THE MORE YOU KNOW  1:30 am October 15, 2008

McCain Will Kill Us All, Says Superhero Gal

by Ken Layne

We don’t really talk about the “comedy” around here because, come on, we are already writing about Sarah Palin every day, for real. But this is kind of cute. This Hayden Panettiere was in D.C. earlier this year, saving the whales. Now she is just cold hatin’ on the old crazy person who wants to kills us all, in the war. Whoa, hey, another one after the jump.

You goddamned kids, quit being so cute. WE KNOW OLDER PEOPLE WROTE ALL THE COMPLICATED WORDS/HUMOR. [Funny Or Die/Move On]

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Hola wonkerados.

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Sibos October 15, 2008 at 1:34 am

Save Obama, Save the World!

Sibos October 15, 2008 at 1:35 am

Also, FIRST!!!

Datsun510 October 15, 2008 at 1:41 am

This is so funny I shot stuff out my nose! I can’t think of anything funny to say. And now I have to stop and clean my keyboard.

Darehead October 15, 2008 at 1:56 am

Never wear seatbelts, smoke cigs, vote McCain, jump off buildings…and dish out those f-words? Hope your regenerative healing powers still work after the right wing rips all your limbs off.

contentsunderpressure October 15, 2008 at 2:11 am

Hayden Panettiere, I love you.

JesseJB October 15, 2008 at 2:13 am

The last part made me puke my pants laughing. You go, Girl I Don’t Normally Care Sbout!

Sub_Standard October 15, 2008 at 2:14 am

Haha, I love the snarky “Your Vote, Your Choice” graphic at the end. That motherfucking slogan,in all its permutations, is so disingenuous. It’s not that I’m against high turnout, it’s just that this idea that the most important thing is that PEOPLE VOTE kind of flies in the face of the central idea of politics.

‘Course, the mass registration effort is mainly to register fake-named poor people for Muslim ACORN abortions, to topple Wall Street.

JesseJB October 15, 2008 at 2:14 am



dilhavarti October 15, 2008 at 2:21 am

uh, wow. that was rad. Nobody fucks with Haydente Putanesca.

fuckinredneck October 15, 2008 at 2:24 am


tunamelt October 15, 2008 at 2:25 am

She was the little girl in Remember the Titans and I feel weird hearing her say fuck.

ms_mcgee October 15, 2008 at 2:29 am

[re=133890]dilhavarti[/re]: Haydente Putanesca should stick with saving the whales

dilhavarti October 15, 2008 at 2:29 am

Damn kids. Get off her lawn.

grevillea October 15, 2008 at 2:56 am

The second one is funnier.

Datsun510 October 15, 2008 at 3:01 am

[re=133900]grevillea[/re]: It was funny, but nothing shot out my nose. So I could keep typing.

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 15, 2008 at 4:11 am

[re=133887]Sub_Standard[/re]: That is the difference between Liberals and Conservatives. Liberals are going into the last few weeks of the election making cutesy, funny ads, while Conservatives are uncovering the gigantic conspiracy of a secret Muslim who, while he has no experience, how managed to use the government of Kenya and Acorn to take over the media and edit everything Sarah Palin says to make her sound like an idiot, just to fulfill his blind ambition.

Will the truth win out? Or will we laugh ourselves into the New Caliphate?

lawrenceofthedesert October 15, 2008 at 4:37 am

No New Caliphate — I can’t afford more fonts.

Robbertjan October 15, 2008 at 6:27 am

dunno who the hell she is but I’d hit that!

tiny mexican October 15, 2008 at 6:47 am

The only Gossip Girl characters I’d take voting advice from are Blair and Chuck… just saying.

Texan Bulldoggette October 15, 2008 at 7:41 am

Meh, from pictures I’ve seen of Megan McCain, that hefty gal could so take Hayden down.

bitchincamaro October 15, 2008 at 7:42 am

I see what they did there. Ha.

nutcracker October 15, 2008 at 8:10 am

As a dirty old man, I just can’t tell you how much I love hearing a hot young babe say fuck.

Thechansen October 15, 2008 at 8:16 am

Why does she even care if everyone dies in some future war? A) she can’t die B) Heroes has so many fucking futures at this point it’s almost unwatchable. She has no clue it’s a war, a plague, a nukalear bomb, or too many super powered nobodies with emo haircuts and black hair dye.

azw88 October 15, 2008 at 8:25 am

[re=133940]nutcracker[/re]: Amen, brother, Amen!

Sadly, when they usually say FUCK to me, it is followed by YOU… and they aren’t making me an offer!

rocktonsammy October 15, 2008 at 8:39 am

Finally, the first wave of celebrities are hitting the beach, we’re saved!!

Sharked October 15, 2008 at 8:57 am

[re=133874]Sibos[/re]: Ugh, Wonkette is getting “FIRST!” commenters, now? I’m pretty sure these type of posts don’t even show up in the crazy racist ALL CAPS AOL comments.

CivicHoliday October 15, 2008 at 9:11 am

[re=133956]Sharked[/re]: I second that thought. Wait, is that as bad as “first”? Fine. I, um, trout slap?

ainm cleite October 15, 2008 at 9:12 am

If you get bored of watching the hottie say fuck try to find six things wrong with this Palin family photo

tripsydaily October 15, 2008 at 9:51 am

More schicksas riding Silverman’s shawl

Godot October 15, 2008 at 9:59 am

[re=133971]ainm cleite[/re]: …how could I ever get bored of that?

wtf_files October 15, 2008 at 10:05 am

[re=133940]nutcracker[/re]: Hear, hear! So aroused by Hayden’s dirty, dirty mouth.

huffybike October 15, 2008 at 10:13 am

Aw, Hayden is so adorable!

ainm cleite October 15, 2008 at 10:26 am

[re=134030]Godot[/re]: Personally, after 5 or 6 times I get soar

ainm cleite October 15, 2008 at 10:30 am

errr sore

shevralay October 15, 2008 at 10:34 am

Hee. This almost makes me feel less ashamed to watch Gossip Girl. Almost.

BruceLee5000 October 15, 2008 at 10:45 am

[re=133874]Sibos[/re]: Now link to your blog! ;)

bluebrazos October 15, 2008 at 10:53 am

Hotties for Hopey!

bluebrazos October 15, 2008 at 10:55 am

But that second one killed me. And reminds me of the story of the poor farmboy from Virginia that went out and convinced, one by one, every single one of his republican relatives to vote for Hopey.

Barrett808 October 15, 2008 at 11:01 am

That dolphin-loving pixie has my heart.

maxfield1 October 15, 2008 at 11:15 am

The girl from Malcolm in the Middle said “fuck”, which straightened her hair and gave her superpowers…crazy!

WIDTAP October 15, 2008 at 11:45 am

I am waiting for the video of Hayden doing the Aristocrats joke. It’ll be a scream.

villageatrois October 15, 2008 at 11:45 am

[re=133971]ainm cleite[/re]: We should show some respect to the Ms. South Carolina Runner-up. Or was it Miss Congenitality?

thefrontpage October 15, 2008 at 12:12 pm

People with very little comedic acting abilities should not be attempting to do comedy.

This is not really that funny.

The girl is hot, though–no doubt about that. But being hot does not always mean you’re funny.

thefrontpage October 15, 2008 at 12:15 pm

Also, has no one learned that moving the camera around like you’re on a rollercoaster already became tired and cliched about 1998? And moving the camera around like you’re drunk does not substitute for lame, boring, inane, dumb, idiotic comments by kids trying to sound like adults?

Again, if you have very little filmmaking abilities–please stop polluting the airwaves with tired, cliched, unfunny films and videos!

Thank you!

fuckinredneck October 15, 2008 at 12:28 pm

[re=133926]Robbertjan[/re]: I would hit that, impregnate that, and then be forced to marry that by the Republicans.

d4g33z October 15, 2008 at 1:42 pm

Yawn. Hittable or not, she’s no ‘toilet-mouthed pixie.’ At least Sarah Silverman provides a refreshing lack of earnestness…

Rusty Shackleford October 15, 2008 at 1:52 pm

[re=134233]thefrontpage[/re]: I dunno, the George Bush line was pretty funny, in an ironic/snarky way, much like our beloved Wonkette. But I agree with you about the rest. The planet would be a happier place without the YouTubes and the unfunny Sarah Silvermans.

d4g33z October 15, 2008 at 3:34 pm

[re=134430]Rusty Shackleford[/re]: Noooooes! Sarah is the queen of all comedy, and the youtubes is a gift from Jah. I guess I’m assuming too much, making an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me.’

Captain Swing October 16, 2008 at 8:44 am

Sorry thefrontpage, I have to disagree with you on this one. She’s both hawt and funny.

Hayden, My Sweet, I’m feelin’ the love. You can co-pilot the Captain’s starship any day.

nanouk October 17, 2008 at 11:22 pm

Goes to show you that all hollywood types especially over-hyped starlets have IQ’s that are inversely proportional to their “cutsey” factor. From what I have seen and heard from HP, she really proves this fact in spades. HP should stick with her acting career and stop showing her “hate-based” thinking about older people. I thought liberals were suppose to be tolerant and loving towards all. Guess HP throws that assumption out the window. I have always found that when someone fears something they try to denigrate (look up that word, HP) it or marginalize it by personal attacks. HP shows that liberal-biased hollywooders love to say they are tolerant, demand that of other, but when it comes down to the real person, they are some of the most hate-mongering people I have seen.

In the socialistic world that will come when BHO is elected, and I believe he will be in spades along with an extremely liberal Democratic Congress, free speech including Hollywood’s is usually the first thing that is curbed. It will be funny to watch the sword cut both ways, HP. Welcome to your new future.

I am rich enough to be able to hide my wealth off-shore from BHO taxing proposals as will all my other rich friends so we will not be taxed or hurt by his $250,000 tax the rich ideas. I can assure you that my assets will not “be spread around.” HP, you just don’t get it, do you? We rich get richer because of what people like you do, not in spite of it. Always has been this way, and always will be this way.

Rock on, little comrade.

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