Advertising Inquiries:
wonkette@blogads.com
Tip Your Wonkette:
tips@wonkette.com
Editors:
Ken Layne | Email
Jim Newell | Email
Sara K. Smith | Email
Juli Weiner | Email
Intern:
Riley Waggaman
Ahh, looks like that Bailout Compromise is going to pass in the House eas… ACK, it’s not going to pass. Well! The economy was fun while it lasted. You can watch exciting live footage of the vote at CNN.com. Now it’s 228 nay, 205 YAY. The Dow has dropped more than 600 points in the last few minutes. Seriously, buy canned goods. [CNN]
1:51 PM
on Mon September 29 2008
By
Jim Newell
4473 Views
Wonkette
houston: i think we have a problem!!!!
well fuck…
What’s Chinese for “Would you like fries with that?”
Thank Yahweh for Ronald Reagan defeating the Gawdless Communists back in the day.
Otherwise, capitalism might be a rotting corpse kicked into the dustbin of history by the Chinese.
What? Oh.
Never mind.
As a moniker, “Black Monday” is already taken. I vote for “Cannibal Zombie Financial Holocaust Monday.”
Oh fuck, Toronto’s biting it even harder, TSX down over 700 points for some reason and the pain just keeps going. Time to stock up on Kraft Dinner, fellow Canadians.
We are all Geckos!
Is it just me or is nobody really choosing a side here? I mean, one minute I’m hearing that the bailout is a mistake, that our tax money shouldn’t go to these fat catz, yet when the bill isn’t passing that’s terrible too. Is anyone here really for this particular bill? Or am I being too blunt and this is all supposed to be fuzzy until the shit hits the fan, whatever is done/not done, so we can place ourselves firmly on the side that can bitch the loudest? Please advise…
Next vote? Our new national slogan should be:
A)Bellum omnium contra omnes
B)Livin’ in the USA: solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short
Haha! Lucky for me I’m a typical fat American so I can just hibernate until the economy improves. On the downside, I’ll be front of the line if the Chinese decide to start harvesting us for their delicious stir-fried Soylent Green (now with extra melamine).
SayItWithWookies: chinese translation: “would you like flies wi dat?”
El Bombastico: Me gusta mucho1
LOL, the other choice of Live video on CNN is the O.J. trial.
Ok, we deserved it. Be gentle God.
El Bombastico: My vote goes for “WTF Monday.”
El Bombastico: How about Obama Monday?
This country is run by complete imbeciles. Eric Cantor, I will beat you senseless with my hobo bag as soon as this thing is over.
I think I’ll start selling wheelbarrows so people will have something to cart their money around in while bread shopping.
user-of-owls: “Quando omni flunkus moritati.” Fake-latin for “when all else fails, play dead”.
Once I built a railroad, made it run. Made it race against time…
Buddy, can you spare some canned goods, a few cardboard boxes and a tank of booze?
I don’t want to point fingers or anything but….. why do the Republicans hate our economy?
Top Ramen Monday?
When does the looting begin?
rambone: How about Inverted American Phallus Monday?
I for one welcome our new corpse-rat overlords.
So is Walnuts going to suspend his & Bible Spice’s campaigns & call for a delay in the debate on Thursday? So he can go to WA & screw things up even more?? Holy crap!
The only stock I own that has gone up today is something called MKL which I accidentally bought because I was trying to buy Marvel Comics which is MVL. Thank god I was drunk at the time.
And I STILL don’t see a “we’re fucked” tag..
I call dibs on the empty fridge box behind the abandoned piggly wiggly.
The money-based economy is so last millennium. Time to move past it. Meanwhile, canned goods it is.
Apparently they are voting on it again. Five minutes.
–ooo, did you notice, I just liveblogged!
I posted in the comments here just the other day that the Ds needed to take two steps back from this shitpile and let it collapse on its own. Why didn’t they listen to me? Don’t Nancy and Harry read the comments?
Bend over, taxpayers. Time to take one for the team. ‘Cause Dubya said so!
Vewol Mevemont: I actually ran a campaign where my candidate and Cantor shared a political consultant, during Cantor’s first run at office. Cantor used to be a human being, despite being a Republitard. Now? He belongs to the Cheney undead.
So much for looking for a wife with intelligence and personality. I’m gonna find me one who can pull a plow!
NoWireHangers: Checking my blackberry… I’m scheduled to tear the flesh off of and eat Phil Gramm’s burnt carcas at 4:00, but that will probably take longer than expected, and I gotta pick up the kids… so I’m aiming for 6:00, see you there.
Texan Bulldoggette: Are you kidding? Is he really trying to suspend his campaign AGAIN?! He didn’t even do that LAST time!
Finally, a day in which it sucks to be rich. We’ll get back to our regularly scheduled shit-in-the-mouths-of-poor-people programming tomorrow.
Who is voting against this? Are the Repubtards tanking this, and if so why?
she really should be able to shoot shit as well
CBS’s “Sunday Morning” saw it coming. Bill Geist did a segment about the 2008 National Hobo Convention yesterday.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/09/29/sunday/geist/main4484460.shtml
Looks like Pelosi made some kind of awful partisan speech that scared all the poor little republicans into voting against the plan!
…I live in Miami so all I need to do is tie a couple inner tubes together and raft my ass to Cuba! Hasta luego PUTOS!!!
grendel: I listened the debate this morning. Yes, it’s the Republicans. It’s insane. They kept talking about some list of 400 economists and 4 Nobel laureates who are against the bailout, but they don’t really seem to have any solutions or options. Just “let’s slow down, take a week and think this thing through.” Apparently these people don’t ever watch the news or pick up a Wall Street Journal or give a fig for the market tanking.
Cape Clod: wheelbarrows is so why-mar republik… shoppin carts is in… the cadillacs of the homeless, we all git to drive ‘em now… time to corner th’ market… oh, shit, there ain’t no market, whar’z mah gun…
This is the time when Congressional Republicans deserve to be sodomized.
I new I got a dog for a reason. Well, at least MY family will have Thanksgiving this year.
Eat up, Zekey, must to fatten you up…..
Screw CNN. C-SPAN is where the real action is! If I wanted to watch the world collapse while random idiots babbled and sobbed about shit they didn’t understand, I’d stick to MSNBC/FOX’s morning shows.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: No, not that I’m aware of; I just sense another stunt coming down the pipeline (anything to avoid the VP debate).
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! (watch out for the people jumping from windows as you run)
Market bouncing back down again. Almost 600 down again.
I didn’t eat all of my lunch today because the potato salad had too much cumin in it. I am now seriously considering digging it back out of the trash can. It all still seems to be in a container. And I suspect it is more food than my life savings will be able to buy next week.
I’m now watching the house considering business on whether or not to order the secretary of treasury to mint commemorative army coins. This congress is absolutely pointless. I don’t apologize, this is absolutely snarkless.
ihasasad: It’s like when my wife and I are traveling together to a new place: If we come to an intersection and we both agree that our destination is to the left, we turn right, confident that we are wrong, because we usually are. Here, we assume that if the government passes the bill, it shouldn’t have passed and if they don’t, it was probably our only hope. Thinking like that gives us our excuse for our after lunch cocktail or six.
We now know the answer to the age old question of Duck or Rabbit season. I guess it’s Rabbit season.
Hmm. The vote actually shows some Dems against this too. I’m willing to reach across the aisle and throttle them too, at this point. Anyone seen a list of who voted how?
Fuck your fellow man, it’s garroting and shanking time!
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
ManchuCandidate:
My mom has been telling me since birth that I have feet like a peasant, hips for child bearing and shoulders meant for hard labor. Maybe I’ll become a wanted commodity in this new hobo world.
ihasasad: You’re right. That’s what annoys me. Everyone’s like, “The bailout sucks, but without having the bailout, we’re screwed.” Stop saying the bailout sucks, then! It’s our only fucking hope!
grendel: I’m betting the republicans wanted to vote en masse against it to accuse the Dems of shitting on the regular people for Wall Street. They didn’t consider they’d actually convince some stupid Dems along the way. Now, it won’t pass, the DJIA will sink past 10K, and we’ll have food riots by friday. So…yay repubs?
grendel: Believe it or not, some of them are actually true to the conservative ideology and believe in that “free market” thingy.
Market only down 455. This is seriously volatile. Up then down then up then down…
El Bombastico: Putrid Partisan Post-Apocalypse Monday
thatonegirlsays:
Will you marry me? Heh.
As of this writing the Dow Jones is 100 points above where it was in January 2001 when Herr Busch first became our Preznit.
Sublime had some cools things to say on the subject, back in the day…
http://de.youtube.com/watch?v=1OtmKwIEn9s
~Nyc
thatonegirlsays: Provide your picture and ideas for things you might offer in a dowry, and THEN we’ll be cookin’.
SayItWithWookies: It’s: “你想薯条呢？”
bearbait: Thank you! I was feeling like Vinnie on Welcome Back Kotter:
http://www.jibjab.com/view/243725
Cogito Ergo Bibo: I haven’t seen a list. I mention Cantor specifically because of his central role in these charades. And also because I know he’s not genuinely retarded, which leads me to the conclusion that he’s 100% willing to destroy this country to retain his seat in the house. A fucking seat in the house! If you’re going to sell your soul, at least get a goddamned senate seat.
Fuck it. Let’s all take our money out of the bank and go to the gun store. It’s gonna be Thunderdome out there tomorrow.
Barack Like Me: Take that back, my mother’s a saint
Who knew a Republican political stunt could have real world consequences? It’s not like it’s ever happened before.
I hear the weather in Paraguay is nice this time of the year.
Anybody got any leftover gov’t cheese?
Manic Monday
Six o’clock already
I was just in the middle of a dream
I was stranglin’ Republicans
By a crystal blue Alaskan stream
But it (the vote) can’t be right
‘Cause then I guess I just won’t get paid
These are the days
When you wish you didn’t get up.
It’s just a really Shitty Monday
I wish it was Sunday
‘Cause that’s my funday
My we don’t have a bank runday
It’s just a really Shitty Monday
Have to catch an early train
Got to be at the bank by nine
And if I had an air-o-plane
I still couldn’t get my money in time
‘Cause it takes me so long
Just to figure out what I’m gonna use
Shotgun or the Glock
And I’ve got no ammo there
All of the nights
Why did my lover have to pick last night
To get down
Doesn’t it matter
That I have to feed the both of us
The Dow is down
She tells me in her bedroom voice
C’mon honey, let’s go start a riot
Time it goes so fast
When you’re having fun
Vewol Mevemont: I’ve seen him on teevee. He’s a major asshole, so I’m not too surprised by his actions.
kudzu: The weather is never nice in Paraguay. In fact, nothing is nice in Paraguay. You’ll have better luck moving to Argentina. Also, the dollar is actually worth something there… for now.
Oh, and we’re totally fucked now.
ManchuCandidate: You’re going to have to come over here and explain why I am cackling to my boss.
Vewol Mevemont: Hells YEAH. Cantor is an embarrassment in my neck of the woods, in central Virginia. He’s not my representative, though. I suffer under Virgil Goode. I’m surrouned by idiots.
ManchuCandidate: I’m looking for a husband that is a rich Russian oil Baron. Or maybe a Saudi Prince. I’ve always dreamed of wearing a burquini.
Anyone know what time the Union Pacific leaves for Kansas City? They got a boxcar with my name on it.*
*Willie
ihasasad:
1. The issue is that this whole credit thing is based on trust, and right now trust is in the shitter because people have been way shady about lending and short term profits.
2. If lenders don’t lend the economy grinds to a halt and the Dow continues to fall. The Government saving Wall Street will make Wall Street and everyone else feel safe enough to lend again.
3. The “Bail Out” plan is for the Government to buy up the shit debt and resell it later, possibly breaking even or maybe making a profit (ha!). Note that they’ll buy the debt with money they borrowed from China (HAHAHA!)
4. Wall Street wants this.
5. Main Street is mixed on this because we’re not quite sure how this will affect us.
6. No one truly knows what’s gonna happen, but the bail out won’t solve everything anyway.
7. Bail Out Good Position: Some people say the bail out is good because it will soothe the markets. Indeed it will, but for how long?
8. Bail Out Bad Position: Congressional Republicans have their panties in a wad over the commie implications of all this. Hell, at least they’re consistent.
9. Main Street Angle I: People with assets/investments/homes are like, maybe we do need a bail out because this could eventually effect me if it hasn’t already.
10. Main Street Angle II: People with debt and no assets (i.e. ME) are all like, fuck Wall Street, burn baby burn/what have I got to lose. This may be an immature attitude.
11. Now we watch and wait. Kind of exciting, no?
JadedDIssonance: I saw that, and I couldn’t stop laughing. It is like, o well, fuck the economy, let’s make some commemorative quarters which will be worth a penny in two days.
Sho is grateful I got me a full tank of gas at the filler station yesserday
Weather forecast for Financial Districts world-wide: It will be raining brokers and advisors for the next few hours. Stay indoors, as umbrellas tend to worsen the mess you have to walk through.
Keram2: When Argentina fell into the abyss about 6 years ago, virtually the entire economy reverted to a barter system. Dentists were fixing their plumbers’ teeth to get their pipes fixed, taxi drivers giving rides to butchers for meat and psychoanalysts were getting paid in designer dresses. Honest to jeebus.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/1977804.stm
If credit vanishes and banks follow, do you really think this couldn’t happen to some degree here? Ken, Jim, Sara…hope your green grocer likes snark…alot.
THere was a brief moment of optimism at the stock exchange, and the Dow crawled back up to -400 for the day. That’s over with:
http://online.wsj.com/public/us
I always wondered what people thought at Pompei.
blader: roger that… doan let yer neighbors know you got it…
When shit sandwiches are served it’s impolite to pass, even if you’re not hungry.
buy canned goods? buy stocks!
Roll Call Votes
At least I can make wine out of blackberries–see ya suckas!
i never thought i might be better of in south africa than the US, well when i come back in december i will buy you all to be slaves on my plantation
rambone: “I hear the Robots baked us a pie! How I love my Soylent Green!”
Did I say “overlords”?! I meant “Protectors”!
user-of-owls: Barter Economics
This is reassuring– I should be able to barter my medical services for food, etc. Unless… nobody has enough money to buy the medications I prescribe… Damn!
Backup plan: There are a lot of pigs in this state, and the farmers can’t keep an eye on them 24/7…