Wonkette
If there’s one thing nutty klanslady Sarah Palin is a-scared of, it is the Communist Threat. (And Katie Couric.) While there is no evidence of an actual communist country on Earth outside of, say, Cuba and … let’s see, that child army of Marxists or whatever in Nepal, it is still highly probable that a secret Communist could somehow win the presidency of our god-fearing anti-Communist country, America, and then covertly turn us all into Mao-worshiping Soviets! But which of our great presidential candidates in ‘08 maybe has some “lost years” when the Communists maybe prepared him for this stealth takeover of the USA? Hmmm? Or should we say, HEHNGHH?
See, John McCain has this story he likes to tell, about how he was a prisoner of the Communist Viet-Cong back in the ’60s when three-year-old Barack Obama was blowing up the Pentagon as a member of Sly & the Family Stone. And during those FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, McCain was subject to brainwashing by his Communist Captors! Here is what spooky author Peter Levenda writes about Sleepwalker McCain:
John McCain was a prisoner of war during the Vietnam War. He was held in a North Vietnamese prison for years. Given an opportunity to leave before his comrades, he did not. As everyone who has spoken about McCain — whether for him or against him — has pointed out, John McCain is a genuine American hero.
Except, of course, that is precisely what was said about the Manchurian Candidate.
Recently, documents relating to the treatment of American prisoners of war in Vietnam were declassified by the CIA. They make interesting reading, specifically because they treat of the same time and place where McCain spent his years of captivity. They speak of the need — expressed by the North Vietnamese — to use these prisoners for propaganda purposes. Of the need to brainwash them. To convert them to the North Vietnamese, i.e. Communist, point of view.
Is this why the sinister McCain-Palin campaign is so obsessed with calling the capitalist candidate Barack Obama a socialist?
God forbid this stealth communist, John McCain, somehow gets into our White House and finally takes revenge on America for our war against his puppetmasters, the Viet Cong. God save the United States!
Also, do you know who, until recently, owned Alaska? That’s right, the Russians. Sarah Palin is a Russian!
FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!1! SUPER IMPORTANT!!!1!
Paranoid Ecstasies Vol 1: Is John McCain a Manchurian Candidate? [Sinister Forces Blog]
oh thanks.
thanks for that blingee. i won’t sleep again…EVAH.
it’s burned into my retina’s just like the time i walked in on my parents having sex…FIVE AND A HALF YEARS AGO!
AHHH! My BRAIN!
Who is the real John McWalnuts?
BLINGEE!
Ahhh… dude, it is way to early to see John McCain’s face THAT big. Seriously, man, not cool.
‘The woods are lovely, Dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.’
OH GOD, THE FACE, THERE IT IS, SWEET JESUS
I can’t see that face without imagining the spasmic flashing drum breaks of:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ml4ZvNvXUVI
This is why all my Trotskyite friends are voting McCain.
Crazy eyes…
For the last fuckin time, he is NOT the Manchurian Candidate!!!!
He is the HANOI Candidate… get your geography strait or people will think you a Palin-tard!
damn- even with the blingee, that image is gonna give me more nightmares than sinatra had in the first “manchurian candidate” now i know why this post is tagged with ambien
Of course! It all makes sense now! He grills with propane. The godless Commies of Manchuria are well-known for their propane-grilling habits.
Oh dear. WALNUTS! needs some dermabrasion, stat.
And, really, who better to be a secret, seditious communist than the most vocal “patriot”, who has been “serving my country since I was 17″? Perfect.
Oh, and when he uses that line, I want to projectile vomit. What a lying piece of crap. Though if “trying to get laid and using my status as the son and grandson of powerful people to get somewhere in life without earning it” means “serving my country” then, OK, he is telling the truth.
slappypaddy:
Hank Hill objects.
This is absurd; everyone knows that Johnny’s only true allegiance is to Dagon, dweller of the deep.
I KNEW IT! It’s not a melanoma on his face at all! It’s his Gorbachev head-blotch tattoo, which he had to have removed to run for President! I bet he has to pay so much for makeup to cover the fact that they couldn’t remove it entirely.
so it’s Palin who says the word that triggers McCain’s assassination of Obama? and what’s the trigger word here? i’d like to think it’s Truck Nutz, but it’s probably Mooseburgers.
John McCain is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.
The only way Say-ruh can keep Alaska free from Socialism is to immediately stop taking all our Federal tax subsidies and also to stop taxing oil companies and just sell them the oil fields instead of leasing them as public owned goods.
For some reason she’s not doing that.
Shitdamn, can we have the Zoolander gif back? Fucking terrifying..
Palin: Gee McCain, what’re we gonna do tonight? NARF!
McCain: Same thing we do every night, Pinky… TRY TO OVERTHROW CAPITALISM!
(They’re Pinky and McCain, they’re Pinky and McCain, one is a maverick, the other’s insane…)
EnBuenOra:
Or tell the Feds no thanks to the 12K they give PER PERSON to everyone Alaska.
Iggy Plop: If you’ve seen the ORIGINAL movie, you know that the assassin is controlled by playing cards….. the queen of Clubs in particular. In this case, it is the queen of clubs (well, clubbed seals) that plays the RACE CARD that triggers the assassin….
Duh. everyone knowz the Sovs specialized in sleeper agents and suitcase nukes. AFter FIVE AND A HALF YEARS of Commie programming, he’s going to ascend to office and turn the USofA over to Ho Chi Minh.
So what’ll it be, Wonkeetteers? Mulsins or Commies? Ur choice.
This is why he can’t campaign in the rain. Secret mental implants are prone to mildew.
Serolf Divad: But the Anarcho-Syndicalists are breaking for McKinney.
‘Scuse me, ay-leetes: the word is a-skeer’d, as in: “Sarah Palin is a-skeer’d-a Communists.”
And that jingly-jangly picture of Jammakaine made my epilepsy happen, like when I seen “Speed Racer” or Japanese teevee. Thanks so much.
I’m no Pinkerton but, Kim Jong Elvis is having top secret brain work done as we speak. IN FRANCE!!!
Serendipity? Nuh uh.
I can’t even imagine the hell on earth it would be to live in an actual commune with WALNUTS.
“Get off my lawn!”
“Brother John, we talked about this. We all own the lawn. It’s ours to enjoy as the fruits of our labor.”
“Fruits! I hate fruits. They dress up my lady like a trollop!”
“Brother John, I don’t think this is the best place for you to be right now.”
“HEGNEHH? Five and half years, Brother Alan. I stand where ever I goddamn want to! Unless it rains. I fear the rain.
Ha HA… sharing.
I declare MOB rule… Moritorium on Blingees!!!
mattbolt: God loves this blog…
Iggy Plop: Truck Nutz. Most definitely Truck Nutz.
Oh Atheist-favorable-version of Christ, I’m laughing so hard at the blingee and the comments I think yesterday’s red beans and rice may come out!
Is that a backwards C carved on his right cheek?
Mr Gorbachev tear down this wall!
Palin needs more red leather jackets to prove which side she’s really fightin for. Oh wait, red states. I get it now. I meant to say Hopey needs some red leather jackets then. (i think i’m under mind control).
azw88: Hehe, good wordplay- “get your geography strait”
Can we please just get this over with? PLEEEEASE?
Settle down everybody. How about a nice game of solitaire?
lazyb: Gaah! Beat me to it. Why must I always be out-alluded?!
If there’s one thing a Bolshevik hates more than a capitalist, it’s a socialist–especially of the “infantile pantywaist” type represented by Obama. The President-Elect and The Wolfshooter would call him a “Menshevik” but they’re such elitists they think their fellow prisoners (the rest of us)wouldn’t know what that means.
There is chaos in heaven, and the situation is excellent.
Mighty Rex: You have rice? SHARE elitist! We have only Hobo beans…
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Chinese for lunch today? Filthy Red bastard.
So if you type in ‘FIVE AND A HALF YEARS’ will it always come out all caps? Just wundrun….
Something about that picture makes me think of the end credits of The Prisoner. A remake with John McCain going all mavericky on the Village would be interesting.
lazyb: Why don’t you pass the time with a game of solitaire?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Makes sense. WALNUTS was a fan of the penny farthing as a lad.
I wonder if they make $5,000.00 Red Guard outfits…be perfect for our Moaist Alaskan Superscammer…
mattbolt: Win
Sarah Palin lives very, very close to Russia. Her husband wants Alaska to secede from the United States. Coincidence? I think not!
What is this original picture from, anyway? Superscary.
I don’t think McCain is a “Manchurian Candidate,” but I do think it’s safe to say that there’s a dossier in Russian (and Chinese, North Korean and everyone else’s) hands on him about as thick as the New York City Yellow Pages. Five and-a-half years!
Egads, I still see it when I close my eyes!! If I dream of McCain pulling my hair and ravishing me tonight, instead of my usual Unicorn King, I’m going to blame some of the pictures on this blog. And then I will not forgive.
cape clod:
TELEFON was awesome.
The best outcome of the French occupation of Viet Nam was that the Viet Namese learned how to cook French Cuisine. When the footage of McCain in the Hanoi Hilton is leaked to the public, we’re going to find out he stayed those extra years for the chocolate souflés and the tossed salads with bleu cheese and vinaigrette dressing, not to mention morning coffee with a croissant.
Loyalty to his men? Hah! Put a soufflé in the White House oven after they steal this election, and you’ll hear Johnny sing out a whole dissertation about forty year old covert ops in Nam.
“My Friends” = “Comrades”
The Russians Are Coming!! The Russians Are Coming!!
It’s a well established fact that for 2 1/2 of those years McCain was correographing Jane Fonda forthcoming exercise videos.
DAmicosonegoodyear: glad someone caught it…..
ok, this sounds more like the 50’s. or the 30’s. this will be a battle to the death between Stalinist McCain and Trotskyite (via Ayres) Obama. We are all Kronstadters now.
I do like this causality argument: once they made a movie about prisoners of war. Johnny Mac was a prisoner of war, ergo, Johnny Mac is The Manchurian Candidate. I wonder what other films the Macster is living out?
John McCain IS Legally Blonde - After falling for a cute frat guy, John John follows him to the Naval Academy, determined to prove his love. Although he fails spectacularly, the natty way he wears his naval uniform proves to everyone that just because he’s pretty and stupid does NOT mean he’s pretty stupid.
John McCain IS Rudy - Although he shows not only no, but actual negetive aptitude in flying planes, John John, aka Rudy, is determined to be a pilot. He finds the last military flight school in the country that allows “walk on” recruiting (a loophole closed after 9/11, unfortunately) where he volunteers for every flight related menial task (parachute tester, helmet tester, flak jacket tester, human wheel block). He finally gets called up to the big leagues whereupon he promptly, and heroicly, crashes his plane behind enemy lines. YAY RUDY!
John McCain IS Gypsy! - Harassed by an overbearing stage mother, John McCain grows up to be a famous stripper. Huzzah!
LOOK INTO MY EYES! I had too much catnip today
mattbolt: omg
The original Manichean Candefecate was Laurence Harvey. Magoo looks exactly like deceased (but still on the radio!) op-ed broadcaster Paul Harvey. And what was the name of the eponymous albeit invisible rabbit who hung around with Elwood P Dowd in that 1950 movie? Right. Harvey.
Then it gets really strange …
If I recall correctly, even Walnuts captors say he is a great and true war hero who deserves to be the president of the USandA.
My question is what is the trigger sound that will turn him into the incarnation of HoChiMinh? Is it like a dog barking or the sound of buttsecks, something else? thoughts?
Hey, if we are all Georgians, a few short years ago that meant we are all commies. What if suddendenly we all become North Koreans when Kim Jong Il dies?
azw88: No, no, it was the queen of diamonds.
Sans bling, the picture is one of the bleaker images I have ever seen. It’s like McCain stared into the abyss, and this is the snapshot the abyss took for its scrapbook.
With teh blingz…god help me, it reminds me of when Mugatu brainwashes Derek Zoolander…
“You know Kung Fu! You KILL THE SENATOR FROM ILLINOIS!!!!”
There’s Zoolander again.