YOUR ASSETS  5:07 pm October 10, 2008

by Jim Newell

  • GEORGE W. BUSH SAVES STOCK MARKET: The Dow only dropped 128 points today, which is the New Great Depression equivalent of rising 250 trillion points. Credit is still completely inaccessible, permanently, but what the hell do you people want anyway. [AP]

Hola wonkerados.

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Noodle Salad October 10, 2008 at 5:10 pm

Down is the new up. Does this mean Quaaludes are coming back? That’d be awesome – the alcohol isn’t doing the trick anymore.

Vanity Smurf October 10, 2008 at 5:12 pm

i can haz Glass-Steagall back now???

InKnockYouUs October 10, 2008 at 5:13 pm

That graph they have on NYT online sort of looks like an outline of the ocean floor–you know, craggy.

Gopherit v2.0 October 10, 2008 at 5:13 pm

Berlisconi has a great idea. We can save the markets by closing them for a while.

That definitely won’t cause a bank run.

And of course, Tony Fratto denies we’d do it, so fully expect Wall Street to be closed on Monday.

SayItWithWookies October 10, 2008 at 5:17 pm

[re=130026]Noodle Salad[/re]: When Plan 9 from Outer Space was being made, Bela Lugosi couldn’t get a buzz from alcohol anymore. He used to have one of the PAs drive him around to Hollywood labs looking to buy formaldehyde so he could get drunk. Of course Lugosi died during the filming of that movie — just sayin’.

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 10, 2008 at 5:18 pm

Only 128 down at close! Cristal for everyone!

Platypus October 10, 2008 at 5:25 pm

[re=130035]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: It’s Columbus Day, bet they’re closed.

GlennBecksTaint October 10, 2008 at 5:29 pm

ride a painted pony let the spinning wheel turn

Noodle Salad October 10, 2008 at 5:29 pm

[re=130044]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Drinking himself to death, or pickling himself to save others the trouble? Inquiring stockbrokers want to know.

Gopherit v2.0 October 10, 2008 at 5:30 pm

Awww. See, that’s what I get for living in Arizona. We don’t honor those filthy Italians anymore. It was our trade-off for MLK day. We are a state of cheap, racists pigs.

Rush October 10, 2008 at 5:31 pm

Isn’t 128 the projected number of electoral votes for John McPropoganda

SayItWithWookies October 10, 2008 at 5:34 pm

[re=130062]Noodle Salad[/re]: I doubt his interest in science and/or posterity was that great — though it was a pleasantly unintended consequence.

And reading that article only reinforced my belief that people in finance don’t know shit about the economy either.

tonashideska October 10, 2008 at 5:36 pm

Aren’t you glad that bush’s social security privatization effort failed?

CrabtreesBludgeon October 10, 2008 at 5:43 pm

[re=130064]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: I went to college in Arizona, and well – yeah.

S.Luggo October 10, 2008 at 5:47 pm

We have turned the corner. MD 20/20 all around, barkeep.

S.Luggo October 10, 2008 at 5:49 pm

[re=130065]Rush[/re]: No. It’s the number of his summer palaces.

shortsshortsshorts October 10, 2008 at 5:50 pm

[re=130035]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Does anybody in the world know how the FUCKING ECONOMY WORKS?

Worlds End October 10, 2008 at 5:51 pm

catastrophic success

Gopherit v2.0 October 10, 2008 at 5:54 pm

[re=130091]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: It has something to do with sacrificing a goat, I’m sure.

villageatrois October 11, 2008 at 12:54 am

[re=130091]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Dang it! Heckuva a good question, Shortsie!

They used to teach that there were two islands. On one, people caught fish. On the other, people grew rice. They traded some fish for some rice, and the people of both islands benefitted.

Then, some guys from the Isle of Manhattan came and created futures markets in fish and rice. The farmers and fishers forward sold their future production, retired, and bought their fish from Japan and their rice from Viet Nam. Happy ever after.

TRUECRISTIAN October 11, 2008 at 5:44 am

[re=130521]villageatrois[/re]: This is not a cabaret forum but a forum for serious discussion. If you think you must use this kind of childish language go to another forum. Such posts, with such a language in such manner you showed above are not appreciated here be it pro or contra something.

villageatrois October 12, 2008 at 3:16 am

Hey, TC, tell us how the world economy works! I’m waiting with baited breath, which is how I catch fish. I could tell you how I catch rice, but you might be just a tad offended.

But I can’t let it pass that you accused our Wonkette of being serious. Sir/Madam we are all aggrieved!

melpol October 12, 2008 at 10:34 am

News that the big three auto makers will soon become one unit is confirmation of the pessimism that is now sweeping America. The auto industry is dependent on the world economy and the wisest of people predict a long world wide recession. Economists say that we have reached peak demand for the use of the automobile and public transportation will eventually replace individual ownership. It is obvious that most of us no longer can live in high style, we have been living large for too long and it is now time to pay the piper.

Our nation is now imploding and despite government bailout efforts the downward spiral will not end until it reaches a sustainable level. When that happens private industry will be flooded with applicants for employment and pay only the minimum wage. The average income will be used just for food and shelter. It will be hard times but once again our nation will rise after learning a bitter lesson. Living within ones means will then become the golden rule.

Serolf Divad October 12, 2008 at 7:19 pm

What do you mean “you people?”

Baldeagle79 October 12, 2008 at 10:08 pm

If by gone ‘permanently’ you mean loose lending practices that were nothing more than a vote-buying venture, than I’m glad to see that gone forever. We need sound business principles and a hands off approach from our government. They’ve been trying to regulate free enterprise for years. Just take some of the revenues, defend our nation, police our streets, and protect the citizens. What else do you people want, you say? Nothing!

melpol October 13, 2008 at 8:38 am

The big secret is out. Politicians and the media were hiding the fact that American households have a net worth of over 56 trillion dollars. That is more than half the household wealth of the world. Those statistics come from the Federal reserve Flow of Funds Summary Statistics Second Quarter 2008. If there was a way to get the hoarders of those bucks to go on a long shopping spree the recession in the U.S. would quickly end. But our politicians fear talking to those idle saving account owners and their potential to stimulate our economy, they would rather increase the national debt than anger millions of cheap voters. Consumer spending determines the health of the economy not inflationary government handouts. Until some miserly Americans start digging into their over loaded bank accounts and start spending money our recession will continue indefinitely.

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