Wonkette
Alaskan dingbat Sarah Palin did something very important when she became governor of Alaska just 19 months ago: She had a tanning bed installed in the governor’s mansion — the one she refuses to live in, so she could charge Alaskan taxpayers $17,000 to sleep in her other tanning bed, at home in Wasilla. Now we breathlessly await confirmation that she also had a tattoo parlor set up in the executive office. [The Field/Narco News]
A tanning bed? So I guess that makes her an astrophysicist.
I love how this is being reported in Narco News.
She looks like she just had a moosegasm.
What is the word for a white trash elitist?
You can put a tan on a pig but it’s still a pig.
Well, there are all sorts of funny quips involving sexual innuendo that I could post here, but I have been disciplined by the management for my alleged anti-woman, chick-bashing, sexist male chauvinism. So I will fade into the beige motif, the end.
Sarah Palin = Magda.
http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl0/1/13839/09_2008/something1.jpg
After they win the election, Palin will invite John over and let him sleep in the special Eskimo Suite with the bed that replicates the Northern Lights.
Say Hello to President Palin!
Why didn’t she just follow Charlie Crist’s oompa-loompa tan-in-a-bottle methodology?
Her unethical behavior is making me very horny. Anyone else have this problem?
Betcha it was for a daughter. Just sayin’.
And god said to Sarah, “Sarah, get up from your tanning bed, and go ye into the wilderness and make me a sacrifice of an oxen, no, make that a caribou.”
And Sarah did as the lord hath said and got up from her tanning bed and did put on the lipstick and shoot her a caribou.
She’s just unbelievably trashy. You can have lots of fun playing the “If Sarah Palin was from around [your town], she’d actually be from [especially white-trashy suburb of your town]” game. I live in Portland (OR), so if Sarah Palin was from around Portland, she’d actually be from Vancouver, Washington.
What!? Living in the land of the midnight sun isn’t good enough for this twat?
In light of the tanning bed, I’d once again like to take umbrage with her “community organizer” smear. After all, Jesus was a community organizer–Pontius Pilate was the experienced politician. I don’t remember my ancient history, but I believe he also indicated that Ceasar’s economy was strong. AND he was very tan.
Hey-yo!
yawn. Where’s the post about the Governor’s mansion OBGYN wing?
Is “dingbat” a sexist phrase? Seems nice and gender-nuetral to me.
So now we know she has no tan lines. Natural, Brazilian, or clean Sarah?
When they seize control of Warshington, everyday will be Skin Cancer Awareness Day for Sarah Palin.
Is she too good for this?
Dave J.: To paraphrase a joke I once heard in the same vein…
What did the girl from Wasilla say when she lost her virginity?
Get off me, dad. You’re crushing my smokes.
bitchincamaro:
No the tanning bed is for the other 10 months when the sun don’t shine.
Given that she’s America’s LEADING energy EXPERT, will you give her a fucking break???
http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah-palin-leading-energy-expert-in.html
BTW, that 20% figure is also way off…
A vitamin D deficiency from inadequate sunlight exposure can cause depression, schizophrenia, periodontal disease, rickets, and seasonal affective disorder. So Palin is a sad, crazy, bowlegged pasty freak with bleeding gums, and you people want to deny her a tanning bed while accusing her of being a shallow, vain, tan-obsessed celebrity-wannabe! Has the world gone mad?
I know I already used a variant on this line once, but I can’t help myself…
Mmmmmmmmmmm. BACON BACON BACON!
Delicious: That invoked a Tweety-style laugh from me– HA!!!! good one
This is bad news! Just how is Biden going to win a debate against a beautiful leather handbag?
rambone: I want to bang her from behind as her head is sticking out of the window of the Governor’s mansion while I repeatedly yell “Who’s your foreign policy experience, bitch?”
Maybe she’ll die of melanoma before McCain does. And hers would be purely vanity induced while at least his was from FIVE AND A HALF YEARS in a jungle with no sunscreen. Wouldn’t that be quite the twist.
Tequila Face: or airbag. Or just ‘bag’. Or hag or pig.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Livesinadoublewide
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Direct disposables
Come now. We should all get behind this brave woman as she comes to terms with, and eventually battles, her crippling Tanorexia.
Okay, this is bad. Since SNL, whenever I see Palin I think of Tina Fey and it I feel strangely happy.
In other news, who can’t wait for Palin to go on The View and get eaten alive?
Dave J.: Oooh! Fun! Okay, I live in Syracuse, so if Sarah Palin was from around Syracuse, she’d actually be from… Syracuse. Wait, this doesn’t work if you’re already from an economically depressed white trash shithole, does it?
Just spreading the word that not ALL Alaskans are for Sarah! Pics and vid from the Alaska Women Reject Sarah Palin rally held this past Saturday in Anchorage, it will cheer you up! http://laurainak.blogspot.com
Palin: the other dark meat.
Hooray For Anything: Well, technically, if it stays in that tanning bed too long, then at some point it starts being called “pork.”
itgetter: Yeah, if she was from Binghamton, then she’d be from…Binghamton. Doesn’t work further south from you, either. I wonder if it works for Ithaca or Rochester?
Don’t forget the meth lab in the Executive Lavatory. And the disused satellite dish out the front next to the transcamaro in primer grey.
I’m sure she used her per diem to pay for the tanning bed in Wasilla, right?
Man, those oil companies will pay for anything for those bastards in Alaska, huh? I mean it’s not like Alaska has REAL tax payers.
Truculent: damned, got me wonderin about that now…..
Picturing a ‘clean’ Palin walkin’ down the steps of Air force One on some international trip when a breeze lifts up her skirt…
In England, it would be a major controversy… (and maybe make her the first Veep to make it on ‘page 6′) In continental Europe, no biggie.
But in the mideast, it would lead to another anti-American Jihad…. which would lead McCain to claim “They hate us for our beavers”
It is not all about the glitz, folks!
Tutoring is going on around the clock!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=328Q79GoR7g
Delicious: Bristol Palin, ladies and gentlemen!!!
Cheap shot, I know, but as long as the nutty fundies are asking for Barry’s birth certificate…
itgetter: Hell, whenever I saw Glasses! BEFORE SNL, I thought of Tina Fey. The only difference is now I don’t refer to global warming, I just refer to it as “Teh God-Hug”.
Truculent: Except those crescent shaped pale patches at the bottom of the butt cheeks that people get from tanning beds. Classy.
I didn’t know vampires needed tanning beds.
If there is a webcam aimed at the entry to her tanning bed, I’d might be cool with it!
I wanna see Sarah on cndb.com!
OK, OK, then the womenz can’t do the job; we figured as much when this thing started nineteen years ago.
So how about that Staten Island Republicrat dream boat, Vito Fossella, for Veep? Think of the gay vote and the womenz…..Yeah!!!
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_moUHtHU5el8/SM6j-cflWbI/AAAAAAAAATA/ki3YnuAjgIo/s1600-h/vito.jpg
Delicious: Which reminds me, why wasn’t Jesus born in Wasilla?
They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
And she was 3-month pregnant while getting tanned. So guess who got burned instead? Oh never mind, it’s god’s plan.
OK, just as they blamed McCain’s inability to use a computer on medical reasons, the right wingers will simply say that Palin suffers from seasonal affective disorder.
They will then insist that the only way to prevent another Andrea Yates incident is to have Palin fake-bake.
Why does Obama hate Palin’s children??
Holden wrecks and boiling diesels
Steam in forty five degrees
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10BbpGKLXqk
WALNUTS! could teach her a thing or two about skin cancer.
loquaciousmusic: If only we could get McCain to use it too….
Dave J.:
I am from Seattle, and I decided that she would be from Kent or Federal Way. Or Everett. Or Whidbey Island. CLE ELUM. Vancouver could work I guess, though I’ve never been there for long enough to judge.
But honestly, the state of Washington is full of some less than stellar breeding grounds for Palin-types. Which is why I have fear that we may not go blue this time.
rambone:
Win! Yes!
itgetter: You get to make fun of Tully, NY. Don’t get me started on Tully.
Didn’t the Patrick Bateman character in American Psycho also want his own personal tanning bed? Coincidence… I think not.
rambone: You forgot the bit where Rudy Guiliani goes on tv and bashes pale people for being elitists.
Viva la Cynthia: You can use Tully too. Ithaca has enough natural beauty and cool book stores that they can use any of the nearby small cities. I’d say “Utica”. I don’t know surrounding Rochester well enough.
Takin’ the pale out of Palin.
thatonegirlsays: What I don’t understand is that when you drive into the countryside of WA, the people speak with a Southern accent… it’s very odd. Seriously, though, I’m pretty sure WA will stay blue. So, don’t worry about it - just make sure all your friends vote.
PS. Shameless plug for Seattle Wonketteers
I think the tanning bed was a secret plot to get her REALLY dark and somehow represent herself as a person of color, and thereby siphon off some of Hopey’s natural black support. Hey, it’s not that much wackier than her “feminist” credentials.
Dave J.: Hmmmm:
Anchorage: Wasilla (turbo duhh)
Juneau: Juneau (sorry)
Seattle: Kent (or most of Snohomish Co.)
Eugene: Springfield (or anywhere else in Lane County)
Raleigh: Garner
Atlanta: The scary parts of KKKobb Kounty
Ames, Iowa: Boone (so they say)
Minneapolis: Chaska
North Jersey: Seaside Heights (summers only)
Fun game!
Why does Palin sound like she’s from Chaska? (Review Fargo as needed.)
Somebody smell bacon with lipstick cooking?
I’ve just discovered Waco’s Craigslist Political forum. A veritable treasure trove of info. I’ll begin our journey with this gem.
“Sarah is one of us. America will NEVER vote for 09/15 17:06:46
America will NEVER vote for some boring college type loser as President. hell no. Sarah looks good, too. She is real deal. Doesn’t waste time reading and paying attention to boring news. She would never look at a newspaper and THAT IS WHY SHE IS THE RIGHT WOMAN FOR THIS TIME! She represents THE MAJORITY OF AMERICANS and this is why she is far more qualified than any college liberal. Face it, she went to school to GET A JOB not to fill up their brain with stuff to be a snob. No, Sarah is no snob. She shops at the mall, runs her PTA, knows our children. SHE IS A HOCKEY MOM, likes sports, was a coach and is more that ready to become president for those things and for thesupport of God who clearly is rooting for Sarah to win.
http://waco.craigslist.org/forums/?ID=101919326“
Ooh, snark!
“McStrain loves to give head 09/15 17:03:00
counts which are embelished to the media.
http://waco.craigslist.org/forums/?ID=101919015“
Dave J.: I’ll play– Phoenix- she’d be from Apache Junction.. Philly- she’d be from Kensington– ha!
Given the reptilian nature of that photo, are we sure it is a tanning bed and not a stone for her to bask upon?
Smoke Filled Roommate: I was thinking Queen Creek. Maybe Florence.
Like here in Tucson, she’d be from Marana whose unofficial motto is: take of your tires and stay a while!
Johnny Zhivago: And of course, being the Gov of a state that has only a small strip of water between it and a relatively barren portion of a foreign country makes her an expert on that foreign country. I’m sure she could list off all the big players in Russian politics right now. Could someone please ask her about anyone but Putin and see if she has a clue what they are talking about?
Grimnir: “Meved… Mevd… Mederve… Mervedervederve… WHY ARE YOU BEING SO SEXIST?!”
Dave J.: If Sarah Palin was from Waco, she’d be from Waco!
InsidiousTuna: Wow. They’ve really got it going on. Such snark. “You DemonRat Dimsheeple” It’s like I’ve been transported back to telnet user groups circa 1996, and I’m reading an online debate about Smiths remixes with people who don’t own and have never heard any Smiths remixes. Awesome.
A friend of mine with gum disease got a “prescription” from his periodontist to go to a tanning bed for the light to kill bacteria/germs/something in his mouth (and his insurance actually paid). If this story gets legs, a medical explanation, however ill-founded, will be forthcoming.
hell my gf in Minnesota had a tanning bed in her trailer, elite is have a lawn chair next to the pool of your 7 or how ever many houses you have.
Gopherit v2.0: in baltimore she would be easily identified as a Dundalk native.
snig: There should be laws to prevent hate speech against People of Artificial Color.
Does anyone else think in that picture, Governor Mooseburger looks like 911uliani in drag? Come to think of it, has anyone seen the two of them together at the same time?
In South Jersey, she’d be from Brown Mills, Lumberton, Pemberton….I kinda live surrounded by this shit. damn.
Gopherit v2.0: You’d probably appreciate
this. Enjoy!!
Grimnir: Nicholas and Alexandra!!!
V[re=96831]snig: iva la Cynthia[/re]: Yeah, Tully and Binghamton rival Syracuse. Yay for the parts of NY that aren’t NYC!
And has anyone else seen Keith Olbermann’s new glasses? They are new, right? They’re horrendous. Is he trying to be Tina Fey now too?
Hmmm…turns out that one anagram of “lipstick on a pig” is “spa politicking.”
It also anagrams as “a tippling sicko.”
She could get in that tanning booth with some carrots, potatos and onions and make a delicious pork roast.
DangerousLiberal: I’d say Blaine. Chaska is like Oxford compared to Blaine.
Dave J.: Though miss thing would be at home in many of Pittsburgh’s neighborhoods (god knows), the surrounding town she would most likely hail from has to be Beaver Falls.
DangerousLiberal: Yeah it creeps me out how much she sounds like Marge Gunderson, who was such a great character–do you think it could be some kinda subliminal mind-fuck, you know sounding and acting (heavy emphasis on acting) like a character with so much integrity?
Well..I guess that is one way to turn a pig into bacon.
Johnny Zhivago: So THAT’s why we’re currently in an energy crisis–not because of any of the reasons Gore laid out, but because McCain’s been hiding the person who “knows more about energy that anyone else in the United States” in Alaska all these years!
Thanks for cleaning that up!
Urbanachiever: cleaning = clearing
Something new and interesting…. Sarah has a “BUSH BUMP” - looks like an electronic device attached to her back in this photo:
http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah-has-bush-bump-on-her-back.html
but see that is stupid. she lives in alaska. if she is walking around Wasi-land and has a tan obvi it’s a fake. I mean, the whole point of tanning is to pretend it’s real. duh. any self-respecting bimbo knows that. ugh - not voting for Palin/Gramps anymore!
… no but seriously, this is what I don’t understand about the American people. She had a tanning bed installed in her home, at a time when most americans can barely keep up on the energy bills …. and yet somehow she is “the candidate all americans can relate to” WTF?
Let us turn to Pravda, writers of great headlines:
Sarah Palin: Worthless Bag of Hair.
http://english.pravda.ru/opinion/columnists/14-09-2008/106355-sarahworthless-0
I’m pouring a Stoli or 6 to show my solidarity with the Great Bear!
Dave J.: Cage fight 2012! Sarah “The YesMassa From Alassa” Palin vs. Steve “The Pirate” Novick… YARRR!!
I give 2 to 1 for the “little people” on this one. Place your bets.
itgetter: I alway considered NYC as technically part of New Jersey.
Delicious: “These titties paid for themselves in 4 amateur contests!”
If she was from Boston, no doubt she would hail from one of the shitty towns that form a moat around the city (Malden, Medford, Everett, Chelsea, etc.etc.)
dilhavarti: I have to take a stand.
She never won a beauty pageant. So she is not Beauty Queen. She never got a crown.
“People are dumb where I come from.”
-Sarah McCainiac Oakley
Delicious: heh… I clarify… “at the Dancin’ Bare!” Portland, OR. Props to your Vantucky reference.
I wonder if she has a moose antler tramp stamp
Now I know why she said some global warming is man made. It also adds to her foreign policy experience when the weather prevents her from studying Russia.
Good thing you can pray away the skin cancer!
Palin said she’ll be good for space exploration because she can see the moon from Alaska.
Viva la Cynthia: If she were from Rochester she’d really be from Brockport.
grendel: if she were from San Diego she’d really be from Santee
Smoke Filled Roommate: “Why didn’t she just follow Charlie Crist’s oompa-loompa tan-in-a-bottle methodology?”
The bottle would have soon run out. Sarah has a much larger penis.
Am I banned?
irisheyes: Camden?
Mother. Moose Hunter. Self-Tanner.
Delicious: Actually she did win a contest…
Ms Wasillia…
of course in a town that small anything can happen when you put lipstick on a pig!
Gopherit v2.0: Not Marana…. San Manuel, or Oracle Junction! (glad to see other Tucsonans here!)
Didn’t some black dude say he banged BRISTOL? He even says the bun in the oven is his.. I guess sarah Rarah has to tan up for baby’s arrival!
Hey why get the copy when you can have real CHOCOLATE in the white house?
Obama 2008 baby!!
I wonder if she purchased it on eBay
azw88: Ever been to Winkleman? Heh.
Gopherit v2.0: No, but I’ve been THROUGH Winkleman
azw88: Flowing Wells.
azw88: Miss Wasilla, which is second runner-up to Miss Anchorage Pregnancy Test. After that, as we now know, is history.
Country First.
I just read something comparing Sarah Palin to the Nicole Kidman character on “To Die For.” Doesn’t the tanning bed story, the “don’t blink” part of the interview totally remind you of her?
Did Alaskan taxpayers leave the money on the dresser when they left?
That’s the way her regular customers do it after they do it.
Hooray For Anything: Yeah, still a pig, but a darker one.
Man I want a tanning bed in my small two person apartment. This awesome sandal tan doesn’t just appear on its own.
Tawmn: Ding ding ding ding ding ding.
I was thinking Lakeside, but pretty much the same thing.
Well, that decides it. Good looks, young celebrity, love of tanning beds, unquestioning support for Dubya,teenage pregnancy in the immediate family: She is Britney Spears. Has anyone ever seen them in the same room at the same time?
Tawmn: Palo Verde
Cursor-over giggle: Orange Trash
Win!
who does this bitch think she is, Paul Allen?
If I could be a pilot like McFossil, I’d crash in Russia across from Alaska,
and if they crucified me way up on a cross, I’d use my cel phone to call
Sarah and tell her “Hey Sarah, I can see your house from here”.
Recycle your old jokes, it’s green!!!