• NUMBERS ARE FOR LOSERS: Oh well this is nice: after the Dow plummeted 600 points early this afternoon, it recovered most of those losses. And by that we mean CONTINUED TO PLUMMET HORRIBLY GAHHH. It’s down 770 777 points, which sounds eerily like a “record.” The S&P and Nasdaq are faring even worse, percentage-wise. Here’s a bonus “afternoon funny” for you to laugh at and then tell all yr work friends: the last time Congress swiftly passed a major, bipartisan piece of legislation was to authorize an idiot to launch the worst foreign policy decision in modern American history. So maybe things aren’t so bad hmm? [WSJ]
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  • SelfDeprecatingFed

    I like traffic lights, but only when they’re green.

  • grendel

    You’re all kittens and rainbows today, aren’t you? What are you going to do for readership after you drive us all to suicide?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Bububububut the fundamentals are strong! Walnuts told me so.

  • tunamelt

    I have a lot of rice and no credit cards and no 401k so I’m not going to panic.

  • BrandonG
  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=114198]ManchuCandidate[/re]: He said fundementals but meant fundamentalists. Yeah, the right wing fundamentalists are strong; they can lift heavy things.

  • stew

    But, but, Bristol’s shotgun wedding will make everyone all warm and toasty!

  • bitchincamaro

    Gordon Gecko is slashing his wrists in a tub full of his own warm tears.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=114203]tunamelt[/re]: Amen. This is a wonderful time not to be owning any stock.

  • Hairy Reed

    But hey, isn’t 777 a lucky number in CHINA?

  • Serolf Divad

    777…?! Why, that’s the divine number (as opposed to the evil 666). I know this from reading an interview with the band members from Stryper way back in the day. So I guess God approves.

  • Larry Fine

    A new New York City survivalist cookbook has recipes for jambalaya consisting of rat, cockroach, and pidgeon.

  • captain howdy

    [re=114213]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Except maybe chicken stock, what with all that rice. Personally I’m glad I’ve got so many bagels. I hope to trade them for gasoline, bullets, and some nice smoked salmon.

  • edgydrifter

    I heard a rumor that there’s a run on the Bank of Azeroth. I’d better get the hell over there to pull out my supply of smoked talbuk and stacks of netherweave cloth before the place collapses.

  • Dientes

    [re=114218]Serolf Divad[/re]: God hates capitalism.

  • Sussemilch

    On the bright side, the longer Boehner’s Gambit goes, the cheaper it’ll be to eventually print the fake money to fix it.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    In 1987, under REAGAN REAGAN REAGAN stocks went down 1,000 points in a day, right? At the time it was a 20% drop. Thank you Republican admin types.

  • grendel

    [re=114205]BrandonG[/re]: My God… look how cold and soulless McCain’s eyes are in the picture on Intrade… Apparently they caught him without his contacts in.

  • magic titty

    There are two ways to deal with this problem. Self-loathing and whining ala Morrissey, or ignoring it and having a grand ole time as the ship goes down like the Talking Heads.

    I’m going for the latter. Call me when the DOW is at negative zero.

  • grendel

    [re=114217]Hairy Reed[/re]: It’s a lucky number on a slot machine… like the ones in the casinos McCain frequents.

  • JeffGoldblum

    I’m dumping all my money into pawn shop stock (NASDAQ:EZPW). I’m going to be a fucking billionaire, suckers.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Yay. Those three kittens that our newly adopted mama cat just had are going to be mighty tasty roasted over the firepit we dug last night in the backyard. Anybody got an idea for an appropriate side dish?

  • 4tehlulz

    [re=114218]Serolf Divad[/re]: That means God has cashed out. We are so fucked.

  • tunamelt

    [re=114213]SayItWithWookies[/re]: All I have is 17,000 in student loans and when you consider that I went to a fancy pants private school, that’s relatively decent. Okay, I’m not going to panic, no matter what you say, Jim.

  • Monkey

    Take anything that ain’t nailed down!!!

  • magic titty

    So you know how I said on an earlier post that this bill will pass on Thursday to upstage the fucking dunce from Wasilla’s great debate disgrace…guess when the House is reconvening on ye olde bailout bill…


    Your lucky numbers are 2, 7 and 12.

  • slappypaddy

    signs an’portents abound, they shall be slack-jawed wit wonder… is today not the annual openin o’the books of account? all the wicked go t’the head o’the line… doan crowd, dere’z room fer everone…

  • KublaKant

    During the great depression, my grandmother used to drink “milk” made out of boiled egg shells. I guess our kids have that to look forward to.

  • tunamelt

    [re=114250]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Babies.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=114237]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: 508, actually. . To be fair to Bush’s efforts though, this crash has been going on for much longer than Reagan’s did. And we thought he had no attention span.

  • bitchincamaro

    Jews all over America will be atoning like a motherfucker on Rosh Hashana tomorrow. Like, industrial strength atonement.

  • NoWireHangers

    I’m investing in lottery tickets.

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=114241]magic titty[/re]: I LOL’d when I saw the screaming headline on the NYT.

  • magic titty

    [re=114271]bitchincamaro[/re]: I thought the atonement was during Yom Kippur. I thought Rosh Hashana was just days off for orgies and hummus.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=114254]tunamelt[/re]: It would be nice if this crash soaked the rich more than everybody else (and us non-investment-savvy rubes least of all). Then I think that Bush will protect his own people. Then I remember that that’ll probably hurt his own people more than it could possibly help them.

  • JeffGoldblum

    For some reason I feel like this might all be Wolf Blitzer’s fault…

    In five years the US is going to be like a reverse Water World, and five years after that it will be like a regular Water World (due to global warming).

  • madirishman

    I’ve been unemployed for 9 months now. Back in August, I had to cash out my 403b to pay bills and put food on the table. At the time, I felt awful about it. Today, with the market in free-fall, I think it was the smartest decision I’ve made all year. Hunker down, Wonketeers, and hope we can ride out this shit-storm.

  • Monkey

    [re=114282]magic titty[/re]: Jews don’t eat hummus, they eat mana, like in the old testament.

  • Barack Like Me

    [re=114205]BrandonG[/re]: Obama cracked 65% on Iowa over the weekend:

    I love telling wingnuts that the landslide is going to be of *Reaganesque* proportions, you should see their eyes pinwheel when I say that to them.

    BTW, the Dow closed today 222 points below where it was at the day Herr Busch was sworn in in 2001, though the percentage drop, 6.98% v. 7.1%, is not as high as it was after teh 9/!!s crash.

  • Texas2Step

    How many different ways and in how many different languages can we say, “we are SO fuked!”

  • Sussemilch

    [re=114260]KublaKant[/re]: One Thanksgiving during the depression my great grandmother went to the cupboard to make dinner and all that was left was one rutabega. She sat down and cried for about an hour, then cooked the damn rutabega, and the family ate it.

    We have had rutabega every Thanksgiving meal since.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=114282]magic titty[/re]: There is always enough guilt to go around no matter which magical Jewish holiday it is. And chickens, plenty of chickens.

  • TeddyS

    Fill up with gas, start a vegetable garden and buy a gun. Make that two guns, one to use in holdups and the other to keep people from holding you up. Say goodbye to Social Security, Medicare and financial assistance to the poor.

    Obama is thinking about dropping out of the campaign entirely. Michelle told him, “Damn, Barack, we don’t need this shit! Think about all the money we could rake in as big-time lawyers now!”

    McCain says he will put Country First and sell one of his thirteen cars. Cindy told him, “Bite a big one, John. I ain’t selling nothing. Don’t forget who is bankrolling your ego trip.”

    Palin said, “I .. uh, oh.. Yeah, Sure, Russia and jobs and Willow, or, no it’s Bristol, is going to be so pretty in her wedding dress.”

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=114272]NoWireHangers[/re]: Happily, all my funds were in melamine futures.

  • edgydrifter

    [re=114304]Texas2Step[/re]: “So fucked, we are” is how you say it in Yodaese.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=114254]tunamelt[/re]: With the coming inflation, $17,000 might bartered away for a nice meal.

  • Godot

    Hey hey! Lucky sevens!

    Though I was betting on -800, dang. So close.

  • Hairy Reed

    [re=114242]grendel[/re]: How does this gamble end, then?

  • tunamelt

    [re=114325]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Ha. That’s what I owe miss Sallie Mae.

  • bearbait

    How long before Bush & Co. give the speech that starts out, “Due to the economic collapse, it is not feasible to hold elections in November. Elections will be postponed until…”

  • slappypaddy

    [re=114408]bearbait[/re]: that’s the oktober surprise… wait fer it…

  • Terry

    The House republicans picked a heck of a day to stand up to Bush, didn’t they?

  • Miller

    “The record setting Bush Administration.” Hmmmmm. Sounds like a legacy upgrade!

  • keepinitrealyo

    [re=114408]bearbait[/re]: THERE it is! I had assumed they were going to burn down a library or something.

  • Obamanot

    Nah. Things are MUCH worse. No matter what the idiot congress does the same lying, credit challenged unemployed trash are still going to be able to sashay up to the nearest bank and get a $950000 loan. Franklin Raines should be in jail.

  • Canuckledragger

    “It’s down 777 points, which sounds eerily like a “record.”

    As an old vinyl guy from way back, I can assure you that they came in 16, 33, 45 and 78 rpm. There’s never been a 777 “record.”

    [re=114223]Larry Fine[/re]: “A new New York City survivalist cookbook has recipes for jambalaya consisting of rat, cockroach, and pidgeon.”

    Walter Pidgeon was a great Canuckistani, but he’s been dead since ’84. Hence, he is unsafe to eat at any speed, including 777 rpm. Can I suggest you substitute “pigeon” instead.

    This has been a Public Service Announcement from the Canuckistani Health Ministry. [Nineteen Listeriosis deaths from tainted coldcuts, but no concern or charges. It’s how we roll, bitches!]

  • NotLaughing

    Walter Pidgeon was a great man.

    Americans need to sacrifice.

  • NotLaughing

    Wow that was fast.

  • Sabre_Justice


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