Wonkette
OUR BANKRUPT COMMUNIST NATION: “The best news for people afraid of ‘change’ is that the new president will have about twenty bucks to run the federal government for the next four or eight or hundred years.” [AOL Political Machine]
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We’re off to Dubai!
All you suckers can go rot in an alley burning barrels of Ameros for warmth, I just got an email concerning a preeeetty sweet investment offer from a kind Nigerian prince
Audios Bush Famlia. Paraguay, there they go.
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
I have a sneaking suspicion that this bailout isn’t meant to save the economy. It’s meant to save the ability to become super-rich in this economy. That’s what these dickheads are fretting over. That’s what is freezing up. Regular banks are doing fine. It’s these Wall Street asswipes and their Washington toadies who are worried they won’t get a do-over.
Ken, you’re once again playing the dozens on our ulcers with your cerebral and incendiary “verbage” (to use a Palinism).
What the fuck, homie!? Where’s my Gossip Girl recap or whatever?
By the time this whole thing is sorted out, China’s going to have its hand so far up our country’s ass they’ll be able to make me sing “God Bless America” while Hu Jintao drinks a glass of water.
Wait, wait, wait: is the 20 bucks in change, or in bills?
mattbolt: You should take it.
The solution is simple. Democrats control both houses and can stop the bailout or even push through a better proposal. I would like to hear Obama’s solution on this if he has a better idea.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Or Hillary’s, for that matter.
I was going to comment on that page, but this guy said EXACTLY what I was going to.
“NOT ONLY ARE YOU AN IDIOT FUCK. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RETARDED. I GUESS IF WE ALL VOTE FOR OBAMA..NONE OF THIS WILL HAPPEN AND EVEN OUR FARTS WILL SMELL LIKE ROSES.”
I love AOL’s commenters.
I like how our economic plan is so innovative. Most countries go commie and then have a financial collapse. We’ve just proved it can be done the other way around, too.
Ken, who let you post in Sarah’s blog?
Just saw this headline in the Times:
“CEO murdered by mob of sacked Indian workers”
I think we can learn a lot from those Indians.
Solid point Ken, but a total bummer.
Aren’t there any happy news stories about the economy, say, one involving cute puppies and free ice cream?
ChernobylSoup: link it.
So what if Hugo Chavez is bombastic, embarrassing, weird, whatever… It is much better for a country to screw over a few wealthy oligarchs to rescue the huddled masses than the other way around. Fuck corporate socialism! Go Chavez!!
Tsk, tsk, Ken.
We told you not to look at your 401k before writing editorials, but did you listen?
magic titty: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article4810644.ece
It’s so much easier to ask Congress for $700 billion than it is to add a line to your tax forms that says “add $2,300 for each member of your household because Republicans thought deregulation was a good idea.”
Dubya totaled the car and whoever gets to drive it next is fucked.
InsidiousTuna: “Hope” in action! See, it works!
magic titty:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article4810644.ece
See you can get fiscal conservatism through spending yourself into national bankruptcy. Reagan and Bush were right!
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
sanantonerose: Now you understand the Bush Legacy Plan. The serfs will fondly reminisce about how good they had it when the Party was in charge.
…what ever happened to all that BULLSHIT that “W” was spouting earlier this year about how “resilient” our economy was?! This is nothing more than away to keep the shit-heads in the top 1% from ending up down here with us azzholes in the bottom 90%. I cant say it enough, “Let the banks BURN!”
Let’s start bartering for goods and services!
InsidiousTuna: Well then.
A spokesman for the Federation of Indian Chambers of Commerce and Industry said: “Such a heinous act is bound to sully India’s image among overseas investors.”
Harhar. But what about the street-cred?
InsidiousTuna: Q: Do AOL commenters think that anyone will ever read their half-page long screeds on Obama’s ties to transsexual nazi Eskimos?
A: No. AOL commenters don’t think at all.
Wow — you know things are bad when even Richard Cohen gets slapped into writing something sensible:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/22/AR2008092201922.html?hpid=opinionsbox1
sanantonerose:
“Dubya totaled the car and whoever gets to drive it next is fucked”
Yeah, that’s the shame of all of this. Obama will get elected and then have to spend the first 4 years hosing the nation’s brains off the highway.
AngryBlakGuy: Just as long as I can still afford my high-speed InterWeb.
AngryBlakGuy: I couldnt agree more. Fuck the banks. Let ‘em fail. Why anyone would agree to protect and insure the current system in place is beyond me.
It’s OK, so long as Biden doesn’t take over when Hopey gets assasinated for not performing good enough Muslim voodoo to keep the corn paste piping into our collective maw. He’ll try to address us all on holograms that haven’t been invented yet.
magic titty: They’re more like casinos than banks anyway. Leave it to a Republican to figure out how to lose money running a casino.
Also, I second ABG; The fuckers were literally making up the rules of the game to suit their whims and they still managed to lose. They deserve to have their children executed in front of them just to ensure that no more of the unfathomable level of failure they represent is further seeded onto the planet.
WIDTAP: Oh, I’ve known all along that the neo-cons were out to cripple the gubbermint. Something about…strangling it in the bathtub comes to mind. That’s why rational thinking Dems don’t get it. The reality is that Dems and Repubs are playing two entirely different games. Dems want to make govt work, Repubs want to break it. Makes a big difference in who each side hires, too. Soooo in one sense, the Repubs have achieved many of their goals in the last 8 years. What we see as FAIL they see as SUCCESS.
tunamelt: Let’s start BARTENDING for goods and services.
magic titty: …all the huge banks are nothing more than casinos for the rich. What government should be working to protect are the far more stable medium and small size banks. Those are the banks that effect us bottom 90%’ers the most. And to be honest those banks appear to be the future of our economy.
Sussemilch: “Leave it to a Republican to figure out how to lose money running a casino”.
Alternately:
“The Republicans couldn’t run a whorehouse during a gold rush!”
voyetra8: Wow. That’s some vivid fucking imagery. Should go into a political cartoon.
$700 billion on black, please.
Fuck all you losers. I just got a credit card application in the mail for a preapproved Gold Card and I’ll soon be off Buenos Aires!
obfuscator: The Republicans couldn’t organize a piss-up in a brewery!
Strictly for the Tardcore: …personally I prefer to leech off my neighbors unprotected wireless networks!
AngryBlakGuy: This is what I’m saying. They’re trying to protect this archetype that serves only themselves (even though they crisply fucked that up as well).
Why would Congress, or anyone else, relent to having this continue, via Hank Paulson’s scout’s honor?
This whole damn thing is one giant cluster fuck. Hanky P. thinks congress should just push it through and ask questions later. Whatever happens, if he wins, Barry will get blamed for it. It’ll be 1994 all over again. The Repubs will run around like the punk bitches that they are, blaming Democrats for the fire that Dubya and his assclown buddies started. I say let Wall Street burn if there’s no oversight to the damn thing. I don’t spend 50 bucks without thinking it through. And Hanky’s just saying ‘Gimme the check. TRUST ME.’ Hey Paulson : go suck a railroad spike you arrogant fucking cracker. Reason 589 for my hatred of white people.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Obama:
No CEO give away
No blank check
No lack of oversight
Yes to helping average people with mortgages too
No to lack of transparency
Guess what? When Obama talks, like most people, his words mean something.
Are you fuc*in’ deaf? Cant hear through the black?
Maybe you need Hillary to translate for you?
I will pay fifty bucks if someone will clean my mess of a kitchen.
So when are the Chinese gonna start the rebranding? I’m thinking new colors, mottos, symbols and songs at the very least.
because of the one-child policy and free abortions, there are many millions more boys than girls in china. in a few years these dudes will have plenty of dough but they won’t have any women. so i think a chain of gay bathhouses in china would be a solid investment, and i encourage mr. paulson to double down and invest in such a venture. thank me later, ‘mur’ca
sati demise: Not only has he laid out his thought about this, he made this same freakin’ speech about 5 times last week and this week.
Obama: Regulations must be put in place before the loan goes through.
Americans also need a stake in any profit sharing.
All patriotic United Statesians should agree to be two weeks late with their next mortgage payment. Make the assholes waste a stamp to remind you that the economy is fucked without you…
The one thing that everyone is scared of is the provision in the bailout
which essentially says Paulson can do whatever he wants, with immunity.
I can’t believe I’m asking this, but: Is there ANYTHING in this plan which prevents Paulson
from simply pocketing the cash (I mean all of it)?
I’m investing in the future by buying up all the baseball-bats-with-nails and armor plated dune buggies that I can find.
Strictly for the Tardcore: actually, it looks as if the Japanese are making the first moves:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/23/AR2008092300219.html
This is good fun. From Politico (the crypt) :
http://www.politico.com/blogs/thecrypt/0908/Yours_Faithfully_Minister_of_Treasury_Paulson.html#comments
September 23, 2008
Categories: Bad behavior
Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson
An e-mail going around Capitol Hill from “Minister of Treasury Paulson.” The Crypt is unable to verify its authenticity…
Dear American:
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.
I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.
This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson
gas riots coming soon in atlanta:
http://www.ajc.com/business/content/business/stories/2008/09/22/atlanta_gas_problems.html?cxntlid=homepage_tab_newstab
sanantonerose: Shhh. You’re not supposed to actually say this out loud! People will begin to think the Party is cynical.
There’s no bread
Let ‘em eat cake
There’s no end
To what they’ll take
Flaunt the fruits
Of noble birth
Wash the salt
Into the earth
-Bastille Day from RUSH
capitol hillbilly:
… or get into the American mail-order bride business.
Boy, I’m sure getting the last laff on all those fuckers who made fun of me for stashing my stripper money in a sock under my mattress… woo hoo!
mattbolt: I want in! Sounds safer than my 401K!
The posts following KL’s piece made me want to beat myself to death with a tire iron. But at the end of AOL page I found this little article. It cheered me up greatly. Every cloud etc.
http://news.aol.com/article/polar-bear-knuts-keeper-found-dead/183687
My plan for the impending economic collapse? Stock up on brewer’s yeast. Someone will always barter for booze….
another underwhelming rant from underwhelming editor ken layne. when will the wonkette interns rise up in mutiny…I mean, guns are legal in this town now, use them!
ChernobylSoup: Where’s my pitchfork and torch?
Oh yeah, I had to pack them up and send them to India.
Ken Layne I love your Political Machine rants but I can’t read them because I can feel the AOL commenters sucking my soul down through their series of tubes.
sanantonerose: hmm, how optimistic. you assume that the car is still able to be started in the first place.