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Boss man caint take mah lamps.NO MORE DRINKING GAMES, JUST DRINKING: Here’s your Tuesday Night Financial Apocalypse Obama-Biden Town Hall Debate Schedule. At 8:30 p.m. Eastern, join us for exciting pre-debate live-blogging, followed by hours of crazy debate and post-debate liveblogging from your editors, including Sara K., who is back at work, finally. Because of the National Crisis, there are no more frivolous drinking games. Just lots of quiet, angry drinking. [MSNBC Debates]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Speak for yourself! In my world, “maverick” is always worth a drink. I’ll just drink angrily when Grampy says it.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    From an email my hubby received today. I can’t attest to it’s accuracy, but darn funny.:

    If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago you would have $49.00 left.

    With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

    With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

    But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00 cash.

    Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

    It’s called the 401-Keg

    A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

    Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

    That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

    Makes You Proud To Be An American!

  • Strappo

    I was sure glad to have SKS back on wonkette as of yesterday. She’s so much less ANGRY than Newell.

  • jagorev

    Sarah’s been out for a while. Did she have a baby or something? I hope she named it Trig.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    Hey Ken. Did your tech guys unclog your tubez since the VP debate?

    Don’t wander too far into the desert drinking tonight.

  • bulliestogo

    I need something more depressing than drinking for this. Quick! Can someone make up an Injecting Game?

    Also, Obama-Biden = Obama-McCain?

  • StephanieInCA

    waait, i thot we were drinkging evry time teh DOw droppd 10 pts??? IVe had 50 shots ofq Wild TUrkey!!!1!!1 WTF??/?

  • Gopherit v2.0

    Oh, and drinking during a debate is never a game. It’s serious business.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    Welcome back, SKS, I missed you.

    That said, I’m sitting this one out, folks. There’s nothing I can add to the snark. My coworkers and I are sitting around and shaking our heads sadly at Palin’s pathetic attempts to continue making shit up. I don’t know if I’m in the mood to watch McCain go completely insane tonight. At least, not live.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Keep this simple:

    Any time a candidate says “the,” “a,” “you,” “I,” or “Economy” take 5 drinks.

  • Ken Layne

    [re=124201]Strappo[/re]: She got back this morning.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=124202]jagorev[/re]: Having a baby? Ahh… no, not egzackly.

    But sometimes there’s a big loooong line for abortions at the free clinic.

    (Kidding! Just kidding!)

  • jinmoom

    We love you Sara K.!

  • CankleBiter

    [re=124215]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I will follow your advice and then promptly forward you the bill for my stomach pumping and liver replacement. Sounds great I am in!!

  • Chicken Smack

    [re=124201]Strappo[/re]: what’s the point of not being angry? It’s what stirs us to take it until we can’t take it any more. There’s your change agent. It’s not always going to be a hope-filled senator from Illinois.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I’m guessing SKS was enjoying a nice, restful mid-campaign vacation break in elitist France or some such. She certainly deserves it.

    (Insert, hearts, starbursts, unicorns etc please don’t ban me)

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=124236]CankleBiter[/re]: You’ll never make it to the phone to dial 911. Shorts is a professional. Don’t try that at home.

  • Strappo

    Whoa, children, I was being IRONIC about Newell’s anger, as if he were McCranky. A righteous anger is good.

    Sara came back today? Ah. This morning seems a long time ago.

    Anyway, welcome back Sara la bella.

  • Strappo

    [re=124202]jagorev[/re]: Well, you know these ultra-left America-hating perverts. She probably went to an abortion party and had one just to show her contempt for LIFE.

  • facehead

    Everytime McCain says “economy” drink camel poo juice:

    I am facehead and I approve this drinking game.

  • Dientes

    No game. Just one sip of PBR and then one bite from can of hobo beans/repeat.

  • edgydrifter

    [re=124202]jagorev[/re]: Nah, it’s been done. How about Spag?

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=124253]Dientes[/re]: I hope no one shares an office with you tomorrow.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=124252]facehead[/re]: No more Bear Grylls. That was vile. Besides, every time I hear McCain or Palin speak, I taste camel poo juice.

  • facehead

    [re=124258]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: I’m done.

  • Formerly Preferred

    “Just lots of quiet, angry drinking.”

    The debate would be a lot more fun if that was the format for the debate itself, instead of “town hall.”

  • FreshCliches

    I’ll drink every time I hit “refresh” on my browser and Wonkette is down.

  • jagorev

    [re=124255]edgydrifter[/re]: Spag would work great if she then gave birth to a girl and named her Meat Ball.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I drink too fast to wait for McCain to say “Maverick” every time anyway. Though I will take an extra big shot o’whatever if he insults one of the questioners for asking something he doesn’t like.

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=124215]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Look what just landed in my inbox regarding Prop 8 “No Government in Our Pants.” I’d laugh at how crappy this video is except that Prop 8 might actually pass. Enjoy:

  • Cronopio

    I live with Republicans. I’ve started drinking early.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    Jesus Christ. I thought the apocalypse would be more interesting. My acid flashback dreams the past few nights have interesting. This economic meltdown, not so much.

  • rocktonsammy

    Walnuts winks at me just once and I’ll shoot my brand new 48 inch flat screen thats about to be repoed.

  • facehead

    [re=124275]NoWireHangers[/re]: It is too late NoWireH, our chinese overlords have already made their decision:

  • freakishlystrong

    BRB, I’m gonna run out and sell my pantyhose so’s I can git me a boxa’wine, so’s I can drink angrily tonght, debate or no debate…

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=124280]Cronopio[/re]: I’d be drinking minutely..

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=124275]NoWireHangers[/re]: Oh my gawd. Oh. My. Gawd. That is the worst Prop ad I have ever seen in my life.

  • InsidiousTuna

    All right, in case Wonkette dies again tonight during this debate, there’s a Wonkette FREE SEXY CHATROOM at this address.

    Yes, it is full of Republican Senators.

  • Mr. Herpes

    Everytime McCain says Obama is “naive” you have to take a slug of Jameson’s. Every time he says Obama “just doesn’t understand” you have to take a toke. Sometime in the first 30 minutes, you will stop caring and just start giggling that you’d love to see Barack put his elbow on McCain’s head and just lean on him. Use him for a stage prop. Yeah. That’d be so cool. Go Barry.

  • tunamelt


  • keepinitrealyo

    Drinking game? I’ll tell you a fun driking game. Strap the candidates to a table, and force-feed ’em grain alcohol every time they say something can dispute.

  • Midwest_Product

    Also, Obama-Biden = Obama-McCain

    Wonkette staff has already been drinking, as per their advice to readers

  • facehead

    [re=124291]InsidiousTuna[/re]: Dude, your mexican bootleg chat room has too much lead and is for re-gayed homotards, the original and true unoffical Wonkette chatroom is :

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=124275]NoWireHangers[/re]: Although its still losing
    ( ),
    if we start voting like Florida, there will be nothing left of this country. The parental notification for abortions (of which my editorial made it into many IMPORTANTlike newspapers in Cal) has been on the ballot 4 FUCKING TIMES now, and that one is looking like it’s passing this year. WE ARE A STATE OF SODOMITE CHRISTIANS NOW.

  • ForeignSickSpecialist

    [re=124208]bulliestogo[/re]: I was almost already really too drunk to have noticed that was like that, also…

  • tunamelt

    [re=124301]facehead[/re]: The bad sex advice is free with purchase.

  • Godot

    Damn this new Great Depression.

    I didn’t mind the financial ruin, but now I get a drinking game thread with no drinking game, and a picture of some 1930’s losers holding lamps for some reason instead of that smokin’ hot drunk girl on the toilet with the pitcher of beer.

    This I will not stand for!

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=124303]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: NO! How bittersweet will a Barry victory be if Cali is under the thumb of wingnuts?

  • forgracie

    Quiet angry drinking…or, as I call it, Tuesday.

  • hrhkingfriday

    Earmuff it for the kiddies:

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=124305]tunamelt[/re]: Who said it was bad?

  • azw88

    [re=124307]Godot[/re]: yeah, that chick was HOT and made me yearn for college once again… then I say that cluster-fuck of a photo with Ooompa-loompas, a fat chick (if it WAS a chick) and crying rabbits and my dick went limp forever. Maybe my senator Mccain will oan me a few of his little blue pills!

  • shoeho

    Fine. Be that way. No drinking games. For this I went and bought the cheap vodka in the plastic half gallon with built in pourer?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=124320]hrhkingfriday[/re]: Holy mother of God you actually posted it. EPIC WIN.

  • WendyK

    Obama debating Biden? Yeah, I’d watch.

  • chascates

    Walnuts says tonight the gloves come off. When Wasilla Barbie said that she also said the heels were on. So, will he wear heels tonight?

  • Worlds End
  • smarkle

    [re=124271]FreshCliches[/re]: Yeah — What’s the over/under on how long Wonkette stays up this time? Put me down for $5 on the first time “Keating 5” comes up.

  • loquaciousmusic

    You may ask yourself, “How did I get here?”

    I’m two beers in. See you darlings at 9.

  • freakishlystrong

    And where exactly will the Killa from Wasilla be drinking in the debate, other, of course, out of reach of the media?

  • Whitey Did Katrina

    If the second debate is as much worse than first debate as the second Walnuts video was than the first Walnuts video, then we will all be dead soon. Dead of awfulness.

  • Nathalie08

    Have you read this?

    “Apparently that 2 1/2-hour anniversary dinner Barack and Michelle Obama celebrated at Spiaggia Restaurant Friday night went pretty well. ‘Happy anniversary!’ a supporter shouted to Michelle Obama at a fund-raiser at Newsweb President Fred Eychaner’s Lakeview home Monday night. ‘Thank you! We had a good date too,’ Obama said with a smile as the crowd began to cheer. ‘We did, yeah… Enough said.'”

  • Dave J.

    “Kitchen table” is the magic word in my drinking game tonight. I picked it because I want to die of acute alcohol poisoning 30 minutes in.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=124343]Dave J.[/re]: I’ll be right there with you. I’m keeping my Insurance Card with me tonight.

  • skyinator

    My kidneys are shot so I cannot drink alcohol. Everytime I hear the word “Maverick” I am taking a shot of radiator fluid. Cheers.

  • chascates
  • Nathalie08

    [re=124328]Worlds End[/re]: Bush clock broken? what a shock!

  • Beans

    Being erudite as I am (I’m not really sure what that word means, but figure it makes me sound smart) I think I’ll be watching the debate coverage on the BBC. Okay, BBCAmerica, the dumbed down version. Still, they have those really cool accents that make you want to beg for free drugs and buy gold.

    But I’m starting with Keith O. McCain linked to NeoNazi death groups? Okay, I’m in! Go get Walnuts, Keith!

  • dano

    When McCain goes negative how much you wanna bet Barry looks at him and says “these kinds of attacks are really beneath you John. You should be ashamed.” That’s when Walnuts will fucking lose his shit and call him a “Darkie”. You know it’s coming. Hell it’ll probably help him with The Base.

  • Beans

    My brilliant comment doesn’t appear to be going through. Are the tubes blocked? Mine were once, requiring painful surgery.

  • GreenThieves

    McCain Wins Debate!!!

    Not really. It hasn’t even started yet.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=124354]Beans[/re]: You must have patience with the interwebz. It is MYSTERIOUS.

  • simetrias

    Ready for live blogging (bloggin, goshdarnit!). You up to the task??? Servers all checked?

  • georgiahoo

    I just drink

  • Strappo

    Pussies. I’m already smashed. Go Omaba!

  • dano

    “McCain was the star”
    “It really was his night”
    “I’ve never seen a more convincing argument for voting republican”
    –The ghost of Strom Thurman 10/08/09

  • stew

    Looking at Bennett, I hope that stage is sturdy.

  • Anita Cocktail

    Lots of quiet angry drinking. Just like my childhood home…

  • georgiahoo

    The internets is slow.

  • Beans

    I’m ready for the Ds to start using this shit that Keith just reeled off. Grab your pitchforks and follow me to the RNC!

  • SayItWithWookies

    I wonder how Famous Person is gonna rate this performance.

  • jbd

    Damnit kids. Yer late. I’m not doing this thing alone.

  • freakishlystrong

    s;fklkfslkdfd’a;lkfdfksdforkioero933)0)))), I’m Ready!

  • Beans

    I have a serious question. Is anyone still sober enough to consider something serious?

    Is the Rs hysteria going to backfire? Is it only to liberals that they look hysterical, or will Joe Six Fingers, or whoever TF Sassy Sarah is talking to, notice?

    I mean, they are everywhere, the Fox Newsnuts, the candidates, all of them running around in circles screaming hysterically? Will even the undecideds (aka, the I’m-not-paying-attentions) pick up the scent of losing and hysteria? (Sorry I used hysteria three times–I would have used the Thesaurus, but I’m too lazy–or loaded.)

    And will they tell us when the blogging actuallyl begins, or will the wonkette crew leave us all here talking to ourselves? Like Walnuts does.

  • Beans

    Famous person says Ditto!

  • Jim Newell

    Sara’s putting together a pre-debate liveblog, up shortly.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    I predict McCain has a heart attack, Hopey saves his life with CPR and FOX news claims Obama assults Grampy. The end.

  • Rielle Hunter

    Warsteiner nummer zwei.

    Fuck it all.

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    The T. Boone Pickens has me drinking rubbing alcohol already. Maybe I shouldn’t do that. Oops. Debbie Wasserman Shultz is on Keef. I hafta start again.

  • Profbacon

    When is Sydney Poitier taking the stage?

  • rocktonsammy

    drinking games are immature and since Tina Fey glamorized them on SNL, are sooooooooo uncool now.

    I’m day trading and buying the crap out of GE.

  • Profbacon

    Oh Shit, Gore is there. He is going to Gorilla Rape Maverick

  • serj!

    [re=124324]shoeho[/re]: Yeah like anybody can really tell the “cheap” vodka from the expensive shit!

  • serj!

    [re=124320]hrhkingfriday[/re]: Oh wait as a gay I am as good a sport as anyone but that shit is offensive as all hell baby boy! Or to quote Thomas Friedman, “Suck on this motherfucker!”

  • Beans

    I would have an easier time taking T. Boone seriously is he hadn’t financed Swift Boat liars. He is such a rich hypocrite. And can you imagine getting together on his website? Gag.

    I really, really wish I hadn’t carelessly used a nickname I have been known by and hadn’t laughed with my family about Wonkette and called it my favorite news source, after the Christian Science Monitor. No way I can hide from my kids, if they come looking.

    BTW–Perhaps the first time Wonkette had been referenced in the same sentence with the Monitor.