Wonkette
Seven months and fifteen billion news cycles after everyone forgot about that New York Times article about John McCain’s torrid sex affair with the gal who looked like his wife, only younger, that alleged gal has now surfaced to deny she ever had sex with John McCain. Whaaaa?
Americans might be confused about whether John McCain is a Maverick or a Sellout, whether he’s the second coming of George W. Bush or General Patton, but there is one thing every single American can agree on — and that is John McCain, at a decrepit, snarly, and melty-faced 72 years of age, is utterly unfuckable. (Even if he was suave and handsome once and spent his weekends banging Brazilian broads, that was back in the 1940s, when everybody had a rotary frigging telephone.) Perhaps this is why nobody cared to pursue this story about how John McCain was romancing some lobbyist, because it just seemed to awful to contemplate, both morally and aesthetically.
So where were we. Oh yes, Vicki Iseman very recently told the National Journal that she did not engage in sexual relations with that mummy:
“The New York Times set out to write a story about a ‘romantic relationship’ in exchange for legislative favors…. Make the lobbyist a prostitute — pretty heady stuff. The only problem was, they were wrong on all counts.”
Also she calls John Weaver, who apparently ratted her out to the Times, a Benedict Arnold and a Machiavellian. This article is waay too long for our Friday afternoon attention spans, so go read it if you wanna. It’s doubtless full of good anecdotes that will remind everyone, just two and a half weeks before the election, of all the terrible corrupt sex shenanigans John McCain used to engage in, before the Depression. But not with Vicki Iseman, oh no!
Lobbyist Speaks: Rumor Of McCain Affair False, Damaging [National Journal]
The Iseman Cometh.
Oh, WALNUTS! Even your alleged groupies denounce you.
And, um, why is the NY Times writing gossip columns now? What the fuck happened to that paper?
Sages say it’s unwise to suddenly come forth and deny something everyone’s forgotten. Also, who cares? At least McCain bangs women who’re ‘of age’ and so forth.
Whatever it takes to make sure McCain’s name is in the news instead of Obama’s. Even…this.
They didn’t have sex, they only shared cigars.
In this case “corrupt sex shenanigans” are literally “corrupt”, as in shagging a rotting corpse. Necrophelia at its worst.
Icky.
I’d do her
Never believe a story about lobbyist buttsecks from the lobbyist involved in said buttsecks.
TGY: both “of age” and “female” - that does make him a maverick.
She looks like Lovie from Gilligan’s Island.
If this becomes better well known, it can only help McCain. Given his age and the probable state of his prostate, it’s a miracle he can have sex at all, let alone carry on an affair.
On the other side of the coin, I hope Cindy has a bullet proof prenup and cuts him off cold, with nothing but his Senate salary and a decrepit, unrestored row house in Northeast DC somewhere.
Iseman’s in the tank…
The New York Times set out to write a story about a ‘romantic relationship’ in exchange for legislative favors…. Make the lobbyist a prostitute — pretty heady stuff. The only problem was, they were wrong on all counts.
She is obviously lying. She is a lobbyist, so she is a prostitute. Not going down on an old man just makes you a bad prostitute.
Still, this is why I have a basic rule of not trusting sex scandal stories unless they are in the Enquirer.
Wait a minute, I thought she was an Israeli spy. Was I wrong? Now the Israeli’s hate America too? Or is it just that Sarah Palin person.
It took this long to come forward because she was still trying to get rid of that old man smell.
of all the terrible corrupt sex shenanigans John McCain used to engage in, before the Depression. But not with Vicki Iseman, oh no!
Kind of reminds me of a killer facing execution, who confesses to every crime in the book except the one he was convicted of in hopes they’ll call off the execution to hear more.
wx insider: …in the lobby with a candlestick.
I’d like to see Cindy & Vicki meet in a dark alley. My money’s on Cindy–the residue of all those pills she’s popped has to give her a definite edge. Or it would end up looking like a Hugh Grant/Colin Firth “Bridget Jones Diary” fight, which would also be pretty comical.
Completely snark free here, I need someone to help me understand what could possibly be the motivation in putting this story forward right now. I think we can all agree that the news has been cancelled- it happened several years ago. So, if this isn’t news, what is it? I s this supposed to help WALNUTS! campaign? Hurt it? Help That One? Hurt him? Is Iseman just trying to suck Apocalypstick’s air?
I’m sorry but I just completely don’t get this.
Anyone who remembers Vicky Iseman from her Ohio University days won’t fall for this at all.
accidental_tourist: You hit the nail on the little head. The big news was McCain getting beaten in the debate and Joe the Plumber being neither a Joe nor a plumber, so they were looking for something, anything, to get air time. Next week: McCain did not have pizza on Thursday.
http://www.americablog.com/2008/10/breaking-us-supreme-court-stops-gop.html
Datsun510: I prefer to think of it as performance art.
Are we going to spend the next 3 weeks listing everyone who won’t fuck Walnuts?
We’re gonna need a bigger boat…
Datsun510: I don’t get it either, unless the “I did not have sex with that Senator” comment is meant to distract from the imploding campaign?
Texan Bulldoggette: For sure on Cindy. Last speech Walnuts gave she was standing behind him and all I could think of was “When that gal blows a fuse, you are GONE, Walnuts!” She practically had a facial tick and looked to be grinding her teeth. I’m sure part of the Cindy/John deal was that she was supposed to be FL someday. Now, not so much.
I never thought about this, until now, but where is Cindy McCain getting her sexing from? It’s obvi not her husband. Me hopes it’s a poolboy… or 7.
Datsun510: Cuz just planting the very idea of the Iseman Trophy in the feeble minds of the Undecidedtards will take a few years off Walnuts’ persona?
Dunno. I think we all know McCain lost the erection already.
Datsun510: I think it is a desperate attempt to try to remind the American people that at one point, someone might have considered having sex with John McCain.
To the question: Why now? I think it’s because of the Katie Couric interview with Obama and McCain, where she asks them about politicians having affairs. Obama gives a slightly embarrassed, but pretty straightforward, “I don’t know why they do it, it’s pretty stupid.” McCain, on the other hand, gives the answer of a guilty man (”I would never pass judgment.”) So either the campaign knows that Couric is onto something, and she’s denying preemptively, or they worry his answer will make it *look* like he’s guilty, and so they’re trotting her out for damage control.
See, Drudge? Sometimes not just you drive the news cycle. BWAHahahaha!
Darehead: Yes but maybe the October Surprise is Viagra?
This is exactly how Edwards was taken over. Pics of Walnuts meeting his love child in a cheap hotel in 3….2…
Gopherit v2.0: Will he be wearing a stained ratty t-shirt?
Last ditch attempt to round up the adultery vote.
All this talk about Walnuts’ sex life is exacerbating an already epic hangover. Christ this is disgusting. I mean how exciting is sex with some creepy old dood that can’t lift his arms and has a tendency to say “heh” and “meh” in every statement?
Prostitution is the world’s oldest profession, lobbyists are the second oldest. The similarities are obvious.
Datsun510: The purpose: keep the story alive and add drama to the Vicki Iseman tell-all book to come out just after the election.
Kev-O-Tron: Depends on how much money you have in the heart attack pool.
magic titty: YES. Or Jean Smart.
Our Princess: http://www.mygtv.net/?p=1413
I’ve more elegant eyebrows on the GEICO caveman.
Another example of McCain bucking the party line: he screws grown-up women.
Seriously, I think that since the McCain campaign has realized that character attacks badly back-fire, they are now fabricating some against their own candidate…. they are well past Rove tactics, they are going for the full Vizzini!
I understand she was the recipient of a Dirty Sanchez from the Castro brothers, however.
S.Luggo: (Shite.) I’ve SEEN more elegant eyebrows on the GEICO caveman.
By the looks of that photo, it’s pretty obvious that McCain wasn’t the slimey Republican this lobbyist/prostitute (same difference) was servicing. I mean, think about it, no sex scandal for W.??
C’MON!!?
In other news: Bush gave a speech and the Dow Jones index didn’t crash for a change.
shortsshortsshorts: Vicki is from Mercer County, Pennsylvania. In Mercer, “prostitute” is just a stage in a girl’s transition to adulthood. It comes before the stage known as “pre-teen”.
policrastinator:
McCain HAD to say he wouldn’t pass judgement because he was messing around with Cindy while still married to wife #1, who had been disabled in an auto accident.
It’s King Lear. Next thing you know, Cindy will deny having sex with him, then his hand will put on a sock puppet and deny having sex with him, too.
Datsun510: The spite of a frustrated lover. Apparently McCain’s staff had to throw cold water on them, like a couple of dogs.
tunamelt: That’s thinking outside the box. I could buy into that.
shoeho: Reminding America two weeks before the election that WALNUTS! may or may not be completely corrupt does not make any sense to me. Except that it fits in quite well with the rest of his schizophrenic campaign.
Darehead: How does making WALNUTS! a younger loser help anything?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: It is well documented that at his prime flyboy would have sex with anything with a hole.
Kingbee: Win. I forgot. Follow the money. Iseman is just cashing in. It’s just that cynical a move.
“This article is waay too long for our Friday afternoon ..” hahahaha. I thought the same thing before I read that comment.
So what the article is trying to say is that Iseman definitely f*cked McCain..oh god…Blllarrrgghggh! there goes my enchirito.
swarm of bees: Just Condi…allegedly.
The only thing shocking about this Republican scandal is that it’s (a) with a woman and (b) doesn’t involve diapers. As far as we know.
We must believe her — after all, she’s a lobbyist.
Those dopes at National Journal totally got Vicki’s quote wrong. What she actually said was that the Times piece had been “wrong on all cunts.” Meaning of course that while McCain wasn’t cheating on Cindy with Vicki he was having a non-romantic relationship with some other blond non-prostitute lobbyist who expected no legislative favors in return for her non-gagging cooperation.
She needs “to set the record straight about who I am.”
Translation: I thought I’d be able to gently blackmail President McCain on my clients’ behalf. Now that that’s gone out the window, I just want to make sure my clients — and, not incidentally, my future sexual conquests, where the two don’t overlap — don’t see me as someone who’s had her goodies fondled by the Swamp Thing’s great-grandpappy.
There’s a recent little tubes ad by Miss Hayden of Heroes in which she refers to McCain “fucking lobbyists.” Plural! So maybe this is a response to that.
policrastinator: McCain can’t “pass judgment” because everybody knows he cheated on his first wife back in the 70s. Even the Arizona Republic admits that.
So it’s not necessarily a new affair he’s feeling guilty about. Assuming he’s actually capable of feeling guilt, that is.
S.Luggo: who cares?
CthuNHu: We’re thinkin’ the same on this one.
While there was still a glimmer of hope that McCain might win, Lobby Spice imagined herself a perpetually rich and famous D.C. insider for having effed a president. In fact, she may have dreamed of startin’ it up again with ol’ Grampy when Cindzilla is off shopping for pearls and gowns and newly-foreclosed mansions.
But now that McCain is once again hurtling back toward earth, engine afire and the altimeter spinning, Vicki is on the horn yelling “Eject, eject, mayday, mayday!!”