Wonkette
John McCain’s whole brilliant scheme to bail Sarah Palin out of the debates will only work if his Republican pals refuse to come up with a financial plan for saving America until … enh, Monday or so. But now it looks like everybody is getting on the same page and working together in the spirit of bipartisan compromise and suchlike! This is good, maybe, for America, but bad for Walnuts.
Now his cheap stunt will be remembered as just another 24 hours’ worth of flailing in an historically flailsome campaign. PLUS he will have to say he supports whatever bill these lawmakers have come up with, since he went to all the trouble of “suspending” his campaign to hammer it out, but then again so will Obama, so even if the bill just suxx everybody will have to say they love it. Because the President asked them to love it.
In sum, Sarah Palin needs to get back to studying up for her debate next week, which will be delayed again when John McCain climbs the Washington Monument nude.
Lawmakers Seem Near Deal on Bailout [New York Times]
By not waiting until Monday to save America, Congress has destroyed America.
“John McCain climbs the Washington Monument nude.”
I think this should be how he saves the economy.
when John McCain climbs the Washington Monument nude.
Nightmare fuel tag, please.
Unfortunately, you know that the old guy will spin it that the ONLY reason a resolution could be made was because of his SELFLESS return to Washington, D.C. Without him Congress wouldn’t be able to come to an agreement until NEXT WEEK thus allowing the new Depression to go on for that much longer! Ergo, McCain has single-handedly saved the economy! Country First Mortgage Company!
Caribou Barbie should challenge Biden to an EasyBake Oven-off instead of the VP debate.
I’m thinking McCain’s next trick will be to marry a horse, just like Teddy Roosevelt.
He would have to be hoisted up the monument. Hard to climb when you can’t lift your arms above your waist…
Here are the details of the bailout plan:
1. Rich hedge fund managers get golden showers of taxpayer cash, taxed at only 15 percent.
2. Taxpayer money buys up all the worthless paper idiot “investment bankers” issued based on suicidal mortgages.
3. Poor jerk who put the wrong zip code on his mortgage payment: “Sorry, buddy, no hard feelings, but to save Amurrica, you’re evicted.”
What’s not to like about this excellent plan?
If the McCain campaign was really serious about saving the economy, they’d take Hef up on his offer to have Palin pose nude, then charge, like, $50 per magazine. Multiplied by the number of adult males (plus lesbians) in the U.S., that’s… a shitload of money. Then Hef can be secretary of the Treasury.
Nicely played Sara! Any activity with a nude WALNUTS! is a win. Perhaps he could ride nude on a pink elephant down Wall St. next?
Dientes: Or Hillary to a sandwich making contest.
I still think this works out in his favor. Honestly.
Oh, and *insert snark here*.
mookworthjwilson: Hillary only bakes cookies and wears white gloves, as you may remember.
You left out the most important part of the article, the food choices:
“After the overnight drafting efforts on both sides of Capitol Hill — with pizza on the House side, and Thai food in the Senate — Democratic officials said they had nearly completed a unified draft of a bill.”
Thank God the New York Times reports on the important details. Those elitist Senators and their Thai food - should be eating good American food like the House.
And after the bill passes on the floor of the Senate, Dodd and Barney Frank will burst out, run down McCain, get him on the floor and stick their thumbs in his eyes, especially the droopy left one.
V572625694: Win! It is a win because its true. Which depresses the hell out of me.
Feeling a little homoerotic this morning are we? I will struggle to get that image out of my head. Is it too early to start drinking? Is it too late to start drinking? Have faith, it is never too late. Let me know how it works out with the saving America thing on Monday. I just hope we still have an internet thing. It would be great if you could get wifi in the bread line.
McCain/Byrd Economic Relief Plan: “Country Kitchen Buffet is $3 cheaper if you’re there before noon.”
DUDESWHEYOLD!!!
Why does Congress hate America?! (Okay, maybe not America: Why does Congress hate Walnuts!??)
Whoops, Barney Frank is not in the Senate. Well, maybe they can do it twice.
Heh, McCain had to suspend democracy to nationalize the banks because he’s all about “America First”. Nice. I’m so unbelievably pissed off that the Paulson Ponzi Plan is passing, now the criminals have time to buy out of their pyramid scheme and stick us with the bill. Grrrr. House Republicans are caving? House Democrats think “oversight” makes theft OK? Oh well, they all passed that pork-laden $612 billion defense bill yesterday while we weren’t looking. Bipartisanship, working for *you*.
NotAnEvilLobbyist: That’s excellent! Guess the Senate likes it hot. Or young, hairless and under-aged.
I can hear Grampy now: “Wait! I suspended my campaign! What do you mean you already solved this thing. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WAIT FOR ME!!!” And then he’ll start randomly firing staff members who thought this was a good idea to begin with. Good times.
…Joe Biden vs. Sarah Palin = Harlem Globetrotters vs Washington Generals.
Hooray! America is saved! Hookers and beer for all!
Nelson Muntz sez “HA HA!”
The entire Congress is in the tank for Obama.
Looks like Walnuts won’t get a chance to play Princeps Senatus.
InKnockYouUs: While Barney Frank is not in the Senate, he may have been in the Senate, if you know what I mean.
THANKS SARAH! Now I have horrific images of pale doughy craggly old man flesh dangling off the bone much like an over-cooked chicken. WALNUTS! NUDE?! Thanks for the fresh hell, Wonkette.
Outstando: hey whahappen to my fake groucho tags?
Right about now, MCain needs to strap himself into an aging F4, fly over Iran, get shot down, captured, and become a hero all over again.
Speaking at a gathering in Midtown Manhattan, Senator McCain, in comments that ran counter to those of Congressional Democrats, said on Thursday morning that no consensus had developed among lawmakers to support the bailout plan.
In interviews, and in testimony on Wednesday, Congressional leaders and Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr., said that they had made substantive progress toward a deal on the rescue plan…
HA, HA, HA! Way to put the economy first, numbnutz. You apparently forgot to pick up the NYTimes sitting outside your door this morning.
NoWireHangers: Fresh hell goes great with cabernet sauvignon.
Why can’t they stop all this political bickering so we can have our scheduled political bickering Friday night?
AngryBlakGuy: In the immortal words of Xander Crews, “Niiiice.”
nutshell king: WALNUTS! couldn’t marry a moose. Palin would shoot it.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Remember me saying he’s totally incompetent…
“Flailsome” Win!!
AngryBlakGuy: Except that when Biden “soaks” Palin with the bucket full of glitter, she’ll freak and ventilate him with a moose gun. Actually, that’s kind of a win-win for America in that it removes both of them from politics permanently.
magic titty: Hey, that’s one thing we’ll always agree on. No arguments.
InsidiousTuna:
I would prefer him to sit on it. To its base.
WhatTheHeck: Then his son rounds up a special ops team comprised of his douchebag friends and they form a plan to rescue him. TIME TO DIE, IRON EAGLE!!
The last sentence of the post brought to mind a song that a comedian once sang:
Scrotum! Scrotum!
S-C-R-O-T-U-M!
Scrotum! Scrotum!
S-C-R-O-T-U-M!
Well, it’s wrinkled and it’s crinkled and it’s coverd with hair!
But what would you do if it wasn’t there?!
Hey!
Scrotum! Scrotum!
S-C-R-O-T-U-M!
And that’s how I learned to spell scrotum.
Instead of the debate, I’d like to see a naked McCain wrestle an Alaskan grizzly bear on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange while Paulson, Bernanke and Bush stand around and shout “Bailout, Baby, Bailout.” Palin would then fly overhead in a helicopter and shoot the looser.
ihasasad: The Asylum Street Spankers!
As long as it remains 700 billion dollars. No less and no more. IT MUST BE 700 BILLION DOLLARS. This is complicated math here people.
they have to save america monday so they don’t have to save it today. never forget!
I wonder if Palin is going to come down with a case of Alaskan Tundra Sclerosis next week and has to drop out of the race.
Cogito Ergo Bibo: Nope. Never happened. La la la la la I can’t hear you!
if it is bad for Walnuts, how on Earth can it be good for America?
John McCain would lose a country to win a campaign.
Really, though, putting “Country Second” isn’t so bad. I mean a lot of people put it third, fourth or fifth.
c-freak: I will gladly pay you $700 Billion on Tuesday for a bailout today.
shortsshortsshorts: Between T. Boone Pickens hollering at me that we spend $700 billion on foreign oil every year and the $700 billion bailout thing, I’m starting to wonder if they screwed up the mark of the beast.
How about a Bobbing for Hairdryers competition?
It’s not over until election day…
Remember the Reichstag, folks!
Cape Clod: It needs to be something more sympathetic, like breast cancer or genital warts.
Johnny Zhivago: Way to freak me out, Zhivago.
http://www.forbes.com/home/2008/09/23/bailout-paulson-congress-biz-beltway-cx_jz_bw_0923bailout.html
In fact, some of the most basic details, including the $700 billion figure Treasury would use to buy up bad debt, are fuzzy.
“It’s not based on any particular data point,” a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com Tuesday. “We just wanted to choose a really large number.“
HAHAHAHA oh fuck these people run our government we’re so dead.
obfuscator: “It reminded us… of the 700 Club. But bigger. We wanted it to be bigger.”
AngryBlakGuy:
Krusty’s Accountant: Let me get this straight: You took all the money you made franchising your name and bet it *against* the Harlem Globetrotters?
Krusty the Clown: [miserable] I thought the Generals were due!
I like the bipartisan idea. It worked in “Gladiator” when John McCain and the dudes formed a circle and locked shields in order to defeat the beautiful, elitist nubian charioteer. (There’s a metaphor in there someplace, but I can’t quite find it.) I cried when she got bifurcated. I hate you, John McCain. Hate you. You killed Beyonce. The end.
http://www.geocities.com/o2thx/gladiator/storyline/gladiator163.jpg
Outstando: Barney Frank is a pimp. He talks like he still has those dicks in his mouth.
tunamelt: Maybe it’s just the 700 Club. Is that crock ‘o shit still on the tele?
You’ve asked what his plan was; well he unveiled it in NYC this morning:
“Let me put it this way: I would rather build a bridge to nowhere — and put it square in the middle of Sedona, Arizona — than take money from teachers and farmers and small business owners to line the pockets of the Wall Street crowd that got us here in the first place. And I can assure you: if I have anything to say about the matter, it’s not going to happen,” Mr. McCain said.
http://www.financialpost.com/news/story.html?id=835507
WWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTT?????????? Is Palin writing his speeches now?
Why does Old Johnny want to throw the bipartisan progress under the bus?
WhatTheHeck: Naked?
shortsshortsshorts: Speaking of the devil………when is the Snow Bunny going to face Pat Robertson for her toughest interview yet? Maybe they’d do a lillte “laying on of hands”, “speaking in tongues”, or comparing leg presses for Jesus.
nutshell king: Well, they’re already the equivalent of the Bull Moose Party, with McCain providing a healthy amount of the Bull.
shortsshortsshorts: Into the Valley of Death rode the 700, or was it 700 billion? Numbers can be so confusing.
So glad President Bushmeister is in charge. Here he is stratergizing with a top advisor:
http://blogs.villagevoice.com/pressclips/bush-barney-truck399.jpg
Gopherit v2.0: The worst part? That would probably energize the crazies.
tunamelt: ‘It needs to be something more sympathetic, like breast cancer or genital warts.’
How about cancerous genital warts? Nah, doesn’t work. McCain probably has those and he ain’t dropping out. Which is tragic.
tunamelt: with even more mascara and a beehive ‘do.
oldguy:McNuggets finally discovered people who make under 50 grand a year have the right to vote.
I gotta have another cuppa coffee to get through this stuff today. It’s a replay of the Iraq tapdance of “It doesn’t matter how we got into this mess, it’s what we do not that’s important.” The point is not to get into the situations in the first place. Duh.
McCain already rented the white horse to ride in on. That deposit is non-refundable, so Dodd and Frank are just going to have to accept being saved by John McCain.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
And Gallup daily poll shows a tie today. How? Who are those people that want Walnuts fumbling around when presidential qualities are needed, with Ice Queen Bullwinkle the Silent as his backup?
Let’s lend the banks the $700 billion on the same terms they lend money to people on their credit cards, and not allow them to declare bankruptcy.
Cape Clod: Is that what they are calling getting knocked-up (AGAIN) in Alaska now?
This plan isn’t saving America. It’s destroying it. Please, Republicans or Democrats–be partisan assholes and sink it over some trivial aspect. Anything to stop giving Wall Street a giant golden parachute just before the rest of us get shafted with a sunken dollar.
JeffGoldblum: heheheheehee
Let me issue and control a nation’s currency and I care not who makes its laws.
Nathan Rothschild, 1791
… historically flailsome campaign …
Oh best beloved, this reminds me of Kipling: “spanked the Elephant’s child
with his scalesome, flailsome tail”.