Wonkette
BREAKING: MSNBC is reporting on the teevee, “Jury finds Sen. Ted Stevens guilty of making false statements.” On all seven counts. Aaaaaaand there goes another Senate seat for the Republicans. UPDATE: Oh and here’s a long article about it from those hepcats at the Politico, almost like they wrote it HMMM BEFOREHAND? [Politico]
The tubes they have betrayed him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yay! Now he can go smoke crack with Marion Barry and Tom Delay and they can all be reelected in 6 years or whatever.
“Tubes” will take on a new meaning in the pokey…
BOOM!! The GOP officially implodes.
I think this calls for a round of the Electric Slide.
String him up! Let him be an example to others of his kind. He can dangle from the Bridge to Nowhere, twisting slowly in the wind.
I hope Caribou Barbie is taking notes on how NOT to conduct a defense in a criminal case.
Don’t cry for me oh, Alaska
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don’t keep your distance
Firstly, kudos on the Drudge siren. Secondly, when do we find the pile of boy scouts soiled underwear in his closet?
…I wonder how long before he throws Palin under the bus to get a plea deal! Muhahahahahaha!!!
So going to be appealed…but despite all of the technical mistakes, I guess it was clear to the jury that he is a scumbag. Can he go to Al Capone’s cell?
According to Wikipedia the jury reached their verdict at 3:47 pm, and the judge has already punished him by ordering that Stevens be encased in carbonite and exiled to a prison planet in the Orion Nebula.
How will Palin respond to questions about whether she’ll support Stevens now?
Wooohoo!!! A couple more Senate pickups, and it’ll be free abortions for everyone!
“The verdict throws the upcoming election into disarray. Stevens is fighting off a challenge from Democrat Mark Begich and must now either drop out or continue campaigning as a convicted felon.”
ha ha
Guilty? Who would have thought?
His entire defense was about CHARACTER. That’s like being accused of killing the wife you hate and then responding with “I am a good man.” YA OKAY but you still killed your fucking wife.
Bible Spice will still vote for him.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monkey: …or he could always move to Louisiana and run for office right now?!
I thought his wife was guilty? Isn’t she the dummy who didn’t pay all those invoices?
I’m trying to get the full story but some big damn truck seems to be in the way. Teddy. Can I borrow your stuff while you’re in jail?
Oh noes… this will lead to the magic 60 in the legislative branch and a massive upset in the Presidential election as all of America’s NASCAR fans suddenly rise up against the horrible threat of a united liberal socialist government and elect the crazed warmonger McCain and his Mavericky rogue veep fancy-duds dumbshit Palin. USA!USA!USA!
I knew he was in trouble when his defense team called on Hobo Jim to act as a character witness.
Rush: he’d blame it on his wife
So much fail. It is awesome. I must have more glorious republican fail.
rambone: Except she’s already used his defense: “These clothes, they izn’t minez”
Serolf Divad: …I think the “Phantom Zone” would be far more appropriate!
A jury of our peers is in the tank?
This. rules. so. hard.
Let him go if he tells all the dirt on Caribou Barbie!
I have to admit, these guys know how to fuck up bad.
AngryBlakGuy: If he takes Palin down with him, that would be the schadenfreudiest!
And I had planned not to do any drinking tonight. Silly me…
“It’s not a truck, it is a series of tubes!”
how long till he rats out bible spice for something i wonder
Making false statements is a CRIME in Alaska? Talk about a nanny state!
12 jurors hopped in the tank. We’re gonna have to supersize this tank. Maybe Stevens knows some good contractors.
Rush: Too bad Drudge is still promoting a distortion of Obama’s statements on redistribution as his “top story”.
We should carve a B on his face.
This next week is going to be like Hanukkah only infinitely more cool!
Schadenfreugasm!!!
almost like they wrote it HMMM BEFOREHAND?
No, I know those guys. They snort some coke pop some speed and wash it down with a bottle of Jolt and they can write crazy fast!
Let’s be realistic though… he’s going to get a last-minute Presidential pardon before George W. takes a final dump on a copy of the Constitution and leaves Washington forever, right?
AfghanVet: the defense blew this. The prosecution did a horrid job and the defense should have just moved to strike or put on minimal evidence. Instead, they put on Ted and his wife, both of whom were unbelievably damaging to Ted. (they are not gifts because I did not like them. Uh, yeah). I bet an appeal though. There were a lot of rulings that could be challenged.
Outside my window a ray of light just peaked through the clouds flooding my office with a warm golden glow.
Too bad. So sad.
magic titty:
Homework assignment. Please prepare a list of anyone and anything at this point NOT in the tank. I can’t think of anyone.
What is the deal with Alaskan pols? He says he has the furniture but it wasn’t his; it was just sitting in his house. Bible Spice has $150K worth of clothes that aren’t hers; they’re just sitting in the airplane never to be worn. I mean, WHAT THE HELL??!!??
I’m finished!
Thanks for the siren Jim. I was afraid I might be desperate enough to go to this Drudge thing I keep hearing about just to see them sirens.
Awww.. poor Drudge didn’t deem this worthy of a SIREN AND HEADLINE CAPS.
magic titty: No worries, Drudge gets B “painted” on his face (with semen) almost every night.
Satan’s putting his ice skates on as we speak.
This Republican Fail-A-Palooza is the gift that keeps on giving! MORE FAIL! MORE FAIL!
OMG this must be orchestrated, this s*** can’t just be coincidence.
You mean his novel defense of “they aren’t gifts because I never thought of them as gifts!” didn’t work??? Zoinks!
Of course, everyone here is ignoring what a great triumph this is for Sarah Palin and her fight against corruption. After all, she only supported Sen. Stevens up until today.
Ron fucked up eyes Christie said today is surprising and sad.
Rush: The tank is now so big that Sea World is trying to buy it.
Bush can pardon this a-hole too right?
dano: Something warm and golden is also flooding Matt Drudge’s pants right now.
OMG, ATF disrupted skinhead plot to assassinate Obama. I am worried for Hopey.
Dreamer: We had to use it because he wouldn’t. Bad news for a Republican a week before the election? No chance.
Some genius at FreeRepublic re. this verdict:
If you look at the perfect set of dominoes that had to fall this year in order to give Obama the presidency and a complicit Congress, there’s only one conclusion:
Obama is the anti-Christ.
Maybe Sarah should donate her wardrobe to Ted. After all, he’s going to need something to wear when he beomes someone’s wife in prison.
Dave J.: He also tried the “I didn’t pay for this because I never got an invoice” defense.
So THIS is the “October surprise” everyone’s been waiting for the GOP to roll out. Thanks guys!
Dave J.: To be fair, it is the only logical conclusion… I mean, the alternative is that everything the Republicans have done and said for the last 40 years has been finally revealed to be fraudulent, immoral, and intellectually bankrupt, but that’s just crazy talk.
How ABOUT that supermajority? Hennngh? HENNNGH? How ABOUT it? Hennngh? HENNNNGHHH?
hehehe - looks like he has the same symptom
http://www.theweeklydonut.com/index.php/2007/08/09/lie-disease/
NoWireHangers: The “Electric Slide” or, you know, this perennial favorite.
The only man to be serving in the Senate longer than his state was a state, Theodore Aloyscious Stevens first explored Alaska on an ill-advised tin expedition when it was still cordially known as “Seward Massive Fuck-up” in the mid-19th century…
Ted’s prison name: The Alaskan pipeline.
Stevens has the jury right where he wants ‘em!
Dreamer: ATF’s in the tank.
“Maximum-security prison in the frozen tundra of Northern Alaska… is like… a series of unprovoked beatings.”
The bar of soap to “no where”
Drudge momentarily had the skinhead plot as a siren story, but it’s now back to a small headline. Obvs., it’s more important to provoke more angry illiterate white folks with misleading stories about Obama than to report on an assassination plot.
Guess that “unruly juror” had to return to being McCain’s running mate and couldn’t cast the vote destined to grant Ted Stevens sweet, sweet freedom.
“Despite being a convicted felon, he is not required to drop out of the race or resign from the Senate. If he wins re-election, he can continue to hold his seat because there is no rule barring felons from serving in Congress. The Senate could vote to expel Stevens on a two-thirds vote.
“Put this down: That will never happen _ ever, OK?” Stevens said in the weeks leading up to his trial. “I am not stepping down. I’m going to run through and I’m going to win this election.”
I LOL’d.
Okay, who knew that Palin was beat out for Miss Alaksa by a black woman named Maryline Blackburn?
Texan Bulldoggette: it comes from the gov’t’s mailing you a check for $1500 every month from the moment you are born. Your perspective sort of gets skewed.
dano: and the it-wasn’t-a-gift-because-I-didn’t-like-it defense.
dano: a ray of light peeked through? You need to get out to Portland — today it’s warm and sunny, bright blue sky overhead. (OK, so we can’t equate good weather with blue-statehood 8 months out of the year, but right now it feels sweet.)
Better keep him in custody, he could just take a cab to Russia, where Pooty- Poot
will welcome him as a political refugee.
And then seize all of his assets.
Will Super Sarah come to his rescue?
Stay tuned, Wonketeers!
Stevens campaign has announced that the intent was always to have the house returned or given away to chartity after the election.
What are the chances that the Alaskans will re-elect him anyways, knowing that Palin will probably just appoint herself to the vacant seat?
Had this happened last week, our commie cups would have runneth over, fer shizzle.
dano: Same warm sensation in my office, but I attribute it to peeing my pants in gleeful rejoice.
Jim Newell: I am eternally grateful. Before the end of the day I hope to see a blingee worthy storey — I am easy to satisfy Jim.
Only seven false statements? Heck, Andrew Sullivan has a list of at least twenty for Palin. This is why she’s beat out the old boy network in Alaska.
This news doesn’t rate Drudge’s headline. He still has that stupid story about Obama wanting to redistribute wealth that’s been there all day. The Steven’s story is just a little link down below. What a fucking tool.
PRISON IS A SERIES OF TUBES. STEEL TUBES.
The Shock; the horror! Fucking slimebot! No prison terms are long enough for these pigs. He should be the first guy who loses all his monies - the first of thousands to come……………
Next stop, Ken Lay Island.
This is kind of like when Fredo got whacked, you hated to see it but, you knew it was coming.