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WHY WAS SHE ALLOWED TO TALK IN THE FIRST PLACE: We want to start ignoring Sarah Palin FOREVER, but then this hilarious shit happens: “CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa (CNN) – Sarah Palin likes to tell voters around the country about how she ‘put the government checkbook online’ in Alaska. On Thursday, Palin suggested she would take that same proposal to Washington … There’s just one problem with proposing to put the federal checkbook online — somebody’s already done it. His name is Barack Obama.” [CNN]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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92 comments

  1. Serolf Divad

    Yeah, but Palin’s going to let you write checks on it.

    (And why the Hell not, Bush has basically handed over the checkbook to Wall Street)

  2. Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Yet another uppity black man stealing a white woman’s legislative initiatives/chastity.

  3. loudmouthredhead

    Yes, but the password is not as awesome as “LIPSTICK_PIG”, and she’ll add a “moose-y” theme.

  4. magic titty

    If this juxtaposition isn’t in Barack’s ads in like negative two days, i’ll be furious.
    This ignoramous is ensuring Obama’s pleasant landing in November. Thank you, Dickhead.

  5. Serolf Divad

    You’ve got to love the update:

    UPDATE: A campaign spokesperson insisted that Palin was referring not to that specific proposal, but rather to “that kind of transparency in general.”

    Yeah, right, Miss “I keep a private yahoo mail account for when I don’t want an e-mail to be subject to Freedom of Information Requests.”

  6. grendel

    [re=100856]tonashideska[/re]:

    - Governor Palin, What do you think about your ticketmate’s involvement with and scandal around the Keating 5 and the Savings & Loan bailout?

    - In what respect, Charlie?

  7. Carrie_Okie

    I invented the internet on my blackberry that I invented even though I don’t use a computer for 5 and a half years of torturing the economy.

  8. azw88

    She for public transparency in general, just not when it comes her.

    When she talks about transparency applying to her, she is talking about doing things INVISIBLY!

  9. JadedDIssonance

    Editors: We appreciate you attempting turning our collective heads toward more pressing issues, but I’m afraid Gawker’s Delays are utterly inevitable. Ignoring this debacle (I use a mild term) requires the same fortitude as would turning your head from watching a steaming train packed with republicans jump its rails and plummet into a daycare center for inner-city-children.

  10. 4tehlulz

    >>UPDATE: A campaign spokesperson insisted that Palin was referring not to that specific proposal, but rather to “that kind of transparency in general.”

    She’s proposing to post everything on 4chan?

  11. magic titty

    [re=100856]tonashideska[/re]: She’ll be all, “Didn’t they sing ‘I Want You Back’ or ‘ABC’, or something? I don’t really follow the black gospel acts.”

  12. soymocha

    If you cut open Sarah Palin’s skull, you’ll find squirrel dung, day old bread, and that underwear that fell behind the dryer five years ago.

    On the plus side, W gets to feel smart again.

  13. Kev-O-Tron

    I feel like doing a little dance of joy today! In fact I’m doing it right now!

    Hopey’s back on top, Eskimo Governor is saying stoopid things constantly, McCain’s looking more senile than ever…

    What’s that you say? Wall Street? Where’s that? WHO CARES!

    Hope springs eternal…

  14. shoeho

    [re=100862]jasonelias[/re]: This is probably the only hope they have. Of course, they would probably have to do the same for Walnuts, since he’s come up with a few winners himself. It would make the debates interesting though.

  15. grendel

    [re=100871]azw88[/re]: She’s talking about the transparent PVC outfit the “First Dude” got her for their anniversary.

  16. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=100864]Serolf Divad[/re]: That poor campaign spokesman must be busy. What with Grampy mistaking Mexico for Spain and Barbie not knowing she can already Google the interwebs for the federal bank book.

    And seriously, if she didn’t mean what the existing act does, what DOES she mean? The damn thing is called the Federal Funding Accountability and Transparency Act, for jeebus sake!

  17. azw88

    [re=100864]Serolf Divad[/re]: And even there, Palin is sadly mistaken as ANY work done on a government computer, and/or on the government dime is subject to FOI laws.

  18. Kev-O-Tron

    [re=100874]magic titty[/re]: brilliant! Although the Keating Five’s big hit was that Motown track called “Money” I think.

    I want me some magic titty.

  19. madirishman

    Caribou Barbie’s approach to the federal budget: Spend money until you run out of checks. That’s the end of the fiscal year. Then max out your VISA and MasterCard until the new box of checks arrives.

  20. choinski

    She then went on to propose an artificial waterway across Panama, because McCain is a ‘Teddy Roosevelt Republican’

  21. american mutt

    New Obama Campaign Ad:

    Palin: I’ve got a good idea! Let’s have transparency in Washington. Only us Mavericks can do this!
    Narrator: There’s only one problem…

    Shot of Outside – Giant ominous shadows over nation become an ocean of butterflies and clouds parting to show the light.

    Narrator: Obama already did.

    Shot of Obama in the clouds.

    Obama: Suck it.

  22. ManchuCandidate

    Sarah Palin announced that she had a great idea. She would invest a great deal of money into a new military service which would attack its enemies from the sky by dropping high explosive bombs or nuclear missiles from these things called planes. Sarah calls this new military service, the United States of Heaven’s Angels of Doom. The USAF was contacted, but declined to comment.

  23. freakishlystrong

    Are we sure that they haven’t stuffed Dubya and sent him out occasionally with taped, (and butchered), messages about nothing, and have subsequently astrally projected him into Bumfuck’s body?

  24. ManchuCandidate

    BTW, didn’t her mentor Ted Stevens shit on this bill or the very least put an “anonymous” hold on it?

  25. azw88

    [re=100882]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Come now, she saw Obama’s name on it and just self translated all of that Washington gobbledy-gook (no, not the McCain kind of gook) and just assumed it said, “Obama just wants to raise everyone’s taxes” because McCain told her that all Obama wants to do.

    Johnny-Mac’s folks don’t trust her to read anything beyond what they put in front of her… they fear she’ll short-circuit just like Mudd’s Women in that Star Trek episode.

  26. freakishlystrong

    [re=100882]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: “And seriously, if she didn’t mean what the existing act does, what DOES she mean? The damn thing is called the Federal Funding Accountability and Transparency Act, for jeebus sake!”
    Oh Cogito, silly librul, it’s the “President Palin Federal Funding Accountability and Transparency Act”…

  27. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    BTW, Barbie, seeing as how you’re all into transparency in government, how about cooperating with the investigation of Troopergate you big, fat hypocrite?

    [Okay so she's actually petite and GILF-y, but you know what I mean.]

  28. Texan Bulldoggette

    Wow, scanning the 400+ comments on CNN, Mother Sarah is not getting any love. Usually it’s about 50/50 on there & someone usually ends up calling BO “Hussein”, but I only saw a couple tepid defenses. Could it be that America (or the CNN-reading America) has woken up?

  29. JadedDIssonance

    [re=100898]Odd Ass City[/re]: like Muslin!
    [re=100894]american mutt[/re]: Har har, love it.

    mmm. hopeful butterflies from doomful clouds. mmm.

  30. Canmon (the Inadequate)

    [re=100894]american mutt[/re]: Good idea, then McCain can do one where Obama talks about bringing campaign finance reform to Washington like he did in Illinois.

  31. HedonismBot

    I’m going to start stealing comments from other Wonketteers and re-posting them as my own. Then, when someone calls me out on it, I will say “I only meant to make snarky comments with the same sense of humor.”
    Then everyone will think I am a comedic genius and I made a funnee all by myself.

  32. facehead

    [re=100864]Serolf Divad[/re]: I’m not too good at giving or taking compliments, so here goes: you just said some pretty smart stuff back their you fucking wise-ass bastard… FUCK! I suck at this.

  33. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=100910]azw88[/re]: [re=100913]freakishlystrong[/re]: You’re both right. I need to remember my election season mantra: drink more, think less.

  34. Citizen Kang

    Come on, guys! She didn’t see the Coburn/Obama legislation because she was too busy keeping an eye on Russia from her front porch.

  35. sarcasticusername

    barry must have stolen this idea from the land of sarah’s dreams, while she was asleep a couple of years ago.

  36. LittlePig

    Johnny-Mac’s folks don’t trust her to read anything beyond what they put in front of her… they fear she’ll short-circuit just like Mudd’s Women in that Star Trek episode.

    Norman, coordinate!

  37. JadedDIssonance

    “Are you getting lonely?,” Palin answered. “Gee, yeah, come on up then!”

    The Transparent Express

  38. sati demise

    [re=100930]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: And then McCain can explain why, when Hopey first started work on the Government Transparency Bill, he had to drop McCain off the list of co-sponsors because Barry finally realized McCain was not really serious about this bill.

    When Barry dropped McCain, the old fart called him an ‘upstart’ or some such insult.
    That was the first time Barry tried to work on something with McCain, and McCain was a incompetent dick, so Barry dropped him and found some other sponsors.

    Barry got the job done in SPITE of McNasty.
    But, good point Canmon, you really live up to your inadequacies.

  39. azw88

    [re=100942]sarcasticusername[/re]: Actually, Barak used his hope-powered Delorean time machine to jump back in time. After hearing her give this statement ‘today’ he went back in time to create the law, just to make her look stupid.

    As he headed back to ‘today’ he stopped off in June and July of ’08 to get that whole trooper-gate investigation started. And while he was there, he peeked at her while she logged onto her yahoo e-mail account. He then stopped his time machine a few days ago, just long enough to feed some super-geek the info so he could post Palin’s illegal… I mean private e-mails.

    But the time machine proves that Barak is evil, since he won’t go back and fix the Wall street mess before it happened. (or maybe he just stopped in at some point in time to buy a bunch of stocks on the cheap so he can be President AND uber-rich)

  40. tunamelt

    [re=100939]Citizen Kang[/re]: I can see her pacing the porch, holding a musket, one eye on the Kremlin.

    She’ll get those Commie bastards.

  41. obfuscator

    Big $ale on MooseOvaries!

    [re=100863]magic titty[/re]: For sures. This is such a fucking gift. Now Barry can highlight her ignorance using nothing more than her own words while also highlighting his own reformist street cred and his bipartisanship(wasn’t this bill co-sponsored by Coburn?). Suggested ad copy:

    “Sarah Palin has called for more transparency in the federal budget process. She says she wants to ‘put the government checkbook online’. Barack Obama agrees supports this idea. In fact, he supports it so much that he co-sponsored the Federal Funding Accountability and Transparency Act of 2006 with Republican senator Tom Coburn, back when Governor Palin was the mayor of some methtropolis in the snowlands of Alasky. Governor Palin, mail your idea to 2005, back when we might have cared, you four-eyed assclown.”

  42. Tino

    This is so absurd that I think I’ll invent a method of using movable type to mass produce writing just so I can get the word out.

  43. btwbfdimho

    Palin on transparency means she accepted a wet T-shirt contest with Michele Obama, Jill Biden and Cindy McCain.

  44. Nizzles!

    [re=100995]tunamelt[/re]: You know, I spent many an evening huffing on a treadmill staring out the big windows at the New York Sports Club that overlook the NYSE and Wall Street. Hey! I should get over there and bring some REAL change to the Street. Clearly I’m qualified, right?

  45. fuzznuts

    As a reward for her clear headed thinking, Sarah will receive upon being crowned
    goddess, a shiny new Air Force Two. Of course it will be short and yellow, but hey
    it’s Air Force Two, damnit!

    Oh yeah, and transparent panties and a glass top table to sit on when being
    interviewed by her friends in the media.

    Ya know, it’s good to be the first beaver.

  46. Adolphus

    “538.com reports that masturbation to Sarah Palin is down 8% during the last 48-72 hour polling cycle.”

    Any updates on McCain’s stats?

  47. loquaciousmusic

    Before you can log into the online government checkbook, please answer these three security questions:

    1) How many children do you have?
    2) How many moose have you shot dead?
    3) How many high school classmates have you promoted to important positions in your government?

  48. DoctorCulturae

    We may be broker than broke and live in a society more absurd than anything Kafka ever dreamt, but one small glimmer of a reason to go on: 538.com has stolen Drudgy’s siren to prep an announcement Hopesman is ahead again.

  49. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    [re=101044]Adolphus[/re]: You made me think of masturbating to John McCain. You, my friend, have gone too far.

  50. bago

    Fun game. Every time Palin says “blink” replace it with the word “think”.


    Palin, expressing confidence in her readiness, said, “You can’t think.” So — “I didn’t.”

    Gibson pressed her, “And you didn’t say to yourself, ‘Am I experienced enough? Am I ready? Do I know enough about international affairs? Do I — will I feel comfortable enough on the national stage to do this?’”

    “I didn’t hesitate, no,” Palin responded.

    “Didn’t that take some hubris?” Gibson asked.

    “I answered him yes because I have the confidence in that readiness and knowing that you can’t think, you have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we’re on — reform of this country and victory in the war — you can’t think. So I didn’t think then, even when asked to run as his running mate.”

  51. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=100996]obfuscator[/re]: You’re very good at this, my friend. Do you write advertising/PR copy for a living, or just for yuks? It seems a gift.

  52. bomble

    Oh, by “Barack Obama did it” do you mean USAspending.gov?

    Although it was Tom Coburn’s idea and Barry just latched onto it, do you really think the oh-so-timely updates of this webpage (not) actually help anyone be proactive? If anything, it just gives people a piss poor look into the past.

  53. sati demise

    [re=101271]bomble[/re]: Proactive buttsecs, yeah! Not sure about the Wonkette stance on pissing.
    Anyone care to enlighten bomble?

  54. facehead

    [re=101281]sati demise[/re]: I would, but I don’t reply to anyone with less that three full whore diamonds.

Comments are closed.