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She's from fancy Mexican FloridaNEW STATE POLLS!: From Time/CNN, conducted Sept. 14-16, in Battleground States. Florida: Obama 48, McCain 48; Indiana: McCain 51, Obama 45; North Carolina: McCain 48, Obama 47; Ohio: Obama 49, McCain 47; Wisconsin: Obama 50, McCain 47. Residents of these states should expect to see an steady influx of lawyers over the next six weeks. Lawyers! And awful lawyers at that, shipped wholesale from outer space in toxic cartons of live rats. [The Page]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Why are they being so mean to those rats?

  • N8Ma

    What about Utah?

  • SuperRounder

    I can’t believe people aren’t smart enough to vote for the man who invented the Crackberry. I may vote for him just because he made Carly Fiorina disappear. Then again, prolly not.

  • Serolf Divad


    The Obama supporter in Utah just convinced his sister to vote for Barry, so that now makes two!

  • 4tehlulz

    The only way to counter the GOP election lawyers is with hoard of tranny robber whores.

  • memzilla

    As Uncle Joe Stalin said, “It’s not he who votes that counts, it’s he who counts the votes.”

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=99480]Serolf Divad[/re]: That’s sister-wife. And their husband won’t let them vote, so there aren’t really any.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …uh-oh, Obama is rebounding! Quickly MSM change the subject back to pigs and lip stick!!!

  • grendel

    [re=99495]memzilla[/re]: Hahahaha! Like the votes are actually counted!

  • The D

    Of course McCain’s going to win: He’s going to mollify the terrorists, satisfy religions conservatives and end pork-barrel politics in one fell swoop… by implementing Sharia.

    Take that, Barack “Hussein” Obama, if that is your real name!

  • magic titty

    We’re gonna need that Brett Favre endorsement for Hopey to close out ‘Sconsin.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=99515]magic titty[/re]:
    You sure about that? I think it would better for him if Brett endorsed Walnuts.

  • HomoPolitico

    Cynthia McKinney is gonna surge late, just you wait n’ see.

  • Rush

    What do the Scranton polls say?????

  • The Lucky Republican

    RODGERS/OBAMA ’08!!!

  • Gopherit v2.0

    Okay. My brain broke. McCain is losing in FLORIDA?

    Must prepare for gravity to reverse itself.

  • grendel

    [re=99515]magic titty[/re]: Gonna need a pic of Hopey in a cheese hat eating a big hunk of Wisconsin cheddar

  • grendel

    [re=99531]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: The old hebrew ladies don’t like the crazy fundie lady that much, methinks… hopefully they don’t screw up and vote for Buchanan again

  • Borat

    I’m surprised Walnuts isn’t further ahead. When he croaks and the snowbilly takes over, this will enable the apocolypse and 2nd coming of Jeebus. What are you afraid to find out that the baby Jeebus is really black (and gay)?

  • NoWireHangers

    I do find some comfort in these polls.

  • magic titty

    [re=99521]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Do tell. I think the cheeseheads do everything Favre says, all as no one else from any other state gives two shits (unless they work for ESPN). So his pro-Hopey stance would only effect the cheddar electorate.

  • fishcanoeski

    [re=99515]magic titty[/re]: Don’t worry about ‘Sconsin. If Hopey’s still ahead at this stage, that means that the “Palin Affect” here wasn’t enough to put him over. And the visible feeling on the ground here in Wisconsin is that McCain has shot his Palin wad and now its going to leak back down to where it was a month ago, with Hopey up by a considerable margin.

  • magic titty

    [re=99541]fishcanoeski[/re]: Thanks for this. It’s all reassuring, except the part where McCain shoots his Palin wad. That isn’t country first.

    Why do you hate erections?

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=99540]magic titty[/re]:
    Brett didn’t win a lot of friends when he got all Diva and ended up on the J! E! T! S! JETS! At least that is what I gathered from the jock sniffers.

  • Rush

    Did you guys hear that Sarah lost her political virginity today? Messy….

    Sarah Palin took her first impromptu question from a reporter traveling with her campaign Wednesday while shaking hands at a restaurant called Karl’s Inn of the Barristers in Cleveland.

  • njdon

    just explain mccain’s privatization plan to floridians to break the tie.

  • MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    [re=99540]magic titty[/re]: The cheeseheads are currently pissed at Favre demanding and then leaving their cheese behind for the glamorous (and losing life) as a New York Jet.

    They are currently in love/going steady with Aaron Rodgers* who, after years of being in Favre’s cold shadow, has become unstuck from the bench and has been tearing into opposing teams (even though they haven’t played anyone yet).

    I am also currently in love with Rodgers, as he replaced gisele’s butt boy (tom brady) on my fantasy football team. I am also a Pack fan.

  • magic titty

    [re=99549]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Well, no one can turn down an all expenses paid trip to the greatest football team ever assembled.

    And there’s no way the GB faithful can quit Brett that easy.

    OK – No more sports talk, starting…now.

  • njdon

    [re=99554]MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend[/re]: if the jets lose again only the cheeseheads will remember favre. bring back namath.

  • Hooray For Anything

    They should add a +5 to McCain for Ohio since it’ll be like in ’04 when they didn’t allow black people to vote

  • Gopherit v2.0


    In response to a question about her opinion of the AIG bailout:

    “Dissapointed that taxpayers are called upon to bailout another one,” she said. “Certainly AIG though with the construction bonds that they’re holding and with the insurance that they are holding very, very impactful to Americans so you know the shot that has been called by the Feds its understandable but very, very disappointing that taxpayers are called upon for another one.”

    Vice President Palin. Just try saying it without urping your lunch into your mouth. You can’t do it.

  • MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    [re=99564]njdon[/re]: We are all very disappointed in Favre. He should have stayed retired. Ugh. As I saw on some random fantasy football site recently, ho needs to sit his ass down.

    Back on topic: [re=99574]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: And sadly, that was her canned response…I’m sure she’ll do just gangbusters on Hannity tonight. She’ll knock those softballs out of the f*ckin’ park!

  • tennessee Jed clampett

    [re=99565]Hooray For Anything[/re]: ohio has a democratic governor now. ken blackwell has been banished.

  • dano

    Fuck! I hadn’t realized N.C. had tightened up like that. We’re usually a lost cause for Democrats during Presidential runs ( what with all the hopeless dipshits ). I guess this also means both campaigns will bombard us with commercials.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=99624]dano[/re]: Yeah, one good thing about being in redneck Bubbaville is that we’re not a swing state. We don’t ever get to see any of those FUN campaign commercials. It was bad enough during the primaries & that damn ringing red phone. If that had been Walnuts, he’d probably tried answering the alarm clock cuz his Ambien had kicked in.

  • bhosp

    What about Virginia? Virginia, goddammit, SHOW ME VIRGINIA!!

  • NotLaughing


  • somelegalbitch

    Now let’s not start blaming the lawyers…

  • Cape Clod

    Public Policy Polling has Obama up by 2 in Virginia in a poll that came out today. Don’t know if the Time/CCN poll has anything on the Old Dominion.
    Do you think the news this week is favoring one of the candidates?

  • MathewBrooks

    Did you know that in Venezuela, Miss Universe is a political title. Winners never have to pay taxes again.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Anyone who’s interested in following the polls in some detail, and getting some well thought out interpretation, should bookmark

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=99695]bhosp[/re]: [re=99728]NotLaughing[/re]:

    Again, on

    CNU Virginia poll shows Mcain by 9
    PPP Virginia poll shows Hopey by 2

    Still very much a battleground.

  • smellyal8r

    The economic collapse of the United States has Walnuts filling his Depend. This is the worst news in mid-September he could get. His hands were NOT on the regulatory controls and he let the whole thing go to hell, no matter what he says now. And, let us not forget, he was a Keating Five member, so he is way down the pants of the financial institutions (and has collected a pretty penny in campaign contributions from now defunct Wall Street firms). And, Pallin will demonstrate she don’t know nothing about finance, financial markets, etc. HOO-RAY! 30 year old douchebags losing their jobs on Wall Street, McCain in big trouble. Bring. It. On.

  • hockeymom

    [re=99574]Gopherit v2.0[/re]:

    Maybe if Michael Phelps endorsed Obama, this would work.

    OR if Michael Vick endorsed McCain, because if there’s one thing this country cares about, it’s illegal dog-fighting rings.

  • Babs Hula

    Where is President Bush? I’m beginning to think he doesn’t
    like us anymore.

    He doesn’t call. He doesn’t write.

  • B’s Knees

    No worries. I live in North Carolina, and I’m starting a Myspace group to find folks to help me block the backroads, or a flier campaign to tell the NRA types that election day has been moved.

    If only I could figure out Facebook, I might really make an impact.

  • TGY

    I’m still cautious, though I hope Barry finds rebounds work in other things besides basketball. Basketball is very, very good to him, of course.

  • checkonechecktwo

    Chicago is boring. Nobody likes walnuts! here. Except the rich, white or old, of course. Oh, and all the blind, deaf and dumb Black people, too. You’d be surprised.