Wonkette
That’s WALNUTS! after downing his fifteen nightly Ambien. What a nut. But, he showed up for tonight’s debate, and that’s more than he was planning on yesterday! So give him credit HE WAS IN THE WAR FOR CHRIST’S SAKE JESUS. Anyway: tonight’s debate is about race. No. Foreign policy… of race? we have four 40s for the night but still have some vague idea of what’s going on at the moment. Let’s watch, uh, MSNBC CNN or something, sure, and get drunker faster better before the “show” starts. We’ll be having a new liveblog every half-hour tonight.
8:32 — How totally freaked out are you by that Blingee? Ha ha suckaz. No just kidding PLEASE STAY.
8:33 — We’re doing CNN. MSNBC is just that Olbermann ranting about, uh, Bush or rape laws or killing waterfowl or whatever the Liberals whack off to these days.
8:35 — WOOOLF. Oh hai Wolf. Oh he is “going” to Soledad O’Brien. Where is she? In a brown cave in Columbus, Ohio, Afganistan. They — the “focus group” attendees each have wires attached to their arms so as to kill them for information about the 9/11 Wall Street Financial Crisis.
8:37 — Soledad O’Brien shows them the special Buzzer Dildo they will each use. If you don’t press yours, the person next to you will and you will die! CNN got the idea from the dead Joker, Heath Ledger, in the latest Star Wars anime movie.
8:39 — If you have an HDTV, you can somehow test Bill Bennett’s pulse or something. Does he have a brain tumor? Does Paul Begala have kidney stones. “This is only open to HD customers,” Wolf says.
8:40 — Wolf “goes” to John King on the Great Wall, which is just a Chinese ripped version of Microsoft Paint for Windows 3.0.1. “Ohio” is important. Everything about this Mississippi debate is about Ohio, according to CNN.
8:42 — Ah, commercial. Let’s do our favorite Wonkette Liveblogging Commercial Activity: copy-pasting a funny Kathryn Jean Lopez post from The Corner.
Obama Discriminates Against the Internet!! [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
I just got my Obama text message (how much do I regret signing up for the veep text?). I’m told to watch “on any of the major networks or cable.”
K-Lo: the “Sarah Palin” of The Corner.
8:46 — Let’s “go” to Jeff Toobin, the teevee New Yorker lawyer. “I think the whole concept of expectations is bogus,” Toobin says. And he criticizes the media! Everyone shouts at him. He will be in CNN Gitmo (Larry King’s hobbit-filled handjobatorium) for the next few days, as punishment.
8:48 — McCain is a “street fighter,” sez CNN. How’s that working out for him?
8:49 — Wolf has breaking news! “Uh uh there’s Michelle, uh, Obama, there she is on the uh, platform, the stage, uh uh uh, there she is, uh, walking, uh, sniff, uh there’s our CNN, uh, reporter, internet writer, uh reporter, uh uh internet reporter uhhhh.”
8:50 — CNN has some random foreign gal, “Abby,” looking and touching a 20-foot diameter screen of some Internet comment board. “You can see what they’re thinking on the Internet.” And we all know how edifying an experience that can be. Wolf: “Uh uh uh neat, uh, yeah.”
8:52 — HA HA, they made black Roland Martin of CNN go to the black caucus party. “You know how to talk to them, right?” was the producer’s rationale.
8:54 — Oh shit. CNN has taken its massive budget to crash in some rotting wood-paneled ass castle of Republican voters in Nevada or something. They are all 1,000 years old in floral shirts and weigh more than Earth. Can’t wait to, what is it, “go” to them later for their opinions. “Why is George Jefferson debating Hero?”
8:58 — Yay, Ted Kennedy isn’t dead yet. Well that’s enough for now. KEN LAYNE your bearded editor loser will liveblog the first half hour of the debate. GO THERE.
Greetings, Wonketters, from sunny Melbourne. Where can I watch this online?
“My Friends”
=
Drink!
~
Letterman is still frickin’ hilarious. Bad choice Walnuts.
Is it just me or did the cameraman focus of the woman in the red shirt’s breasts a little to long?
YellowScientist: Should be live on CNN.com
…geez, that is a nasty photo to “refresh” to!
if there’s anything i love it’s to see an old man get an asswhoopin! bring it!
I’d just like to say that Radiohead’s “Treefingers” came up on the ipod shuffle just as I came here and saw this picture of Walnuts. I think the combination of the two has permanently altered me.
Is it just me, or does his face look a little lopsided? Never noticed that before.
I can’t watch CNN–Fat Fuck Bennett always makes me want to puke.
Holy fuck!
YellowScientist: msnbc.com is threatening to air it live @9pm. “bout 15 minutes from now…
I just know his face will explode. I’m watching “Dancing with the Stars” until it’s over. I can’t bear to see it happen live.
You bling is eractic, newell.
You never noticed crazy cancer jowls?
M’lady and I have consumed a couple of Putins, now we’re consuming some Churchills and I’ve partaken in a little Cheech. Let’s get this truck race started!
HOPEY! There’s Hopey. I’m watching Olberman bitches…
Yes yes y’all. And you dont stop…LLLLLLLLLLLLLETS GET READY TO RUMBLE!
cnn.com has already started.
mr.november: so is my spelling.
eastcoastliberal: Why don’t tv stations live stream on the web all of the time?
Pitcher of Martinis? Check
Bong loaded? Check
DirecTivo set to both FOX and MSNBC to see if I can make it explode? Check.
It’s time for an old fashion Ho Down…, I mean debate.
Vodka and lime and pizza and my wife and two dogs and baby and the fucking retards on the teevee telling me what to think.
Let’s watch the A-RAB and the HERO (5.5 years)
graceless: Dunno. But I’m watching old fashioned HD TV whilst my laptop is on my lap.
Blueberry martinis and blue corn chips, I am all about a theme.
Ummm… PETA should throw blood on that ladies pink boa.
I am not liking Michelle’s dress but I am sure Cindy will wear one of her expensive monstrosities.
OK, I’m here with the boozes.
A lot of people don’t know this, but this blingee of McCain is actually a stillshot from the alternate ending of 2001 a space odyssey.
Blingee is taking over the world.
The only good thing about Bennett on the TV is it reminds me to keep exercising and watch the cholesteral.
Nurple: http://wonkette.chatango.com/
“What Do Dumb Anchors ‘Predict’?”
The bailout plan: just a piece of paper.
columnv: Jealous! Me=home alone while kids are at a football game and husband and dog are in New Hampshire canvasing for Hopey. BUT I have vodka and the tv retards and all of you…so…Phew!
whyareyouwearingstripes: Oh sorry to mislead. I was being snarky.
BTW, we must all remember that Walnuts! had no Blingee for FIVE AN A HALF YEARS! (he didn’t have a table either)
THAR’S WALNUTS! IN THEM THAR’ CHEEKS!
Holy shit, are you trying to give us all brain damage? lol
I’m at my mom’s house SO NO DRINKING FOR ME HOLY SHIT KILL ME.
Shorts, my mom’s house is in a certain elitist town right next to another elitist town where we went to middle school!
Chris Matthews just revealed that Obama can’t win the racist vote. Really, Chris?
Waiting eagerly for Obama to nudge McCain into an apoplectic rage.
Neopolitan Ice Cream, Jameson and ACTUAL WALNUTS!
If Donna Brazille wasn’t a black lesbian, she would have been president after Bill Clinton.
loquaciousmusic: HA HA your life sucks! You cant by beer just north of her place in 3 minutes
JUMP on it.
Teddy’s back home…no scotch allowed in the hospital tv room.
I’m on MSNBC. I spent nearly four hours on the damn riding lawnmower and my ancient, arthritic body (I am the oldest person here except for Walnuts) hurts so I’m doin’ hydrocodone and muscle relaxers and it just took me three tries to type that.
I am so nervous, I could be debating myself. No, I mean I could be debating McCain myself. See? I’m loaded.
Oh, Mr. Obama–PLEEeeezzee quit tipping the moron voters off to the fact you are the most brilliant person to run since the other Land of Lincolner. We like our president stupid.
Damn, at this rate all I need is one more painkiller and I’ll be ready to mud wrestle that Snobilly bitch and throw her to a bear. Or possum.
I cannot stand Bennett and Wolf is creeping me out–I’ll get my share of creep out of McWalnuts.
Ted Kennedy’s back home from the hospital…
Terry: He’s on top of the shiznit, dawgs.
I wonder if Walnuts cheeks will pull out about a foot or so like in that movie Brazil? Can someone try that just to see?
Did that shot on MSNBC with Olbermann and Biden look a little too Barry wannabe?
K-Lo: the “Sarah Palin” of The Corner.
On the inside, perhaps.
~
Put on Yer Boots! It’s Weasle Stompin’ Day!!!!!
Teddy is going to hang on be there when Obama is inaugurated.
once again…ITS ON!
Terry: But he can win the “had it with whitey cracka honkey” vote… cuz that’s the real Michelle Obama baby mama and if he wasn’t a whitey cracka honkey hater he wouldn’t have stayed married with her for two births of black babies!
Where’s the blimp guy?
I’m stuck with cnn.com. cuz it’s working.
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No noise? No McCain.
How short is WALNUTZ, please?
Walnuts makes Jim Lerher look like a teenie-bopper.
I’m seein’ no debate on CNN, but am getting a slammin’ Fishbone-style jam session.
Oh, Jim Lehrer. They should all do a fishing show instead.
Oh my god, they hate each other.
“The audience will be drawn and quartered if such as an exhalation is heard.” Thus sayeth Lord Lehrer.
Quoting Eisenhower. Bad sign.
New thread?
Oh shit. It’s starting. My heart is pounding.
OWN THIS MOTHERFUCKER OBAMA!
Future of this country? HAHAHAHAHA!
graceless: one sec, i’ll link here when it’s up
I cannot achieve solvency of my Angustora bitters. Must have colder tonic. Where’s the CO2 fire extinguisher?
Very sick of Main Street.
I am still protesting being thrown off of
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GO HERE http://wonkette.com/403092/liveblogging-the-barack-vs-obama-mississippi-massacre-part-i
Hopey looks serious. It’s sirius biz, kiddies…
Helping homeowners? HAHAHAHAHAHA
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man, my refresh is like stoned or something
hopey…Hopey…HOpey…HOPEy…HOPEY!! HOPEY!!! HOPEY!!!!
Barry’s going for the gut early–good move.
Barack just blamed Bush and McCain for the hole Goddamn mess.
Yaaay, Hopey’s going for the jugular.
I can’t watch. I am going to color my hair.
I know Senator Kennedy, you’re don’t, prick
graceless: Good.
Shit, Obama looks stiff
Oh, Damned, McCain trumps Obama on Kennedy. Then has to look down to read what University he is at…
CSPAN great. Lehr gave everyone the “Don’t make me come back there because I WILL PULL THIS DEBATE OVER” speech to the audience.
Good stuff.
Republicans and Democrats, togetha 4eva!
Sanps to Barry! He came with his game face on.
McCain is feeling better tonight because Sarah Palin is gagged, hidden in a cave and being fed on raw moose meat,
Newsflash, Walnuts, Kennedy is already HOME.
Walnuts, Teddy’s back at home! And laughing at you!
probably, certainly. man o man
Go for the “I’m feeling ill” theme, Nuggets! Just like Sarah! She said she’s ill! I’m pukin’, too!
The American people are so treasure.
It’s very touching.
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We’ve finally seen dems and repubs works together… they WERE working together until YOU got back there!!
Walnuts HAS been around a little while. Finally seen democrats and repubs coming together…til YOU GOT THERE!
The point of the pAnIc is it’s bringing us all back together. Whew. I thought the point was ultimate economic disaster.
can we add “package” to the drinking game?
Oh, it’s the beginning of the end, alright, walnuts… 4 u
he’s fixated on barry’s package
Walnuts looks like he’s taken so many slowerdowners that he’s going to fall asleep before the next round.
I wish it were Tom Lehrer and not Jim Lehrer.
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MCNutz has a full on hard-on for the House Republican plan.
Did McCain just call it a “physical” crisis? Twice?
It’s possible I heard him wrong but that’s what it sounded like.
Hopey warned us. Hopey was pessimisticky. The sky was falling you nincompoops!
treasure=treasured
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He’ll vote for the plan: AFTER HE FUCKS IT UP FOR EVERYBODY
I warned. No, I warned more. No Eisenhower warned.
McCain warned us about Freddie Mac and Fannie May - why didn’t we listen?!?
Walnuts looks tired and depressed…
Everybody has been warning haven’t they?
Oh the train wreck is coming…………
Give me a break.
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AHHH! WALNUTS!
1. Pulled Ted Kennedy BS as the first word out of his mouth.
2. His tie is giving me a seizure
3. Looks like he’s going to projectile vomit and/or die.
4. Totally threw Congressional Republicans under the bus as the destroyers of “the plan”
WE’RE GOING TO KOREA! LONG LIVE EISENHOUR!
I’ve been criticized…. for being a complete asshole.
apparently mcain’s nickname “flatliner” doesnt just describe his EEGs
sorry I’m late - had to pee
greed bad! greed bad! OK, I’m flipping.
Funny…McCain didnt seem so keen on “Accountability” when he was embroiled in the Keating5 fiasco.
He’s totally Palined his last answer. WwII ?? WTF?
Greed is bad and we are not going to let it
stay around these parts anymore!
Greed be gone!!
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Eisenhower pulled a Phillip II of Spain! (as detailed in Voyage of the Armada)
The Armada cacked it, tho.
The New Cassius: “Fis-a-cal” crisis. All believes in Jaheezuz pronounce it this way.
Walnuts, I knew Ike. I worked with Ike. You are no Ike.
Ikey, maybe.
But no Ike.
C’mon, John, sigh loud.
I know I’m biased, but Obama already owns this thing.
Barry? Aweful tie man….
the fundamentals of my “bag” are sound
must have new thread
Hey my friends,look at my Republican package!!!
“Afraid I couldn’t hear him?”
“With my hearing aids turned up to 11 like this?”
“Say what?”
If you have an HDTV, you can somehow test Bill Bennett’s pulse or something. Does he have a brain tumor?
Could be he’s a scanner. Could be that he is computing whether he has enough time to call his bookie and change his bet.
“I also warned about… yadda yadda yadda.”
Going back to Ike’s time as a general… not realizining that what Ike was doing by writing TWO letters: he was hedging his bets.. covering his ASS. And Johnny-Mac wants to fire someone that the president doesn’t have the power to fire.. unless there were some secret provisions in the Patriot Act.
MAMIE MAMIE!!!!
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Remember, Sarah told us that it’s the homeowners who are greedy! They want bigass houses and they work at WalMart!
OK, I know this isn’t the most important thing, but…
Media 101: don’t wear a busy striped tie on TV!!!! Jesus, it’s distracting! It’s moving! Sweet Jeebus, the entire room here is walking around, clucking like chickens!!
My wif just asked me… does McCain wear false teeth???? Shit, I don’t know… Does he?????
Johnnie MacTruck sounds tired. And old.
Not even Lerh can get these guys to talk to each other.
Scorcard:
1 Issue
0 Responses
I believe in the fundamental productivity of children in sweatshops in china…don’t matter how good they are at working if your not so good at paying, Walnuts
I thought the world was coming to an end?
I’ve been hearing that the best days are ahead
of us ever since….well…always actually.
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America hasnt been the biggest exporter for years. China has been for years.
Jesus the Twitter liveblog thing is so fast it’s going to make me vomit.
Dear God. Leher is trying to get them to talk to each other. Let them debate, this is not marital counseling.
NoWireHangers: Maybe it’s better in high def?
Bear DNA RULES
His old pen isn’t the only thing that’s old.
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He’s vetoing everything! He said so!
MAVERICK! MAVERICK!
YOU WILL KNOW THEIR NAMES!! Hahahaha….great line!
The bears DNA test was just profiling. Cougars are getting off scott free.
We spent money to study crab mating habits too.
McCain’s face is falling clean off on that left side
He’s got an old pen!
Johnnie just dissed Palin for requesting earmarks! Go Johnnie!!
azw88: Is your wif kind of like a wife?
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Tonight we of the hobo camps of American turn our alumimun foil caps to the moon to get radio waves to learn how the Surge is going. Country first and Alpo all around!
Spending is out of control… yeah, nothing like an un-nessesary war to break a budget.
John McCain just said he would veto every spending bill….. well, close down the government, that would sure save some money!
I love how McCain is talking like he hasn’t been in the Republican party for 200 years.
“It’s broken. It’s a mess.”
Hey McCunt: it happened on your watch.
Johnny’s pens are soooo old. And tired. And won’t ever see an earmark, God willing.
Newell! I hope you’re drunk! And taking peyote! Ugh. It’s all too much!
McCain is going to veto all earmarks? Yeah. Can we blame his lying on evil or teh Alzheimers?
McCain heard “Earmarks” and thought he had another tumor on his skin.
I’ve heard “fundamental” about 113 times now.
Jammakain is talking out of his whole ass.
The greatest invasion in history? Are there great invasions?
Oh - haha, now he’s going to end ‘greed’. What a fucking dick.
arf: Yes he does, but he has Viagra to take care of that..
ForeignSickSpecialist:
at least he does not look old…..
Ahhhh What is that terrible turtle monster with a pen! It’s Gammera….
Oh, no, just McCain. Need another drink.
Poor Bob. He is so trying to build a bridge of hate and bile between them.
I’m taking a shot everytime either of them say “fundamental.” I’ll be out in 15 minutes or so, but I can catch all the highlights when I sober up.
azw88: I don’t think that you can get false teeth in that color.
Maybe for halloween.
Keating 5! Keating 5! Keating 5! Keating 5!
SHERIFF!
MISS CONGENIALITY!
SHERIFF!
MISS CONGENIALITY!
SHERIFF!
MISS CONGENIALITY!
Jesus Christ. Eisenhower. Who would have thought?
Ooooooooooooooohhh…Miss Congeniality.
Wowsa!
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$18B is corrupting. $300B is a virtue.
Just because it is an ‘earmark’ it is not necessarily porkbarrel, wasteful. Sadly, Here in AZ, we get shit done and built since Johnny Mac has gotten religion.
Strong pimp hand!
McCain looks whiter than Edgar Winter.
Seems like Barry is wearing a HUGE Flav O Flav clock around his neck
McCain is as yellow as his teeth.
Rush: You’re right. He looks not a day over 97. A spry one, old Johnnie Mac.
Who gives a crap about Ireland?
Eisenhower?
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Somebody tell Obama that there is no line-item veto.
Nice try.
I feel like i’m watching bad couples caounseling…talk to each other…Well, Jim, I’m unhappy with him because…tell him that…but, Jim
Bob should just give them a set of gloves and let them duke it out….
I lay $$ on Obama in the second… Hes got a HUGE reach advantage!!
Why does he want them to keep addressing EACH OTHER. What is this, Kramer vs. Kramer?
MY FRIENDS!
He just said “my friends”! Drink Motherfuckers!
that old guy says ‘my friends’ one more time………
In Ireland, you can also pay 40% of your tax debt in peat.
“Senator Obama’s a recent convert.” Oh shit. There you go with that muslim shit again…
No stuttering Hopey! It makes me nervous..
Ireland?
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Yes, our corporate taxes are higher than most other nations…. but guess what, most other nations pay income and sales taxes up the ASS!!!!
Tax these benefits, biaatch!
SHIT!! forgot to stop by the liquor barn before I got home!!! I gotta do this shit SOBER!
YellowScientist: The library.
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ForeignSickSpecialist: We should use “fundamental” for the drinking game in future debates, even if they are just about the economy and stuff.
You think they woulda cleaned all the tagging off those back walls…
McCain’s tie is going to give me a seizure
Festooned!
Ireland doesn’t have an enormous military industrial complex to support whitey.
festooned?
Hopey’s wearing a flag and McCain isn’t. ‘Course, he’s still a Negro.
Who?
RON PAUL THAT’S WHO!!!!!!!!!!!!
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What time does the foreign policy debate start?
I, for one, welcome our Christmas-tree ornament overlords.
Who’s your daddy? I have proposals to be your daddy! Americans can choose this mommy or that mommy. I don’t give a fuk, I’m Johnnie Walnutz!
Itsjustme: That’s quite a big word. Some may say “elitist”.
<—glad I didn’t type festooned.
I wanted to though.
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Jamakane knows all about strippin’
Is McCain allowed to pause to readjust his oxygen mask? Just asking.
FESTOOONED WITH BLINGEEEEE
Hopey’s wearing a flag pin and McCain isn’t. ‘Course, Hopey’s still a Moselem.
arf: GMTA! Festooned with Christmas Ornaments
Ready for the new GRE?
fes·toon (f-stn)
n.
1. A string or garland, as of leaves or flowers, suspended in a loop or curve between two points.
2. A representation of such a string or garland, as in painting or sculpture.
tr.v. fes·tooned, fes·toon·ing, fes·toons
1. To decorate with or as if with festoons; hang festoons on.
2. To form or make into festoons.
Ya know what? Obama looks like a black J.F.K in Hi Def. McCain, not so much.
Cindy is always festooned….
How did Mr. Potter get out there without his wheelchair?
~~~~~~~~~~Festoon me in the morning….then just walk awaaaaaaaaaaaay~
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simetrias: and he thinks you are an old fuck, walnuts.
WadISay: and McCain’s a moseleum.
Reach across the aisle and Pimp Slap that old white man, Hopey!
Did Douglas Adams design this Literal Combat ship WALNUTS speaks of?
Itsjustme: Rattan-festooned…
.
.
McCain fought the Boeing contract at the behest of his euro-lobbyists!
graceless: Thanks, graceless - it turns out it’s live on free to air here!
WALNUTS: I know how to put people in federal prison. Like my buddy Charles Keating!
He called him Tom! Uncle Tom! He’s a honky! Say it, Hopey! Call him Honky!
Mccain’s plan: Less taxes, more war.
Walnuts! = Mr. Freeze. God help us.
McCain: Let’s freeze spending. All of it. Cryogenically, so it can continue after I am thawed out.
Kelly’s Hero’s is on TCM, I LOVE THAT MOVIE !
Let’s take Iraq’s oil! Say it Obama! We all want their oil! That’s why we’re there!
He said “nuclear” hehe… oh wait, that’s how you’re supposed to say it… I was the child who was left behind with W…
dano: Jamakane could have a five o’clock shadow if he didn’t have robot cheeks.
LET’S INVADE IRELAND NOW!! BEFORE IT’S TOO LAte!
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Why the hell are they acting like we have to cut anything? We’ve given up completely on the notion of a balanced budget.
between themselves and their deceased…yup, that sounds right
S.Luggo: Omitted:
http://www.quizilla.com/user_images/S/sansanatomy/1075755359_ze350.medq.jpg
Yes! The Republicans had no part of the deficit! Bush has always submitted balanced budgets and the Dems have caused the debt!
Orgy of spending! That’s the greatest line ever.
Why did he take 40 minutes to tie him to Bush? That should be the answer to every question!
Miss Congeniality! Twice!
McCain is Palin. Miss Congeniality. We know you well, sir.
We’ve won! We’re bringing home victory!
Miss Congeniality!
Miss Congeniality!
Miss Congeniality!
How about a Surge of not causing wars?
Weeping Jesus: YOU TELL EM JESUS!!!!!!!!!
We’re fighting for Iraqi freedom! Like that matters!
The soldiers don’t want their kids coming back to Iraq. Ever.
McCain knows military strategy. After all he crashed 5 military aircraft.
McCain supports snitchin.
Yes, more time, money, and blood will fix Iraq.
Damn that Obama. He’s using Bush’s failures in Iraq against McCain. That ain’t fair!
This is AGONY
Is George Schultz still alive?
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I gotta switch to the liveblog threads, I’m falling behind here with my wet-string intertoobz connection.