Wonkette
- DOW DROPS 348 TO THREE-YEAR LOW: Whoops. All the big indexes are down another 3%-4%. Even oil and gold lost big. Joblessness, manufacturing declines, basically everything is horrible, forever. [Bloomberg]
DEATH RATTLE
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Rampant capitalism’s finest hour.
Invest in Hobo Bindles!
Even gold? The Paultards promised that Ameros would stay true to their value unlike Fiat currency! They promised! Life is so unfair…
At this rate I’ll be retiring at age 103.
But, but..the Hoya Wrap, I mean Crap Sandwich, I mean BAILOUT! Save us Jeebus Bailout!
Couldn’t we have saved the $700 billion and ended up with the same result?
Guess the housing bust’s gonna hit Paultardia too.
I, for one, am really happy about this. Now my infant 401K has a chance to buy at an all-time low. In 40 years, things will be fine. How splendid!
Keep crashing market!! You can do it!
I would show this to my friends at a rightwing blog because they pointed out that the dow bounced back up on Tuesday; but they’re not talking to me any more.
I await Bible Spice’s verdict on this tonight.
I remember laughing at jokes about how Katrina was going to wipe out New Orleans when it hit. Then it hit. And it wiped out New Orleans. And I didn’t laugh anymore.
Erm… Truck Nutz
Serolf Divad: And still living with your parents in that tool shed.
Serolf Divad: Retiring? You’ll be eaten by ravenous bands of cannibalistic ex-bankers long before you’ll have to worry about that.
I hear squirrel tastes just like chicken.
forgracie: Ask Huckabee. He should know.
Well, it’s no Black Monday, but it’ll do.
Why, specifically, as a low-maintenance vegetarian with little college debt and no stock investments, should I care about the stock market crashing?
SelfDeprecatingFed: Maybe an infant would have a good chance to grow a 401k for retirement, but you’re SOL dude. Stock up on Alpo & Meow Mix now.
And this is BEFORE the House trashes the bailout again! Bloody Friday, here we come!
Is it too early to strap some armor and a gun turret onto my car/new home? I want to be prepared when the future comes.
Wow. Looks like a lot happened while I was sleeping on the couch in my boss’ office. Good to know.
It’s alright - the dollar’s gained on the Euro and the Pound. The markets believe that the US is better equipped for a Hobo-based economy, as it won’t have to pay for healthcare, social welfare, etc etc.
Phew. Thank God for the bailout. Wall Street clearly approved the plan wholeheartedly, and then went right back to pissing on Main Street.
my abandoned silver mine was up a healthy 17%, however.
I’m gonna start clinging to guns and religion soon.
JadedDIssonance: Because when the rest of us are down to our last squirrel dinner, we’ll be coming for your veggies.
Texan Bulldoggette: Bible Spice; nice. At least I can afford to fill up my tank now that oil dropped.
Yeah it’s called a Laffer Curve, but that’s just an expression. Doesn’t mean that it will actually make you laugh.
Hey just heard that Barbie fell and hurt herself trying to run away from McCain’s ranch!!
Tawmn: Stick with guns. Better return on your puny coins when the apocalypse is upon us.
G. Gordon Liddy told me gold will never fail! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
What do you expect for a lousey $700 billion?
O/T From Rolling Stone The Double-Talk Express.
Sarah Palin is a symbol of everything that is wrong with the modern United States. As a representative of our political system, she’s a new low in reptilian villainy, the ultimate cynical masterwork of puppeteers like Karl Rove. But more than that, she is a horrifying symbol of how little we ask for in return for the total surrender of our political power. Not only is Sarah Palin a fraud, she’s the tawdriest, most half-assed fraud imaginable, 20 floors below the lowest common denominator, a character too dumb even for daytime TV — and this country is going to eat her up, cheering her every step of the way. All because most Americans no longer have the energy to do anything but lie back and allow ourselves to be jacked off by the calculating thieves who run this grasping consumer paradise we call a nation.
JadedDIssonance: Are you employed? If so, does that company work on a cash basis (i.e. pay their bills entirely out of cash-on-hand) or do they use a bank, have a line of credit, keep cash reserves in things like money market accounts, etc.? That’s why you should care.
Fellow hobos. I’ll finally get to meet y’all as we ride the box cars up to Alaska, where we’ll be shootin polar bears an such for fod and lovely fur coats.
You elitists better learn how to handle guns an fishin poles real soon. Cause in the wilderness you have to watch out for bitters bearin arms.
What’s the fuss; I think $2300 to sponsor a down-and-out investment banker is a good thing.
there grendel goes again, all edumacational again.
grendel: You said it much better than I did. Moving to a barter economy in 5, 4, 3…
SelfDeprecatingFed: Is it bad that that’s my thought, as well?
grendel: Not to mention if you manufacture some kind of product (IT HW, gutters, brick, guns, whatever). Need lines of credit to continue to buy the doo dads to continue to produce the product, etc. It’s a vicious cycle.
Red Statenecks are now hollering to stage a taxpayer protest march on Washington. Supporters are being asked to be community organizers.
forgracie:
http://hooting.yard.users.btopenworld.com/gruel.htm
“A Recipe for Gruel
You will need the following ingredients: oats; water.
The following equipment is essential: a big pot; a big spoon; the Holy Bible.
On a blustery winter’s day, with a chill in the very marrow of your poor, poor bones, take the big pot & carry it, trudging through snow, to the rusty spigot on the other side of the village. Weeping, use what little strength you have to turn the spigot until a woeful driblet of brackish water appears.” [Continued at link.]
Why does the Dow hate America?
Everyone cash out your stocks and 401k’s! When the market drops even more because of the huge run, we all stoop in and BUY BUY BUY!!! stock market will jump up, increasing our net worth, et al. Tehn we cash out, and start the whole cycle all over again!!!
Who needs theme parks when you can ride the Wall Street roller coaster!
Texan Bulldoggette: Oooh, not to mention that little thing about making payroll. Lots of companies use lines of credit to make payroll. So yeah, I’m sure everyone cares about that.
elfranko: Sorry about that… I get worked up with people who think this doesn’t affect them. Maybe if you’re Grizzly Adams or the Unabomber and you don’t use currency to buy things you’ll be ok… in fact you’ll be like the rest of us, bartering for what we need, except you’ll be the one buying disgusting sex acts, and we’ll be the ones selling…
grendel: Tsk. Don’t be hard on JadedDIssonance. S/he is mentally exhausted from puzzling out the reasoning behind PETA’s recent Breastmilk ‘n Jerry’s initiative.
Well, we didn’t want to break all the bad news at once, but actually, we think it’s going to take more like $2.3 trillion to fix this. For Phase I, anyway.
Outstando: What’s 20% of GDP amongst friends?
Texan Bulldoggette: There will always be a market for guns.
@grendel: oh, i’ll be buying, all right! what do i get for 2 squirrels? i’ve only ever shot one, but the fact that i have means i can borrow another, and thusly leverage my way into having 2 squirrels.
oh, no, wait, that’s how this all started, isn’t it?
JadedDIssonance: Why, specificaly, should I not track you down and bed you at my earliest convenience?
Cogito Ergo Bibo: I will keep my Veg in Georgetown. Nobody will want it then.
grendel: I am employed, yes…by a 20 year old nonprofit (and partially compensated by a gov’t grant). Most of the money is done by cash/bank. If the banks fail, yeah, I’m screwed, and maybe the prices will go up, but I can grow my own food, I bike around. I also have a second job at The Container Store, which is not publicly traded, and I own no investments. I bank at JPMorgan and, not to be callous, but anything short of an apocalypse will probably pass me by.
I think what I’m going to do is try to establish a legitimate form of exchange other than paper moneys before everything dies.
elfranko: Me love you long time, but not for worthless over-leveraged squirrel-backed securities.
I’m not saying that this will NOT affect me in any way, I’m just having difficulty getting as upset about this as people who have already lost copious sums of money in the largest gambling industry in America.
JadedDIssonance: You sound like you’re very healthy and in good shape, what with the vegetables and the biking…
In other words, you sound like good eats when times get tough. Can you up your intake of jalapenos? I like spicy food.
JadedDIssonance: I recommend bartering with marijuana… or you could prostitute yourself. They’re both pretty ‘in’ these days…
Gopherit v2.0: I read that as gins.
grendel: I can offer you a large neighborhood filled with marbled-thigh youngsters. I’d be too tough and chewy. Your brains, however, sound rather well used…I prefer that to dusty and cobwebbed.
F1AT MUNNIE IS THE INSTRUMENTAL OF SATAN!!
“And he that overcometh, and keepeth my works unto the end, to him will I give power over the nations. And he shall rule them with a rod of iron; as the vessels of a potter shall they be broken to shivers, even as I received of my Father. And I will give him the morning star.”
REVEALATIONS 2:26-28, FORETELLING THE PROPHECY OF THE FUTURE COMING OF RON PAUL, IN THE FUTURE WHICH IS NOW
Kev-O-Tron: You can have those industries, but I’ve got a pretty good bathtub gin setup that you better not try and cut in on.
JadedDIssonance: Selling out your neighbors already! You’ll do fine in the impending hobacalypse. I’m going home to barricade my house so I can watch the debate without having to fight off the looters.
Outstando: In the land of paper money, the man with the flamethrower is king.
tunamelt: Yeah, that, too. But you’ll need a gun to keep it in a post-Dubya worlkd.
Outstando: Wow that’s almost FIVE AND HALF YEARS/TIMES, Alan, as we’ve spent in teh Irak.
What bugs me is I’ve got all my munnies in a West German bank and the fucking Euro is supposed to be @ $2 bux now with all that thin air money we just printed up, I wish these people would get with the program.
JadedDIssonance: Personally, I’ll be going after the organic-eating vegetarians first. I mean, when I buy meat, I’d rather buy the nice, antibiotic-free, grass-fed beef but I usually don’t because it’s too expensive. I would imagine a nice, chemical-free vegetarian would taste better than some fatty meat-eater full of godknowswhat.
forgracie:
elitist. squirrel is only for a major holiday. and if you have the amerios to pay for it. mostly it will be gruel. made with rotting wheat kernels and dirt. maybe bugs. if you’re lucky. lots of bugs. oh yeah, worms too, maybe. depends on the time of year.
grendel: I’ve been eying your home, waiting for the Dow to plunge to that magic number. Your fridge is stocked. I can feel it.
tunamelt: I hear plastic bags are getting expensive. You’ll need something to keep the rain off.
grendel: All you need is a title swap for that dusty Y2K plan.
grendel: I’ve replaced all the sprinklerheads with 7″ retractable 50 tooth crosscutting blades. It’s all driven by helical gears. Seriously, stay off my lawn.
Gopherit v2.0: Which is why they probably need the credit lines to continue manufacturing…although I don’t know any gun manufacturer economic business plans.
qwerty42: Squirrel tastes just like children. Check today’s earlier posts, newly untethered children will soon be our most plentiful resource.
JadedDIssonance: I’ve cured some human leather that should do the trick.
BTW, did you guys get that email from Obama to watch the debate tonight? He really plays up the whole JOHN MCCAIN WILL DIE AND SARAH PALIN WILL BE PRESIDENT IF YOU DON’T VOTE FOR ME AND CHANGE thing.
obfuscator: Have to import ‘em all the way from Nebraska, though. There needs to be an east coast outlet.
Outstando: Against boiler-room cold callers that will be a useless gesture.
http://listverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/night-of-the-living-dead-tm.jpg
tunamelt: “cured some human leather”. Aaah, so that’s what Jerky is. That’s one part of Americana that I don’t yet understand, although I fully expect it to constitute 80% of my diet when we’re all hobos.
obfuscator: Taking into account Sarah Palin and her girls, it must be considered to be not just a resource, but a renewable resource at that. There be no more need for US reliance on foreign children. McNuggets/Barbie in 2008!
S.Luggo: Then I’ll just have to turn the tables by insisting on buying a credit default swap on my debts to my bookie, coke dealer and pimp.
Cogito Ergo Bibo:
The highlands would be a good hub. Imagine how many unwanteds would come out of MO, TN, KY, OK, AR & WV. Just convert the Tyson chicken processing plants in Arkansas.
Oh crap, looks like Colorado could be seeing a bumper crop in the near future:
http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/rss/oped/*http://news.yahoo.com/s/thenation/20081002/cm_thenation/4367609
…seeds, everboddy… get ‘em, store ‘em cool an dry… them an firearms an bullets gone be yer bess frens ferever…
I’m headed to Prague tomorrow. Beer is cheaper than water and all the girls are super models. But I’m there for only a week, so please have this shitstorm cleaned up by the time I return. Dekuji!
WhatTheHeck: All aboard the Snark Talk Express!
And McCain cried out “Eli, Eli lama sabachthani?”
When I return from my eurojaunt, you’re all invited to a fine meal chez bitchincamaro. Here’s a preview of the dining room.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2d/Sedlec-Ossuary.jpg
OzoneTom: to which there was no response…
iwillsavethispatient: oh my god, you aren’t aware of jerky? My family is way into jerky so I have tried buffalo jerky and venison jerky, along with turkey, and your more traditional beef.
My mother MAKES JERKY. IN A DEHYDRATOR.
Maybe the Snowbilly will announce Bristol and Levi’s wedding date tonight and where they’re registered at, fingers crossed for Bass Pro Shop and Wal-Mart and the country will respond with a spending spree for these kids that will bring back the economy from deaths door.
Look on the bright side: stocks such as Colt, Remington, pepper spray, Old English Malt Liquor, Kreme ‘O Kentucky Bourbon, Scott Toilet Paper, Churches Crospy Fried Chicken, hair curlers, manufactured homes, cloth diapers, Shick Razor Blades, and condoms went through the roof today.
I hate to say it but my dad was right when he would tell me, “forget about Princeton, son. The secret of life is loose shoes, tight pussy and a warm place to shit.” I know his words are merely a trite Hallmark sentiment, but it kind of chokes me up a little thinking about it.
A little lovin’ : http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/08/taking-back–11.html