ISN'T THAT SPECIAL?  2:41 am October 24, 2008

by Ken Layne

FOX NEWS COLUMNIST TAKES A STAND, AGAINST SATAN, AND THE COMMENTS ARE HILARIOUS: Some dildo asks, “Could Lucifer play a role in this presidential election?” And then he provides … well, so much material for these libtard commenters. [Fox News]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 70 comments }

dearmurray October 24, 2008 at 2:51 am

Fuck me, Jesus!

Sabre_Justice October 24, 2008 at 2:57 am

Best. Article. Ever.

AnnieGetYourFun October 24, 2008 at 3:15 am

That stench that’s wafting past your nostrils is Eau de Desperation Conservative. Say it in a French accent.

WindbagCity October 24, 2008 at 3:18 am

Omg, the delay b/w the end of Regular Wonkette (5-6:00 Eastern) and the West Coast Bureau update (~2:41 Indonesian) is killing me!!

aleks October 24, 2008 at 3:20 am

McCain should be a real maverick for once and endorse Satan openly. Promise to nominate him for Secretary of Education.

aleks October 24, 2008 at 3:27 am

I have to assume that this is a satirical piece meant to prove that McCain does indeed have options for running a worse campaign, losing by a larger margin, and sacrificing even more dignity to do it.

Mission Accomplished, my friends. I guess the post-mortems will have to include the fact that McCain did not call his opponent a satanist.

AnnieGetYourFun October 24, 2008 at 3:34 am

Oh, Ken. You are so full of wonderful gifts tonight. Thank you, with all my heart, for this last one especially.

dilhavarti October 24, 2008 at 3:51 am

This is the tempered protein that makes the pudding seize. Tanks yewz wonkettz.

In some few days, this GOoP will get spuh-lattered, like a little baby with yogurt and a spoon. ME SO HAPPI.

tonehedge October 24, 2008 at 3:52 am

Old Lucifer has done his fatr share giving Bush 2 terms as president.
Now he only has a few more weeks as Vice President.

thesycophant October 24, 2008 at 3:56 am

Some of the commenters over on Fox News seem to think it’s satire. It’s even more baffling than Roger Ebert’s creationism article, and I really can’t figure this one out.

edgydrifter October 24, 2008 at 4:02 am

Those fuckers won’t print my comments! I call shenanigans!

trondant October 24, 2008 at 4:33 am

Like any of those fucktards could read Milton without getting hot cheetos all over the pages.

Scooter October 24, 2008 at 4:39 am

So Lucifer is meddling in our otherwise pristine election process. Oooh, he makes me so mad!! Also surprising to learn that Hillary is still a fan of Saul Alinsky after what his daughter Monica pulled. At last James Pinkerton is poised to win that Pulitzer he so richly deserves!

edgydrifter October 24, 2008 at 4:42 am

HA! The secret filter word is HUSSEIN. Eat it, Fox! PWND!

Hunter Gathers October 24, 2008 at 4:50 am

Like Lucifer would interfere in the election so the Dems would win. Doesn’t everyone know that old Beezelbub is a Republican? Come on Fox News, you’re not even trying anymore.

Robot Devil/Hannukah Zombie ’08 – That’s evil we can believe in.

Jean Hotman, Marquis de Villers-St-Paul October 24, 2008 at 5:03 am

It’s always so interesting to see how little America has progressed since the days of the Pilgrims. (Sorry, this is just me being an arrogant European. Carry on.)

BobLoblawLawBlog October 24, 2008 at 5:21 am

OK so we’ve gone from crazy librul terrorists to socialism to Satan. Yahtzee!

Serolf Divad October 24, 2008 at 5:28 am

So if I follow Pinkerton’s argument:

Alinsky one metaphorically referred to Satan as the first “radical.”
Alinsky was an activist.
Obama was an activist.
——-
ERGO: Obama fornicates with the Devil.

My friends, I’m sad to say I’ve tried and tried, but simply cannot find fault in Pinkerton’s iron clad logic.

Jukesgrrl October 24, 2008 at 5:35 am

We’ve gone from Socialist, to Anti-American, to Communist, with a detour for shopping addiction, to Satanist in ONE WEEK?!? Let. Me. Off. This. Ride.

Borat October 24, 2008 at 6:13 am

I knew it once the RNC was playing ACDC at the convention they were in the tank with Satan
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=cN1TCdoB238

dirtyboypdx October 24, 2008 at 6:38 am

We’ve been talking about Saul Alinsky in my boring-as-hell Community Development class. Who knew he was a SATANIST!?!!? That would make things so much more interesting if it were true.

OF course, so would those BI-SEXUAL HEDONISTIC BI-WEEKLY ORGIES the Faux news contibuters also think we have. Oh, if only urban America were so interesting…

AngryBlakGuy October 24, 2008 at 6:39 am

…sorry, but I couldn’t get past the “level 10 craziness” in the first 3 paragraphs. Will someone be so kind as to give me the abbreviated content of this bull-shit?

schvitzatura October 24, 2008 at 6:53 am

I campaigned around ol’ Leesburg (VA)
When I saw it was a time for a change
Crushed WALNUTS! and his proxy ministers
Sarah Palin railed in vain

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah

ManchuCandidate October 24, 2008 at 7:53 am

There’s a pretty good reason why guys like Newt, Rush, Rove and all the Faux dumbasses don’t die. Satan is very happy living on his own and doesn’t want to be stuck with his kids returning to the nest.

dano October 24, 2008 at 7:55 am

Booga, Booga!!!! It is I, Lucifer! As you can tell by my avatar I am in fact the prince of darkness and it is my fondest wish that my most loyal servant, Barack Obama, be elected president of the United States of America. Much like myself, Barry is also a prince of lies, and if elected he will remake America into a place where evil will prosper and good will wither. Behold the evil majesty that is Barry Obama and despair!

My name is Lucifer and I approve this message.

GetItWrong October 24, 2008 at 8:04 am

…sorry, but I couldn’t get past the “level 10 craziness” in the first 3 paragraphs. Will someone be so kind as to give me the abbreviated content of this bull-shit?

1. Samuel Alinsky once dedicated a book to the “first radical,” Lucifer.
2. Alinsky inspired a generation of activists, and ACORN is an activist organization, and Obama is associated with ACORN.
3. Hillary Clinton wrote her dissertation in part on Alinsky, and Obama defeated her in a primary.
4. Obama and Alinksy were once mentioned in the same sentence in a Washington Post article, as two “activists”.
5. Therefore, Obama is at most 3 degrees removed from Lucifer.
6. All this goes to show that if only McCain had gone more negative, he could’ve won.

Fear of a Black Reagan October 24, 2008 at 8:06 am

Jim “I Swear I’m not a Homo” Pinkerton, man that’s a walk down memory lane.

Back during the ’90′s he was running around sucking off the tech bubble and saying the Republicans should be the party of Politics. 2.01a (beta release) or some shit.

Now he’s writing about Satan.

Man, Bush really done put the whole country on hard times now…

Vewol Mevemont October 24, 2008 at 8:07 am

[re=146324]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Sure. Here is the bottom line: Obama knows someone who once read a book by a guy who was married to the sister of a guy who knew Kevin Bacon. As you know Kevin Bacon was in Tremors. Ergo, Obama is secretly a massive land worm with huge teeth and a voracious appetite. And he’s satan. And a muslim. And a baby killer. The end.

GetItWrong October 24, 2008 at 8:15 am

Obama: Lucifer is my Homeboy, by Ann Coulter.

It makes sense, actually. If you’re going to make stuff up, I literally can’t think of anything better.

bc October 24, 2008 at 8:16 am

Love the picture of Laura showing the horned hand sign of satanists

meemers October 24, 2008 at 8:21 am

Please, You have got to be kidding! Oh, But I am sure the brown shirt/ lock step sheeple that watch FOX will buy into this hog sh!t! Why I can see FOX and Friends doing a whole show on it as well as Elisabeth on The View trying to convince the Audience and her co-hosts that this is absolute truth because Sean Hannity called her before the show and told her so!

GetItWrong October 24, 2008 at 8:21 am

In similar news,

John McCain once ordered a cheeseburger from someone who once sold a cheeseburger to someone who met with a dictator without preconditions.

Kurt_Beck October 24, 2008 at 8:23 am

[re=146328]schvitzatura[/re]: …use all your well-learnt politics or I’ll lay your soul to waste!

Barry 666 is so gonna lay them to waste, these fuckers, um yeah

Worlds End October 24, 2008 at 8:24 am

Which one of you wrote this?, because i tip my metaphorical hat.

I am so glad thet someone other then me has seen thet The Devil Himself is the insperation for Barrak Obama. It is plain as the nose on my face thet Loosifer Himself is running the DEMONrats campane for them. If we all don’t start praying harder to Jeebus there just may be an administration put into office thet will make abortions mandatory for all white babies so thet Blacks will take over in a generation, and all Christian Churches and Schools will be converted over to Mosks and Madresses. We must all work harder and shop at WalMart to ensure this never happens, or the End Times will be upon us because Mexicans will take over Texas and California. I know lots of smart people thet think the same way I do, so it must be true.

Oh and Sarah Palin dresses like a truckstop lot lizard thet woman is part of Satin’s Evil Plan as she make men think immoral thoughts you know you tuch yurselfs whenever she’s on Fox I turn away lest I be tempted by her Evil Charms.

Terry October 24, 2008 at 8:25 am

[re=146287]aleks[/re]:

“McCain should be a real maverick for once and endorse Satan openly. Promise to nominate him for Secretary of Education.”

Too late, Bush made Satan his VP. Sec of Education would be a step down.

Cape Clod October 24, 2008 at 8:27 am

A lot of people are saying that the conservatives are intellectually bankrupt. But when you have a savings account filled with batshit crazy, there is almost no possibility of becoming insolvent.

Worlds End October 24, 2008 at 8:30 am

[re=146351]Cape Clod[/re]: Agreed, those people are all kinds of crazy.

AnnieGetYourFun October 24, 2008 at 8:32 am

[re=146337]dano[/re]: Win. Something about the most evil (if fictional) presence in the universe beginning a statement with “boogabooga” has made me happier than that first beer in the morning.

Rush October 24, 2008 at 8:32 am

Please allow me to introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
Ive been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans soul and faith

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name

Terry October 24, 2008 at 8:33 am

[re=146346]GetItWrong[/re]:

Preconditions? I’m still confused on what those are. Could someone please ask Palin to define the term again?

Giant Robot October 24, 2008 at 8:47 am

Before he disappeared, an elderly neighbor of mine confided in me that he had spent years doing black ops for the Knights Templar who control our government. He told me that UFO’s are only a cover for the real activity of Area 51 which is conjuring “hell beings” and placing then in leadership positions in business and government. In their original form they have horns and fangs and stuff and it takes a great deal of bioengineering to make them appear somewhat normal. They still appear a bit “demonic” so the general public is constantly subjected to a “conditioning campaign” based on mass hypnosis and apathy-inducing food additives. If people like Cheney and Paulson look a little “weird” to you it’s because you don’t eat enough processed food or you Tivo out too many commercials and the conditioning is wearing off. Anyhoo, it sounded crazy at the time, but it makes a little more sense than the Obama-Alinsky-Lucifer thing…

rag October 24, 2008 at 8:53 am

What’s best is the absolute illiterate mendacity of the whole thing. “Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven,” said the poet, and our fundamentalists take the poetic license of the Romantics as literal Satanism. They’re literally two centuries behind the conversation the rest of, er, everyone is having. Somebody should email this dude some Byron.

rag October 24, 2008 at 8:56 am

Illiterate mendacity. “Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.” He’s arguing with a Romantic poet who’s been dead two hundred years, who was having a conversation with a Renaissance poet. These people need sum educationz, so they can have a conversation with adults. Besides, once Anne Coulter says something, the rule is it’s already too polluted to say it.

rag October 24, 2008 at 8:56 am

Two comments, yeah/oops!

WIDTAP October 24, 2008 at 9:05 am

If you’ve never heard of this true fact….

You gotta like them true facts, as opposed to the other kind.

Hold it. What?

StupidGeek October 24, 2008 at 9:06 am

Uh, Satan, move over – you are making this tank very hot.

Keram2 October 24, 2008 at 9:12 am

[re=146355]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Annie is pallin’ around with other comment sections. TRAITOR!!1!

Dientes October 24, 2008 at 9:13 am

[re=146344]bc[/re]: I left her a message, but I think she may take it seriously…

“Thank you for your insightful column, Ann. Once again, you have succeeded in dividing people along the appropriate lines for the upcoming rapture. I’m so glad we have someone as incisive as you to tell us who is a true believer. God could not do it without you! Praise Jesus for having made you.”

binarian October 24, 2008 at 9:24 am

Frankly, that’s just sad. And more than a little crazy.

I wonder if this Pinkerton is related to the Pinkertons who gave Lincoln wildly inaccurate intelligense during the Civil War. Wouldn’t be surprised.

morepunkthanyou October 24, 2008 at 9:29 am

It’s articles like this that make me think that Fox News is the new Wonkette.

Dientes October 24, 2008 at 9:32 am

That was for [re=146346]GetItWrong[/re]: sorry [re=146344]bc[/re]:

JoeFannyPack October 24, 2008 at 9:44 am

If you watch the movie the Exorcist backwards there are many cases where you can see the letters that spell out Obama For President ’08 = 666 written in random places. It is creepy. In fact, when Linda Blair’s head spins all the way around, she is making an ‘O’ for Obama.

sailingthestyx October 24, 2008 at 9:44 am

Damn, there are some real nut jobs hiding behind the cloak of Christianity; brother, they make it hard to be an old-fashioned, give moe than you take, kind of Christian

and for snark, you have to love this ass-burgers inability to recognize Alinsky’s sardonic humour…

AnnieGetYourFun October 24, 2008 at 9:58 am

[re=146384]Keram2[/re]: Traitor is a bit harsh. I was hoping for “trollop”, “cunt”, or the actually true “slutty ho bag”. Like none of you trolled that section. You just had the brains to change your user name.

Mara47 October 24, 2008 at 10:23 am

Okay, Obama *IS* a celebrity now :-) Sing it with me, ya’ll: “AntiChrist, Superstar….!”

Tagg ' October 24, 2008 at 10:31 am

“Obama embraced many of Alinsky’s tactics and recently said his years as an organizer gave him the best education of his life.” Really, is there any difference between that and eating the flesh of a fetus while dancing naked in the moonlight?

HedCase October 24, 2008 at 10:34 am

it’s a little bewildering to see BOTH parties stumping so hard for obama. more rope, please!

cakeordeath October 24, 2008 at 10:58 am

[re=146471]Mara47[/re]: “Do you think you’re what they say you are?”

HuskyMescan October 24, 2008 at 11:06 am

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HuskyMescan October 24, 2008 at 11:07 am

ascii pentagram fail

fuckinredneck October 24, 2008 at 11:07 am

If you crack open a Diebold machine you’ll find a very small demon inside pulling the wrong levers and masturbating.

nurple October 24, 2008 at 11:14 am

Dear Fox News,

Do you know that Wonkette may be one of your largest traffic drivers this morning? Some say it’s because of your story on Lucifer.

bluebrazos October 24, 2008 at 11:28 am

[re=146529]fuckinredneck[/re]: Brilliant.

Min October 24, 2008 at 11:39 am

Satire. It’s not just for breafast anymore.

JoeFannyPack October 24, 2008 at 11:51 am

[re=146525]HuskyMescan[/re]: Is that Fred Flintstone sleepwalking?

natoslug October 24, 2008 at 2:06 pm

Is it open season on right wingers yet? I’m looking forward to mounting the heads of various Fox News employees on my wall and am getting really tired of waiting. Say, does anyone know of a good taxidermist?

zetetic October 24, 2008 at 3:46 pm

[re=146529]fuckinredneck[/re]: Is that like Maxwell’s demon? Putting all the Republican votes on one side of the machine and the Democratic votes on the other, thus violating the Second Law of ThermoElectoralDynamics??

Oh wait, no one’s going to get that — it’s all liberal arts majors in here, isn’t it?

GerryMander October 24, 2008 at 7:51 pm

[re=146358]Terry[/re]: It’s when you put conditioning in your hair before the shampoo…

PoJunk October 25, 2008 at 8:14 am

The reporter had to write, “If you’ve never heard of this true fact”, as opposed to the false facts, because those are the kind most often offered over at Fox. This is why he had to clarify with that seemingly redundant adjective…

PoJunk October 25, 2008 at 8:20 am

I’m sorry, I meant the “reporter” had to write…the quotes around the term “reporter” are needed for obvious reasons. Now I feel better.

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