Wonkette
- MCCAIN TRAVELING PRESS POOL REPORT, PRE-FLIGHT: “McCain now boarding plane at DCA with Cindy, Salter, Rudy Giuliani, wife Judith, and other aides plus pool. Heading to Memphis, 1:50 minute flight, then motorcade to site. General atmosphere is utter confusion.” [The Page]
Dead Man Walking.
John McChaos
(I thought of that on my own!!!)
Let’s get ready to mumble!
Heh. I hope we can all look back on this quote in twenty years and laugh and laugh. Twenty years, or two months.
Rudy Giuliani? Does that increase the chances of McCain calling Obama a moolie?
It is well known that Walnuts is living out his twilight HOURS in utter confusion, so this debate should probably began with Walnuts throwing his support behind the democratic senator from Illinois. HORRAYS WE WINS!
“Do I hafta go to the debate? You told me I could skip this one! You promised, you PROMISED”
“Dammit, John! You will go to Oxford and you WILL debate that man. I am you WIFE, and I have the money and you WILL listen to me! Is that clear?”
“Sorry, puddin, johnny-mac loves his mommy. Does mommy love her Johhny-Mac?”
Utter confusion is the general atmosphere. It’s also the specific atmosphere.
Where’s Sarah Palin? Oh yeah — McCain doesn’t want anyone to show up to this.
Juan McMaverick: errrrrr, flying.
Rudy on the same plane as Walnuts? Shouldn’t they take separate planes? I mean for the good of the country.
Is Rudy giving him last minute tips? Sweet!
Is Rudy gonna be the Republican candidate if McCain drops out for health reasons before the election?
1:50 flight time? Feh, it will take FIVE AND A HALF YEARS.
Rudy? What the hell are his foreign policy credentials? Oh, that’s right: he’s got nothing better to do on a Friday night than hold Walnuts’ used handkerchief. Are they sending him out in Oxford to mock the community organizers?
In flight, McCain will demonstrate leadership by standing up and declaring, “I’ve had about enough of these here motherfucking snakes on this here motherfucking plane!”
Something really fucking crazy is going to happen tonight. I’m sort of scared, to be honest. Hold me.
Clancy_Pants: Rudy has to explain how to up his pandering skills to sickening levels.
Did somebody say 9/11?
If I were Rudy, I’d think twice about getting in McCain’s plane.
Of course, I’m not Rudy, so I think it’s a great idea.
I can dream can’t I?
He has rudy there to guard against 9/11 spirits.
Huff Po has McCain declaring victory in the debate and running an ad to that effect?
Juan McMaverick: Indeed. For the sake of the poor folks along the flight path, I hope they keep “Auger” at least fifteen yards from the cockpit door at all times.
Juan McMaverick: I think you were looking for ’shuffling.’
Rudy’s prepping Walnuts? So we can look forward to 90 minutes of:
My friends, 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS 9/11 FIVE-AND-A-HALF-YEARS
Listen to Rudy, John. It’s all about Florida. Put everything you’ve got in Florida.
Rudy is there, giving Johnny-Mac’s wife some tips on how to time her call to Johnny during the debate. We wouldn’t want it to appear as if it were staged or something…
Los Angeles Times - 56 minutes ago
John McCain’s departure from Washington to Mississippi for tonight’s debate with Barack Obama was so rushed that when a last-minute arrival hurried aboard the plane, Secret Service agents complained they had not screened his bags.
Texan Bulldoggette: It’s Mississippi, remember? Where the phrase, “It’s Giuliani time!” still has some resonance.
Too bad that nice Lt. Governor from MD can’t help McCain prep on the trip, but he has to ride in the “colored only” section.
SuperRounder: Who can follow that?
It’ll be nice if we can look back on today as the day when the McCain camp lost all of their momentum. Thank god too, I was starting to feel like a Pualtard when Barry was behind.
What?!
No Joe-mentum?!
obfuscator: Stop. It’s too much to hope for.
Giuliani?? Does that mean he will answer every debate question with 911. And what happened to his other BFFs Lindsay and Lieberman - are they ashamed to be seen with the crazy old dude.
obfuscator: Mike Huckabee?
I’m so glad they are clearing the air space all over the east coast for this flight. I really wanted to sit in the airport this evening instead of being home with my family.
Itsjustme: That’s funny, it does kinda look like that, but it is a story about that ad, you silly goose!
SuperRounder: WIN!
I’m WALNUTS! and I approve this message.
General Confusion, eh? Now they know how the rest of us have been feeling for the past 8 years.
So how fashionably late will he be? (And 30 years is not the answer I’m looking for.)
Gopherit v2.0: A shitload of pill bottles fall out of Cindy’s carry on?
Oh hey also: Walnuts! leaves DC, guessy guess what happens?
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601068&sid=aXV2VnfxlYwg&refer=home
House Republicans Rejoin Talks to Craft Rescue Plan
HomoPolitico: win
wildeoats: Yes, how good is TSA on these sorts of political flights? Are there any razor blade checks? Is Walnuts $5000/hour makeup chicka putting her mousse in see through ziplock bags? Does Cindy have fingernail clippers for those whithered yellow nails? I hope TSA is on the case or its sure to go down.
Borat: Well you know they don’t check for drugs ’cause Cindy would never fly.
sarah palin is watching the debate at the irish pub in center city philly…until this winter i lived next door to said irish pub and i am mourning my move right now. apart from that it’s just funny that sarah palin has come to watch the debate in the most liberal elite neighborhood in the city, the rittenhouse square area. i hope people throw lumps of brie at her
If ever the time was right for a defenestration, let it happen with Ghouliani on board, please.
HomoPolitico: I think General Confusion is McCain’s military policy advisor.
Jack Cafferty lets us know how he feels about Mama Palin (hint: he thinks she’s a fucking idiot just like we do)
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/
(scroll down)
It’s going to be sad when the motorcade shows up without him.
obfuscator: No. I was thinking more along the lines of < href=”http://www.impawards.com/1997/eight_heads_in_a_duffel_bag.html”this.
stew: Jack Cafferty’s wife just died so I think he’s
a little off his game.
Disaster! Doom! Goom and Boom!! McWalnuts’ biplane has been diverted, due to impending Hurricane Josiah, and the good Senator is refusing to come down from the friendly skies “until the flying monkeys go away.”
“Cindy” has taken an overdose of painkillers and McNuts campaign director Albert B. Fall is accusing the B’iraq “Hussein” Ay-rab campaign of patriotism.
Dick Cheney has ordered the Air Force and Marines to stand down. Again.
Meanwhile, on the ground, a crowd of 800,000 KKK members is carrying the Obama man on a solid gold palanquin through the streets, and the cast of “True Blood” is clearing a path to Ole Miss campus. The crowd is cheering, “Huzzah! The Black Man cometh! Truly, we are saved!”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_B._Fall
I believe the technical term is compounded confusion.
nurple: Welcome back you Wiesel of sorts.
So will Walnuts be in his usual “cone of silence” before the debate? You know we can trust him because he had buttsecks with the vietcong for 5 1/2 years.
Now that I think of it, maybe he enjoyed it and decided not to come back to his crippled pre-Cindy early?
Utter Confusion? Shit, that addled old man wouldn’t know Confusion if it bit him on the neck. And then Confusion would have a mouthful of bile and puffy-jowly stuff…..
Borat: Are you sure they were the vietcong?
stew: Love Cafferty. He’s come a long way from the local NYC network affiliate of years ago. He’d better watch his back though. Blitzer had daggers in his beady eyes.
My guess: Rudy will replace Palin on the ticket. Think about it: he might get some of the moderate repubs and independents without completely pissing off “the base” (like Lieberman might… too risky)… so one mean-spirited little opportunist weasel for another??
shortsshortsshorts: that reminds me time to roll.
ah memories, back in the day (pre needing drivers licenses to even fly) I would always carry my stash. now, i’m forced to find a hoodie in every city i have to travel to. that puts my life in danger man. but makes a lot of bellboys rich. cindy, can you leave your stash behind in every bus station you visit
Gopherit v2.0: Jesus Healthy Christ, can you imagine what Rudy’s carry on might hold?
Wait - so I don’t get points for being drunk already? What sort of unfair debate is this? I mean, I’m…
John McCain
Wait a minute, where’s the drinking game rules? How much am I supposed to drink when WALNUTS! starts stuttering like Porky Pig in an Alaskan snowstorm?
M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-My F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-Friends, I-I-I-I-I- (etc.)
nurple: Dat you, Weazel? Whatevs, I missed that skypiece.
Babs Hula: Actually I think her death gave him the freedom to say whatever the hell he wants. He discovered life is too short not to say what you feel. What’s CNN going to do? Fire him? For one thing the liberals would be UP IN ARMS if that happened. But Jack’s probably like “My wife just died. There isn’t anything you can do to top that.” Or at least that’s my humble opinion.
shortsshortsshorts: cindy be flyin already, alla th’ time.
obfuscator: shudder!
slappypaddy: I’ll have what she’s having.
How will Rudy do in the swimsuit competition? Will he wear the one piece or go for the two piece to show off the 9/11 tattoo on his lower back?
What is going through WALNUTS! mind as he’s flying down to Oxford (starts at 0:42)
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=DvQwXOCKNLY&feature=related
obfuscator: Probably a shitload of Hideous Eagle crying pictures on velvet, lest we forget…
Just saw footage of Walnuts climbing the ramp up to the loser’s jet; looked like a walk to the death chamber or a good old fashioned keel-hauling. Not even a frown; just the death mask. Wow. And followed by some toothy prick with a Volkswagen for a forehead.
freakishlystrong: A book of Thomas Kincaid paintings, a vial of Authentic Eagle Tears, an assortment of unwashed lingerie.
“General atmosphere is utter confusion.”
McCain is like an evil, alternate dimension, Republican version of H.S. Thompson.
obfuscator: Kinkade should, and hopefully does, eat a dick.
Rielle Hunter: You know, I was discussing this scenario (sans Rudy specifically) when the Palin/Couric Monster Truck Rally was just starting. IT WILL SINK McNUGGETS INTO THE SAUCE.
It’ll be like that montage in Carrie, where her mother’s voice is repeating and echoing in the background: “They’re all going to laugh at you! They’re all going to laugh at you! They’re all going to laugh at you!”
He will be So. Fucked.
Breaking news: Ole Man McNuts has arrived on the campus of U of Miss:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/26/sacha-baron-cohens-bruno_n_129587.html
shortsshortsshorts: A whole bag of ‘em…
obfuscator: win!
Fun factoid: On this date in 1960 the first televised debate between Kennedy and Nixon.
obfuscator: +700 Billion Whore Diamonds to you!
McCain’s Rocket Man as sung by Stewie Griffin
They packed my bags tonight pre-flight
Zero hour five p.m.
Cindy’s gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the spotlight so much I miss the cunt
It’s lonely from DC
On such a useless flight
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man I think i am at home
Oh no no no I’m the Walnuts man
Walnuts man spinning out of control here alone
Check out http://www.foxnews.com/ … they’re sure on the ball with current events! Strangely quiet at a lot of the right-wing nutjob news sites
shortsshortsshorts: A beautifully lit cock, that is.
Rielle Hunter: Take 700 billion in taxpayer dollars and short Palin on intrade every day she has an interview. Crisis solved.
ManchuCandidate: As usual, perfection….
snott: Please explain: I won’t click on that as I do not want them to have my IP address, because that’s how you end up with O’Reilly outside of your bedroom window with a falafel.
PoliTacky: Dirty Pillows!!!!!!
christ on a cracker, if 9ud11 is put on the ticket i don’t know how much i’m going to have to drink
McCain: “I am a very good pilot, I am a very good pilot!”
snott: Like the one about the dad who abandoned 9 of his children. It’s like a baseball coach resigning. Man…
Rielle Hunter: New Democratic talking point: You’re just voting for Palin’s Dirty Pillows!
hahaha
btwbfdimho: He spent 5 AND A HALF YEARS saying that to himself.
ManchuCandidate: Oh excellent. Walnuts is just as bald and bitchy as Sir Elton.
loganmo: Well what you have to remember is that for five and a half years, I was in Vietnam, I had no 9/11. I had no 9/11.
Like most of The Olds, Walnuts has his good days….and his bad days.
Also, he usually goes to bed by 8, before all that racy Charlie Sheen TV show comes on.
I like those odds, Barry!
Sweet baby Jeebus, it’s going to be a bloodbath tonight.
I don’t drink, so I can’t do the drinking game during the debate. Am I disqualified if I substitute food instead?
Godot: Can you imagine how awful it would have been if Rudy had actually won a state or two during GOP primaries? If he and Jammakain had been the two final contenders, we would have been subjected to a prolonged conflict: 9/11 vs. 5.5 years. That would have been horrible… and wonderful… and horrible.
Dr. Zoidberg: I would suggest shots of prune juice, ovaltine, and warm milk.
DemmeFatale: Please, Joe LIEbermann will NOT be traveling on shabbat but I wonder where Lindsey (CLOSE THAT CLOSET DOOR!) Graham is. . . (fist bump to Sam Seder whi I totally stole that line from)
Somehow the word clusterfuck springs to mind.
KublaKant:Oh, hell, if those are my only options, pass the liquor.
pregaming here: http://wonktards.nfshost.com/
Wonder why he didn’t fly any closer to Oxford. There are regional airports. Unless his campaign plane is so honkin’ big that it can’t land at regional strips.
PoliTacky: Oh but when they throw the pig’s blood on McCain (how’s that for sweet irony,???) and he sets the auditorium on fire, I really hope Barry manages to escape.
Dr. Zoidberg: Start with the Bailey’s; there’s milk product in it.
Oh, Oh. Teddy K is in the hospital. Must be desperate.
Hey, people…say a word to whatever entity you belive in for Ted Kennedy. They just announced he’s been rush to hospital, but no further info yet.
serj!: Of course Barry will escape. A flight of angels will descend and left him gently above the fray, all to the sweet sounds of ‘I Believe I Can Fly’.
And tomorrow the Rushtards will swear up and down that they were Muslim angels.
Or ‘Muslin’.
Oh, crap - I hope Ted Kennedy is ok - I really wanted him to live long enough to see the Democrats re-take the White House.
Nader’s campaign is urging people to flood comment sections tonight with questions such as:
“You can raise concerns like why Ralph is being excluded from the debates.”
Ready, set, GO!
Dr. Zoidberg: amen brutha. ps…pizza and chocolate = 1 shot
Newell! Come visit the Wonkers online again for the debate! It’s the only place we can talk dirty and not get banned.
chascates: CHRIST!! why is Ralph being excluded???
too soon?
Valerie: “surge” = repress the urge to urinate
SeminoleInDior: where’s that chatango link?
Barney Frank on the News Hour is all manic with spit and soup stains on his lapels instead of useless flags. Gotta love this guy.
bitchincamaro: McGrampy’s going to need his Aricept for that
Delicious: Here you go
http://wonkette.chatango.com/
As someone who grew up in a house with two framed pictures on the wall, one of the Pope, the other of Kennedy (JFK, but same thing), I’m feeling squirrely too…but he’s been taken to the hospital on the Cape, which is essentially like your dentist’s office. Hope that’s as far as he has to go before returning to the compound.
http://capecodonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080926/NEWS11/80926024
Has McNuggets landed yet or did he take a nostalgic sidetrip to strafe some hobos?
http://www.firstworldwar.com/bio/graphics/sikorksky.jpg
chascates: The debates would be more fun if the 3rd party candidates were all there too. I think all the candidates that Ron Paul endorsed should have been invited, along with Ross Perot, Don King, and Col. Sanders. The debate format should be opening statements, followed by free form insults, and then staged ultimate fighting style competition but with medieval weapons, followed by the swim suit competition, closing statements and then the catapult for the losers. Also the catapult would be used for any violations of the rules with the option to run all the way back and continue the debate.
CNN.com says:
Kennedy was described as alert and conscious when the emergency team arrived, Baxter said.
A Democratic source said Kennedy’s condition was not life-threatening.
Utter confusion and fear and loathing on the trail with McCain:
“Goddamit, Davis. Where is Sarah from Kentucky? We need that gal for the rest of this fight!”
KublaKant: An evening dress competition, a la Giuliani, would be a welcome bit as well.
shortsshortsshorts: You rembembered! btw I love my Buds! I have not been in a seedy prison, nor a plush hotel. Draw your own conclusions.
serj!: I really hope Barry manages to escape.
Of course, Obama is Amy Irving as goody-goody Sue Snell, the worse thing that will happen to him is a nightmare with WALNUTS!’s rotting arm clawing out of the cinders of one of his 7 mansions that burnt to the ground, and a crude sign that says “John McCain Burns In Hell!!!”
bitchincamaro: I haz missed you all. I am still getting my legs. Penile Vertigo is no joke. It’s been a long road back.
Borat: Hollow out a wide scented candle. Stick stash in said candle. Remelt base of candle and let is cool solid candle. Voila…you now have a scent covering stash carrier. I’ve done this on domestic flights, no problem. My friend who taught me this trick said its worked for international flights but I havnt had the chance to test that out.
You never heard this from me.
obfuscator: THat would be a nightmare, my kids hate it when I am listening to or watching politics, throw math in on top of it and they’d have gone postal on me!!
MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend: clusterbomboutfuck. clusterupbumfuk.
You plugged-ins are probably all up in this, but rumour is “Palin” has been removed from the side of the campaign bus and plane.
Valerie: Aricept isn’t particularly effective for “late stage”.
Plus, after 9 to 12 twelve months, Aricpet’s compensatory effect peters out. Lemmee think. In what month did McDementia’s campaign begin in earnest? Counting down.
[Duh? Stop listening to your hippie-beatnik negro jazz and smoking the weed, you barrista liberal arts majors, and look it up.]
nurple: what?? wherefore cometh this rumor? pleasebetruepleasebetrue
nurple: Wonder how solid that is. Maybe someone wanted a souvenire?
Rumour comes from internet robot super-pal watching tape in Miss and DC. Of course, both vehicles may just have had “McCain” on them because they haven’t had time to paint it on.
Olbermann just said that Giuliani’s firm is lobbying for Wall St firms trying to get a handful of the $700B bailout.
Wouldn’t that be the least bit of a conflict of interest to have a high-powered Senator who’ll help decide the fate of the bill getting his dick sucked by a scumbag like Giuliani? Oh, I guess that’s been the basis of his entire campaign staff all along so nobody’s noticed.
DoctorCulturae: Shatner pwns.
nurple: Proof! I want proof! Or more unsubstantiated rumors!
user-of-owls:
[Entering my non-snark mode.]
If Ted is sent to Mass Gen, then that means there are serious problems even if not related to the blastoma.
nurple: I’m not sure I’ve seen her name on the bus, now that I think about it.
Dr. Zoidberg:
Me, too. Teddy should be right there when Obama is sworn in. One of MLK’s family members, too.
For the hardcore Wonketteers, Tuna has created a chat room where you can openly discuss your wildest political fantasies:
http://wonkette.chatango.com/
facehead: And we totally are. Wheeeee!!!
Palin will NOT be watching the debate at the Irish Pub in Philly. She’s showing up for a meet & greet at a party that ends right about now (8:30 p.m.). Then she leaves, and the place opens up to the public for the debate.
http://www.philly.com/inquirer/world_us/20080926_Sarah_Palin_at_Irish_Pub_for_tonight_s_debate.html
Alright… 27 minutes till the first shot
just starting on beer #2
Let’s start this bitch. Go! Go! Go!
Time to crack open whatever fancy liberal beer I got at Whole Foods.
Dear Rudy/Judy:
While you are on the flying Straight Talk Express, no using teh cellphones to send mock intimate messages to each other. The FAA forbids it. The cellphone part, I mean. As for the reat, its banned under the most moral codes. http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/Insurance/Saudi.jpg
I have a feeling Wonkette is about to become a horrid drunken mess.
FYI feed apparently is on msnbc.com
S.Luggo:
Looks good. Wish he could play along on the various drinking games, but just back home plopped on some salt water infused pillows is good too.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26907644/