Wonkette
FREE LEVI JOHNSTON: The brave high school dropout who impregnated Sarah Palin’s daughter talked with an AP reporter, in his driveway. He spoke in complete sentences, unlike his future mother-in-law! Here is what he said about attending the Republican National Convention: “At first, I was nervous. Then I was like, ‘Whatever.’” Levi Johnston is the wisest, most silver-tongued sage in the extended Palin family. [AP]
Well, you know, “whatever”… I mean, yeah, I’m getting married, but I’ve still got a couple girlfriends, and I’m goin’ huntin’ this weekend, so nothing’s really changed.
Kinda reminds me of this.
He probably has more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin, too, in that he banged his school’s foreign exchange student once.
“I especially like tapping that ASS in a hotel room…cause she can’t get pregnant twice!”
The guyz are soooo jealous cause he don’t have to go to 12th grade so they’re lookin to knock up some girlz so they can go huntin all day and not have to do no learnin cause the right thing to do is to drop out of school and git married and kill stuff
“Whatever”, Nathan Hale’s last word(s).
Drink the hemlock in one swig, me lad.
Well….he speaks in complete sentences as reported by in-the-Republican-tank AP, who also inaccurately transcribe his MySpace page as saying “I’m a …. redneck.” Who would know from that what he, or the anonymous “friend” who supposedly did it on his behalf, really wrote?
Fuckin’ hack AP.
Nice that he’s not going to complete high school. That makes him a hero to all the cousin-marrying, Skoal chewing, Boones Farm drinkers in Bible Spice’s world.
But to his credit, he didn’t manage to say Barry was a baby eating, terrorist loving n_____r (unlike his future momma-in-law)
“They’re not telling me anything right now,” Johnston said as he checked his Blackberry. “It’s pretty chill.”
And that, my friends, is change that you can believe in.
Someone start a Johnston-Palin divorce pool please.
Johnston hinted he’s expecting a boy, but he declined to discuss baby names.
Smith & Wesson
Trojan
F150
Jesus (to be spelled, Hey! Zeus!)
Levi Jonston for President, because, you know, Whatever.
Guys, definitely read the article. It’s actually sort of sad. He’s dropped out of high school to work in the oil fields. He even says that he likes Obama (despite wanting his future mother-in-law to win, which you really can’t blame him for, considering the position he’s in). I really feel sorry for him. He’s having to grow up in a hurry.
All of Levi’s base are belong to us.
jinmoom: We need two… one if they win, and one if they lose… If they lose, I’d say somewhere around November 15th.
How long until Levi Johnston hooks up with Britney Spears?
“Whatever” means my testicles belong to my future mother in law, so don’t bother asking me any questions.
Dropping out of HS?? So, she will fuck this kids lifetime earning potential just to show that they are true working class folks. An if they were going to get married, why didn’t that happen BEFORE she became the nominee. It;s not like they found out she was pregnant the day McCain selected Palin.
<a href=”http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2161/1741893594_2982417b69.jpg?v=0″Preview of the pending nuptials?
WadISay: I’m betting for Gershon Crankshaft Johnston.
Free him from what? The man hit the jackpot. He either gets to be the no account son in law of the VP, or the no account son in law of the Governor of some Wild West freakshow of a state. Free moosemeat, snowmobiles, and all the public safety commissioners you can fire.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
oops…Preview
He’s got Bristol tattooed on his finger. That leaves the other nine fingers for his honeys.
Levi’s iPod: “Bristol’s mom has got it goin’ on…”
And I love that that he lost his promise ring hunting. Does he fuck them before he shoots them?
“Johnston said his friends created the page a few years ago and he had nothing to do with it.”
That’s what everyone says. To quote a wise man, “Whatever.”
Upcoming My Big Redneck Wedding episode in 3…2…1…
I can’t make fun of this young man.Through no fault of his own he was thrust into the spotlight. In fact I feel sorry for Bristol the most. If Sarah Palin had any motherly instinct she would have not done that to her daughter.
Speaking of Palin’s offspring - does anyone else think Piper will be someday seen in the national stage. She really loves the spotlight. All the other Palin kids give that dragged to the limelight by a stage parent vibe but not little Piper.
http://www.salon.com/opinion/greenwald/2008/10/12/griffin/index.html
For those who care about info coming from MSM.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: I feel sorry for him, too. But there is always a price to be paid for having unregulated sex in a free market hillbilly economy. Paul Krugman said that.
Ringing character endorsement from his best buddy: “If he thought it wasn’t the right thing to do he probably wouldn’t do it”. But maybe he would, dude - who knows?
So, he’s dropping out of high school to take a job as “apprentice electrician”, despite the fact that he’ll soon have a family to support long-term, and doesn’t know “anything” about the Democratic candidate for President, despite the fact that his future mother in law is running as VP for the other side.
Basically, in a McCain/Palin administration, he’s ready to be the next FEMA director. Or since he’s “bagged bears, sheep, elk, and caribou”, he’d be perfect for the EPA.
A couple of weeks ago, before the beads-and-shells economy, the McCain camp was floating the notion that the Bristol-Levi wedding would freeze the media for a week. Wouldn’t it be great if it trumped the rollout of McCain’s New Campaign Strategy, V5.2?
Some people are born to greatness… others have greatness thrust into them.
Hey Levi- “Barack” is a lovely name for a boy.
And it will always remind you and the rest of your moronic extended family of their (too long by about 90%) time in the limelight*.
V572625694: Yeah, AP lost me when they referred to him as “soft-spoken” - a pussy bear/caribou/virginity hunter? Yeah right. Talk to him after his 5th Keystone - bet he’s a lightweight - and see how soft he speaks (as well as how lovingly).
*Since I’m counting on McInane to lose, I appreciate the wonderful levels of nyuck-nyuck they’ve displayed.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: I read it. Please remember Bibo that Levi probably wants his future Mother In Law to win so he’ll score a nice Asst. Sec of the Interior job.
Dreamer: I’ll join you in not making fun, but I do think he had some fault in this. Afterall, they were his sperm that fertilized that egg, right?
USE A FUCKING CONDOM!
Sorry…
WadISay: My favorite Palin babyname is still “Shotput.” Or “Discus.”
pondscum: Oh right. As if Sarah would let them buy condoms. Remember, it’s Abstinence Only up in them parts.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Where I’m from you could by condoms in the gas station bathroom…no parents or pharmacists required.
“At first, I was nervous. Then I was like, ‘Whatever.’”
Funny, I felt the same way WATCHING the Republican National Convention.
pondscum: In this it is the case of society failing these two youngsters. How much sex ED did they get? I am guessing none - having said that, I agree with you that he should bare some responsibility.
Dreamer: While I don’t agree with it, I do understand the “no sex ed in school” thing these kids are fighting. That does not absolve their parents from educating them. It shows a complete lack of common sense on the part of the parents to not education their children about “where babies come from.”
My sister’s and I grew up scared to death of getting preggers pre marriage. It was a fate worse than death; a reflection on the entire family that our mother never let us forget and STILL comments on to this day when some poor little slut gets knocked up. That being said - we were all having sex, but succeeded in not birthin’ no babies.
It can be done!
cal: “Drop Kick”
Dreamer: Oh, he bared something alright. Wokka-wokka! But seriously: does a 17-year-old kid need sex education class to instruct him as to potential outcomes when he puts the thing he bared into Bristol’s holy muff?
Cogito Ergo Bibo: I agree with you. The article drained my snark away. I grew up in an Appalachian suburb and saw this happen to several of my friends. Unfortunately, a few of them didn’t grow up as fast as they needed and had their children taken by DCFS. He seems rather well-articulated for a future palin, (or was bristol going to take johnston?) but we have to remember that OTHER people raised him. I feel nervous for him. That family is going to SUCK after they lose this election. Can we say Vindictive?
People like that are why I moved from my hometown to Seattle. So I can be a smug librul from afar.
Dreamer: I agree with you. Piper’s a total little ham! Judging from body language and facial expressions in pictures of Mom and Piper together, she’s also the Favorite.
He’s just some poor redneck kid who wants no part of this political bullshit.
I just feel bad for him, especially the dropping out of school part.
Dreamer: Funny. I thought it was through his “thrusting” that he “came” into the “limelight” in the first place.
But I didn’t pay much attention in 9th Grade biology, knowing that babies actually were brought by storks.
Or was it rabbits?
Damn. First the knees go, then the memory.
For those keeping score at home: Number One Son drops out of school to play Army, Number One Daughter drops out to marry drop out oil field trash, and Number Two and Three Daughters to drop out b/c of all work missed while on campaign trail. That leaves baby Trig as best bet for first high school graduate in the family. And if that doesn’t pan out, there’s always Sarah Palin’s daughter’s baby’s baby.
Oh, whatever.
“Then I was like, You’re WHAT?”
Levi Johnson needs his own video game (Made by Cabela) where he stands back-to-back with Jesus shooting down arab deer w/ dynamite strapped to their bellies.
Bosses: Joe Biden hurling explosive aborted fetuses; Osama Bin Barack Obama throwing Hope Grenades.
He must save Bristol but little mushroom ppl keep telling him that she’s in another motherfuckin castle!
V572625694: 17 year old boys only think with their dick. How many of them think about protection. I blame the Palin’s for not teaching their daughter and his parents not teaching him responsibility. My parents drilled on us the ramifications of unprotected sex - that is why I am no body’s baby mamma. All I am saying is give this poor redneck a chance.His parents and the Palis are shity parents – why else would they let their kids drop out of school. Don’t they have any sense.
Levi’s not going to get an appointment if McCain wins (dream on, Johnny boy). Mr. Johnson’s future is either on a fishing boat on the Bering Sea or as a roughneck on the North Slope. Or both, seasonally. Levi had best buy himself a good slicker and a some Carhartts now.
Neilist: Very clever!
Levi, don’t go hellocopter hunting with anyone named Palin or associated with the Palin Klan.You are a true Maverick.
Anyway, all the best, whatever…
WadISay: F150 Johnson–fuck yeah!!
Oh well! Guess Levi won’t write the SAT . As long as the price of oil doesn’t fall through the floor, he’ll do o.k. in the patch. Gotta watch out for meth though…
azw88: “Dropping out of HS?? So, she will fuck this kids lifetime earning potential just to show that they are true working class folks.”
Yup. She’s concerned about education and our childrens’ future here, folks!
So *this* is the Superbad/Larry the Cable guy crossover demographic.
Nice to see Palin playing up her family’s teachers and educational plans while encouraging her son in law to drop the fuck out.
Johnston didn’t register in time to vote, according to the Mat-Su Division of Elections Office in Wasilla. But he’s still rooting for John McCain and Sarah Palin.
Levi is one on the ball high school dropout.
One might think that the governor and her husband would insist that Levi stay in school, help support the new family by paying the bills and encourage both kids to continue their educations to maximize their earning potential and opportunities in life. One might think that, but one would be wrong.
If its a boy his name’s Wrangler.
And if its a girl, her name’s Gloria Vanderbilt.
Still, what’s stopping Levi and Brisket from tying the knot NOW? Shouldn’t little Wrangler or Gloria Vanderbilt face their first light of day knowing that they aint no bastard-child? You bet on the name of the sweet baby Jesus they should. All it takes is a church, a Kenyan witchdoctor preacher, and a ring from a box-o-cracker jacks.
WadISay: If it’s a girl:
Vibrator
Cumdrop
PullOutNow
ReciprocatingPump
Is it just me, or does he sort of look like Todd.
Dreamer: Saracuda should have taken her daughter right to the doctor and put her on birth control as soon as she saw Levi. He was way too hot for her not to have done that. He’s the prototype of a teenage jock who “good girls” always end up giving it up to.
I think he was getting talking points through his Blackberry, which I suspect is new and has jamakane stamped on it. Sad? No. Family values? Hardly. I do hear the traditional Oklahoma wedding blessing: “It’ll be a good first marriage for both of them.”
Girls names:
Tina
Fey
Boys names
Trapped
Loveless
F150
As to the wedding date, the baby is post-election, and the wedding is post-baby. Once the cameras are turned off, Levi can walk away, go back to high school, and play hockey. Or whatever.