s married to Richard Gere.
Actually star studded pro-Franken campaign commercial in 3….2…..1!
Ratzenberger may have come from the midwest, but I think he lives in Seattle, and has a small sailboat I read about in Wooden Boat. Damn hippie. Lakes arent’ good enough for you?
I’m not deciding until Ruth Buzzi weighs in.
user-of-owls: Eric Estrada was unavialable?
Remember when Victoria Jackson was sexy? Yeah, me neither.
It’s a cavalcade of flapping dickeys!
This is only a shade away from an over-the-toply esoteric Al Franken sketch. Laughed ’til I thought I’d cry.
Kinda like seeing whatsername, the chick from dearly departed “Northern Exposure,” trying to blather out her Palin talking points in spite of all that collagen in her lips yesterday on Larry King.
Ironically enough, they only have careers when a dem is in power.
Who are the unattractive Republican celebrities backing?
Scarab: At least now we know Victoria’s Secret: ThunderThighs.
I’m going to sexist hell, aren’t I?
Is Anita Bryant dead? She should be starring in this.
NYNYNY: Why wont he just shut the fuck up.
Dave J.: I recall her whoring her child out in a semi-recurring ‘Psychic Baby Scarlett’ sketch, so presumably she has a lot in common with Palin. Beyond that, I can only recall her ‘I Am Not a Bimbo’ song, which I think we now have conclusive proof was, in fact, false.
She’s no Jan Hooks.
I might be inclined to listen to what these “Hollywood stars” have to say, but, quite frankenly, who fuckin’ cares what any of them think about this or any other thing, at all, ever?
I will withhold judgement on the Coleman/Franken race until I hear from Daddy Yankee.
chascates: She’s dead, but her ghost is afoot, spooking bitterz.
say what you will about Al, but i know I will be forever grateful to him for getting a book called “Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot” on the bestseller list
Now if only we could get that “Bill O’Reilly is an Ignorant Pig-Fucking Super Douche” book published
Never mind crappy videos, shouldn’t we be considering back in South Ossetia whether “both sides should show restraint”, or whether “we’re all Georgians now”. Because, you know, we’d all love to be tarred with the brush of genocide. Good one, Walnuts!
(For those too lazy to follow the link, the BBC has uncovered evidence of Georgian attacks against civilians in South Ossetia.)
nmmagayar: Estrada played bery, bery bad in efocus groups.
Pathetique!
user-of-owls: I thought the spanish language version might nab Estoban Colberto and his chickas.
superfecta:
She’s no Gilbert Gottfried.
iwillsavethispatient: Wait, I thought he meant we were supposed to drink more sweet tea and deep fry everything we ate. I gained 35 pounds for nothing? Once again, I hate McCain.
HUH?
That’s just sad.
And where’s Eb from Green Acres?
DustBowlBlues: By law, Don Francisco and Sabado Gigante, Inc. own the rights to all broadcast chicas. In other words:
All your babes are belong to him.
This cant be serious can it??????????????????????????
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/wirthlins-take-their-sob-story-road
I left the site for one minute, went over to Huffy P and ran right into Joe ” the sneaky bastard ” plumber talking about Israel, WHAT THE FUCK MAN!!!!!!!!!!
Neilist: Just like all white of a certain age who love Jesus. And cats. Jesus and Cats.
Deepthroat: Monkey: Look YOU, I’m sorry I’m not 2.5 million years old and on old people Medicare or old people Social Security. Although both of those things would be nice to have right now.
shortsshortsshorts: James Finnemore Boone is a twat, not an asshole.
iwillsavethispatient: palmerdawg: I really hope that an Obama presidency will be the type that will have the common sense to say, “Russia & Georgia, you are both in the wrong here, and Israel & Palestine, I will deal with you two as well.” The boo-hooray approach to foreign policy does not yield long-term positive results.
What, no mention of Frankenstein? Such low hanging fruit dropping going to waste.
I feel so betrayed, Victoria Jackson! I always stood up for you when people said you weren’t funny!
user-of-owls: donde es Charo?
Are you SURE that this is not an
ad from the ***D* SCC? sure looks like it.
Who the hell are these people.
I think the first guy played McGyver’s pilot buddy.
Victoria Jackson played herself for all those years on SNL.
Jesus christ is Davi that ‘FRATTELLI BROTHER’ FROM GOONIES?
FUCK ALL.
bitchincamaro: Holy shit that was fucktastic.
At the :20 mark, Pat Boone appears to be not-dead. Did anyone else catch that?
Worlds End: Holy shit, i think it just might be!?
“step 4: Pray!”
Crab1: Crab1: *white women* (…stupid, sexy vicodin)
palmerdawg: He’s an expert on foreign policy. Is he Jewish? I think his last name is a problem pronunciation wise. Maybe he should change his name for real to the craptastic new name he has. I bet lots of uptight christian chicks are having sex with him because of his new fame.
Well japan is in the tank even more than they already were.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/28/obama-japan-goes-crazy-ov_n_138646.html
AlexTrebeksGirl: Im sure the trailer park is all over that
I watched in on mute, but basically what it is saying is a guy from Nick at Nite and some other people don’t like Al Franken very much. Is that basically it?
Deepthroat: Yeah………… it makes me wonder how people like that manage to get dress by themselves in the morning
eeeeewww. stephen baldwin’s beady little born again eyes make my balls ache so much I just want to grudge fuck him. He can call me Alec if he wants to, I don’t mind.
OffTheRecord: Yeah thats basically it.
I vaguely remember reading an interview with Victoria Jackson in which she complained about all the evil sinners on SNL and how Franken was mean to her and mocked Christianity so she told he was going to hell. So her hatred of Al has been fairly long standing.
What the HELL is Robert Davi doing in a studio. He should be sitting on a park bench eating a crap sandwich. The taco bell chihuahua is more hollywood than he is.
There’s probably so much dirt on each of these people, Al Franken could go to town on an attack ad if he wanted to.
Worlds End: Look at Seiji Fujihara, already packin’ his bags for the Lincoln bedroom and shit. Get in line asshole.
Haha, Crist just extended voting hours in Florida and some Republican strategist told Politico that “He just blew Florida for John McCain.”
In honor of Crist acting like a decent executive who actually cares about democracy and our sacred right to vote, I will refrain from making a gay joke.
This just in: “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” is on ABC. You know that guy who created Peanuts also endorsed McCain.
rambone: The everyone in the world hates walnuts dont they. I say that because the tank is now a ocean.
Deepthroat: Ha. Me too! I kept wanting to see the end of Who Else in The World is Less Famous Than Al Franken?
springfield_meltdown: I never realized before this that Victoria Jackson was a Kreestchun. That explains why I always thought “I’m Not a Bimbo” should have had a punch line and I kept thinking…it’s coming…any line now…here it comes…but no.
typo
Deepthroat: HaHaHa! It’s so funny how that one kid is so poor and neglected that a cloud of filth follows him everywhere! Child abuse is funny!
johnnypantalones: Damn it! I wanted to make the Charles Rocket joke!
Deepthroat: http://www.hulu.com/watch/25097/family-guy-peanuts-reunion
Deepthroatthat made me seriously giggle
After I voted today for Obama in Florida, some canvassers came to my door to let me know about eaerly voting. I pointed at the pic of Barry on their literature and said, “I’ve already voted and I voted for ‘that one.’” They almost fell down my steps laughing. “Yeah, ‘that one.’” Too cool!
pattycake:pattycake: Yes, still a few more hours of cocktober left.
Worlds End: As Colbert noted many moons ago, reality has a liberal bias.
Worlds End: HA! I forgot about that! wasn’t there a scene where Peppermint Patty and Marcie makeout?
Deepthroat: Yeah ill find it
But the spot had great positives in the focus group at the off-Hollywood nursing home, oops, Retirement Community. The Pat Boone part especially, that brought tears to their eyes.
Except for the retarded Baldwin, I’ve never heard about any of these people. No wonder Republicans hate Hollywood - all the cool ones are liberals.
Has Alec threaten to leave country again if the republicans win?
Might be worth it if he leaves.
Dave J.: Well VJ was in some good sketches, just not important to them: all the Toonces skits, plus the movie UHF…which was funny to me when it came out.
graceless: Haven’t you heard? It’s “HEHNGNN”.
AlexTrebeksGirl: The word “INUIT” Don’t canucks use the word to describe their Eskimos, does that make “First Dude” a liberal through Eskimo blood lines?
Mara47: No! Not Maggie!?
Man that sucks. I loved Maggie.
Deepthroat: Charles Schultz, who created “Peanuts,” died in 2000. Is McCain’t running an “endorsements from the Other Side” ad?
lawrenceofthedesert: SEE: http://wonkette.com/403834/please-walnuts-take-a-nap-take-a-long-nap
What does Pat Boone care what he does or says now. He’s already going to hell for desecrating “Tutti Frutti.” (Just lovin’ me some Little Richard)
Here is Pat Boone’s finest work. Funny when stoned. If I were on the fourth day of a meth binge I’d leave this “Pat Boone Christmas” on a constant loop for whoever found me after I blew my head off.
FUCK here is the link : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHEJk0oUezg
Unknown republican has-beens.. the best kind.
I’m “sorry”; but, WTF??
My best guess on that hair color: Mr. Clairol Autumn Sunset
johnnypantalones: I was a little suspicious of Cliff when he started hosting “Made in America.” Believe or not, they had enough stuff to fill a season.
WalnutsThePlumber: Yeah, but Joe Esterhauz (sp?) found Jesus a few month ago.
Isn’t Davi Patty NipTuck’s (Heaton) husband?
holyfuckingchrist - what happened to Victoria Jackson????? I thought her whiney ass was worth strangling back when she was still trying to bring down SNL - but now she’s a jesusfreakin looney tune with a hardon for Palin. Shoulda seen it coming. Ratzburger, on the other hand is a crushing disappointment to me. Fuck you Cliff.
Victoria Jackson is calling someone else sleazy? For real? Andrew Dice Clay is laughing his ass off somewhere in glee. Go watch Baldwin sleaze all over the Gotham Public Works Catwoman at Comic Con 2008 for fun times. He’s gross. Actually, they’re all gross. [All the Baldwins I mean.]
Al Franken isn’t really an actor, he’s mostly a writer, and he’s been involved in political campaigns for years. I don’t know that him running disgraces Hollywood. Unless someone thinks he’s going to show When a Man Loves a Woman to the entire state of Minnesota as part of an alcoholism treatment campaign?
loislane1939: I must object. Alec Baldwin is not gross. He is extremely fuckable. Stephen Baldwin, on the other hand, has less appeal than the dried smegma on my horse’s dick.
Canuckledragger: Daddy Yankee loves gasoline and McCain, so quite frankenly as yer would say, he’s likely stormin’ for the Norman Coleman.
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/08/25/gasolina_daddy_yankee_endorses.html
Huh. Why did I ever think that John Ratzenberger was anything other than a total douchenozzle?
Also, bitch please - you’d kill to get a dirty article published in Playboy. High-pitched-voice-washed-up ho bag.
Wait. Pat Boone is alive?
Where was Anita Bryant?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anita_Bryant
And Jon Voight?
AnnieGetYourFun:
Pat’s more alive than McCain, methinks. But I don’t know about Daniel.
Damnit! Doesn’t anybody have a copy of Roger & Me to up-load Pat Boone’s hilarious AIDS joke to youtubes?
Don’t Robert Blake and the dude from The Love Boat® usually do these commercials? I am so out of touch with modern culture.
Lemming Caution: You snooze you lose, kemo sabe. Fair warning, I will be making incredibly forced Tony Rosato and Danitra Vance jokes in future comments, so stay frosty.
Now I finally know why I never once laughed at anything Victoria Jackson ever did. Republicans. Not. Funny.
Did she do this to get invited to Dennis Miller’s Xmas reunion party this year? Or is this actualy a Kaufmanesque put-on of some kind? If so then Bravo!
Marquis de Maude: Holy crap that is the cheesiest thing I’ve ever seen. Not to mention the gayest. Makes the Andy Williams Xmas specials look like a chainsaw massacre.
Aw, c’mon you know Al produced that himself. I seem to remember Victoria Jackson “left” SNL to marry a cop from Florida. It must have taken, because she has that “manufactured home in the bad end of Daytona” look. And as for that famous Christian Pat Boone, no matter what’s going on in his head, there’s not enough Viagra in the world for him to get it on with Bible Spice.
Victoria Jackson back in the ’80s was an attempt at a hobo’s Goldie Hawn, but she wound up just being a hobo’s Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
And now she’s making a living as a Sally Struthers impersonator on a local cable access Christian puppet show. But it could be worse. She could be a Scientologist!
Speed Ball: That is the Fratelli, still going around scaring kids. he really should grow a nice long beard, face like that.
Mr Clean and Carlton the Door Man are in the tank for Hopey.
Fratelli also appeared in Showgirls: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Showgirls
That was really a hot movie.
Ha ha, as over as these “stars” are, they still aren’t willing to say the words vote Repub on camera. Dear Ratzendaviboonvick: No one cares what you think. Now lie down already, you’re dead. P.S. That stupid Zucker movie sucked ass.
I didn’t recognize any of these dudes! Who’s the queen in the blond wig?
I didn’t know there was an E list.
lawrenceofthedesert:”I see dead people. Voting.”
as goes cliff claven, so goes the nation. it’s over for the dems!
Marquis de Maude: wilford couldn’t get out of his contract with the diaBEEtus people, so they had to replace him with that baldwin kid.
Lascauxcaveman: Yep. Afraid so. She’s been in the Handbasket to the Rapture for years now. I loved her, too. Pity.
Victoria Jackson’s Wiki page doesn’t mention the porno she did in the early 80’s. She actually mentioned this a couple of times on the Tonight Show. Carson thought she was kidding at first and laughed at her. The one that I saw was pretty dreadful, even more so than the usual early-80’s-shot-on-16mm-god-was-Ron-Jeremy-ever-that-skinny porno can be.
WHAT A BUNCH OF MORONS IN THAT VIDEO! And, yes, that includes YOU, Pat Boone, and YOU, Victoria Jackson, who is not funny and who used to be somewhat hot, and that includes YOU, Cliff/Ubiquitous Pixar Voice, and YOU, ugly scary and stupid villian guy who can’t play anything other than villians. Drop dead! Your video sucks, your politics sucks, you’re not funny, and why on earth you’re not supporting Al Franken over that other moron is beyond belief.
Further proof that–except for Al Franken–MOST ACTORS AND ENTERTAINERS AND ATHLETES SHOULD NOT HAVE ANYTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH POLITICS, IN ANY WAY AND AT ANY LEVEL!
That includs Ronald Reagan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse Ventura, Sonny Bono and a host of others. Not all, but about 98 percent of them should not be in politics.
GaryGraves: Sorry, don’t have that one, but here’s one of him calling Palin “qualified”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-I1hBX24L0
Pat Boone beefcake could swing the straight female and alternative-lifestyle male vote for McCain. Obama needs to counter with the cowboy hat photo.
Speed Ball: The other Fratelli Bro is most likely in the tank for Hopey:
The difference that I see between the Republicans and the Democrats are that the Democrats really are a force of what the melting pot of our society is. Obama really represents that. Obama represents what America is today.