Wonkette
CUT-NUT RETROSPECTIVE: “Drudge vs. Wonkette — The Ashley Todd Debacle,” plus unkind comments from your editor. [Fishbowl LA]
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Good night, sad clown.
Word To Your Mother.
I want to have your facially-scarred babies.
Perhaps Ashley Todd will one day change her story yet again, just as Crystal Mangum did with the Duke U. lacrosse players. Instead of “The Crystal Mangum Story” we can have “Ashley Todd — Those Obama Voters Did Me Wrong.”
Well I think it’s a good idea…
Wow, so Wonkette & Michelle Malkin were the only ones suspicious of this nut job?? (The ONLY ones who thought a backward B might be self-inflicted!!) Strange bedfellows, indeed.
Fox News hack John Moody said yesterday, “if this is a hoax, it will destroy the McCain campaign!” No word yet on a follow-up from Moody…
I’m putting everything I have (left) into the lipstick sector……so many pigs, so little lipstick
So are we now going to have that national dialogue about race we were supposed to have six months ago?
Drudge vs. Wonkette? I thought this was going to involve jello wrestling
I love this election + internets sooooo much.
ShaqsDong: Yes, except the topic this time is “what the fuck is wrong with white people these days?”
Back to the topic of Walnuts fans & their 15 minutes of fame: Joe the Plumber is thinking of running for Congress.
http://briefingroom.thehill.com/2008/10/24/joe-the-plumber-says-hes-mulling-run-for-congress/
Gee, you think his competitor might mention the fact that he hasn’t paid his taxes??
i hope i never get on ken’s bad side.
Clearly, Ashley Todd is just a pawn in Wonkette’s conspiracy for global domination.
Ohhhh! Damn. That’s it. I just schadenfreugasmed.
Fucking. Epic. On her Myspace page it says “Ron Paul ‘08,” so we can absolutely certain that she was just doing Paultard a favor against teh darks.
Fucking Paultards.
Can’t think of the right word to say that’s fitting of this dumb ass so I’ll just say: Thanks, Dumb Ass.
Texan Bulldoggette: I’m a big believer in “thou shall not make up assaults” but that said, why didn’t she carve the “B” into her face correctly? Doesn’t she know her letters?
Thank you, Ken.
Strangely, Mr. Moody never answered my email. Douche.
The whole thing almost makes me like Michelle Malkin. Batshit crazy, sure, but apparently somewhat principled.
Okay, that tears it. I’m picking up a nice cold bottle of Veuve Cliquot tonight — last night was toooooo dry! — and the first snort will be in honor of Wonkette and Ken Layne. And myself. Because, you know, I helped to wind the clock and all that.
And still nothing up on Fox. I wrote again to Moody, thusly:
Well? Still waiting. You promised. I told my fellow Wonketteers that you promised. I corrected “Pittsburg” AND “devisive” — aha! You missed that one, did you? And so we’re all wondering, you know, if you want to say something about that “Ashley Todd Story = Do You Know Who Obama Really Is?” business. Tell you what. You apologize for that, as you said you would, and we’ll cut you a little sack on the other business about “Senator McCain’s quest for the presidency is over, forever linked to race-baiting.” It’s beginning to look as if we can spare it now.
Yowie. I just realized something. Maybe that last thing cost you your job and you’re right this very minute cleaning out your desk and wondering where to spend the weekend to get away from the media hellhounds. Wow. I sure hope not. We were all having so much fun.
StrangelyBrown: as a white person, I say you need to drop the “these days” from that question.
graceless: It’s tricky, staring into a mirror and all.
Texan Bulldoggette: God, who didn’t see THAT coming? Also, how much does he look like Michael Rooker in Mall Rats?
magic titty: He answered my first but refused to comment when I forwarded his blog to him asking if someone else may have written it.
Mara47: Hey, I actually WILL buy a bottle of Veuve tonight if you are. Wait, are you Mireille Guiliano?
Never forget!
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=1506121&albumID=309114&imageID=39190231
oh. her myspace page is actually NOT locked.
Gopherit: No! No! No! It is shatmyshortshortsshortsgasmed.
shortsshortsshorts: No shit? Really? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ahhhhh, she’s a Paultard. So the B isn’t for Barack, it’s for Bill Barr. I knew it!
As happy as everyone is, Rupert is sadder, making us even happier, making him sadder. Soon the asymmetry will make the world spin faster.
Itsjustme: This is what I wrote:
“Sooo…let’s see: because of some alleged black mugger in Pittsburgh…(who doesn’t exist, mind you)…voters might now question whether they ‘know’ Barack Obama??
What in the world does Barack Obama have to do with some guy in Pittsburgh, besides ‘complexion’? Is this rooted in your childlike, connect-the-dots fantasy that all black people are actually the same person?
How do you reconcile things like this in your mind? I honestly want to know. I’m truly curious how you can make that correlation. Or is it just general insanity?”
I’m SHOCKED he didn’t respond.
dearmurray: Hilarious. I hope to see some real jack-o-lanterns like that.
AnnieGetYourFun: God, if only I were. Who is Mireille Guiliano?
Mara47:
Oh man, “cut you a little sack”?
Freudian?
Vewol Mevemont: Almost hopefully being the key word here. Like a busted clock or a chicken playing the piano, she will occasionally blog something reasonable by mistake.
This is just sad, for so many reasons.
http://www.entertonement.com/collections/5294/McCain-Worker-Mugging-Is-A-Hoax
friendlynerd: AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! Forget what I said earlier today (didn’t I?) about enjoying parlor analysis. This is beyond Freudian, and therefore scary, like when kids play with Quija boards and the planchette starts moving towards ACTUAL ANSWERS. So, that settles it. I have to stop drinking at work.
lenorecutie: Bob Barr?
Fishbowl has her myspace page:
http://74.125.45.104/search?q=cache:dNPAoAhExjwJ:profile.myspace.com/index.cfm%3Ffuseaction%3Duser.viewprofile%26friendID%3D8513159+www.myspace.com/rabbitrocker&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us&client=firefox-a
I love her quote:
“Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her cloths off, but its better if you do.”
Epic.
HAHA, her story made AOL and this is what a commenter had to say….
Ebrid2000
04:43 PMOct 24 2008
“Like the desperate o-bam-a cult followers who stole all the Mccain/Palin lawn signs last night in our subdivion…..no wonder those low lifes end up in jail or prison…”
Okay, which one of you took the signs?
Her Myspace entry says “Lying is the most fun thing a girl can do without taking
her cloths [sic] off.”
She may not think so after the police charge her with making a false report.
magic titty: He didn’t respond because you already knew the answer.
“Or is it just general insanity?”
magic titty: THAT was brill. I like your “racist string theory”/”seen one mushroom, you’ve seen ‘em all” angle. Probably over his head, but we have to keep trying.
Not I! I’ve been too busy helping my fellow cult followers replace OUR signs, ripped off in the night by roving gangs of, I dunno, Ron Paulists?
Well, that is it. I officially accomplished nothing at work today.
Just read that the nutjob will be facing some kind of charges, wondering what they will be. Can we have a vote in this? She’s already branded herself with a scarlet letter, so I guess that’s out… How about we take away her right to vote?
Wow, I just had a wonderful revelation: Ashley Todd has made it possible to recycle old OJ Simpson jokes! Awesome!
Q: Why is Thanksgiving Ashley Todd’s favorite holiday?
A: She loves to carve the white meat.
Q: What is Ashley Todd’s favorite soft drink?
A: Slice
Q: What’s Ashley Todd’s Internet address?
A: Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
(alternate:)
Q: Did you hear about the keyboard designed by Ashley Todd?
A: It only has three keys: slash, backslash, and escape
Q: Why did Ashley Todd want to vote for John McCain?
A: Because he said cut taxes and slash the deficit!
(rimshot) Thank You, try the veal!
It’s like the Universe noticed that Wonkette exists, and created an election campaign especially made for it.
I can’t believe I missed all these opportunities yesterday to make chiffarobe jokes.
Oh, fuck me dead.
“She just opened up and said she wanted to tell the truth,” Bryant said. “She was upset with the media for blowing this into a political firestorm.”
I totes heart you Ken Layne!
so how did she do it? Blacken her eye that is?
dearmurray: Fucking. Awesome. Shoulda maybe carved it on a pig though. I’m just sayin’
McCain really has run an Emo campaign, it’s only rational that they should end with self mutilation.
PoliTacky: The ‘Slice joke’ made me snort.
I love how that Mediabistro blog links every name automatically. Ooh, will Charles Manson land at InStyle?! I’m on the edge of my seat!
Hate to bring unnecessary pressure on the poor girl in these hard times, but
Ashley Todd:
334-277-2493 (home)
334-312-7969 (cell)
334-834-9790 (work)
Have a nice day, Ashley.
i love the “How Will You Die” widget on her myspace!!!
“Your obsession with power will eventually be the end of you when you’re shot down by members of your own cabinet.”
how did it know!!!???
Borat: Mascara? If it’s a real black eye, it’s got to be at least several days old (no swelling). Under the several-day-old scenario, my best guess would be that this was a gift from her boyfriend/brother for a poorly executed bj. This is probably what the “B” is for too: beating from brother for bad blowjob. Please note that–contrary to her apparent belief–”a beating from her brother” is not the same as a beating from a.
That was a lot of html tags. I hope (hope hope hope) I din’t screw that up.
HAHAHAHAHA
it a sidewayz TRUKNUTZ on her face!
Damn, I did screw it up! “beatinh from a brother.”
shortsshortsshorts: Damn these inter-tubes. I love and hate them!
Feministing is going to post a piece on how we’re all blaming the victim, and how this chick really was beaten up by an INNER raging man.
shortsshortsshorts: Uh, dude, for reals. I don’t think calling this weirdo is a great idea. We don’t want her actually getting mugged, beat up, stalked or whatever. The media humiliation and police prosecution is enough.
magic titty: I had to slog through a ton of shitty OJ jokes to find that gem! The only one I really remembered was the ‘white meat’ joke… and with Thanxgiving right around the corner, it’s so topical, too!
Vewol Mevemont: I called her cell and it says that she hasn’t even set up her “voice mail,” whatever that is.
I don’t think many Barry supporters are the type to MUG or BEAT THE ASS of somebody who disagrees with them (case in point she had to make it up). I would worry more about the righties chasing her down, tying her to a stake, and burning her alive for absolutely DESTROYING Walnuts…. especially since Walnuts called her.
Poor girl’s gonna take it from her own party, or something like that.
Vewol Mevemont: yea. Like Palin, what first looked like curse ends up a blessing. Her work is done.
It rubs the lotion on its skin or that will leave a mark.
Maybe the scratches are beginning to heal.
When I looked closely at a more recent photo, the ‘backward B’ seems to have
changed into a big ‘L’.
Has Moody been fired from his cushy job over at FOX ‘news’?
That’ll probably happen quietly over the weekend.
shortsshortsshorts: Dude, shorts, you can’t be serious. Actually calling her? Let her be now. She’s infamous and will never live it down.
AnnieGetYourFun: I just wanted to see if the number worked, although saying to her that I was the black guy who mugged her would have felt kinda good.
Svengali Jones: WIN. Though I actually quite desperately want it to leave a mark.
Svengali Jones: Nice.
the plot thickens?
taken from a report at TPM Election Central
John McCain’s Pennsylvania communications director told reporters in the state an incendiary version of the hoax story about the attack on a McCain volunteer well before the facts of the case were known or established — and even told reporters outright that the “B” carved into the victim’s cheek stood for “Barack,” according to multiple sources familiar with the discussions.
John Verrilli, the news director for KDKA in Pittsburgh, told TPM Election Central that McCain’s Pennsylvania campaign communications director gave one of his reporters a detailed version of the attack that included a claim that the alleged attacker said, “You’re with the McCain campaign? I’m going to teach you a lesson.”
shortsshortsshorts: Are you fucking insane???!?!!?!? What if she calls you back?
Ken Layne may be the smartest white man alive. He is my fucking HERO. Ken, please do an article on herassmeant, and what Palin’s ass meant to McGoo. John McGoo has got to be the stupidest white man alive, I hope his little head, the one he thinks with, throbs forever, or longer if possible. The end.
Looking at this idiot reminds me of the scene from Mean Girls when the dumb blonde (pick one) puts the adhesive rhinestones in a backwards “K” on her chest. Same principle. Dumbass.
wrenchdevil: Despite the fact that Wonkette is now 400% more reliable than Drudge, it would be nice to have a link to this story you are talking about. If it is for real, I will personally design you a Blingee; but for all I know you’re a Drudge troll.
wheelie: Did you read her MySpace? Sorry, God did this for ironic hipsters. Wonkette is just a happy coincidence.
facehead: drudge troll?? hardly
the pudding:
http://tpmelectioncentral.talkingpointsmemo.com/2008/10/mccain_aide_gave_reporters_inc.php
blingee please
StrangelyBrown: more like WTF is up with this fantacy that white people have about big bad black man attacking white women? Discuss.
wrenchdevil: http://blingee.com/blingee/view/74011885-Profile-Comments
facehead: Here is the link: http://tpmelectioncentral.talkingpointsmemo.com/2008/10/mccain_aide_gave_reporters_inc.php
facehead: thank you..i will cherish it forever..
Oh dear Jeebus. Did anyone notice that “The Scarlet Letter” is listed as one of her favorite books on her Myspace page?