Wonkette
- Michigan Republicans are also calling McCain’s melodramatic abandonment of Michigan a “stunt.” [Politico]
- Poor U.S. “consumers” finally got the memo (or the credit-card cancellation letter) and have stopped spending. [New York Times]
- Today’s the last day to register to vote in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Florida, Indiana, Colorado and other such important Battlefield Earth states, in case you’d like to vote for president next month. [LA Times]
- Obama seems to have a big lead with these new voters. [Washington Post]
- Some 400,000 homeowners nationwide — including more than 125,000 in California alone — with crappy Countrywide mortgages will now be able to halt foreclosure action and get their loans revised, thanks to a legal settlement with the attorneys general of 11 states, led by Jerry Brown. [NY Times/LA Times]
- Oh hey, global financial markets have collapsed. Thanks for nothing, bailout bill! [Washington Post]
Sure hope everyone likes squirrel cooked in a popcorn popper, ’cause that’s all anyone’s gonna be able to feed thier kiddies with if WALNUTS! wins. If Barry pulls it off, we’ll at least be able to afford some cheap soup.
The Michiganders weren’t calling McCain’s pullout of Michigan a stunt, they were calling him a cunt for abandoning them.
It’s the end of the world as we know it; and Wonkette feels fine.
Oh noes! Last day to register in Indiana! Time to run around with a shillelagh bashing the knees of everyone I know to sign up and vote for Hopenuts (My wonkette version of the McBama that goes around us two-party haters).
…now that all us consoomers is stopped consoomin, ah reckin we’ll hafta go back t’bein citizens… not as fun an’ excitin’, but it’ll give un sumpin t’do while we’re waitin fer th’day apocalypsticked pigs fly…
slappypaddy:
Yes but yer reward awaits in Heaven.
Hey, Michigan’s just like Walnuts’ first wife! We’re sick and fat, too!
Opening bell in 3…2…1…
Bonzai!
The bailout accomplished its mission. There are no wall street CEO’s going hungry today. I, on the other hand, left my lunch at home and will survive on crackers and water. (Not really, but that was a nice dramatic ending, wasn’t it? I should run for office.)
Rush: …so that’s whar it iz? ah bin lookin all aroun fer it, thought it mat be in one o’them envleopes them crdit card companiez wuss always sendin me, invitin me to join up fer all them special offerz…
I bought a shiny, shiny new laptop this weekend. So nobody gets to blame me if the economy slows down! Hope it sells for a pile of cash when it’s the only thing I still own.
yay now were all poor
slappypaddy: Screw that, I’m rich now thanks to the Wallet Pop ad on the left.
What happened to that Tina Fey post that was just here a minute ago as some garbled script link? I was so pumped, and now I’m stuck with this fiscal bringdown. Jeez.
Nobody likes a tease, Wonkette.
Also: Hurrah! The Dow might crash through 10k any minute! I haven’t seen it fall into quadruple digits in a while. Let’s go for broke! I’m doubling down on my worthless penny stocks RIGHT NOW!
Money for Nothing
Now look at them brokers thats the way you do it
You play derivatives on the securities
That ain’t workin thats the way you do it
Money for nothin and chicks for free
Now that ain’t workin thats the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys aint dumb
Maybe get a paper cut on your little finger
Maybe get a staple in your thumb
We gotta install brand new kitchens
Custom stereo deliveries
We gotta move those Ferraris
We gotta move those plasma tvs
See the little maggot with the loafers and the top end suit
Yeah buddy thats all Propecia
That little maggot got his own jet airplane
That little maggot hes a millionaire
We gotta install brand new kitchens
Custom stereo deliveries
We gotta move those Ferraris
We gotta move those plasma tvs
I shoulda learned to do some calculus
I shoulda learned to cook them books
Look at that model, she got it stickin in the camera
Man we could have some fun
And hes up there, whats that? Margins Called?
Yelling on the cellphone ’bout panicking
That ain’t workin thats the way you do it
Get your money for nothin get your chicks for free
We gotta rip out brand new kitchens
Custom stereo repossessions
We gotta take those Ferraris
We gotta remove those plasma tvs
Now that ain’t workin thats the way you do it
You play derivatives on the securities
That aint workin thats the way you do it
Money for nothin and your chicks for free
Money for nothin and economic ruin for free
NPR suggested this morning that the Asian markets’ collapse today was because Germany ended up not having the degree of trust in their EU siblings that one might prefer.
Dow is now below 10000
Worlds End: You are so in the tank for reasoned analysis from careerist liberal Costco gays.
Tommy Says Soooo: I know damn that mainstream media with their fact checking
Who broke Wonkette?
Crap. The latest numbers on the Wall Street Journal frontpage show the Dow down almost 400 pts. I may be selling off all my worldly possessions sooner than I though.
Who am I kidding. It’ll be a barter economy by the end of the day.
No credit??!! How am I supposed to buy lottery tickets?
I can haz $700B back?
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Tent cities for some, miniature American flags for
others.
I am putting all my worldy possessions on black
I was expecting a 5 percent drop today, but this is happening so fast….they may have to halt trading. Or maybe not.
Poor American consumer. Always blamed for either spending too much and not saving enough or not spending enough to keep the economy going. It’s a dog’s life. And then there’s spaying and neutering. Squeaky bones just don’t cut it.
Not to be all serious or nothing, but this is my Public Service Message/all out plea to all the Obama-supporting college students who come from a “Blue State” and are now studying and/or living in Virginia or some other swing state. This means you too, all you Northeastern ‘burbs kids at GU/GWU who live across the river - please register to vote in Virginia today if you haven’t already.
You’re entitled to vote where you live, including if you’re living on a college campus. Your vote matters in Virginia. Nothing good will come from your wasted absentee ballot sent back to New York or wherever. In fact, if it’s not a close ellection in your “home” state, they probably won’t even count it.
Do the right thing. Register in VA. Vote Hopey. It’s legal, and it’s the best thing you can do today (and on Election Day).
Oh, and if you study up here in Mass., in California, or in some other deep blue part of the country but come from someplace else, you are still entitled to claim your absentee ballot back home. Make sure you are registered and get your absentee ballots from “back home” where your vote is needed. Then cast ‘em (in the way they tell you to on the forms that come with the ballot). We don’t need more Democratic votes up here.
This public service message brought to you by the Electoral College. Fucking retarded since 1787.
It’s morning again in America. Today more men and women will go to work than ever before in our country’s history. With interests rates and inflation down, more people are buying new homes and our new families can have confidence in the future. America today is prouder and stronger and better. Why would we want to return where we were less than four short years ago.
Fuck you Zombie Reagan
wow, mccain drops MI and immediately we get culled from the ‘battleground state’ list. it’s our last day to register too you know, what are we, chopped liver?
Register to vote? Feh. That’s how the Man is going to keep us all down, maaan. Unless, of course, you cover your head with this piece of tin foil while I try to find the incision. You know, the one where the implanted the GPS tracking chip while you were “registering” to “vote.” Key-rist, don’t you read the intertubes?
I’m Ron Paul, and I approve this inanity.
Who knew McCain campaign was run by an emotional 14 year old girl? “Michigan, I hate you and I’m never speaking to you again! We’re so over!”
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Why do Michigan Republicans hate America so much???
I guess they can’t wait to be part of Canada or something.
cantabrigia: If you are a college student living in my fucked state of Idaho, please be aware that they won’t accept your vote unless you claim that you plan on continuing to live here after graduation.